Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: The cast of Miami Ink showed up to compete in a reality cooking show. Padma told the seventeen new competitors that Lady Luck would be keeping a close eye on this season, so if ever there's a time not to tempt Fate, it's now. Jenc established herself as a force to be reckoned with in the Quickfire, while her namesake Jenz threw some chile relleno grenades into the group of judges. Kevin scored the first Elimination Challenge win, while Jenz' grenades blew up in her face, sending her back home. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. I like to cook something for the Top Chef viewing party, if I have time. Last week, I made candied pecans from a recipe that LabRat's mother gave me. This week, I brought dried blueberries to snack on. Let me tell you, it's tough to make those. First, I had to leave them out in the sun, and... OK, fine. I bought them at Trader Joe's. Then Tim had to go and show up my meager store-bought contribution with piping hot spinach artichoke dip. Bastard.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Everyone fusses with their hair. Jesse was happy to be in the top of the Quickfire standings last week, but wants to correct the mistakes that sunk her to the bottom of the Elimination Challenge. Eve wonders whether to cook for the judges or to just cook her own style of food. I don't think any of the previous winners ever abandoned their own styles; they just found a way to marry that style with the week's particular challenges. Oh, and they didn't suck. Michael and Bryan are still blown away that they're both there, competing against each other. Consider the theme understood, show. Brothers. Competitors. We've got it.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma, Todd English (who will be this week's guest judge), and a craps table. Jenc gets all moist at the sight of Todd, both for physical and professional reasons. Padma explains that in this Quickfire, the chefs will roll a pair of oversized dice down the craps table. Whatever number they roll will be the number of ingredients they'll be allowed to work with. That makes it sound like they can use fewer than their rolled number if they'd like, but that won't turn out to be the case. Work on your speeches, Padma. It's not like you have much else to do. Salt, pepper, and oil are freebies, but every other ingredient must be counted. Fair enough. As with last week, the challenge's winner will get a $15,000 cash prize. Let's get to it!
Kevin doesn't like to work with tons of flavors. Lady Luck bites her thumb at him, and he rolls a ten. Mattin rolls a four. Michael rolls an eight. Hector is happy with his five. Ron pulls an eight. Jesse gets nine. Eve gets eight. Bryan is up there with Kevin with a ten. Jenc gets a nine. Laurine tosses the lowest roll, with a three. That's all the rolls we see. Isn't it odd that seven -- the most statistically likely number -- didn't get thrown once? Too bad they're not really playing craps right now; they'd be making out like bandits.
The thirty-minute countdown begins. Chefs scatter to their stations. Eve wants to make a salad that includes grilled asparagus and blue cheese. A salad is a smart idea if you want to get eight ingredients on the plate. Michael pours about a gallon of oil into a blender. He's working on gazpacho with a twist, using the liquid nitrogen to rapidly chill it. Bryan wants to hold to a more classic style, which he tells us in a deadpan voice he will not be deviating from. I have to say, Bryan is unquestionably the most attractive chef in contention this year (to me, anyway), but that robotic voice can be a tad off-putting. He works on preparing sous-vide cod. In order to keep things simple, Kevin wants to make as few components as possible with his ten ingredients. Smart idea. I like the way he thinks. Jenc is making smoked salmon with a mild jalapeno emulsion. She also uses about a gallon of oil. Jesse tells us in hindsight that she should have used a stainless steel pan to sear her scallops. She didn't, though, so they're colorless and dull. She thinks about using butter to brown them up, but that would put her over the ingredient limit. Too bad she's not competing in Season 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Time winds down, and everyone plates their food.
Padma and Todd start their way down the line. With her scant ingredients, Laurine has made an asparagus and leek soup with lemon. Jenc presents her smoked salmon and jalapeno emulsion. It's also got lemon, garlic, shallot, and parsley thrown in. I'm not really enjoying the combination of smoked salmon and jalapeno in my mind, but would have to give it a try before passing any judgement. Mattin has made a carrot soup with ginger, and has cleverly made a little "4" out of carrots to rest on top. Eve's grilled asparagus salad includes raisins, pine nuts, and blue cheese. Michael's nitrogen gazpacho also has compressed cucumbers (whatever that means) and some toast. Kevin has prepared asparagus and celery salad with fennel cream and a boiled egg. Isn't it weird how multiple chefs always seem to work with the same ingredient, seemingly by accident? Last week, it was halibut. Tonight, it's asparagus. Ashley has made grilled lamb with apricot mostarda. The lamb is rare to the point of being almost raw. Bryan has poached black cod, and serves it with carrot, ginger puree, and some daikon radish sprout. Jesse's colorless scallops are served with chimichurri and toasted garlic. There are also some smashed garbanzo beans, which are nice, but seem unnecessary. Maybe she could have replaced them with the much-needed butter.
That's all the dishes we see, and Padma asks Todd for the bad news first. Jesse's scallops needed a better sear, and the rest of her plate was all mushy textures. Eve's blue cheese was overpowering and her presentation sucked. Bryan's flavors were fairly good, but his yuzu was overpowering. He's welcome to bring his overpowering yuzu over here. Hotcha! Now, for the good news. Michael used a clever technique with the gazpacho. Jenc's flavors were bold, yet delicate. Kevin cooked the egg perfectly (I actually prefer a runnier yolk with boiled eggs, but I get what he was going for), and successfully married a lot of flavors. I know it's not really feasible to establish patterns by the second episode, but you'd be forgiven for looking at Kevin, Jenc, Eve, and Jesse with increased attention now. The winner of the Quickfire, the attendant immunity, and the tremendous cash prize is... Michael. Great. I so look forward to the thousand and one interviews about sibling rivalry this will spawn.
Commercials. Head online to learn how to make the winning Quickfire recipe. Sure, let me just pull out my tank of liquid nitrogen. I keep it in the cabinet next to the fridge.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be experiencing another Vegas tradition. Bloated entertainers past their heyday? Nope. It's the bachelor and bachelorette party. Kevin looks back fondly at his own debauched fiesta. Ashley is decidedly less thrilled about it. As a lesbian, she's not happy to be participating in an event that she's not able to enjoy herself. More on this later. Padma continues that the chefs will be split into two teams: Men versus women. The men will cater the bride's party, while the women will handle the groom. Or his food, anyway. Now it's Jenc's turn to be offended, because she doesn't believe men and women cook differently, so a "battle of the sexes" is ridiculous. It's a fair point, although nobody said that the challenge winner will lend any evidence to which sex cooks better. It's just a handy way to split the chefs into two teams. I don't disagree with Jenc, but it's a little premature to be pissed off about it.
The bride and groom enter. They pass around their three favorite shots, which they want all the food to be paired with. Lame. Padma gives the teams ten minutes to meet with their "clients" and plan the meal. Eli lets us in on another challenge parameter, which is that each shot must have at least two dishes associated with it. The bride outlines a couple of guests' dietary restrictions, and says she loves spicy food. The groom likes lean meats, shellfish, and has a big sweet tooth. Robin, unlike Jenc, is excited for an all-female team, and GIRL POWER, and blah blah blah. Shopping. The teams have half an hour and an $800 budget. The men pick out some flowers, and assign Ash to take care of them.
Ash: "It's true. Gay guys grow flowers better than straight guys."
LabRat: "No, gay guys DE-flower better than straight guys."
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs spring into their two hours of prep time. Jesse worries that if the women lose, she's the obvious choice to go home. Normally, I'd agree, but there is one person who's done worse. I'll give you a hint. She lived in the Garden of Eden, and also couldn't cook worth a damn. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Cooking montage. Jenc (I assume) lowers some octopus into a pan. Eve works on a shrimp ceviche. Ashley skins a watermelon to make a carpaccio. She thinks winning the challenge will give the women a much-needed confidence boost. It's the second episode. They couldn't possibly be that beaten down, could they? Oh, wait.
Hector works on a vegetarian dish. He's making tofu ceviche, which sounds a little strange and not very appetizing. Of course, that's what I first thought about the tofu with black bean sauce at Blue Koi in Kansas City, and now it's my second-favorite thing there. Tiresome sibling rivalry interview. Bryan is making a sweet-and-sour macaroon, which involves guacamole. I don't know whether to be intrigued or disgusted by that. A minor spat surfaces on the women's team. Ashley thinks they have time to make an additional dish, but Jenc would prefer keeping things simple and making sure they execute all of the existing dishes perfectly. Ashley remembers that the groom wanted something sweet, so she's going to forge ahead and make a bay leaf panna cotta, though she's emphatically "not a pastry chef". DRINK! Everyone packs up their food, and gets ready to go. The guys struggle to get done in time, but pull it together in the last few moments.
Back at the house, Ashley has time to fume some more about the challenge. Let's get her good point across first. There are at least three gay chefs participating, none of whom are legally allowed to marry their partners, and they're essentially being forced to celebrate that situation. I totally get that, and agree up to a point. I mean, hey... LabRat and I aren't allowed to walk down the aisle, either. Preeti speaks for me a bit when she says she gets where Ashley is coming from, but modern society hasn't kept her apart from her longtime partner, and this just happens to be the world we're living in right now. Exactly. By all means, let's work to effect some change, but in the meantime, you can't get righteously offended at every instance of participation in heterosexual marriage. That would just be downright exhausting. Besides, this is a televised bachelor/bachelorette party, and there isn't even going to be a stripper! It's almost as far from traditional marriage as a gay couple.
Commercials. I love Bradley Cooper, but that movie looks wretched.
The chefs arrive at a resort swimming pool, and each team sets up their food on one side. They have an hour to set everything up. The intense sun beats down on them, and more importantly, their food. Preeti rests her food on some shiso leaves for a bit of garnish. Eve shops her shrimp around, and the consensus is she needs more salt. She frets that her vinaigrette is "naaaaaaaaht" getting into the shrimp at all. Then she almost accidentally stabs Jenc in the face. Over on the men's side, Mike is typically overconfident (as much as anyone can be "typically" anything by the second episode). Laurine feels the men's food is too "contrived" and that the women will be serving heartier fare. Yeah, but she's serving a bunch of "Woo, bachelor party in VEGAS! WITH SHOTS!" dudes, who will no doubt enjoy a bunch of meaty appetizers. The ladies will probably enjoy the more frou-frou stuff the guys are putting together. Lucky me, I'd like both.
The guests arrive. Wow, nothing would be more fun at my bachelor party than being watched by my soon-to-be wife the whole time. The men and women split to their respective sides of the pool. Ashley has gotten some sleep, and has wisely decided to take a step back, and just do the best she can for the happy couple. If it makes her feel any better, I don't have much hope for a couple that bases their relationship on a mutual love of tequila. The guests begin eating, and the judges enter soon after. We begin going down the line of food, and I'm just going to ignore the pointless shot pairings.
Robin has made a duck mole with cocoa nibs and some apricot. It looks good, as does Laurine's Moroccan lamb chop with a pomegranate pine nut relish. Eve's shrimp and avocado ceviche is served with a smoky tomato and chili salsa and some popcorn. Speaking of ceviche (or as she's still calling it, se-VEECH), Jenc has made one of octopus in a light citrus vinaigrette with some herbs on top. I bet I'd like that. The judges eat through this first grouping. Eve's shrimp is described as "nasty". She didn't cook them properly, and the seasoning is all off, much like last week. Jenc's could use a bit more salt, but is good, overall. Robin's mole is very nice, while Laurine's lamb chop gets approving nods.
Next! Ashley has made watermelon carpaccio with some ricotta salata and aged balsamic. It looks very refreshing. She also presents her bay leaf and vanilla panna cotta with cranberry powder and some honey. Preeti lays out her coriander and sesame-crusted tuna with spicy eggplant, and a wonton crisp on top of the shiso leaf. That looks awesome. Jesse has made a lettuce cup with Thai chicken thigh, shiitake mushrooms, shiso, and ginger beer. The judges eat. Jesse's dish is too muddled with competing flavors, and her food doesn't match the shot at all. Preeti's looks wilted, and Todd finds it overcured. Ashley's watermelon was great, but her panna cotta sucked. DRINK!
Next! Michael has thrown together an apple sorbet with a goat cheese cookie. That's no small feat in and of itself with such hot weather. Kevin has made a chilled almond soup with king crab, cucumber, and white grape. Yum. The judges love his soup, though Ptom wishes it were a bit colder. Even as that gets high marks, Michael's goat cheese cookie gets even higher ones.
Next! Mike has served Arctic char with a smoky caper sauce, and some Cara Cara orange. Bryan's sweet-and-sour macaroon is filled with guacamole, corn nuts, and corn puree. I still don't know about that. Coconut is never mentioned, so is that in there, like a traditional macaroon? I pride myself on eating some strange things, but this one has me confused. Ron has made lobster cocktail with a habanero tomato sauce. Hector's tofu is in a lemon-lime, tequila ceviche, and is served alongside a guajillo-achiote tortilla. Look it up. The judges love what Hector did with the tofu, while Ron's lobster has no flavor. Mike's Arctic char is flabby, flat, and doesn't work with the shot. Bryan's guacamole mightily impresses everyone.
Next! Eli has Thai tuna tartare, served with puffed wild rice, and ruined by the addition of coconut milk. Mattin has a bouillabaisse with an aioli crouton, and a Basque croquette that seems to just be a ball of fried cheese. Ash has made an Asian chicken wing with pickled pearl onions on top. The judges like the ginger in Eli's tuna. Mattin's croquette was good, but the rest of the dish is imbalanced. Ash's chicken makes Todd very happy.
After service, some of the guys rip their chef coats off and jump into the pool. Laurine cracks me up when she dryly wonders who people would rather see jump into a pool: Girls or fat boys. Ash does not participate, finding it juvenile. Juvenile, maybe. Unprofessional, certainly. Well, I don't see any guests in the shots of the pool-jumping. Maybe they've all left, in which case it's fine. The women toast each other. The men share a cheer.
Commercials. I don't think people with pinstriped Oxford shirts are rushing off to McDonald's for their lunch hour.
Interstitial. Mike outlines his nicknames for various other chefs. Preeti doesn't rate one, because she's not only one of those inferior women, but an inferior woman who will never sleep with him.
Judges' Table. Padma enters the Kitchen, and summons Bryan, Hector, Eli, and Michael to the dining room. This obviously means that the men's team has won, and that these four are the top of that group. Eli's tuna tartare excited Gail in a way that no other has in the past fifteen years. Wow. Michael's sorbet was a great concept and delicious to boot. Tofu is hard to work with, and Hector did an admirable job. Bryan's macaroon had terrific texture, and Todd found it whimsical and fun. "Thank you," Bryan says with zero emotion.
Tiffany (as Bryan): "I'm whimsical. Like Sylvia Plath."
Todd gets to announce the winner, and says that it was between the two brothers. Bryan scores the ultimate win, which he appears as jazzed up about as a semiannual dentist appointment. He does allow that it's nice to redeem himself after being in the bottom of the Quickfire. Ptom reiterates that all four of them did phenomenal work, but I'm afraid their only prize is Padma asking them to send out the losing women. I write down two of the names before the guys take a single step towards the Kitchen. Eve and Ashley are obviously going out there, and are joined by Preeti and Jesse. Hmm, I may have to rethink what I said before about the second episode being too early to find patterns. As the women enter the dining room, I note the absence of our old friends Gong and Odd Asian Music. Have they lost their jobs in this tough economy?
The judges start with Jesse. Her dish was watery and muddled. She begins leaking tears as Gail tries to soften the blow by saying each individual ingredient was fine, but that there wasn't a clean flavor in the mixture. Eve wanted to provide some spice for the groom. Gail says she couldn't taste anything but the salsa. Ptom asks her about her underseasoned shrimp, and Eve says that she tried to spice it up, but as with pasta, if you underseason it at the beginning, you can't do much about it. The look that Ptom gives in response is priceless. I'm not sure I can do it justice, but the closest translation I can give is: "Why did we let you on this show? You are utterly incompetent."
Preeti felt her dish was crowd-pleasing, but Ptom felt it was overcured. He also scolds her for not exchanging the old shiso leaf for a fresh one as the judges came over. Ah, but she did. The sun was so hot that they almost instantly wilted. I think Ptom hates Preeti. His disgust with Eve is understandable, but I'm not sure why he's felt the need to condescend to Preeti like a disappointed dad (in look if not in words) in both episodes. Gail suggests doing away with the shiso leaf altogether. Todd didn't like her eggplant. Ashley's watermelon was great, but that panna cotta sunk her. DRINK! The chefs are dismissed. They head back to the Kitchen, where Jesse immediately snags a gigantic bottle of wine. Heh.
Deliberations. I could repeat the same criticisms that the judges made a few moments ago, but only need to bring up one. That look of utter incomprehension Ptom gave to Eve. The second that crossed his face (and given the fact that she also screwed up shrimp last week), this episode was decided. Elimination. Why drag it out? Eve. Please pack your knives and go. In her final interview, she talks about remaining true to herself and that the judges just didn't get her unusual combinations of flavors. DRINK! I guess "unusual combinations" is code for "sucky". None of the other chefs seems too torn up or surprised about the elimination of a clearly inferior competitor, and LabRat happily celebrates not having to deal with a Michigander for the rest of the season.
Next week on Top Chef: Limecrete continues his tradition of not watching this show's previews, because they give away who winds up at Judges' Table.
Overall Grade: B-
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
All That and a Bag of Chips
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 1
Previously on Top Chef: Carla! Besides her, not much.
Welcome back to a new season of Top Chef! The gang (Me, LabRat, Tim, Tiffany, Kender, Panny, Phooey, and Panny's dogs) enjoyed Top Chef Masters, but nothing can really substitute for Original Recipe. I find myself more excited than I thought I'd be for a new season, and can hopefully improve my shameful track record when it comes to being able to blog through the last episode. It wasn't my fault! Well, not always. I stopped writing about Season Two because it was terrible, and I couldn't bear to expend any more internet ink on that jerkoff Ilan. Season Five was interrupted by external events. I do feel bad about Season Four, though; I should have been able to work through my depression over Antonia's elimination and finished the season. Oh, well. Season Six gives me a fresh start, and I hope I can be at least a minimal replacement for one Saucy Aussie who can't watch the actual show. OK, so...
Welcome to Las Vegas! Seventeen contestants are ready to cook and fight, all for your amusement. The chefs are a higher pedigree than in seasons past, but Padma warns that luck will play a bigger role in a city dominated by games of chance. The ultimate prize has also been beefed up: In addition to the regular magazine exposure and such, $125,000 cash and $100,000 of kitchen equipment will be awarded. I'd jump out of my pants if I got $1000 worth of kitchen equipment. Of course, that would make avoiding hot oil spatter even more important.
Contestants arrive at the airport. Kevin Gillespie gave up a scholarship at MIT to become a chef. He looks a little like Tim, which will be distracting. Preeti Mistry looks forward to the chaos. I'll bet she won't be for long. Ron Duprat grew up in Haiti, and seems like a genial, sweet guy, so don't get too attached to him. More chefs stream into the house, which is very pretty, and makes the prisoners of the Season Two Cellblock grind their teeth even harder. Eve Aronoff talks about being the only chef from Michigan, a factoid that will pop up again later, but that we missed on first viewing because we were too busy eating or drinking or running to the kitchen to flee from an atomic dog fart. Mattin Noblia is originally from France, now works in San Francisco, and will be putting the subtitle writers to work this season. Eli Kirshtein is from Atlanta, and got into cooking not to cook, but to eat. He's already on my good side.
Ash Fulk is weirdly the only chef from New York this season. He's gay, gay, gay. Jesse Sandlin is from Baltimore, and has no formal training as a chef. She's already on the defensive about how trained chefs are overconfident and egotistical, which I'm sure is often true, but she's emitting almost visible waves of insecurity. Jennifer Zavala is from Philadelphia, and refuses to unpack, thinking it'll just tempt the universe into making her the first one eliminated. Oh, that'll never happen! Speaking of Jennifers from Philadelphia, Jennifer Carroll is a chef from Philadelphia. Oy. Well, the Saram/Saran thing worked out well, so from now on, Jennifer Zavala is Jenz and Jennifer Carroll is Jenc. Jenc warns that she can be a bitch in the kitchen. Don't sell yourself short, Jenc. I'm sure you can be a bitch other places, too.
Bryan Voltaggio is a chef from Frederick, Maryland. His younger brother Michael Voltaggio works in Los Angeles, so they're here to have not only a sibling showdown, but a coastal one. And speaking of chefs named Michael... Sigh. Mike Isabella is a chef in Washington, D.C. I guess they won't be too hard to differentiate if one is Michael and one is Mike. Ashley Merriman is from Seattle, and has a big Rachel Maddow vibe going on.
The chefs are driven to the M Resort Hotel & Casino, where this season's Kitchen will be. It's a bit industrial looking, but at least has a lot of space. They're met in the Kitchen by Ptom and Padma, who helpfully remain silent while we knock out more introductions. Laurine Wickett, despite a name that makes her sound like an old lady who sells yarn in Arkansas, works in catering in San Francisco. Hector Santiago may be a chef from Atlanta, but doesn't get to say so, only commenting on how pretty Padma is. I guess the final remaining chef was demoted to introducing herself in the opening credits, so let's just toss her in here. Robin Leventhal is a chef from Seattle who has survived cancer. She's got kind of a less-foul-mouthed Cynthia thing going on. There sure are a lot of tatts and piercings in this crew. I know that's common in the industry, but cripes. Seen as a group, they look like they all escaped from a nineteenth-century circus. I fear the Top Chef Swimsuit Calendar won't sell well this season. All right, let's get cooking!
Quickfire Challenge. Ptom explains that the chefs will break into groups of four for the mise en place relay race. A group of showgirls enters for no other reason than to remind us that we're in Vegas. I've caught the snap, thanks. Padma presents a hat full of poker chips to determine the teams. The teams wind up being:
Black Team: Mike, Eli, Ashley, and Hector
Blue Team: Jenc, Jesse, Mattin, and Bryan
Red Team: Preeti, Eve, Kevin, and Michael
Green Team: Jenz, Ron, Laurine, and Ash
Of course, seventeen people can't be broken evenly into four teams, and Robin pulls out a lone, gold chip. She doesn't know if this portends good news or bad news. It's good news. Padma tells her that not only can she sit out the relay race, but that she's granted automatic immunity in the Elimination Challenge. Wow, they weren't kidding about luck influencing the challenges this season. Preeti wishes she would have drawn the gold chip. She's about to find out just how much she wishes it. Although the relay race has been done before, this one is a lot more difficult than just dicing onions or whipping egg whites. The teams will have to shuck fifteen clams, peel thirty prawns, break down five lobsters, and butcher two chops from a rack of prime rib. Padma gives the chefs two minutes to figure out who's doing what. Preeti finds herself stuck with the clam-shucking, which she's never done. She nervously opines that it's the same as shucking oysters, but Kevin quickly corrects her. Nobody bothers to suggest that she switch tasks.
Ready? Go! Preeti has failed to magically acquire clam-schucking skills in the past ten seconds, which somehow takes her team by surprise. Ptom does not get off to a good start, as he shakes his head derisively at her. Is this one of those seasons that he's going to be an unmitigated ass? That's never fun. Jenz slices her hand open, interviewing that "the hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it." Wait, let me write that down. This is valuable career advice. "The hard part about building a nuclear reactor is knowing how to do it." "The hard part about vascular surgery is knowing how to do it." Hey, that does work! Mike sets himself up as the Tiffani/Hung/Lisa/Dale/Pretty Much Everyone In Season Two of the season by smarming that Jenc shouldn't be able to beat him at the clams, because of all those lady parts she has. He does narrowly edge her out. Curse those ovaries!
Eli and Jesse tear through the prawns, and the narrow gap between the Blue and Black teams stays about the same. Preeti saws away at her clams. Jenz wraps hers up, and Laurine gets going on the prawns. Ashley is on to the lobsters for the Black team, but she doesn't stand a chance again Mattin. He utterly destroys his lobsters, which couldn't be cleaned faster if he were Samantha on Bewitched. In no time, they're given the go-ahead for Bryan to tackle the prime rib.
Tiffany: "That's a big fucking piece of meat."
Limecrete: "That's what she said!"
We try to wedge in at least once per week. After Bryan gets started, Ashley finishes her lobsters, so Hector hopes he can catch up on the prime rib. Nope. Bryan whips through it, and the Blue team wins before the Red team is even finished with their clams. The Blue team isn't done, though. Now the four of them will cook against each other to determine the challenge's individual winner, who will get a poker chip worth $15,000. Wowsers.
Commercials. According to the sound editors, one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is going to shoot one of the other ones. Fine with me.
Ptom offers Robin the opportunity to trade immunity for the chance to compete for the poker chip. She holds on to the immunity, as would I. Mike cements his status as a tool by interpreting this to mean she's a scared old lady with no confidence in her skills. Yeah, it could be that. Or she could be giving up the chance for $15,000 for guaranteed advancement in a contest worth more than $200,000. Mike wouldn't need to consider that, as Robin is one of those female thingies, and couldn't possibly know how to cook, anyway.
Each member of the Blue team will have half an hour to cook with the ingredient they worked with in the relay race, which is a clever idea. Jesse worries, because she's never worked with prawns in her life. Wait a minute, she's from Baltimore, and has no idea what to do with shellfish? Take a crab mallet to her knees! Padma starts the clock. Bryan has worked at a steakhouse, and feels pretty good, though he wants to work on something "quick". Something quick for the Quickfire? Uncanny! Let me write that down underneath "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it." Jenc wants to make a clam ceviche, and pronounces it to rhyme with bleach. Mattin is happy to be stuck with lobster. Everyone plates their food just as time runs out.
Ptom and Padma go down the line. Jenc worries that her clam ceviche with citron vinegar is too simple. Mattin has cooked his lobster with bay leaves and star anise. Ew, I hate star anise. Jesse has thrown together her prawn with grits, polenta, and even more naked insecurity. Bryan has crusted the rib eye with fennel and black pepper and serves it with caramelized celery and a chive puree. I like my meat rather bloody, but his cut looks almost raw. At least he realizes it, and has the strict time limit to blame. Ptom's bottom two wind up being Bryan for his bland puree and Mattin for his bland seasoning. He did like Jenc's clean ceviche and the amount of flavor Jesse was able to develop out of her prawn. Jesse clutches her chest like she's been voted Awesomest Person of the Year. The winner winds up being Jenc, who turns redder than Mattin's lobsters. She jogs up to collect her valuable poker chip, and kisses Ptom on the cheek, to which he makes a hilarious "Um....OK" face. Jenc hopes she can win every single challenge from here on out. Sounds boring.
Elimination Challenge. Padma says that they'd like to explore the chefs' dark sides. Eve grins nervously, because the darkest thing she's ever done is double-dip her corn chip in some salsa. Today's Elimination Challenge will be to create a dish based on each chef's vice. The chefs will be cooking against the others on their Quickfire team; each team will yield someone up for the win and someone up for elimination. Robin gets to choose which team she cooks with, and chooses Blue. The chefs have $150 and thirty minutes to shop at Whole Foods before cooking for two hours. This week's guest judge is Wolfgang Puck, which makes the chefs all anxious and tittery.
Interstitial. Kevin goes down the waterslide into the pool. And...scene.
Shopping. Mike indulges in some more casual misogyny. Kevin disdains Eli's strategy of buying a dozen scallops. Kevin himself borrows a fish filet and buries his nose in it to get a sense of its quality.
Kevin: "I'll take this."
Tiffany: "I would hope so; you fucking stuck your boogers in it."
More shopping. Bryan reminds us that in three of the five previous seasons, the winner of the first Elimination Challenge wound up winning the whole season. Ron is too busy telling us about his hellish, month-long journey from Haiti to the United States to worry much about game statistics. Jenz interviews that she's going to represent her hot temper with a chile relleno that she plans to make with seitan. Everyone checks out.
Later, the chefs head to Wolfgang Puck's restaurant at the Palazzo. Kevin describes his vice as procrastination, so he's cooking Arctic char in an uncharacteristically slow fashion. Preeti hopes to redeem herself after her poor Quickfire performance. Michael is doing a salute to Vegas' love of plastic surgery. If you're sitting there thinking. "Wait, that's not a vice of his... And wait, Vegas isn't known for plastic surgery," you're in good company. Laurine says her vices include donuts, bacon, chocolate, and beer. That's more like it. Kevin calls Jenz' use of seitan "ballsy" because nobody likes it. I've never tried it, but have no trouble believing that something that is used as an alternative to tofu wouldn't light up the taste buds. Jenc's vice is that she's a booze hag, so she works a lot of liquor into her sauce. Jesse works with chicken and worries that it's too dried out.
Hector plans to smoke his steak by deep-frying it. Mike is snobby some more, though at least in it's reference to a guy this time. I can tell I'm going to have to pace myself with the "Mike is a snobby tool" comments, or I'll never have time to type anything else. It may be time for the return of the Smarmerview. Eve cannot track down any white wine. Her "vice" is that she wishes she were more simple and easygoing. Yeah, I was just thinking to myself that Eve is far too complex and dramatic. Snerk. Her lack of white wine makes her sauce unbalanced, and while she's fussing over that, her seafood overcooks. Jenz' chile rellenos look nasty. The breading is falling off in big, chunky wads. Time runs out before Robin can plate her sauce. She's embarrassed, but relieved that she's got immunity.
Commercials. Don't buy an expensive toothbrush! Buy this $15 one!
Dinner. The Black team comes out and presents their food to Padma, Ptom, Gail, and Wolfgang Puck. Mike's vice is a bad temper and foul mouth, and he's made olive oil-poached halibut formed like a bar of soap that his mother would have washed his mouth out with. It's served on top of eggplant puree. Okay, I don't like him, but that is very clever, and looks good to boot. Eli has tried to work in arrogance and bitterness by making "buttered" scotch with scallops, cashews, and beer powder. I'm not sure what beer powder is, and I'm getting weary of the overuse of scallops these days, but all right. Ashley's vice is alcohol. In fact, just assume that all of these people's vices include alcohol in some capacity. Her dish is chicken liver ravioli with a red wine demi-glace, so she gets the honor of having the first dish that actively makes me want to dive into the television screen head-first to get at her food. Hector's vice is smoking, so he's smoked some rib eye in the deep fryer, and serves it with carrot puree and celery ceviche.
The chefs are dismissed and the judges tuck in. Eli's scallops are good, but overworked. Hector's method of deep-frying totally mystifies everyone. Mike has shown experience and focus. Ashley is completely ignored.
Blue team. Bryan has made strip steak with a parsnip puree and a bourbon reduction caramel. Mattin is stubborn, so he's made buffalo rib eye with Madeira sauce. There are some zucchini-wrapped mashed potatoes on the side. I'm not sure what that has to do with stubbornness, but maybe something was lost in the translation. Jenc says her vice is alcohol, and that she tends to do a lot of stupid things after a lot of it.
Timiffany: "So does Padma."
Jenc has made halibut poached in a variety of liquors, served with a black peppercorn sauce. Jesse's vice is excess, and has given the judges the entire chicken, which is a smart idea. It's been braised in a whiskey reduction, and is served with Yukon potatoes and a fried egg. Hmm, I'm not sure about that egg. Robin says that she's a bad Jew, so pork is her vice. Holla, sister! She says she attempted to make pork five ways, such as a pork tenderloin stuffed with chorizo. Mmmm. She's saddened to tell the judges that her gastrique didn't make it onto the plate. They're dismissed. The judges like Bryan's steak, but I'm happy to see that the judges (and by extension perhaps people who matter in the food world) are getting sick of purees under every goddamn thing. Jenc's sauce is great, and Wolfgang proclaims that they wouldn't be able to find a better piece of halibut anywhere else in Vegas. I have to say, I know Vegas is home to some amazing feats of food, but last time I was there, LabRat and I went to what was supposedly an amazing sushi place, and agreed that we get better sushi here in St. Louis. Geography isn't everything. Jesse's chicken was dry. Mattin's meat was nice, but the sides made no sense, and he didn't show much personality in his food.
Green team. Ash has made poached halibut. What's with all the poached halibut tonight? Was there a sale? His is served on a vegetable ratatouille and parsley coulis. Jenz' chile relleno still looks kind of gross, and is served on grilled tomatillo salsa. Ron's "vice" is an inability to let his hellish month-long journey from Haiti go, so he's prepared jerked sea bass with collard greens and a Haitian hash.
Limecrete: "Topped with a demi-glace of his tears."
Laurine serves bacon donuts with both a chocolate sauce and a beer sauce. The chefs are dismissed. Ron's dish was a bit fussy, but the judges tap dance a bit to avoid overly-criticizing a man who just spilled his soul. Jenz' chile relleno was flavorless and clunky. Laurine's sauces were good, but her donuts are like golf balls. Wolfgang's colorful descriptions crack Ptom up. Ash isn't discussed.
Red team. Michael describes his homage to plastic surgery with a rack of lamb and coconut sauce with cauliflower gnocchi. Preeti has braised pork tenderloin with bourbon and yes, there's another goddamn puree underneath it, this one of sweet potato. Eve spins her story of wanting to be less complicated, then presents her plate of shrimp and scallops in a curry cream sauce. Kevin describes his portrayal of procrastination through the slow-cooked Arctic char with a turnip salsa verde and celery salad. They're dismissed. The judges love Kevin's food and his techniques. Eve's was blah. Michael had some good flavors and good presentation.
Commercials. Jennifer Aniston is in a paint-by-numbers romantic comedy. Try to contain your shock.
Judges' Table. The chefs have their usual fret 'n sweat back in the Kitchen. Jenz describes her dish to Mike, who has never heard of seitan, and once he's told what it involves, looks like he wishes he still hasn't. Padma comes back and summons Ron, Mike, Kevin, and Jenc to the table. She tries to imbue her tone with grievous importance, but once they leave, Ash immediately pegs the four of them as the winning group. Indeed, they each have the best dish of their group. Mike's fish was well-seasoned and focused. Wolfgang gives Jenc's halibut effusive praise, and kids her about her drinking. She blushes hardcore. Ron's island flavors came through well. Kevin executed everything really well. Wolfgang gets to announce the winner, which is... Kevin. Jenc comes over to hug him, which was nice. Padma sends them back to summon the losers.
Kevin's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. Ron tells the rest of the chefs that the judges want to see Hector, Jenz, Jesse, and Eve. Everyone wishes them luck. The Odd Asian music is strangely absent, though our old friend the Gong sticks around to announce their entrance into the dining room. Hector didn't have enough smoke flavor, and his method of deep-frying the steak was questionable. He explains that he wanted a crunchy outside with caramelized fat. I've heard worse reasoning. Eve's sauce tasted like it had no seasoning whatsoever.
Eve: "I actually toned it down a little bit, to be aaaaaahnest."
Limecrete: "Aaaaaahnest?"
LabRat: "Oh, my God. She's got to be from Michigan. That is pure Michigan."
Tim: "Let me see... Yep. Ann Arbor, Michigan."
LabRat: "Gah! I knew it!"
LabRat went to grad school in Michigan, and his opinion of its residents... Let's just say it's strong. Anyhow, Eve blathers something nonsensical, up to a Jill level of utter lack of comprehension, and perhaps even a bit beyond. Everything on her plate gets a big thumbs down. Jenz' food was unrefined, and Gail didn't get any of the heat she was going for. Unlike Eve, who accepted her criticisms meekly, Jenz disagrees with the judges. She says that she's made this same exact dish before with much better feedback. The judges ask her about her use of the much-discussed seitan. Jenz clearly enjoys it, though nobody else did. Jesse had a good idea, but her chicken was dried out. Jesse understands exactly what she did wrong, and almost bursts into tears at what is really a pretty mild critique. I don't sense her sticking around for long. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Gail was happy to see that most of the losing chefs harbored no delusions about why they were in the bottom. Jesse had a good idea, and only a minor problem of execution. Hector had bad execution, but at least had some imagination. Ptom also thinks he had stiffer competition in a very strong Black team. Jenz' pepper wasn't cooked properly or seasoned properly. Eve's shrimp was hideously overcooked, she didn't season one thing correctly, and she had no overall concept. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Hector didn't smoke his meat well. Eve's a mess from top to bottom. Jenz' idea didn't come across, and her dish plain sucked. Jesse's chicken was dry. Ptom says the decision as to who is first to go is always a difficult one. Really? I would think this first round would be the easiest to judge. There's always at least a couple of chefs who are clearly out of their depth. Speaking of which, let's go over to Padma for the chop. Jenz. Please pack your knives and go. Interesting. I really thought it would be Eve. Terrible as Jenz' dish seemed to be, she at least had a concept. Jesse gives her a commiserating squeeze on the way out of the dining room. Jenz interviews that she didn't think she'd go this early, and that she just tried to do something different to stand out. Well, if that was her goal, I'd say she met it.
This season on Top Chef: Cooking. Yelling. Tattoos. Weird-ass challenges. Weird-ass guest judges. Fighting. Misuse of the word literally.
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Carla! Besides her, not much.
Welcome back to a new season of Top Chef! The gang (Me, LabRat, Tim, Tiffany, Kender, Panny, Phooey, and Panny's dogs) enjoyed Top Chef Masters, but nothing can really substitute for Original Recipe. I find myself more excited than I thought I'd be for a new season, and can hopefully improve my shameful track record when it comes to being able to blog through the last episode. It wasn't my fault! Well, not always. I stopped writing about Season Two because it was terrible, and I couldn't bear to expend any more internet ink on that jerkoff Ilan. Season Five was interrupted by external events. I do feel bad about Season Four, though; I should have been able to work through my depression over Antonia's elimination and finished the season. Oh, well. Season Six gives me a fresh start, and I hope I can be at least a minimal replacement for one Saucy Aussie who can't watch the actual show. OK, so...
Welcome to Las Vegas! Seventeen contestants are ready to cook and fight, all for your amusement. The chefs are a higher pedigree than in seasons past, but Padma warns that luck will play a bigger role in a city dominated by games of chance. The ultimate prize has also been beefed up: In addition to the regular magazine exposure and such, $125,000 cash and $100,000 of kitchen equipment will be awarded. I'd jump out of my pants if I got $1000 worth of kitchen equipment. Of course, that would make avoiding hot oil spatter even more important.
Contestants arrive at the airport. Kevin Gillespie gave up a scholarship at MIT to become a chef. He looks a little like Tim, which will be distracting. Preeti Mistry looks forward to the chaos. I'll bet she won't be for long. Ron Duprat grew up in Haiti, and seems like a genial, sweet guy, so don't get too attached to him. More chefs stream into the house, which is very pretty, and makes the prisoners of the Season Two Cellblock grind their teeth even harder. Eve Aronoff talks about being the only chef from Michigan, a factoid that will pop up again later, but that we missed on first viewing because we were too busy eating or drinking or running to the kitchen to flee from an atomic dog fart. Mattin Noblia is originally from France, now works in San Francisco, and will be putting the subtitle writers to work this season. Eli Kirshtein is from Atlanta, and got into cooking not to cook, but to eat. He's already on my good side.
Ash Fulk is weirdly the only chef from New York this season. He's gay, gay, gay. Jesse Sandlin is from Baltimore, and has no formal training as a chef. She's already on the defensive about how trained chefs are overconfident and egotistical, which I'm sure is often true, but she's emitting almost visible waves of insecurity. Jennifer Zavala is from Philadelphia, and refuses to unpack, thinking it'll just tempt the universe into making her the first one eliminated. Oh, that'll never happen! Speaking of Jennifers from Philadelphia, Jennifer Carroll is a chef from Philadelphia. Oy. Well, the Saram/Saran thing worked out well, so from now on, Jennifer Zavala is Jenz and Jennifer Carroll is Jenc. Jenc warns that she can be a bitch in the kitchen. Don't sell yourself short, Jenc. I'm sure you can be a bitch other places, too.
Bryan Voltaggio is a chef from Frederick, Maryland. His younger brother Michael Voltaggio works in Los Angeles, so they're here to have not only a sibling showdown, but a coastal one. And speaking of chefs named Michael... Sigh. Mike Isabella is a chef in Washington, D.C. I guess they won't be too hard to differentiate if one is Michael and one is Mike. Ashley Merriman is from Seattle, and has a big Rachel Maddow vibe going on.
The chefs are driven to the M Resort Hotel & Casino, where this season's Kitchen will be. It's a bit industrial looking, but at least has a lot of space. They're met in the Kitchen by Ptom and Padma, who helpfully remain silent while we knock out more introductions. Laurine Wickett, despite a name that makes her sound like an old lady who sells yarn in Arkansas, works in catering in San Francisco. Hector Santiago may be a chef from Atlanta, but doesn't get to say so, only commenting on how pretty Padma is. I guess the final remaining chef was demoted to introducing herself in the opening credits, so let's just toss her in here. Robin Leventhal is a chef from Seattle who has survived cancer. She's got kind of a less-foul-mouthed Cynthia thing going on. There sure are a lot of tatts and piercings in this crew. I know that's common in the industry, but cripes. Seen as a group, they look like they all escaped from a nineteenth-century circus. I fear the Top Chef Swimsuit Calendar won't sell well this season. All right, let's get cooking!
Quickfire Challenge. Ptom explains that the chefs will break into groups of four for the mise en place relay race. A group of showgirls enters for no other reason than to remind us that we're in Vegas. I've caught the snap, thanks. Padma presents a hat full of poker chips to determine the teams. The teams wind up being:
Black Team: Mike, Eli, Ashley, and Hector
Blue Team: Jenc, Jesse, Mattin, and Bryan
Red Team: Preeti, Eve, Kevin, and Michael
Green Team: Jenz, Ron, Laurine, and Ash
Of course, seventeen people can't be broken evenly into four teams, and Robin pulls out a lone, gold chip. She doesn't know if this portends good news or bad news. It's good news. Padma tells her that not only can she sit out the relay race, but that she's granted automatic immunity in the Elimination Challenge. Wow, they weren't kidding about luck influencing the challenges this season. Preeti wishes she would have drawn the gold chip. She's about to find out just how much she wishes it. Although the relay race has been done before, this one is a lot more difficult than just dicing onions or whipping egg whites. The teams will have to shuck fifteen clams, peel thirty prawns, break down five lobsters, and butcher two chops from a rack of prime rib. Padma gives the chefs two minutes to figure out who's doing what. Preeti finds herself stuck with the clam-shucking, which she's never done. She nervously opines that it's the same as shucking oysters, but Kevin quickly corrects her. Nobody bothers to suggest that she switch tasks.
Ready? Go! Preeti has failed to magically acquire clam-schucking skills in the past ten seconds, which somehow takes her team by surprise. Ptom does not get off to a good start, as he shakes his head derisively at her. Is this one of those seasons that he's going to be an unmitigated ass? That's never fun. Jenz slices her hand open, interviewing that "the hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it." Wait, let me write that down. This is valuable career advice. "The hard part about building a nuclear reactor is knowing how to do it." "The hard part about vascular surgery is knowing how to do it." Hey, that does work! Mike sets himself up as the Tiffani/Hung/Lisa/Dale/Pretty Much Everyone In Season Two of the season by smarming that Jenc shouldn't be able to beat him at the clams, because of all those lady parts she has. He does narrowly edge her out. Curse those ovaries!
Eli and Jesse tear through the prawns, and the narrow gap between the Blue and Black teams stays about the same. Preeti saws away at her clams. Jenz wraps hers up, and Laurine gets going on the prawns. Ashley is on to the lobsters for the Black team, but she doesn't stand a chance again Mattin. He utterly destroys his lobsters, which couldn't be cleaned faster if he were Samantha on Bewitched. In no time, they're given the go-ahead for Bryan to tackle the prime rib.
Tiffany: "That's a big fucking piece of meat."
Limecrete: "That's what she said!"
We try to wedge in at least once per week. After Bryan gets started, Ashley finishes her lobsters, so Hector hopes he can catch up on the prime rib. Nope. Bryan whips through it, and the Blue team wins before the Red team is even finished with their clams. The Blue team isn't done, though. Now the four of them will cook against each other to determine the challenge's individual winner, who will get a poker chip worth $15,000. Wowsers.
Commercials. According to the sound editors, one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta is going to shoot one of the other ones. Fine with me.
Ptom offers Robin the opportunity to trade immunity for the chance to compete for the poker chip. She holds on to the immunity, as would I. Mike cements his status as a tool by interpreting this to mean she's a scared old lady with no confidence in her skills. Yeah, it could be that. Or she could be giving up the chance for $15,000 for guaranteed advancement in a contest worth more than $200,000. Mike wouldn't need to consider that, as Robin is one of those female thingies, and couldn't possibly know how to cook, anyway.
Each member of the Blue team will have half an hour to cook with the ingredient they worked with in the relay race, which is a clever idea. Jesse worries, because she's never worked with prawns in her life. Wait a minute, she's from Baltimore, and has no idea what to do with shellfish? Take a crab mallet to her knees! Padma starts the clock. Bryan has worked at a steakhouse, and feels pretty good, though he wants to work on something "quick". Something quick for the Quickfire? Uncanny! Let me write that down underneath "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it." Jenc wants to make a clam ceviche, and pronounces it to rhyme with bleach. Mattin is happy to be stuck with lobster. Everyone plates their food just as time runs out.
Ptom and Padma go down the line. Jenc worries that her clam ceviche with citron vinegar is too simple. Mattin has cooked his lobster with bay leaves and star anise. Ew, I hate star anise. Jesse has thrown together her prawn with grits, polenta, and even more naked insecurity. Bryan has crusted the rib eye with fennel and black pepper and serves it with caramelized celery and a chive puree. I like my meat rather bloody, but his cut looks almost raw. At least he realizes it, and has the strict time limit to blame. Ptom's bottom two wind up being Bryan for his bland puree and Mattin for his bland seasoning. He did like Jenc's clean ceviche and the amount of flavor Jesse was able to develop out of her prawn. Jesse clutches her chest like she's been voted Awesomest Person of the Year. The winner winds up being Jenc, who turns redder than Mattin's lobsters. She jogs up to collect her valuable poker chip, and kisses Ptom on the cheek, to which he makes a hilarious "Um....OK" face. Jenc hopes she can win every single challenge from here on out. Sounds boring.
Elimination Challenge. Padma says that they'd like to explore the chefs' dark sides. Eve grins nervously, because the darkest thing she's ever done is double-dip her corn chip in some salsa. Today's Elimination Challenge will be to create a dish based on each chef's vice. The chefs will be cooking against the others on their Quickfire team; each team will yield someone up for the win and someone up for elimination. Robin gets to choose which team she cooks with, and chooses Blue. The chefs have $150 and thirty minutes to shop at Whole Foods before cooking for two hours. This week's guest judge is Wolfgang Puck, which makes the chefs all anxious and tittery.
Interstitial. Kevin goes down the waterslide into the pool. And...scene.
Shopping. Mike indulges in some more casual misogyny. Kevin disdains Eli's strategy of buying a dozen scallops. Kevin himself borrows a fish filet and buries his nose in it to get a sense of its quality.
Kevin: "I'll take this."
Tiffany: "I would hope so; you fucking stuck your boogers in it."
More shopping. Bryan reminds us that in three of the five previous seasons, the winner of the first Elimination Challenge wound up winning the whole season. Ron is too busy telling us about his hellish, month-long journey from Haiti to the United States to worry much about game statistics. Jenz interviews that she's going to represent her hot temper with a chile relleno that she plans to make with seitan. Everyone checks out.
Later, the chefs head to Wolfgang Puck's restaurant at the Palazzo. Kevin describes his vice as procrastination, so he's cooking Arctic char in an uncharacteristically slow fashion. Preeti hopes to redeem herself after her poor Quickfire performance. Michael is doing a salute to Vegas' love of plastic surgery. If you're sitting there thinking. "Wait, that's not a vice of his... And wait, Vegas isn't known for plastic surgery," you're in good company. Laurine says her vices include donuts, bacon, chocolate, and beer. That's more like it. Kevin calls Jenz' use of seitan "ballsy" because nobody likes it. I've never tried it, but have no trouble believing that something that is used as an alternative to tofu wouldn't light up the taste buds. Jenc's vice is that she's a booze hag, so she works a lot of liquor into her sauce. Jesse works with chicken and worries that it's too dried out.
Hector plans to smoke his steak by deep-frying it. Mike is snobby some more, though at least in it's reference to a guy this time. I can tell I'm going to have to pace myself with the "Mike is a snobby tool" comments, or I'll never have time to type anything else. It may be time for the return of the Smarmerview. Eve cannot track down any white wine. Her "vice" is that she wishes she were more simple and easygoing. Yeah, I was just thinking to myself that Eve is far too complex and dramatic. Snerk. Her lack of white wine makes her sauce unbalanced, and while she's fussing over that, her seafood overcooks. Jenz' chile rellenos look nasty. The breading is falling off in big, chunky wads. Time runs out before Robin can plate her sauce. She's embarrassed, but relieved that she's got immunity.
Commercials. Don't buy an expensive toothbrush! Buy this $15 one!
Dinner. The Black team comes out and presents their food to Padma, Ptom, Gail, and Wolfgang Puck. Mike's vice is a bad temper and foul mouth, and he's made olive oil-poached halibut formed like a bar of soap that his mother would have washed his mouth out with. It's served on top of eggplant puree. Okay, I don't like him, but that is very clever, and looks good to boot. Eli has tried to work in arrogance and bitterness by making "buttered" scotch with scallops, cashews, and beer powder. I'm not sure what beer powder is, and I'm getting weary of the overuse of scallops these days, but all right. Ashley's vice is alcohol. In fact, just assume that all of these people's vices include alcohol in some capacity. Her dish is chicken liver ravioli with a red wine demi-glace, so she gets the honor of having the first dish that actively makes me want to dive into the television screen head-first to get at her food. Hector's vice is smoking, so he's smoked some rib eye in the deep fryer, and serves it with carrot puree and celery ceviche.
The chefs are dismissed and the judges tuck in. Eli's scallops are good, but overworked. Hector's method of deep-frying totally mystifies everyone. Mike has shown experience and focus. Ashley is completely ignored.
Blue team. Bryan has made strip steak with a parsnip puree and a bourbon reduction caramel. Mattin is stubborn, so he's made buffalo rib eye with Madeira sauce. There are some zucchini-wrapped mashed potatoes on the side. I'm not sure what that has to do with stubbornness, but maybe something was lost in the translation. Jenc says her vice is alcohol, and that she tends to do a lot of stupid things after a lot of it.
Timiffany: "So does Padma."
Jenc has made halibut poached in a variety of liquors, served with a black peppercorn sauce. Jesse's vice is excess, and has given the judges the entire chicken, which is a smart idea. It's been braised in a whiskey reduction, and is served with Yukon potatoes and a fried egg. Hmm, I'm not sure about that egg. Robin says that she's a bad Jew, so pork is her vice. Holla, sister! She says she attempted to make pork five ways, such as a pork tenderloin stuffed with chorizo. Mmmm. She's saddened to tell the judges that her gastrique didn't make it onto the plate. They're dismissed. The judges like Bryan's steak, but I'm happy to see that the judges (and by extension perhaps people who matter in the food world) are getting sick of purees under every goddamn thing. Jenc's sauce is great, and Wolfgang proclaims that they wouldn't be able to find a better piece of halibut anywhere else in Vegas. I have to say, I know Vegas is home to some amazing feats of food, but last time I was there, LabRat and I went to what was supposedly an amazing sushi place, and agreed that we get better sushi here in St. Louis. Geography isn't everything. Jesse's chicken was dry. Mattin's meat was nice, but the sides made no sense, and he didn't show much personality in his food.
Green team. Ash has made poached halibut. What's with all the poached halibut tonight? Was there a sale? His is served on a vegetable ratatouille and parsley coulis. Jenz' chile relleno still looks kind of gross, and is served on grilled tomatillo salsa. Ron's "vice" is an inability to let his hellish month-long journey from Haiti go, so he's prepared jerked sea bass with collard greens and a Haitian hash.
Limecrete: "Topped with a demi-glace of his tears."
Laurine serves bacon donuts with both a chocolate sauce and a beer sauce. The chefs are dismissed. Ron's dish was a bit fussy, but the judges tap dance a bit to avoid overly-criticizing a man who just spilled his soul. Jenz' chile relleno was flavorless and clunky. Laurine's sauces were good, but her donuts are like golf balls. Wolfgang's colorful descriptions crack Ptom up. Ash isn't discussed.
Red team. Michael describes his homage to plastic surgery with a rack of lamb and coconut sauce with cauliflower gnocchi. Preeti has braised pork tenderloin with bourbon and yes, there's another goddamn puree underneath it, this one of sweet potato. Eve spins her story of wanting to be less complicated, then presents her plate of shrimp and scallops in a curry cream sauce. Kevin describes his portrayal of procrastination through the slow-cooked Arctic char with a turnip salsa verde and celery salad. They're dismissed. The judges love Kevin's food and his techniques. Eve's was blah. Michael had some good flavors and good presentation.
Commercials. Jennifer Aniston is in a paint-by-numbers romantic comedy. Try to contain your shock.
Judges' Table. The chefs have their usual fret 'n sweat back in the Kitchen. Jenz describes her dish to Mike, who has never heard of seitan, and once he's told what it involves, looks like he wishes he still hasn't. Padma comes back and summons Ron, Mike, Kevin, and Jenc to the table. She tries to imbue her tone with grievous importance, but once they leave, Ash immediately pegs the four of them as the winning group. Indeed, they each have the best dish of their group. Mike's fish was well-seasoned and focused. Wolfgang gives Jenc's halibut effusive praise, and kids her about her drinking. She blushes hardcore. Ron's island flavors came through well. Kevin executed everything really well. Wolfgang gets to announce the winner, which is... Kevin. Jenc comes over to hug him, which was nice. Padma sends them back to summon the losers.
Kevin's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. Ron tells the rest of the chefs that the judges want to see Hector, Jenz, Jesse, and Eve. Everyone wishes them luck. The Odd Asian music is strangely absent, though our old friend the Gong sticks around to announce their entrance into the dining room. Hector didn't have enough smoke flavor, and his method of deep-frying the steak was questionable. He explains that he wanted a crunchy outside with caramelized fat. I've heard worse reasoning. Eve's sauce tasted like it had no seasoning whatsoever.
Eve: "I actually toned it down a little bit, to be aaaaaahnest."
Limecrete: "Aaaaaahnest?"
LabRat: "Oh, my God. She's got to be from Michigan. That is pure Michigan."
Tim: "Let me see... Yep. Ann Arbor, Michigan."
LabRat: "Gah! I knew it!"
LabRat went to grad school in Michigan, and his opinion of its residents... Let's just say it's strong. Anyhow, Eve blathers something nonsensical, up to a Jill level of utter lack of comprehension, and perhaps even a bit beyond. Everything on her plate gets a big thumbs down. Jenz' food was unrefined, and Gail didn't get any of the heat she was going for. Unlike Eve, who accepted her criticisms meekly, Jenz disagrees with the judges. She says that she's made this same exact dish before with much better feedback. The judges ask her about her use of the much-discussed seitan. Jenz clearly enjoys it, though nobody else did. Jesse had a good idea, but her chicken was dried out. Jesse understands exactly what she did wrong, and almost bursts into tears at what is really a pretty mild critique. I don't sense her sticking around for long. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Gail was happy to see that most of the losing chefs harbored no delusions about why they were in the bottom. Jesse had a good idea, and only a minor problem of execution. Hector had bad execution, but at least had some imagination. Ptom also thinks he had stiffer competition in a very strong Black team. Jenz' pepper wasn't cooked properly or seasoned properly. Eve's shrimp was hideously overcooked, she didn't season one thing correctly, and she had no overall concept. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Hector didn't smoke his meat well. Eve's a mess from top to bottom. Jenz' idea didn't come across, and her dish plain sucked. Jesse's chicken was dry. Ptom says the decision as to who is first to go is always a difficult one. Really? I would think this first round would be the easiest to judge. There's always at least a couple of chefs who are clearly out of their depth. Speaking of which, let's go over to Padma for the chop. Jenz. Please pack your knives and go. Interesting. I really thought it would be Eve. Terrible as Jenz' dish seemed to be, she at least had a concept. Jesse gives her a commiserating squeeze on the way out of the dining room. Jenz interviews that she didn't think she'd go this early, and that she just tried to do something different to stand out. Well, if that was her goal, I'd say she met it.
This season on Top Chef: Cooking. Yelling. Tattoos. Weird-ass challenges. Weird-ass guest judges. Fighting. Misuse of the word literally.
Overall Grade: B+
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Psycho Killer - Qu'est-ce que C'est?
Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 13
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
We start off with a flashback to sixteen years ago, when Harper's Island was always sun-dappled. Young Abby and Young Henry have a friendly spar over a soccer ball. Henry's "parents" come to pick him up, along with Young JD. The Dunns are heading back to the mainland to get the boys ready for school. Valerie Harper enters, and the two women exchange meaningful looks. Young Henry and Young Abby run out of the house and down to the water. They're both sad that Young Henry has to leave, and Young Abby leans forward and whispers something in his ear. He ruefully hands over the soccer ball, and tells Young Abby he'll see her next summer.
The present. Ain't no sun-dappling now. Henry and Wakefield stand over Trish's body. Henry has a slight tinge of regret, but strengthens his resolve when Wakefield tells him Trish served her purpose and that nothing else matters. Wakefield reports on Danny's death and Shea and Madison's escape. That's all the conversation they have time for, as they hear Abby hysterically calling for Henry. Henry tells Wakefield that they only have a couple of hours before the Coast Guard shows up, so they'd better get cracking on killing everyone else.
MEANWHILE, Shea and Madison make it to the boathouse, where they tell Blond Tool what happened at the police station. After he has a completely understandable freakout, he collects himself enough to contact the Coast Guard again to let them know that they really need to hurry if they'd like to find more than a stack of corpses. They're still fighting bad weather, so the rescue chopper can't take off. How about some boats, Coast Guard? Speaking of which, Blond Tool spots some mini-crafts lashed to the ceiling. MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy stumble across Trish's body. Henry and Wakefield spy on them from the woods, and Wakefield tells Henry that it's time to kill Abby.
MEANWHILE, Blond Tool sends Shea and Madison off in a speedboat towards the mainland, nobly choosing to remain behind to help the others. It's the last episode, so I'm afraid no amount of nobility can shake the nickname now; it's too ingrained. Elsewhere, Jimmy convinces Abby that it may be in their best interest to head back towards the boathouse. Blond Tool reports to the Coast Guard about picking up Shea and Madison's boat. Henry enters in time to hear about Shea and Madison's escape and that the Coast Guard should arrive within the hour. Henry inspects a gun before handing it over to Blond Tool. Then the two of them leave to round up whoever they can before meeting the Coast Guard at the marina.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield drags Trish through the woods. Henry and Blond Tool wander their way through the woods as well, and since they're alone, Henry's got an opportunity to make another checkmark on the Kill Everyone On the Island To-Do List. First, he's got to spout a lot of claptrap about how Wakefield's kid has a lot to be pissed about, because oh-my-God, he was adopted by an upper middle class family. Can you think of any greater hell? Blond Tool, to his credit, doesn't accept "being adopted" as a legitimate motive for serial murder.
MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy continue their trend of showing up places moments after everyone has left. Jimmy notices the missing speedboat. He grabs a couple of flares and hears from the radio operator at the Coast Guard that Henry and Blond Tool have headed for the marina. That doesn't explain the missing boat, but Abby and Jimmy don't really have time to think about that right now.
MEANWHILE, Henry is tired of wearing his good-guy mask, so he admits to Blond Tool that he killed Trish and JD, saying that Abby almost caught him doing the latter. All that blood makes more sense now. Just as the truth sinks into Blond Tool, Henry lists his other murders: The reverend, Richard, and Katherine. Wait, wasn't he having sex on top of his wedding cake when the reverend was murdered? And wasn't he playing grave robber with Abby and the sheriff when Richard was killed? See, this is why every good murder mystery needs how-I-did-it flashbacks. Katherine makes more sense, anyway -- Henry did have those shears. He also reveals that the money Uncle Marty brought was to invest in Malcolm's brewery. That doesn't really explain the gun Uncle Marty also brought, but whatever. Blond Tool has heard enough to pull the trigger, but of course Henry was the one who gave him the gun, which isn't loaded anymore. Henry distracts Blond Tool with Wakefield's presence, which gives Henry the chance to stab him to death. So long, Blond Tool! I hope there are a bunch of slutty girls in heaven!
Abby and Jimmy find Henry in the woods. He lies about looking for Trish, saying that he hasn't seen anyone else. Abby is too upset about having to inform Henry of Trish's death to have caught the lie. It gets even more convoluted when they return to the scene of Trish's body, which is no longer there, thanks to Wakefield. Henry runs off in faux-hysteria, leading Abby and Jimmy to the church. An unattended radio at the boathouse informs the air that the rescue chopper will be there in twenty minutes. Jimmy tells Abby that he'd never leave her alone, the way Henry left Trish. Leaving aside all the Henry-is-the-killer facts, it's easy to say that now. From what I've seen, Abby and Jimmy were separated plenty. Anyhow, they all enter the church to find Trish's body on the altar. Abby barely has time to express sympathy before Wakefield shows up and attacks. Jimmy fights him off. Abby hears the chopper and Jimmy yells for her to go and signal it with the flares. Wakefield calls to Henry that she's getting away, which of course sells Henry out, not that it matters now.
Jimmy grabs the other flare, lights it, and shoves it into Wakefield, which doesn't do any more harm than the bullets to the face did. It does at least give Jimmy time to run away. Oh, and the church is on fire now. Henry takes a shot at Jimmy, but we don't see if it hits or not. Henry runs out to catch Abby, and tells her that Wakefield got Jimmy. He also asks where they're supposed to meet the Coast Guard, which keys Abby in to Henry's lie. The Coast Guard told her that they had sent Henry and Blond Tool to the marina, but Henry said he hadn't seen anyone when they found him in the woods. As she processes this, Wakefield strolls up behind her and Henry unfolds his knife. He lunges forward, pushes Abby aside, and plunges the knife into his father's chest. Wakefield has run out of his seemingly endless supply of lives, and though he takes about an hour to drop, he finally does. Abby finally puts everything together, but not fast enough, and Henry grabs her and throws her to the ground, knocking her out.
MEANWHILE, on the mainland, Shea and Madison are conferring with the authorities. Madison makes sure to get in one last creepy brat plug before being escorted out so an agent can tell Shea that everyone she knew on the island died there in the big church fire. They know that because of some trace blood samples left behind. You know, because fire completely wipes out the entire body. Twits. The agent tells Shea that other than a handful of locals (which I guess includes the psychic and the annoying coroner), she and Madison are the sole survivors.
MEANWHILE, back on the island, the FBI packs up and leaves. Abby awakes to find herself in an eerily well-appointed bedroom, with fresh clothes laid out on a nearby table. She comes downstairs to find a jittery Henry, who promises to explain everything. He tells her he chose her over Wakefield. She, weirdly, doesn't explode with gratitude, but throws a glass at him and runs to another room, where she shuts herself in. He calls through the door that he can wait for her to calm down, as they've got all the time in the world, the way they hoped they would when they were kids. We flash back to Young Abby and Young Henry again, and hear what Young Abby whispered in his ear. She wishes the two of them could stay on Harper's Island together forever, just the two of them. And since Henry is kookypants, I guess he took that to mean slaughter everyone else.
After he's left her alone, Abby busts a picture frame and grabs a shard of glass to use as a weapon. She comes downstairs to yell at Henry, telling him he can't pin what he's done on her, and that's he sick and needs help. Good Lord, is she still pushing the Save the Psycho agenda? Cause that didn't work out too well when she spared Wakefield. She asks about Trish, and Henry says the wedding was the only way he could think of to get Abby back to the island. OK, but then why throw a big production of a destination wedding instead of just writing Abby and saying that he was having a small, private wedding back on the island? It certainly would have been less work for him and Wakefield. I guess that'd make for a short series, though. Abby points out that she and Henry are half-siblings, but that doesn't stand in the way of his crazy love. We finally get a how-I-did-it flashback of sorts, but unfortunately, it's more of a how-I-became-crazy flashback.
Henry met Wakefield the day of the original killing spree, when Valerie Harper was killed. They had some moronic instant connection, and then we skip forward in time, because they can't explain how Wakefield survived when everyone else thought he was dead, or why Henry just wrote off the entire experience until Wakefield found him later. It was at this second meeting that Wakefield revealed to Henry that he was his father. That knowledge, along with some latent batch of crazy, turned Henry into what he is today. Wakefield took Henry on the serial murder field trip on the mainland that the sheriff was tracking. He tells Abby that unlike Wakefield, he won't destroy the one he loves. I suppose that's a small step forward. If he and Abby ever have kids, maybe they could take another step forward and not kill all of their friends.
Abby's heard enough, and grabs what I think is a telescope. She bashes out the glass in the patio door, and sprints for the nearby utility shed. Why she heads there instead of trying to get as far from the house as possible is beyond me. Oh, because she's got Jimmy-radar up her ass, and finds him alive, bound, and gagged in the shed. Henry pops in and grabs her, dragging her back to the house. He tells her he wasn't supposed to find Jimmy, and that as far as the world's concerned, all of them died in the church fire. Abby asks why Jimmy is still alive, and Henry intimates that because Shea and Madison made it off the island, everyone knows that someone was helping Wakefield. Jimmy is alive to be set up as the patsy. I don't get to say "patsy" nearly enough. Abby tries to run again, but Henry is ready for her now. He grabs her and locks her in a room, then sets off to make Jimmy sign a false confession. Abby tries to pick the lock, without much success.
Later, Henry comes in and tells her Jimmy won't sign the confession unless he gets to say good-bye to Abby. He leads her to the shed. Jimmy is still bound and gagged. Hey, why is he gagged? It's not like there's anyone around to hear him. Henry tells her to say good-bye. She approaches Jimmy, and apologizes for leaving all those years ago. She pulls the gag off and kisses him, which Henry doesn't stand for. He walks up and pulls her off, then slaps the shit out of her when she says she loves Jimmy. He's immediately upset about that, and now that Jimmy's ungagged, he's able to distract Henry long enough for Abby to pick up a sharp implement and plunge it into Henry's foot. I'll be generous, and assume that she was aiming for his heart and just missed by a country mile, rather than yell at her AGAIN for failing to take out a psycho killer when she had the chance. She runs out the door. Henry, after pausing to grab another sharp implement, is in hot pursuit.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy takes the pick that Abby slipped him when they kissed, and sets to work on freeing himself. Henry yells to Abby that anyone else on the island is miles away. Wait, so those surviving locals are still around? They didn't go to the mainland with the FBI? They're just waiting around, presumably waiting for the grocery store to reopen or whatever? Jeez. Henry eventually traps Abby at the top of a steep slope, and swears he'd never hurt her, hurling the implement over the cliff. Abby screams that she doesn't want to be with Henry, just in time for Jimmy to show up and tackle him. Both of them fall off the slope down to the rocky shore beneath. Abby rushes down to tend to Jimmy. She sees on his face that something's coming up behind her, and for once, she has the presence of mind to grab that sharp implement that Henry abandoned, swings around, and runs Henry completely through. He manages to tell her he loves her before dropping dead. We exit on a pre-ferry video in which the dearly departed wish Henry and Trish much love and luck in their marriage. Except for Non-Entity Beth, of course. Jimmy and Abby have been rescued by the Coast Guard, and return to the mainland to live in peace and love each other and have severe psychological trauma for the rest of their lives. Congrats, you two!
Overall Grade: C
Overall Season Grade: B+
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
We start off with a flashback to sixteen years ago, when Harper's Island was always sun-dappled. Young Abby and Young Henry have a friendly spar over a soccer ball. Henry's "parents" come to pick him up, along with Young JD. The Dunns are heading back to the mainland to get the boys ready for school. Valerie Harper enters, and the two women exchange meaningful looks. Young Henry and Young Abby run out of the house and down to the water. They're both sad that Young Henry has to leave, and Young Abby leans forward and whispers something in his ear. He ruefully hands over the soccer ball, and tells Young Abby he'll see her next summer.
The present. Ain't no sun-dappling now. Henry and Wakefield stand over Trish's body. Henry has a slight tinge of regret, but strengthens his resolve when Wakefield tells him Trish served her purpose and that nothing else matters. Wakefield reports on Danny's death and Shea and Madison's escape. That's all the conversation they have time for, as they hear Abby hysterically calling for Henry. Henry tells Wakefield that they only have a couple of hours before the Coast Guard shows up, so they'd better get cracking on killing everyone else.
MEANWHILE, Shea and Madison make it to the boathouse, where they tell Blond Tool what happened at the police station. After he has a completely understandable freakout, he collects himself enough to contact the Coast Guard again to let them know that they really need to hurry if they'd like to find more than a stack of corpses. They're still fighting bad weather, so the rescue chopper can't take off. How about some boats, Coast Guard? Speaking of which, Blond Tool spots some mini-crafts lashed to the ceiling. MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy stumble across Trish's body. Henry and Wakefield spy on them from the woods, and Wakefield tells Henry that it's time to kill Abby.
MEANWHILE, Blond Tool sends Shea and Madison off in a speedboat towards the mainland, nobly choosing to remain behind to help the others. It's the last episode, so I'm afraid no amount of nobility can shake the nickname now; it's too ingrained. Elsewhere, Jimmy convinces Abby that it may be in their best interest to head back towards the boathouse. Blond Tool reports to the Coast Guard about picking up Shea and Madison's boat. Henry enters in time to hear about Shea and Madison's escape and that the Coast Guard should arrive within the hour. Henry inspects a gun before handing it over to Blond Tool. Then the two of them leave to round up whoever they can before meeting the Coast Guard at the marina.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield drags Trish through the woods. Henry and Blond Tool wander their way through the woods as well, and since they're alone, Henry's got an opportunity to make another checkmark on the Kill Everyone On the Island To-Do List. First, he's got to spout a lot of claptrap about how Wakefield's kid has a lot to be pissed about, because oh-my-God, he was adopted by an upper middle class family. Can you think of any greater hell? Blond Tool, to his credit, doesn't accept "being adopted" as a legitimate motive for serial murder.
MEANWHILE, Abby and Jimmy continue their trend of showing up places moments after everyone has left. Jimmy notices the missing speedboat. He grabs a couple of flares and hears from the radio operator at the Coast Guard that Henry and Blond Tool have headed for the marina. That doesn't explain the missing boat, but Abby and Jimmy don't really have time to think about that right now.
MEANWHILE, Henry is tired of wearing his good-guy mask, so he admits to Blond Tool that he killed Trish and JD, saying that Abby almost caught him doing the latter. All that blood makes more sense now. Just as the truth sinks into Blond Tool, Henry lists his other murders: The reverend, Richard, and Katherine. Wait, wasn't he having sex on top of his wedding cake when the reverend was murdered? And wasn't he playing grave robber with Abby and the sheriff when Richard was killed? See, this is why every good murder mystery needs how-I-did-it flashbacks. Katherine makes more sense, anyway -- Henry did have those shears. He also reveals that the money Uncle Marty brought was to invest in Malcolm's brewery. That doesn't really explain the gun Uncle Marty also brought, but whatever. Blond Tool has heard enough to pull the trigger, but of course Henry was the one who gave him the gun, which isn't loaded anymore. Henry distracts Blond Tool with Wakefield's presence, which gives Henry the chance to stab him to death. So long, Blond Tool! I hope there are a bunch of slutty girls in heaven!
Abby and Jimmy find Henry in the woods. He lies about looking for Trish, saying that he hasn't seen anyone else. Abby is too upset about having to inform Henry of Trish's death to have caught the lie. It gets even more convoluted when they return to the scene of Trish's body, which is no longer there, thanks to Wakefield. Henry runs off in faux-hysteria, leading Abby and Jimmy to the church. An unattended radio at the boathouse informs the air that the rescue chopper will be there in twenty minutes. Jimmy tells Abby that he'd never leave her alone, the way Henry left Trish. Leaving aside all the Henry-is-the-killer facts, it's easy to say that now. From what I've seen, Abby and Jimmy were separated plenty. Anyhow, they all enter the church to find Trish's body on the altar. Abby barely has time to express sympathy before Wakefield shows up and attacks. Jimmy fights him off. Abby hears the chopper and Jimmy yells for her to go and signal it with the flares. Wakefield calls to Henry that she's getting away, which of course sells Henry out, not that it matters now.
Jimmy grabs the other flare, lights it, and shoves it into Wakefield, which doesn't do any more harm than the bullets to the face did. It does at least give Jimmy time to run away. Oh, and the church is on fire now. Henry takes a shot at Jimmy, but we don't see if it hits or not. Henry runs out to catch Abby, and tells her that Wakefield got Jimmy. He also asks where they're supposed to meet the Coast Guard, which keys Abby in to Henry's lie. The Coast Guard told her that they had sent Henry and Blond Tool to the marina, but Henry said he hadn't seen anyone when they found him in the woods. As she processes this, Wakefield strolls up behind her and Henry unfolds his knife. He lunges forward, pushes Abby aside, and plunges the knife into his father's chest. Wakefield has run out of his seemingly endless supply of lives, and though he takes about an hour to drop, he finally does. Abby finally puts everything together, but not fast enough, and Henry grabs her and throws her to the ground, knocking her out.
MEANWHILE, on the mainland, Shea and Madison are conferring with the authorities. Madison makes sure to get in one last creepy brat plug before being escorted out so an agent can tell Shea that everyone she knew on the island died there in the big church fire. They know that because of some trace blood samples left behind. You know, because fire completely wipes out the entire body. Twits. The agent tells Shea that other than a handful of locals (which I guess includes the psychic and the annoying coroner), she and Madison are the sole survivors.
MEANWHILE, back on the island, the FBI packs up and leaves. Abby awakes to find herself in an eerily well-appointed bedroom, with fresh clothes laid out on a nearby table. She comes downstairs to find a jittery Henry, who promises to explain everything. He tells her he chose her over Wakefield. She, weirdly, doesn't explode with gratitude, but throws a glass at him and runs to another room, where she shuts herself in. He calls through the door that he can wait for her to calm down, as they've got all the time in the world, the way they hoped they would when they were kids. We flash back to Young Abby and Young Henry again, and hear what Young Abby whispered in his ear. She wishes the two of them could stay on Harper's Island together forever, just the two of them. And since Henry is kookypants, I guess he took that to mean slaughter everyone else.
After he's left her alone, Abby busts a picture frame and grabs a shard of glass to use as a weapon. She comes downstairs to yell at Henry, telling him he can't pin what he's done on her, and that's he sick and needs help. Good Lord, is she still pushing the Save the Psycho agenda? Cause that didn't work out too well when she spared Wakefield. She asks about Trish, and Henry says the wedding was the only way he could think of to get Abby back to the island. OK, but then why throw a big production of a destination wedding instead of just writing Abby and saying that he was having a small, private wedding back on the island? It certainly would have been less work for him and Wakefield. I guess that'd make for a short series, though. Abby points out that she and Henry are half-siblings, but that doesn't stand in the way of his crazy love. We finally get a how-I-did-it flashback of sorts, but unfortunately, it's more of a how-I-became-crazy flashback.
Henry met Wakefield the day of the original killing spree, when Valerie Harper was killed. They had some moronic instant connection, and then we skip forward in time, because they can't explain how Wakefield survived when everyone else thought he was dead, or why Henry just wrote off the entire experience until Wakefield found him later. It was at this second meeting that Wakefield revealed to Henry that he was his father. That knowledge, along with some latent batch of crazy, turned Henry into what he is today. Wakefield took Henry on the serial murder field trip on the mainland that the sheriff was tracking. He tells Abby that unlike Wakefield, he won't destroy the one he loves. I suppose that's a small step forward. If he and Abby ever have kids, maybe they could take another step forward and not kill all of their friends.
Abby's heard enough, and grabs what I think is a telescope. She bashes out the glass in the patio door, and sprints for the nearby utility shed. Why she heads there instead of trying to get as far from the house as possible is beyond me. Oh, because she's got Jimmy-radar up her ass, and finds him alive, bound, and gagged in the shed. Henry pops in and grabs her, dragging her back to the house. He tells her he wasn't supposed to find Jimmy, and that as far as the world's concerned, all of them died in the church fire. Abby asks why Jimmy is still alive, and Henry intimates that because Shea and Madison made it off the island, everyone knows that someone was helping Wakefield. Jimmy is alive to be set up as the patsy. I don't get to say "patsy" nearly enough. Abby tries to run again, but Henry is ready for her now. He grabs her and locks her in a room, then sets off to make Jimmy sign a false confession. Abby tries to pick the lock, without much success.
Later, Henry comes in and tells her Jimmy won't sign the confession unless he gets to say good-bye to Abby. He leads her to the shed. Jimmy is still bound and gagged. Hey, why is he gagged? It's not like there's anyone around to hear him. Henry tells her to say good-bye. She approaches Jimmy, and apologizes for leaving all those years ago. She pulls the gag off and kisses him, which Henry doesn't stand for. He walks up and pulls her off, then slaps the shit out of her when she says she loves Jimmy. He's immediately upset about that, and now that Jimmy's ungagged, he's able to distract Henry long enough for Abby to pick up a sharp implement and plunge it into Henry's foot. I'll be generous, and assume that she was aiming for his heart and just missed by a country mile, rather than yell at her AGAIN for failing to take out a psycho killer when she had the chance. She runs out the door. Henry, after pausing to grab another sharp implement, is in hot pursuit.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy takes the pick that Abby slipped him when they kissed, and sets to work on freeing himself. Henry yells to Abby that anyone else on the island is miles away. Wait, so those surviving locals are still around? They didn't go to the mainland with the FBI? They're just waiting around, presumably waiting for the grocery store to reopen or whatever? Jeez. Henry eventually traps Abby at the top of a steep slope, and swears he'd never hurt her, hurling the implement over the cliff. Abby screams that she doesn't want to be with Henry, just in time for Jimmy to show up and tackle him. Both of them fall off the slope down to the rocky shore beneath. Abby rushes down to tend to Jimmy. She sees on his face that something's coming up behind her, and for once, she has the presence of mind to grab that sharp implement that Henry abandoned, swings around, and runs Henry completely through. He manages to tell her he loves her before dropping dead. We exit on a pre-ferry video in which the dearly departed wish Henry and Trish much love and luck in their marriage. Except for Non-Entity Beth, of course. Jimmy and Abby have been rescued by the Coast Guard, and return to the mainland to live in peace and love each other and have severe psychological trauma for the rest of their lives. Congrats, you two!
Overall Grade: C
Overall Season Grade: B+
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Oh, Henry
Harper's Island - Season 1, Episode 12
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Wakefield is now content to wander around the woods. As are Henry and Abby. As are Danny and Blond Tool. Blond Tool thinks they'll cover more ground if they split up. Danny is sensibly not thrilled with this plan, but allows himself to be swayed.
MEANWHILE, Trish wakes up in the car, but Jimmy is nowhere to be seen. He startles her by popping up at her window and announcing that he saw a ship. She asks him where, and he tells her he went walking on the bluffs about a quarter mile away. OK, so either Jimmy is the second killer or he's a red herring. If he's the killer, I don't see why he didn't murder Trish while she was sleeping, but that's his prerogative. On the other hand, if he's not a killer, it was incredibly stupid and callous of him to leave her sleeping and alone out in the open. Trish is naturally offended, and asks him if he just abandoned her. He ignores her, and fishes some flares out of the car to signal the ship. The promise of a rescue overrides the insult, and Trish follows Jimmy towards the bluffs.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield spots Danny tromping through the woods. He runs to attack with his spear, but Blond Tool pops out of the woods and shoots him in the head. Wakefield, apparently composed of the same material as the Terminators, is wounded but alive. Sure, who isn't able to shrug off a shotgun blast to the face? Abby and Henry hear the shot, and head in that direction. It becomes apparent that the whole split-up idea was bait to lure Wakefield out. Score one for Blond Tool. That one point is immediately taken away when he and Danny just stand there with their guns trained on the squirming Wakefield. Hello? Guys? This man has murdered all of your dearest friends, and has proven to be extremely slippery. I don't think law enforcement would punish you too harshly for finishing him off, especially after all the cops he's killed. Blond Tool offers the kill to Abby, but she's unable to take the shot. She bashes him unconscious, instead. I guess we're supposed to conclude that she's a Good Person Who Won't Sink To The Murderer's Level, but to me, it's reckless and almost criminally negligent.
The commercial break gives the characters enough time for someone to conclude that it might be wise to kill Wakefield. Blond Tool is all for it, but Danny says that it's not their job. No, it's the police force's job. Why don't we ask the sheriff to arrest him? How about that deputy in the cellblock? The two cops from the mainland? Deputy Burnface McGee? Again, we're supposed to think the characters who want Wakefield to presumably go to trial are noble, but honestly, they're just being dumb. Henry and Abby agree with Danny, so Blond Tool is outvoted, and must go along with the plan to tie Wakefield up and hold him until more police arrive. Wakefield is up and about now. I guess those shotgun shells were made of pudding.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy and Trish get to the bluffs, and the ship Jimmy claimed to have seen is nowhere. Trish walks up to the very edge of the cliff. Back in the woods, Wakefield is tied up with a couple of belts. Abby beats herself up for not following through on her father's explicit instructions to kill Wakefield. She doesn't beat herself up enough. Everyone teleports over to the police station, and steps past the deputy's corpse so that Henry can lock Wakefield in a cell. He then goes to collect Trish and Jimmy, while Abby volunteers to go get Shea and Madison. Henry suggests meeting back at the police station. Danny, once again the timid voice of reason, doesn't think that's the best idea, but backs down yet again when Henry assures him that Wakefield is safely locked away. He and Trish leave, and Blond Tool heads back to the cellblock over Danny's objections. Blond Tool tases Wakefield, which causes him more pain than the bullet to the face did.
MEANWHILE, Henry reaches the empty car at the tunnel entrance. Abby, Shea, and Madison get back to the police station without incident. Madison gets back to being a creepy brat. She's been out of practice, lately, so she goes for double duty by sneaking back to look at Wakefield. Henry arrives, and announces that he couldn't find Jimmy and Trish. Nobody's too panicked, as Wakefield hasn't had any opportunity to get over to that area, but Shea realizes that leaving Trish alone with Jimmy wasn't perhaps the best idea. She reports what she and Madison found in the sheriff's attic. Nobody has time to absorb this before Madison pops back in to tell Abby that Wakefield wants to talk to her.
Abby goes back to the cell, and she and Wakefield have a fairly cryptic conversation about his motives. She wonders why he's still killing if the objects of his revenge are dead, and he wonders if Valerie Harper really loved the sheriff. He never really answers the first question, and of course she's biased in the matter of the second. MEANWHILE, in the front room, the others are making a case for Jimmy being the second killer. He survived the marina explosion, Wakefield delivered him alive to the bar (where he miraculously survived the bloodbath), and he knows his way around head spades. Shea points out that Jimmy doesn't really have much of a connection with most of the victims, but Henry and Blond Tool think the whole thing may be an elaborate plan to punish Abby.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield and Abby blah about Valerie Harper giving up Wakefield's kid, but keeping Abby. If we're going to start getting around to motives here, it'd be great if they were lifted from something better than Scream 3. Just as Henry gets ready to go look for Trish and Jimmy, Jimmy bursts into the office. He reports that Trish slipped and fell at the bluffs. Suspicious eyes are all fixed on him, and Henry relieves him of his gun. Abby and Wakefield bicker about Valerie Harper's worth as a mother, and Abby asks how Wakefield even knows Valerie had his child. Wakefield responds that he found him. Crap, it's a "him"? There goes my Trish theory. The commotion from the outer office distracts Abby, and she rushes out to find Henry ready to attack. Everyone reaches a consensus in which Jimmy, Henry, Abby, and Blond Tool will go to help Trish, but if she's not there, Jimmy's in big trouble. They teleport over to the bluffs and start looking around.
MEANWHILE, Danny rustles up what grub he can for Shea, Madison, and himself. Madison is hungry enough to eat a cherry Pop-Tart (ew), but says that she also got some food when she was imprisoned in the tunnel. Shea asks if Wakefield fed her, and Madison says that no, somebody else brought them food. Shea's all "Whaaaaa?", and asks why Madison didn't think to mention that two people were keeping her captive. Seriously. I know she's a kid, but she's not four. So now Danny and Shea know there's an accomplice, much good it does everyone now. MEANWHILE, at the bluffs, there's no sign of Trish, and Henry and Blond Tool are ready to shoot Jimmy. Abby intercedes.
So after a few tense moments, Abby is making some progress on cooling down Henry and Blond Tool, and she's helped tremendously by Trish appearing at the top of the bluffs. Everyone rushes up to tend to her, and she admits she lost her footing and fell. She's all right though, and even better, she's discovered a boathouse with a radio inside. They all head there, and while Jimmy and Blond Tool try to reach the Coast Guard, Abby and Henry fill Trish in on their suspicions of Jimmy. Trish reiterates that her fall off the bluffs was an accident. The Coast Guard responds to the distress call, and Trish reports on Wakefield's killing spree and capture. The Coast Guard says that some bad weather on their end may hold up rescue crews, but it shouldn't be more than four hours. Everyone's relieved. Blond Tool says he'll stay with the radio, while Henry and Trish head back to the inn to get her some dry clothes. Abby and Jimmy will go back to the station to let the others know what has happened. Jimmy's still not entirely free of suspicion, but Abby's all gooey for him, so she's content to stick with him.
Back at the inn, Trish takes a hot shower, then goes to get dressed. When Henry returns with everyone's luggage, he finds her wearing her wedding dress. They smooch. MEANWHILE, back at the station, Danny chats with Madison about Wakefield, who's busy wriggling out of his oh-so-well-constructed belt bonds. MEANWHILE, in the woods, Jimmy admits to Abby that he got in some fights when she left, and was unfortunately in the vicinity when someone got killed in Seattle, but he was never considered a real suspect. He confesses that he once swore to get even with Abby for leaving him, but that all those feelings melted away when she got back to Harper's Island, and now he's not full of anything but ooey, gooey love. That's nice and everything, but it's not like Abby abandoned him. Her father practically shot her off the island out of a cannon; it wasn't her choice. They smooch.
MEANWHILE, back at the station, Danny and Madison are playing cards and discussing the intricacies of the Hansel and Gretel story. It's a worthy conversation, though not as compelling as Miranda Hobbes' thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately, it's interrupted by Wakefield entering and starting to strangle Danny with a belt, possibly his own. So, Danny... How do you feel about waiting for a jury of Wakefield's peers to get around to convicting him now? He manages to fight Wakefield off long enough to allow Shea and Madison time to escape, but cannot escape his doom forever, and Wakefield impales his head on one of those message-collecting spike thingies that's always killing people on TV. Sorry, Danny. You were a good egg, but you should have shot when you had the chance.
MEANWHILE, Trish and Henry snuggle on the bed. There's a knock at the door, but nobody enters when Henry calls out. He peeks out of the door with the gun, but doesn't see anything. Deciding to investigate, he tells Trish to lock herself in. MEANWHILE, Jimmy and Abby hear a noise in the woods, which turns out to be the fleeing Shea and Madison. Funny on an island with room for a bar and an inn and a marina and a crazy-old-man shack and a church and a party beach and a canyon and a bunch of locals' homes, none of which can be seen from any of the others, people are always stumbling across each other in the woods. Shea reports what has happened at the police station, and Abby sends them to meet up with Blond Tool at the radio station.
MEANWHILE, at the inn, Wakefield bursts in the door. Trish runs for it, which is no small feat when one is wearing a wedding dress and no shoes. She barricades herself in the bathroom, giving her enough time to bash out a window and jump. She runs into the woods, leaving a confusing and upsetting scene for Abby and Jimmy to find when they arrive at the inn. Wakefield pursues Trish through the woods, but cannot catch her before she finds Henry. Her relief soon turns to horror when we all finally find out who Wakefield's accomplice is. Not Trish herself, as was my first guess. Not Maggie, who's busy being dead and who was just a fun longshot for me. Not Booth, who I guess really was stupid enough to accidentally kill himself. Not Jimmy, to Grouchbutt's consternation. No, it's Henry. This knowledge doesn't do Trish an enormous amount of good, as Henry stabs her to death a few moments later. Huh, I guess being seen in your wedding dress before the ceremony really is bad luck. Wakefield catches up, and Henry greets him as his father. It's so nice when a father and son can bond over similar interests.
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Wakefield is now content to wander around the woods. As are Henry and Abby. As are Danny and Blond Tool. Blond Tool thinks they'll cover more ground if they split up. Danny is sensibly not thrilled with this plan, but allows himself to be swayed.
MEANWHILE, Trish wakes up in the car, but Jimmy is nowhere to be seen. He startles her by popping up at her window and announcing that he saw a ship. She asks him where, and he tells her he went walking on the bluffs about a quarter mile away. OK, so either Jimmy is the second killer or he's a red herring. If he's the killer, I don't see why he didn't murder Trish while she was sleeping, but that's his prerogative. On the other hand, if he's not a killer, it was incredibly stupid and callous of him to leave her sleeping and alone out in the open. Trish is naturally offended, and asks him if he just abandoned her. He ignores her, and fishes some flares out of the car to signal the ship. The promise of a rescue overrides the insult, and Trish follows Jimmy towards the bluffs.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield spots Danny tromping through the woods. He runs to attack with his spear, but Blond Tool pops out of the woods and shoots him in the head. Wakefield, apparently composed of the same material as the Terminators, is wounded but alive. Sure, who isn't able to shrug off a shotgun blast to the face? Abby and Henry hear the shot, and head in that direction. It becomes apparent that the whole split-up idea was bait to lure Wakefield out. Score one for Blond Tool. That one point is immediately taken away when he and Danny just stand there with their guns trained on the squirming Wakefield. Hello? Guys? This man has murdered all of your dearest friends, and has proven to be extremely slippery. I don't think law enforcement would punish you too harshly for finishing him off, especially after all the cops he's killed. Blond Tool offers the kill to Abby, but she's unable to take the shot. She bashes him unconscious, instead. I guess we're supposed to conclude that she's a Good Person Who Won't Sink To The Murderer's Level, but to me, it's reckless and almost criminally negligent.
The commercial break gives the characters enough time for someone to conclude that it might be wise to kill Wakefield. Blond Tool is all for it, but Danny says that it's not their job. No, it's the police force's job. Why don't we ask the sheriff to arrest him? How about that deputy in the cellblock? The two cops from the mainland? Deputy Burnface McGee? Again, we're supposed to think the characters who want Wakefield to presumably go to trial are noble, but honestly, they're just being dumb. Henry and Abby agree with Danny, so Blond Tool is outvoted, and must go along with the plan to tie Wakefield up and hold him until more police arrive. Wakefield is up and about now. I guess those shotgun shells were made of pudding.
MEANWHILE, Jimmy and Trish get to the bluffs, and the ship Jimmy claimed to have seen is nowhere. Trish walks up to the very edge of the cliff. Back in the woods, Wakefield is tied up with a couple of belts. Abby beats herself up for not following through on her father's explicit instructions to kill Wakefield. She doesn't beat herself up enough. Everyone teleports over to the police station, and steps past the deputy's corpse so that Henry can lock Wakefield in a cell. He then goes to collect Trish and Jimmy, while Abby volunteers to go get Shea and Madison. Henry suggests meeting back at the police station. Danny, once again the timid voice of reason, doesn't think that's the best idea, but backs down yet again when Henry assures him that Wakefield is safely locked away. He and Trish leave, and Blond Tool heads back to the cellblock over Danny's objections. Blond Tool tases Wakefield, which causes him more pain than the bullet to the face did.
MEANWHILE, Henry reaches the empty car at the tunnel entrance. Abby, Shea, and Madison get back to the police station without incident. Madison gets back to being a creepy brat. She's been out of practice, lately, so she goes for double duty by sneaking back to look at Wakefield. Henry arrives, and announces that he couldn't find Jimmy and Trish. Nobody's too panicked, as Wakefield hasn't had any opportunity to get over to that area, but Shea realizes that leaving Trish alone with Jimmy wasn't perhaps the best idea. She reports what she and Madison found in the sheriff's attic. Nobody has time to absorb this before Madison pops back in to tell Abby that Wakefield wants to talk to her.
Abby goes back to the cell, and she and Wakefield have a fairly cryptic conversation about his motives. She wonders why he's still killing if the objects of his revenge are dead, and he wonders if Valerie Harper really loved the sheriff. He never really answers the first question, and of course she's biased in the matter of the second. MEANWHILE, in the front room, the others are making a case for Jimmy being the second killer. He survived the marina explosion, Wakefield delivered him alive to the bar (where he miraculously survived the bloodbath), and he knows his way around head spades. Shea points out that Jimmy doesn't really have much of a connection with most of the victims, but Henry and Blond Tool think the whole thing may be an elaborate plan to punish Abby.
MEANWHILE, Wakefield and Abby blah about Valerie Harper giving up Wakefield's kid, but keeping Abby. If we're going to start getting around to motives here, it'd be great if they were lifted from something better than Scream 3. Just as Henry gets ready to go look for Trish and Jimmy, Jimmy bursts into the office. He reports that Trish slipped and fell at the bluffs. Suspicious eyes are all fixed on him, and Henry relieves him of his gun. Abby and Wakefield bicker about Valerie Harper's worth as a mother, and Abby asks how Wakefield even knows Valerie had his child. Wakefield responds that he found him. Crap, it's a "him"? There goes my Trish theory. The commotion from the outer office distracts Abby, and she rushes out to find Henry ready to attack. Everyone reaches a consensus in which Jimmy, Henry, Abby, and Blond Tool will go to help Trish, but if she's not there, Jimmy's in big trouble. They teleport over to the bluffs and start looking around.
MEANWHILE, Danny rustles up what grub he can for Shea, Madison, and himself. Madison is hungry enough to eat a cherry Pop-Tart (ew), but says that she also got some food when she was imprisoned in the tunnel. Shea asks if Wakefield fed her, and Madison says that no, somebody else brought them food. Shea's all "Whaaaaa?", and asks why Madison didn't think to mention that two people were keeping her captive. Seriously. I know she's a kid, but she's not four. So now Danny and Shea know there's an accomplice, much good it does everyone now. MEANWHILE, at the bluffs, there's no sign of Trish, and Henry and Blond Tool are ready to shoot Jimmy. Abby intercedes.
So after a few tense moments, Abby is making some progress on cooling down Henry and Blond Tool, and she's helped tremendously by Trish appearing at the top of the bluffs. Everyone rushes up to tend to her, and she admits she lost her footing and fell. She's all right though, and even better, she's discovered a boathouse with a radio inside. They all head there, and while Jimmy and Blond Tool try to reach the Coast Guard, Abby and Henry fill Trish in on their suspicions of Jimmy. Trish reiterates that her fall off the bluffs was an accident. The Coast Guard responds to the distress call, and Trish reports on Wakefield's killing spree and capture. The Coast Guard says that some bad weather on their end may hold up rescue crews, but it shouldn't be more than four hours. Everyone's relieved. Blond Tool says he'll stay with the radio, while Henry and Trish head back to the inn to get her some dry clothes. Abby and Jimmy will go back to the station to let the others know what has happened. Jimmy's still not entirely free of suspicion, but Abby's all gooey for him, so she's content to stick with him.
Back at the inn, Trish takes a hot shower, then goes to get dressed. When Henry returns with everyone's luggage, he finds her wearing her wedding dress. They smooch. MEANWHILE, back at the station, Danny chats with Madison about Wakefield, who's busy wriggling out of his oh-so-well-constructed belt bonds. MEANWHILE, in the woods, Jimmy admits to Abby that he got in some fights when she left, and was unfortunately in the vicinity when someone got killed in Seattle, but he was never considered a real suspect. He confesses that he once swore to get even with Abby for leaving him, but that all those feelings melted away when she got back to Harper's Island, and now he's not full of anything but ooey, gooey love. That's nice and everything, but it's not like Abby abandoned him. Her father practically shot her off the island out of a cannon; it wasn't her choice. They smooch.
MEANWHILE, back at the station, Danny and Madison are playing cards and discussing the intricacies of the Hansel and Gretel story. It's a worthy conversation, though not as compelling as Miranda Hobbes' thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately, it's interrupted by Wakefield entering and starting to strangle Danny with a belt, possibly his own. So, Danny... How do you feel about waiting for a jury of Wakefield's peers to get around to convicting him now? He manages to fight Wakefield off long enough to allow Shea and Madison time to escape, but cannot escape his doom forever, and Wakefield impales his head on one of those message-collecting spike thingies that's always killing people on TV. Sorry, Danny. You were a good egg, but you should have shot when you had the chance.
MEANWHILE, Trish and Henry snuggle on the bed. There's a knock at the door, but nobody enters when Henry calls out. He peeks out of the door with the gun, but doesn't see anything. Deciding to investigate, he tells Trish to lock herself in. MEANWHILE, Jimmy and Abby hear a noise in the woods, which turns out to be the fleeing Shea and Madison. Funny on an island with room for a bar and an inn and a marina and a crazy-old-man shack and a church and a party beach and a canyon and a bunch of locals' homes, none of which can be seen from any of the others, people are always stumbling across each other in the woods. Shea reports what has happened at the police station, and Abby sends them to meet up with Blond Tool at the radio station.
MEANWHILE, at the inn, Wakefield bursts in the door. Trish runs for it, which is no small feat when one is wearing a wedding dress and no shoes. She barricades herself in the bathroom, giving her enough time to bash out a window and jump. She runs into the woods, leaving a confusing and upsetting scene for Abby and Jimmy to find when they arrive at the inn. Wakefield pursues Trish through the woods, but cannot catch her before she finds Henry. Her relief soon turns to horror when we all finally find out who Wakefield's accomplice is. Not Trish herself, as was my first guess. Not Maggie, who's busy being dead and who was just a fun longshot for me. Not Booth, who I guess really was stupid enough to accidentally kill himself. Not Jimmy, to Grouchbutt's consternation. No, it's Henry. This knowledge doesn't do Trish an enormous amount of good, as Henry stabs her to death a few moments later. Huh, I guess being seen in your wedding dress before the ceremony really is bad luck. Wakefield catches up, and Henry greets him as his father. It's so nice when a father and son can bond over similar interests.
Next week on Harper's Island: DEATH!
Overall Grade: B-
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