The Amazing Race - Season 12
The quality of Amazing Race seasons has veered up and down more than a roller coaster at Fujikyu. FUJIKYU! A downslide in the sixth season leading to a poor seventh and a horrible-to-the-point-of-insulting eighth gave me little hope, but luckily, the show was able to turn itself around for the ninth and tenth, both of which were fairly delightful. I skipped the eleventh (All-Star seasons and I rarely get along), so it's been a while since I've been able to settle in with Phil and the gang.
Until now! CBS had the good grace to pull a terrible musical drama, leaving room for a brand spankin' new season of the race. The teams have finally been posted, and since it's never too early to start mouthing off about who will rock and who will suck, let's take a look at the latest rainbow of famewhores. Actually, before we get to the individual teams, something strikes me about the overall casting. Check out that group. There's something missing. Something I really, really, really don't miss. We're finally rid of the straight (except for Chip and Reichen, who may as well have been), white, muscly, alpha-male team who always makes it to the final three, and wins more often than not. I guess the producers caught on to how freaking boring that became, so this time around, there are far more familial relationships, which I actually find way more interesting than the friend or dating teams. Yay! Who among them will conquer the globe, and who will just be spanked and sent home?
Kynt and Vyxsin: Dating goths. Dating goths!?!?! Oh, this season is going to be fun. I'll bet they want to be spanked and sent home. Kynt and Vyxsin are very proud of being non-conformist, and being part of a different crowd in Louisville has made them cultivate an "us against the world" attitude. Oh, well that'll make global travel fun. Their bio also says that the most difficult part of the race will be adhering to their daily makeup routine. That'll be the most difficult? Not climbing an ice wall? Navigating the cab system in Turkey? Nope, apparently finding time to apply white lipstick will be the real challenge. And if they think the denizens of Louisville don't understand them, I can't wait to see how they communicate with people in Korea or whatever.
Jennifer and Nathan: On again/off again couple, and the closest thing to the missing alpha-male team, since they're both in really good shape. Over time, the race has given us an endless supply of blandly pretty, annoying couples, neither member of which has a molecule of personality, and who spend the whole season fighting. Thanks for being this year's representatives, Jennifer and Nathan! I wasn't kidding about the lack of personality. There isn't a single interesting thing listed in their bio, and the only thing that's different about them is that he cheated on her, but they're trying to work things out. I'm all for it, if it'll keep them both out of the dating pool.
Ronald and Christina: Father and daughter. Both adorable. Both hard-working. Both whip-smart. Ronald is a first-generation immigrant, and such a workaholic that he had to miss a lot of Christina's formative years. They're hoping to use the race to strengthen their bond. I used to think stressful racing was a terrible way of doing that, but then Duke and Lauren came along. I could do without the "Who's Your Daddy" shirt he's working in the bio picture, but I can tell that this is one of those teams I'm going to love, then curse the heavens when they're eliminated.
Shana and Jennifer: Friends. I'm hesitant to slap the vapid twat label on the young, all-female team too hastily, because Dustin and Kandice wound up rocking my world. The signs aren't good, though. Their bio mentions their "good looks", although they look no different than the rest of the 16 billion LA blondes wandering around. They can be "bitchy". I heard one of them say that they plan to "flirt" their way through the race, an oft-tried strategy in teams with no brains, and which never works, thank God. They seem to be just as dumb and unlikable as previous Stupid Girl teams, but fortunately, Stupid Girl teams generally don't hang around for long.
Azaria and Hendekea: Brother and sister. Between these two and Kynt/Vyxsin, I can tell I'm going to need the Backspace key a lot this season. I like sibling teams (except for those awful Harpies), but their aptitude is hard to predict. They appear to have a fair amount of sibling rivalry, but I can't tell how much of that is played up for drama's sake. Azaria describes his sister as "dainty", which doesn't bode well, but they're both engineers (so they're no dummies), and they appear to be in fairly good physical shape. I'll just have to see them in action before I make up my mind about them.
Lorena and Jason: Dating couple. Anytime you see "bartender", "model", "physical trainer", or "actor" on the bio page, you know you're in for some irritation. At first glance, they appear to be a perfectly acceptable granola couple. Some quick reading, however, reveals that they're every bit as uninteresting as their blond counterparts up there (though my gut reaction tells me I'll like these two more than Jennifer and Nathan). There is one weird thing about their bio. They say that cultural differences have caused some friction in their relationship, and then never say what those differences are. Are they of two different religions? Is she Israeli and he Palestinian? Does she like the frosted Pop Tarts and he likes the naked ones? Guess we'll find out later.
Nicolas and Donald: Grandson and grandfather. Well, this is a first. I couldn't imagine running a race with any of my four grandparents. Walking from the grocery store exit to the car in the parking lot was enough of a trial. Nicolas is a young airline pilot, and is cute in a dorky kind of way. Donald wears a shirt that reads "Grandpa" in their bio photo. Thanks for the heads up! I was confused about which one of you was older. They both seem nice, but Donald is pushing seventy, so I'm not going to form any lasting affection for this team, if you get my drift.
Ari and Staella: "Friends". I guess "Gay guy and his fag hag" would have rubbed too many people the wrong way. I want to like them, but there are some problems right off the bat. Ari is "catty", and describes himself as "rude and hilarious". Sigh. My problems with the overwhelming use of the Prissy Gay on this show are well-documented. How about a gay guy who's just gay? How about a gay guy who's more interested in racing than in maintaining the cliche of the scathing gossip? I miss Ken. Staella "won't hesitate to flirt her way to the front of the pack". Great, except for two problems. First, as I've already said, flirting doesn't work as a long-term strategy on this show. Second (and don't think I'm not aware of the irony of saying this after what I just said about Ari), she's not pretty enough to pull it off.
Marianna and Julia: Sisters. Before I declare myself a pre-fan of this team, which I intend to do, allow me to complain about yet another declaration that they're going to use flirtation as a strategy. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Thank you. OK, onto the good news. To be shallow for a moment, they're both really pretty. And "real" pretty, not "generic television" pretty. They have actual jobs. They admire the Hippies for their positive outlooks. If these two turn out to have the Hippies' approach to the race minus the Hippies' tiresome love of their own personalities, they may skyrocket to the top of my list.
Rachel and TK: Dating. Certainly the least annoying of the dating couples. It always pains me to see an attractive man hidden behind an ugly hairstyle, but if TK loses the beard and that Kurt Cobain wig, we'll be in business. The relationship between Rachel and TK seems to still be in its formative stage, and the stress of the race tends to blow that honeymoon phase to shit, lest anyone forget Peter and Sarah. If they don't wind up strangling each other, they may have a nice jump on some other teams, owing to the fact that they both appear to have more than three brain cells to rub together.
Kate and Pat: Married lesbian ministers. Married lesbian ministers!?!?! That pretty much blows the awesomeness of a goth team out of the water. I can't really get a bead on their personalities from the bio, and I doubt they'll get that far (I tend to love Teams of a Certain Age, but history is not on their side). For the time they do stick around, though, they'll certainly be interesting to watch. Accepting or annoyingly Jesus-freaky? Functional or constantly bickering? In the trailer I saw, one of them called the show "a love letter to the planet", which is a little hippy-dippy for my tastes, but I'm all for a positive attitude.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Finale - Part 2
Top Chef - Season 3, Episode 15
We open on Padma in front of a studio crowd that is being very lackluster in their cheering. I don't blame them. The winner of Season 3 will be announced live (in Chicago, for some reason), and I don't think I'm ruining anything to tell you now that all of the live segments tonight are a fat wad of blah. I gather that the "live winner" is Bravo's way of avoiding another spoiler fiasco, but I have to believe there's another alternative besides boring your audience senseless. So, let's get to the actual show.
Previously on Top Chef: The final four met up in Aspen. Hung didn't want to cook elk. The "judges" (read: producers) decided that there would only be one person eliminated. Dale won his first Elimination Challenge. Ptom told Hung that his food had no personality, but Brian's chaotic meal was considered the worse offense, and he was sent packing. Three chefs remain. Who will be Top Chef?
Opening menu. Since this was the final episode, we had to do something a bit special, so in addition to the usual piles of cheese and other snackums, we popped a bottle of cheap champagne. Good-bye, Season 3. Though you were lovely, I feel like I've been watching you since kindergarten.
Morning in Aspen. Dale gets ready for the day, as he interviews about what a long, hard road it's been. Casey tries to apply makeup without hyperventilating. She says that the altitude is giving her issues, and she finds it difficult to catch her breath. Wow, for one of the nicest hotels in the country, this place sure has ugly bathrooms. Hung moisturizes, and talks about his chances of winning. The final three hang out in Casey's room until a room service cart is wheeled in with a dreaded Top Chef note on a doily. The note tells the chefs to meet the judges at the top of the nearby mountain. Lift tickets are included in the note, and Casey looks less than thrilled at the idea of going even higher. We jump ahead to the chefs boarding the...um...lift gondola thingy. Sorry, I live in the Midwest. Not much cause for lift tickets here. The chefs admire the spectacular view, and fellow Midwesterner Dale gives a shoutout to living in the flatlands. Holla! At the top of the ride (11,200 feet up) is a table laden with food and a Top Chef ice sculpture. Heh, that's cheesy.
Padma and Ptom await the chefs in front of a club that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to join and has a years-long waiting list. So, one of those places where you have to fill out an application when you're still swimming around in amniotic fluid. Sometimes, I find Padma's outfits a little wonky, but she looks good today. Ptom presents the final challenge: cook the best meal ever. Hung can't wait to cook the way he wants to, without a bunch of challenge restrictions. Ptom tells them that that instead of the usual method of one meal after the other, all three chefs will cook and serve their meals concurrently. The chefs can use all of the ingredients they've brought from home, in addition to anything piled on the nearby table. Padma gives them 35 minutes to plan their menus, although I have to think that their menus have long since been decided upon.
Padma starts the clock. Various photogenic shots of beautiful food are flashed before the chefs start sampling ingredients they may want to use. Hung always likes to start with a raw dish, and he settles on some hamachi. He wants to make a "modern Vietnamese fusion dish" as the second course, and duck for the third. Casey interviews that you have to work around the elevation for this challenge (no souffles, for example), so she opts for foie gras as her first course, giant prawns for the second, and pork belly for the third. In previous seasons, a chef could cook whatever he or she wanted, regardless of what his or her competitors were preparing. A new situation arises in this season, because the chefs understandably don't want to send out three first courses which all contain the same ingredients. So the final three are forced to compare menus, and tweak them when they find similarities. Dale hangs on to his first course foie gras, but switches his second course giant prawns to a French-style gnocchi with lobster. For his third, he's going to make Colorado lamb. When time runs out, Ptom collects their menus, which is very interesting. Are they not allowed to deviate from their plans now? This is never explained, and I wish it would have been.
Ptom leads the chefs back to the gondola station, where Padma and the knife block await. The chefs pull knives to determine their sous chefs. Dale pulls #3 and Casey pulls #2, which leaves #1 for Hung. He looks pleased, probably expecting that he gets first choice of helpers, but it turns out that he just gets whoever pops out of the first gondola. Casey notes that sous chefs tend to be eliminated contestants, and worries that it's going to be the three weakest chefs. Hung apparently agrees, as he mutters "Micah, Howie, or Clay" to himself. Ouch! He doesn't want to work with previous contestants, because they all disliked him. Thankfully, we don't have to listen to a diatribe about how they hated him because they're just jealous of his cooking prowess. Progress!
In any event, Hung's sous chef is not an eliminated contestant, but Rocco DiSpirito. Hung's jaw drops. He's elated to work with Rocco. Now Casey and Dale are excited to see who they get. The second gondola arrives, carrying Michelle Bernstein. Casey's happy to work with her. The final gondola arrives for Dale, carrying Todd English. Casey says that Michelle mentioned how neat it was for the ladies to be paired up, but I'm more impressed by the fact that the sous chefs and chefs all match each other height-wise. Ptom stresses that the celebrity chefs are only there to assist in the chefs' preparations, not to give a bunch of advice or fix their mistakes. Padma tells them that they've got three hours to prep, and sends them into the kitchen. Dale is all giddy about the clash of the three "dream teams".
Live studio audience. Boring. Marcel is there, still unaware of how to style his hair so that he doesn't look like an asshole. Commercials. Stop by Bravo's website for cooking-related content! Assuming you don't go blind from their crappy web design.
The chefs stream into the kitchen to get going on their food prep. Hung knows Rocco understands the flavors he'll be working with, and is super-happy about it. Rocco interviews that there was so much going on with Hung's food that he gave up trying to remember everything, and will just play along and help out. Dale finds it weird to order a guy who owns a ton of restaurants to go chop garlic for him. He says that the sous chefs aren't supposed to give advice, but he can tell that some of them are bursting at the seams to do so. We get a nice example of that when Casey outlines her plan to use pork belly to Michelle, whose eyes widen. Michelle interviews that pork belly is a tough ingredient to work with, and hopes the meat has enough time to become tender. Casey thinks it would almost be easier to do this challenge by herself, because it's difficult to have a helper when you have to explain a bunch of things or you want to change something. She cracks me up by adding that it's no fun to have someone looking over your shoulder when something doesn't work and says "Oh, that didn't work out? [derisive look] That's weird." Hahaha! Michelle interviews that she's a minimalist, and wants to subtract something every time Casey adds something.
LabRat: "This is probably the most work the celebrity sous chefs have done in years."
Two hours left. Rocco semi-offers to open a restaurant with Hung someday. Hung is over the moon. A mad chopping montage ensues. Todd is happy to work without having to make a bunch of decisions. Dale says that he had Todd clean and marinate lamb, prepare a lobster stock, and chop a bunch of stuff. "He's basically my prep bitch," Dale says. Hehe! He sends Todd back to chop some parsley a little more finely. Todd interviews that if he had one criticism of Dale's food, it's that it's very complex, and all of the flavors may not meld together.
One hour left. Dale describes losing prep time to "altitude shenanigans". The boiling point is different at this height, and everything takes longer, so several pots are just sitting on burners. Casey's food won't heat quickly enough. Dale can't get a rolling boil, and his gnocchi dough is the wrong consistency. He decides to try and make another one before time runs out. Rocco admonishes Hung not to sweat into his food. Hey, he's talking to the wrong contestant. Rocco interviews that he's not really sure where Hung is going with all the components he's preparing, and hopes that Hung himself has some concept of what he'll be putting out. Michelle interviews that Casey was stressed out in the first hour, but has really settled since then. Michelle's developed a fondness for her, and hopes that everything works out. Time runs out. The sous chefs wish everyone luck.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. Get Windows Vista! Even if it is buggier than a Louisiana swamp in the dead of July.
The next day, the chefs head right for the kitchen. They've got two additional hours to prep, and there are no sous chefs this time around. Dale hopes he won't have to change anything and that there won't be any snafus. He greets the lobsters he's about to murder. Hung liked the portable stoves he used in the elk challenge, so he's working exclusively with them today, which leaves him a lot more room to prep. He hopes to prove that his food has the soul the judges have told him he lacks. Casey plans to devote her first hour to saucework, and the second to searing meats and such. She and Dale divvy up lobster, as she interviews that she's got a lot to do, but thinks she can get it all done. Cooking montage. Hung thinks that having three courses is easy. Fate strings her bow. Dale pulls his gnocchi out of a steam bath, and seems to be surprised that it's hot. Um... Ptom strolls into the kitchen to Ptimewaste. Dale describes his problems with the altitude, and how he had to change the gnocchi preparation. Ptom appears pleased with his progress. Casey is a bit unsure on the cooking time of her pork belly, and gets a little rattled. Hung talks about his menu with Ptom, and gleefully interviews that Ptom always looks at him like he's insane when he goes into the intricacies of what he's making. It's true. Hung isn't put off by it, and wraps up his descriptions.
Ptom then announces that he's taking the chefs out of the kitchen for a while. Dale is not happy to have to suspend his prep work. Ptom leads them outside, where the knife block awaits. The music would have us believe this is analogous to a psycho killer leaping out at you from the shadows in the basement. Fate releases her arrow, and Ptom announces that the chefs will need to prepare a fourth course in the hour that they have left. Dun dun dun! They can use any ingredient in the kitchen, and serve it at any point in the meal. Smash cut to an interview with Dale. "I wanted to punch him in the face." Hah! Join the club. Hung takes the news with more alacrity. He's ready to go. Ptom tells them that they'll have some help for the fourth course, and out come Saram, Howie, and CJ. Hey, where's Brian? Hung interviews that he doesn't want to work with CJ, who hates him "for whatever reason" or Howie, who's a messy cook. I don't know why I'm continually amazed at reality show contestants who radiate an aura of smug condescension (no matter if that attitude is normal or played up for the cameras) being surprised that they're not everyone's best friend. These are the same people who give a hundred interviews about how they're just here to compete, and don't care what people think of them. It's so weird.
Anyway, Hung gets his wish, pulling Saram's name from the knife block. Casey pulls Howie, and interviews that she doesn't have a problem with him. They've worked in team challenges before, but that was a "really different situation". Yeah, now she's the boss. Score! That leaves Dale to pick CJ, who looks relieved. Ptom sends everyone back to the kitchen.
One hour until service. Hung gets Saram started on a raspberry chocolate cake. He wants to show the judges he can be well-rounded, providing basic desserts as well as savory dishes. Hung's not my favorite kid on the block, but I do admire the way he's going about this challenge. He hasn't been spazzy or sulky or disingenuous or anything. He's met every twist calmly, and seems to have a contingency plan worked out for any eventuality. Ptom could walk in right now and announce that the fourth course has to be made entirely out of pine nuts, and Hung would find a way to work around it. Saram interviews that it's a pleasure to work with him, despite his tendency to be a little EEEEEEEEEEEIIIN. Those are her words, though I couldn't have chosen them better. Casey tells Howie she's leaning on him to help out with the fourth course, which starts as an idea for Colorado lamb, but has to be switched over to a basic beef dish in a hurry. Howie interviews that all of them had to start their careers by working under other people, so this isn't a jarring experience for him. CJ has trouble understanding the million and a half things Dale has got going, but manages to settle into a groove. Dale interviews that he doesn't want to get nailed again for doing dessert, so he's going to work with scallops and put it towards the beginning of the meal. Stress montage. Hung doesn't have enough cake batter. Howie throws Casey's steaks in the oven and shakes a pan full of very phallic food.
Tiffany: "What is that, a pot of dicks?"
Beebers: "Reminds me of my ex-boyfriend."
Time begins winding down, and Casey rushes to get everything plated in time. Dale interviews that when Casey is focused, she's focused, but when she's out of sorts, she's a mess. She does seem to be falling apart more than usual. Plentiful cursing rings throughout the kitchen. Casey doesn't have time to arrange her food or garnish the way she wants. Time runs out, and servers come in to pick up the first course. Looks like CJ is still garnishing Dale's plates after time has expired, but nothing is ever made of this.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. High school football players love their mothers because they buy bargain brand toilet paper.
A long dining table is set up on a balcony with a beautiful view. I don't know about hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of beautiful, but beautiful nonetheless. The diners come in and seat themselves. In addition to Padma, Ptom, and Gail, Ted Allen is present, as are Rocco, Michelle, Todd, and Brian. Ah, so that's why he's not helping in the kitchen. He gets to eat the final meals with the judges. That's nice. The diners clink wineglasses. A nearby bird is all "shut the fuck up!" and flies away.
The first courses are brought out. Hung's take on fish and chips is raw hamachi and fingerling potatoes in an olive oil/tomato vinaigrette. He also says his food includes a "touch of love". Barf. Dale presents his foie gras mousse, which is served with peaches and ras el hanout gastrique, with some arugula on top. Casey has a cinnamon-scented scallop (and the one they show looks kind of burnt) with lemon-poached celery, and foie gras on citrus/honey reduction with some apple. The diners dig in. Hung's goes over well, though Michelle thinks he could have used some acid, which you'd think would be the first thing he'd check after the trout challenge. Dale's flavors are good, but they are extremely rich, which appears to count against him. Casey's scallop is also good, but Ptom has a real problem with the roe she's put on top. I love roe, but I have to admit that I wouldn't pair it with cinnamon and apple.
The chefs finish up their second courses. Casey decries the small plates. Dale summons the servers, and the food is taken out. Hung has shrimp (I wonder when the terminology changed from "giant prawn" to "shrimp" -- did they switch nationalities when they got cooked?) with caramelized palm sugar, cucumber/carrot/radish salad, and a coconut foam that looks disgusting. Dale has a seared scallop on a bed of fennel, grapes, sweet corn, and purslane. Casey has a sake-poached jumbo prawn with a bamboo rice cake in a lobster mushroom broth. Casey really is Queen of Sake. The diners tuck in. They're impressed by Dale's scallop, although I wonder how much input he had into what was essentially CJ's responsibility. Not that Dale shouldn't get credit (like Tiffani should have for Dave's dessert), but still. Hung's is conceptually strong, but again, could use more acid. Michelle likes "how hard Casey is trying". Ouch. Talk about your backhanded compliments. Casey has put fish eggs on this dish as well (caviar, in this case), and the diners are still not fans.
The third course gets plated. One of the waiters is super-cute. The food gets taken out. Hung has sous vide duck with a mushroom ragout, some foie gras, and a truffle sauce. Dale also has a ragout, this one of lobster, corn, mushrooms, and basil gnocchi in a curry jus. Casey has crispy pork belly on gingered pea shoots, and a roasted peach topped with creme fraiche. Todd is blown away by Hung's duck, calling it "three-star Michelin" in his book. Which reminds me. Yet another reason it's time for a new head judge. Everyone else likes the duck, too. Nobody has a bad word to say about it. The same cannot be said for Dale's food, which had good ingredients ruined by an overwhelming sauce. Ptom goes so far as to call it "terrible". Casey's pork belly is overcooked.
The fourth course gets finished up. Dale chops something very deliberately, almost to Saran levels of speed. Everything gets plated up, and taken out. Hung knows it's odd to serve a dessert alongside two meat dishes, but explains that it is a continuation of his own menu. Fair enough. He has a chocolate cake with raspberries, vanilla cream, and a nougatine tuile. The presentation is quite lovely; each plate is accented with a bright red slash of raspberry sauce. Dale has poached Colorado lamb in duck fat. Mmmm. It's served with an eggplant/onion puree, an anchovy/garlic topping (double mmmmm), tomatoes, and some squash. Casey's Colorado sirloin is seared and sliced. It looks almost as rare as the elk Eric Ripert complained about. The meat is served with potatoes, mushrooms, and a ruby chard/parsley puree. Both Dale and Casey's meat dishes are well-received. Hung's cake is technically fine, but not very impressive. Ptom also feels like it doesn't match the rest of his meal. Back in the kitchen, everyone exchanges hugs. The finalists emerge to applause from the diners, then are dismissed until it's time to crown the victor.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. If going to California means I'll bump into Vanessa Williams, I'll book my ticket tomorrow.
Judges' Table. All of the judges enjoyed the meal. The chefs come in, accompanied by the gong. I guess the Odd Asian music took off early. Padma asks them how they think it went. Dale says it was the first time he really felt like he was cooking as himself. Casey says there were definitely some things she would have changed. Eek. The final challenge is not the time to say that. Hung thinks cooking in the spur of the moment brings out a chef's natural instincts. Now, to the food. Dale says his foie gras was originally intended to be a cannoli, but that the kitchen had no fryer. Wow, really? The judges let him know how rich that dish was, and Dale admits it could have used some bread to offset it. Ptom tells him his second course (the scallop) was a triumph, and asks how much of it was a collaboration between him and CJ. Dale says it was split 50/50. The judges don't appear to like that answer, but move on to Dale's third course (the lobster), which was not good. The gnocchi was too heavy, Ptom's lobster was undercooked, and the curry was overpowering. Gail asks if his fourth-course lamb (the deconstructed ratatouille) is something he's made before. Dale says no, and that the idea to use duck fat was his way of working around the altitude challenges. Ptom calls that course a triumph as well, and tells Dale he should keep that recipe with him for the rest of his life.
Casey is asked how she thinks her overall meal went. She says the final challenge rattled her, and she was unprepared. Casey, what are you doing?!? Padma says that surely, Casey must have come to the finals with some idea of what she was going to do. Casey blathers something about seeing a table full of ingredients and wanting to run with a bunch of ideas, and how she had altitude problems, and how she didn't have enough of one of the ingredients because Hung used it up, and that there weren't leeks available. Ptom points out that leeks were available; he actually noted how good they looked. Casey's being scattered, almost to the point of being incoherent. She's really sabotaging herself here, and it's depressing to watch.
As to her first course, she's asked if she's ever paired salmon roe with foie gras before. She hasn't, and just added the roe for color. Gail points out that roe has a strong flavor, and it completely changes the entire dish. Casey, continuing to fall apart before our very eyes, snipes that the roe must have been what ruined the dish. Ptom says that it didn't ruin it, but that it was out of balance. Casey's second course was the giant prawn, which was hampered by the caviar. Out of nowhere, Casey says that she "lost control of the plating" of that dish, essentially shoving the blame off on Howie, who I doubt would have added caviar unless she approved. Good lord, Casey. She doesn't have a prayer at this point. And the downward spiral isn't over yet! Her pork belly was overcooked, and she didn't taste them before they went out. Ptom gives her a disappointed dad head shake, which is typically condescending and annoying of him, but which she kind of had coming. Even when she finally gets some praise (for her fourth course), she gives the credit to Howie for working on that while she worked on her poorer courses.
Casey's game suicide complete, we move on to Hung. He says that he didn't plan out any of his dishes, because he likes to be inspired by the ingredients. I'm mighty suspicious of that claim. Maybe he only came to some final decisions when faced with the ingredients, but I'll bet he had a slew of ideas lined up five minutes after Brian got eliminated. He was happy with his first course, although he says that the salad could have used more work. Ptom tells him the dish could have used more acid, and Hung responds with "Really? Wow." He's smart enough to leave it at that, though he clearly thinks Ptom is full of shit on that count. Gail tells him the rice on his second course was bland, and again, it really needed more acid. His duck, however, was incredible. Dale pipes up about how good it was. Casey is too busy fighting back tears, because she knows she's blown it. Ptom tells Hung that as with Dale's lamb, Hung should hang onto that duck recipe, and never improve upon it. The dessert was fine, but not special in any way. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. First course. Hung's was the best of the three, though it needed acid. Second course. Casey's was extremely unimpressive, and Dale's scallop was perfect. Third course. Hung's duck was wonderful. Dale's lobster was Ptom's least favorite dish of the evening. Fourth course. Dale's lamb rocked the house. Gail reiterates that Hung had the favorite in two courses, and Dale had the favorite in two courses. Poor Casey. The judges think. The moon books it across the sky. Ptom says that all three of Hung's savory dishes were good, and the dessert, though boring, was executed well. Dale, on the other hand, was much bolder, and really embodies the idea of a chef. Hung's meal was more consistent, but Dale had two perfect courses, as opposed to Hung's one. The judges reach a decision. The chefs enter, and Padma congratulates all three of them.
Padma: "One of you...is Top Chef."
Beebers: "Dale, stand up straight."
Live studio audience. The judges sit at a table in the same outfits they were wearing in the taped episode. Er...why? Are they trying to make us think it's the same day? The three finalists emerge to cheers and applause which go on for far too long. Get to the bloody point! Commercials. Is Reese Witherspoon just going to do Serious Message Movies now that she has an Oscar? Sheesh, I hope not.
And we're back. Blah blah blah incredible food. Blah blah blah prizes. Blah blah blah judges' summations. Blah blah blah contestants' final statements. Casey says that this just wasn't her challenge, which she accepts, but smilingly says that she was kicking ass for a while. That you were. Ptom tells her that she's been a fierce competitor, and while this wasn't her challenge, he knows where to get a fabulous meal in Dallas. So we're down to Dale and Hung. Dale found his inner chef. His menu was strong and competent. Hung is a great technician, and finally put passion into his final meal. And the winner is... Hung!
LabRat: "I watched this whole season for that?"
Casey pulls Hung into a hug. For some reason, Hung's family and friends applaud rather tepidly, as though they've just watched a crappy junior high production of The Crucible. The judges come over to congratulate Hung, and hug all the chefs. Hung is thrilled. He says he's very excited, to the point of being speechless, though there is a line tossed in about "support from America". He collects himself enough to howl in victory as a sad little confetti bomb goes off. Yeah, the live show segments? Not impressive. Hung hugs his family, and Padma reminds us that next week is the Season 3 reunion show. Another one? Eh, we'll see.
OK, so we've got a lot to talk about. I guess we should do the winner postmortem first. It feels weird to have to do one; I've never had to before. Everyone pretty much agreed that Harold was a charming, deserving winner, and everyone pretty much agreed that Ilan was a horrible, douchebaggy winner. This time around, the opinions are split right down the middle. Did Hung deserve to win? Given that this is a reality show before it is a cooking competition, should Hung's general attitude have affected the final decision as much or more than his technical prowess? I'm of two minds about this. As I said in the short version, if we're going purely on cooking skill, I'm perfectly content with a Hung victory. We were told time and again that he's got tremendous ability, and if he lacked anything, it was a richness of flavor that seemed to come through in the final challenge. I'm always complaining when "dramatic personalities" triumph over more meritorious contestants, just for the sake of televison, so I have to award Bravo some points for choosing who they consider to be the best chef. It's a fair decision.
But. You just knew there was a "but" coming up, didn't you? I can still dislike a fair decision. Cops setting up nice, relaxing speed traps when people are routinely mugged half a mile away and wouldn't be if the policeman got off his fat ass and walked an actual beat is fair, but bullshit. And in Hung's case, I don't like to see arrogance and egotism rewarded. Plenty of contestants talked shit about each other this season, which is fine. It's part of the game. But Hung was smug. He would praise an accomplished guest judge in one breath, then in the next, deride them for being morons when they didn't like his food. He pompously assumed that he could identify an ingredient on sight, even when he was allowed to taste it. He disavowed responsibility for issues that were clearly his fault. When he did well in a challenge, he would brag about it to his competitors. I probably wouldn't have such an issue with him winning if this wasn't coming on the heels of Jeffrey the Poseur winning the last season of Project Runway, and Ilan the Bully winning the last season of Top Chef. That means Bravo hasn't crowned a likable winner for more than a year, which is forever in Reality Showville. I want the winner to deserve to win, yes. But I also want the winner to be someone I can root for. And Hung? Hung is not that person.
Now, season postmortem. Write a number one. Put five hundred million zeroes after it. That's how much better this season was than last season. The vast majority of the chefs were able and likable. Howie, Tacoma Joey, and Hung injected some villainy, but it was never over the top. The challenges (save one) were inspired and well-planned. I was so disgusted with this show last season, and it does my heart good to see it turn itself around.
But. I know, I'm sorry. I was born to nitpick. Judging. JUDGING. JUDGING. Ptom needs to go. He sucks out loud. He sucks on toast. He's inconsistent and arbitrary and petty and applies double standards. It's extremely difficult to respect a decision if you don't respect the person making it, and for that reason, Top Chef will always be fundamentally flawed. Ptom wasn't the only judging problem. I never got much into Queer Eye, but I remember a vague fondness for Ted Allen. No more. I've always liked Gail as a judge, so it was irritating to see her replaced so often, and it became doubly so when Ted proved to be almost as incompetent as Ptom. He frequently judged chefs for things that weren't part of the challenge, and I will never forget that sexist barb aimed at Saran; I don't care how many pseudo-apologies he handed out afterwards. Though most of the challenges were extremely well thought-out, nothing boils my blood like a bad one, and this season had a doozy. Christ, was that awful.
Still, there was more good than bad. I may not be joyously setting off a confetti bomb, but I'm satisfied.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: B
We open on Padma in front of a studio crowd that is being very lackluster in their cheering. I don't blame them. The winner of Season 3 will be announced live (in Chicago, for some reason), and I don't think I'm ruining anything to tell you now that all of the live segments tonight are a fat wad of blah. I gather that the "live winner" is Bravo's way of avoiding another spoiler fiasco, but I have to believe there's another alternative besides boring your audience senseless. So, let's get to the actual show.
Previously on Top Chef: The final four met up in Aspen. Hung didn't want to cook elk. The "judges" (read: producers) decided that there would only be one person eliminated. Dale won his first Elimination Challenge. Ptom told Hung that his food had no personality, but Brian's chaotic meal was considered the worse offense, and he was sent packing. Three chefs remain. Who will be Top Chef?
Opening menu. Since this was the final episode, we had to do something a bit special, so in addition to the usual piles of cheese and other snackums, we popped a bottle of cheap champagne. Good-bye, Season 3. Though you were lovely, I feel like I've been watching you since kindergarten.
Morning in Aspen. Dale gets ready for the day, as he interviews about what a long, hard road it's been. Casey tries to apply makeup without hyperventilating. She says that the altitude is giving her issues, and she finds it difficult to catch her breath. Wow, for one of the nicest hotels in the country, this place sure has ugly bathrooms. Hung moisturizes, and talks about his chances of winning. The final three hang out in Casey's room until a room service cart is wheeled in with a dreaded Top Chef note on a doily. The note tells the chefs to meet the judges at the top of the nearby mountain. Lift tickets are included in the note, and Casey looks less than thrilled at the idea of going even higher. We jump ahead to the chefs boarding the...um...lift gondola thingy. Sorry, I live in the Midwest. Not much cause for lift tickets here. The chefs admire the spectacular view, and fellow Midwesterner Dale gives a shoutout to living in the flatlands. Holla! At the top of the ride (11,200 feet up) is a table laden with food and a Top Chef ice sculpture. Heh, that's cheesy.
Padma and Ptom await the chefs in front of a club that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to join and has a years-long waiting list. So, one of those places where you have to fill out an application when you're still swimming around in amniotic fluid. Sometimes, I find Padma's outfits a little wonky, but she looks good today. Ptom presents the final challenge: cook the best meal ever. Hung can't wait to cook the way he wants to, without a bunch of challenge restrictions. Ptom tells them that that instead of the usual method of one meal after the other, all three chefs will cook and serve their meals concurrently. The chefs can use all of the ingredients they've brought from home, in addition to anything piled on the nearby table. Padma gives them 35 minutes to plan their menus, although I have to think that their menus have long since been decided upon.
Padma starts the clock. Various photogenic shots of beautiful food are flashed before the chefs start sampling ingredients they may want to use. Hung always likes to start with a raw dish, and he settles on some hamachi. He wants to make a "modern Vietnamese fusion dish" as the second course, and duck for the third. Casey interviews that you have to work around the elevation for this challenge (no souffles, for example), so she opts for foie gras as her first course, giant prawns for the second, and pork belly for the third. In previous seasons, a chef could cook whatever he or she wanted, regardless of what his or her competitors were preparing. A new situation arises in this season, because the chefs understandably don't want to send out three first courses which all contain the same ingredients. So the final three are forced to compare menus, and tweak them when they find similarities. Dale hangs on to his first course foie gras, but switches his second course giant prawns to a French-style gnocchi with lobster. For his third, he's going to make Colorado lamb. When time runs out, Ptom collects their menus, which is very interesting. Are they not allowed to deviate from their plans now? This is never explained, and I wish it would have been.
Ptom leads the chefs back to the gondola station, where Padma and the knife block await. The chefs pull knives to determine their sous chefs. Dale pulls #3 and Casey pulls #2, which leaves #1 for Hung. He looks pleased, probably expecting that he gets first choice of helpers, but it turns out that he just gets whoever pops out of the first gondola. Casey notes that sous chefs tend to be eliminated contestants, and worries that it's going to be the three weakest chefs. Hung apparently agrees, as he mutters "Micah, Howie, or Clay" to himself. Ouch! He doesn't want to work with previous contestants, because they all disliked him. Thankfully, we don't have to listen to a diatribe about how they hated him because they're just jealous of his cooking prowess. Progress!
In any event, Hung's sous chef is not an eliminated contestant, but Rocco DiSpirito. Hung's jaw drops. He's elated to work with Rocco. Now Casey and Dale are excited to see who they get. The second gondola arrives, carrying Michelle Bernstein. Casey's happy to work with her. The final gondola arrives for Dale, carrying Todd English. Casey says that Michelle mentioned how neat it was for the ladies to be paired up, but I'm more impressed by the fact that the sous chefs and chefs all match each other height-wise. Ptom stresses that the celebrity chefs are only there to assist in the chefs' preparations, not to give a bunch of advice or fix their mistakes. Padma tells them that they've got three hours to prep, and sends them into the kitchen. Dale is all giddy about the clash of the three "dream teams".
Live studio audience. Boring. Marcel is there, still unaware of how to style his hair so that he doesn't look like an asshole. Commercials. Stop by Bravo's website for cooking-related content! Assuming you don't go blind from their crappy web design.
The chefs stream into the kitchen to get going on their food prep. Hung knows Rocco understands the flavors he'll be working with, and is super-happy about it. Rocco interviews that there was so much going on with Hung's food that he gave up trying to remember everything, and will just play along and help out. Dale finds it weird to order a guy who owns a ton of restaurants to go chop garlic for him. He says that the sous chefs aren't supposed to give advice, but he can tell that some of them are bursting at the seams to do so. We get a nice example of that when Casey outlines her plan to use pork belly to Michelle, whose eyes widen. Michelle interviews that pork belly is a tough ingredient to work with, and hopes the meat has enough time to become tender. Casey thinks it would almost be easier to do this challenge by herself, because it's difficult to have a helper when you have to explain a bunch of things or you want to change something. She cracks me up by adding that it's no fun to have someone looking over your shoulder when something doesn't work and says "Oh, that didn't work out? [derisive look] That's weird." Hahaha! Michelle interviews that she's a minimalist, and wants to subtract something every time Casey adds something.
LabRat: "This is probably the most work the celebrity sous chefs have done in years."
Two hours left. Rocco semi-offers to open a restaurant with Hung someday. Hung is over the moon. A mad chopping montage ensues. Todd is happy to work without having to make a bunch of decisions. Dale says that he had Todd clean and marinate lamb, prepare a lobster stock, and chop a bunch of stuff. "He's basically my prep bitch," Dale says. Hehe! He sends Todd back to chop some parsley a little more finely. Todd interviews that if he had one criticism of Dale's food, it's that it's very complex, and all of the flavors may not meld together.
One hour left. Dale describes losing prep time to "altitude shenanigans". The boiling point is different at this height, and everything takes longer, so several pots are just sitting on burners. Casey's food won't heat quickly enough. Dale can't get a rolling boil, and his gnocchi dough is the wrong consistency. He decides to try and make another one before time runs out. Rocco admonishes Hung not to sweat into his food. Hey, he's talking to the wrong contestant. Rocco interviews that he's not really sure where Hung is going with all the components he's preparing, and hopes that Hung himself has some concept of what he'll be putting out. Michelle interviews that Casey was stressed out in the first hour, but has really settled since then. Michelle's developed a fondness for her, and hopes that everything works out. Time runs out. The sous chefs wish everyone luck.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. Get Windows Vista! Even if it is buggier than a Louisiana swamp in the dead of July.
The next day, the chefs head right for the kitchen. They've got two additional hours to prep, and there are no sous chefs this time around. Dale hopes he won't have to change anything and that there won't be any snafus. He greets the lobsters he's about to murder. Hung liked the portable stoves he used in the elk challenge, so he's working exclusively with them today, which leaves him a lot more room to prep. He hopes to prove that his food has the soul the judges have told him he lacks. Casey plans to devote her first hour to saucework, and the second to searing meats and such. She and Dale divvy up lobster, as she interviews that she's got a lot to do, but thinks she can get it all done. Cooking montage. Hung thinks that having three courses is easy. Fate strings her bow. Dale pulls his gnocchi out of a steam bath, and seems to be surprised that it's hot. Um... Ptom strolls into the kitchen to Ptimewaste. Dale describes his problems with the altitude, and how he had to change the gnocchi preparation. Ptom appears pleased with his progress. Casey is a bit unsure on the cooking time of her pork belly, and gets a little rattled. Hung talks about his menu with Ptom, and gleefully interviews that Ptom always looks at him like he's insane when he goes into the intricacies of what he's making. It's true. Hung isn't put off by it, and wraps up his descriptions.
Ptom then announces that he's taking the chefs out of the kitchen for a while. Dale is not happy to have to suspend his prep work. Ptom leads them outside, where the knife block awaits. The music would have us believe this is analogous to a psycho killer leaping out at you from the shadows in the basement. Fate releases her arrow, and Ptom announces that the chefs will need to prepare a fourth course in the hour that they have left. Dun dun dun! They can use any ingredient in the kitchen, and serve it at any point in the meal. Smash cut to an interview with Dale. "I wanted to punch him in the face." Hah! Join the club. Hung takes the news with more alacrity. He's ready to go. Ptom tells them that they'll have some help for the fourth course, and out come Saram, Howie, and CJ. Hey, where's Brian? Hung interviews that he doesn't want to work with CJ, who hates him "for whatever reason" or Howie, who's a messy cook. I don't know why I'm continually amazed at reality show contestants who radiate an aura of smug condescension (no matter if that attitude is normal or played up for the cameras) being surprised that they're not everyone's best friend. These are the same people who give a hundred interviews about how they're just here to compete, and don't care what people think of them. It's so weird.
Anyway, Hung gets his wish, pulling Saram's name from the knife block. Casey pulls Howie, and interviews that she doesn't have a problem with him. They've worked in team challenges before, but that was a "really different situation". Yeah, now she's the boss. Score! That leaves Dale to pick CJ, who looks relieved. Ptom sends everyone back to the kitchen.
One hour until service. Hung gets Saram started on a raspberry chocolate cake. He wants to show the judges he can be well-rounded, providing basic desserts as well as savory dishes. Hung's not my favorite kid on the block, but I do admire the way he's going about this challenge. He hasn't been spazzy or sulky or disingenuous or anything. He's met every twist calmly, and seems to have a contingency plan worked out for any eventuality. Ptom could walk in right now and announce that the fourth course has to be made entirely out of pine nuts, and Hung would find a way to work around it. Saram interviews that it's a pleasure to work with him, despite his tendency to be a little EEEEEEEEEEEIIIN. Those are her words, though I couldn't have chosen them better. Casey tells Howie she's leaning on him to help out with the fourth course, which starts as an idea for Colorado lamb, but has to be switched over to a basic beef dish in a hurry. Howie interviews that all of them had to start their careers by working under other people, so this isn't a jarring experience for him. CJ has trouble understanding the million and a half things Dale has got going, but manages to settle into a groove. Dale interviews that he doesn't want to get nailed again for doing dessert, so he's going to work with scallops and put it towards the beginning of the meal. Stress montage. Hung doesn't have enough cake batter. Howie throws Casey's steaks in the oven and shakes a pan full of very phallic food.
Tiffany: "What is that, a pot of dicks?"
Beebers: "Reminds me of my ex-boyfriend."
Time begins winding down, and Casey rushes to get everything plated in time. Dale interviews that when Casey is focused, she's focused, but when she's out of sorts, she's a mess. She does seem to be falling apart more than usual. Plentiful cursing rings throughout the kitchen. Casey doesn't have time to arrange her food or garnish the way she wants. Time runs out, and servers come in to pick up the first course. Looks like CJ is still garnishing Dale's plates after time has expired, but nothing is ever made of this.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. High school football players love their mothers because they buy bargain brand toilet paper.
A long dining table is set up on a balcony with a beautiful view. I don't know about hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of beautiful, but beautiful nonetheless. The diners come in and seat themselves. In addition to Padma, Ptom, and Gail, Ted Allen is present, as are Rocco, Michelle, Todd, and Brian. Ah, so that's why he's not helping in the kitchen. He gets to eat the final meals with the judges. That's nice. The diners clink wineglasses. A nearby bird is all "shut the fuck up!" and flies away.
The first courses are brought out. Hung's take on fish and chips is raw hamachi and fingerling potatoes in an olive oil/tomato vinaigrette. He also says his food includes a "touch of love". Barf. Dale presents his foie gras mousse, which is served with peaches and ras el hanout gastrique, with some arugula on top. Casey has a cinnamon-scented scallop (and the one they show looks kind of burnt) with lemon-poached celery, and foie gras on citrus/honey reduction with some apple. The diners dig in. Hung's goes over well, though Michelle thinks he could have used some acid, which you'd think would be the first thing he'd check after the trout challenge. Dale's flavors are good, but they are extremely rich, which appears to count against him. Casey's scallop is also good, but Ptom has a real problem with the roe she's put on top. I love roe, but I have to admit that I wouldn't pair it with cinnamon and apple.
The chefs finish up their second courses. Casey decries the small plates. Dale summons the servers, and the food is taken out. Hung has shrimp (I wonder when the terminology changed from "giant prawn" to "shrimp" -- did they switch nationalities when they got cooked?) with caramelized palm sugar, cucumber/carrot/radish salad, and a coconut foam that looks disgusting. Dale has a seared scallop on a bed of fennel, grapes, sweet corn, and purslane. Casey has a sake-poached jumbo prawn with a bamboo rice cake in a lobster mushroom broth. Casey really is Queen of Sake. The diners tuck in. They're impressed by Dale's scallop, although I wonder how much input he had into what was essentially CJ's responsibility. Not that Dale shouldn't get credit (like Tiffani should have for Dave's dessert), but still. Hung's is conceptually strong, but again, could use more acid. Michelle likes "how hard Casey is trying". Ouch. Talk about your backhanded compliments. Casey has put fish eggs on this dish as well (caviar, in this case), and the diners are still not fans.
The third course gets plated. One of the waiters is super-cute. The food gets taken out. Hung has sous vide duck with a mushroom ragout, some foie gras, and a truffle sauce. Dale also has a ragout, this one of lobster, corn, mushrooms, and basil gnocchi in a curry jus. Casey has crispy pork belly on gingered pea shoots, and a roasted peach topped with creme fraiche. Todd is blown away by Hung's duck, calling it "three-star Michelin" in his book. Which reminds me. Yet another reason it's time for a new head judge. Everyone else likes the duck, too. Nobody has a bad word to say about it. The same cannot be said for Dale's food, which had good ingredients ruined by an overwhelming sauce. Ptom goes so far as to call it "terrible". Casey's pork belly is overcooked.
The fourth course gets finished up. Dale chops something very deliberately, almost to Saran levels of speed. Everything gets plated up, and taken out. Hung knows it's odd to serve a dessert alongside two meat dishes, but explains that it is a continuation of his own menu. Fair enough. He has a chocolate cake with raspberries, vanilla cream, and a nougatine tuile. The presentation is quite lovely; each plate is accented with a bright red slash of raspberry sauce. Dale has poached Colorado lamb in duck fat. Mmmm. It's served with an eggplant/onion puree, an anchovy/garlic topping (double mmmmm), tomatoes, and some squash. Casey's Colorado sirloin is seared and sliced. It looks almost as rare as the elk Eric Ripert complained about. The meat is served with potatoes, mushrooms, and a ruby chard/parsley puree. Both Dale and Casey's meat dishes are well-received. Hung's cake is technically fine, but not very impressive. Ptom also feels like it doesn't match the rest of his meal. Back in the kitchen, everyone exchanges hugs. The finalists emerge to applause from the diners, then are dismissed until it's time to crown the victor.
Live studio audience. Boring. Commercials. If going to California means I'll bump into Vanessa Williams, I'll book my ticket tomorrow.
Judges' Table. All of the judges enjoyed the meal. The chefs come in, accompanied by the gong. I guess the Odd Asian music took off early. Padma asks them how they think it went. Dale says it was the first time he really felt like he was cooking as himself. Casey says there were definitely some things she would have changed. Eek. The final challenge is not the time to say that. Hung thinks cooking in the spur of the moment brings out a chef's natural instincts. Now, to the food. Dale says his foie gras was originally intended to be a cannoli, but that the kitchen had no fryer. Wow, really? The judges let him know how rich that dish was, and Dale admits it could have used some bread to offset it. Ptom tells him his second course (the scallop) was a triumph, and asks how much of it was a collaboration between him and CJ. Dale says it was split 50/50. The judges don't appear to like that answer, but move on to Dale's third course (the lobster), which was not good. The gnocchi was too heavy, Ptom's lobster was undercooked, and the curry was overpowering. Gail asks if his fourth-course lamb (the deconstructed ratatouille) is something he's made before. Dale says no, and that the idea to use duck fat was his way of working around the altitude challenges. Ptom calls that course a triumph as well, and tells Dale he should keep that recipe with him for the rest of his life.
Casey is asked how she thinks her overall meal went. She says the final challenge rattled her, and she was unprepared. Casey, what are you doing?!? Padma says that surely, Casey must have come to the finals with some idea of what she was going to do. Casey blathers something about seeing a table full of ingredients and wanting to run with a bunch of ideas, and how she had altitude problems, and how she didn't have enough of one of the ingredients because Hung used it up, and that there weren't leeks available. Ptom points out that leeks were available; he actually noted how good they looked. Casey's being scattered, almost to the point of being incoherent. She's really sabotaging herself here, and it's depressing to watch.
As to her first course, she's asked if she's ever paired salmon roe with foie gras before. She hasn't, and just added the roe for color. Gail points out that roe has a strong flavor, and it completely changes the entire dish. Casey, continuing to fall apart before our very eyes, snipes that the roe must have been what ruined the dish. Ptom says that it didn't ruin it, but that it was out of balance. Casey's second course was the giant prawn, which was hampered by the caviar. Out of nowhere, Casey says that she "lost control of the plating" of that dish, essentially shoving the blame off on Howie, who I doubt would have added caviar unless she approved. Good lord, Casey. She doesn't have a prayer at this point. And the downward spiral isn't over yet! Her pork belly was overcooked, and she didn't taste them before they went out. Ptom gives her a disappointed dad head shake, which is typically condescending and annoying of him, but which she kind of had coming. Even when she finally gets some praise (for her fourth course), she gives the credit to Howie for working on that while she worked on her poorer courses.
Casey's game suicide complete, we move on to Hung. He says that he didn't plan out any of his dishes, because he likes to be inspired by the ingredients. I'm mighty suspicious of that claim. Maybe he only came to some final decisions when faced with the ingredients, but I'll bet he had a slew of ideas lined up five minutes after Brian got eliminated. He was happy with his first course, although he says that the salad could have used more work. Ptom tells him the dish could have used more acid, and Hung responds with "Really? Wow." He's smart enough to leave it at that, though he clearly thinks Ptom is full of shit on that count. Gail tells him the rice on his second course was bland, and again, it really needed more acid. His duck, however, was incredible. Dale pipes up about how good it was. Casey is too busy fighting back tears, because she knows she's blown it. Ptom tells Hung that as with Dale's lamb, Hung should hang onto that duck recipe, and never improve upon it. The dessert was fine, but not special in any way. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. First course. Hung's was the best of the three, though it needed acid. Second course. Casey's was extremely unimpressive, and Dale's scallop was perfect. Third course. Hung's duck was wonderful. Dale's lobster was Ptom's least favorite dish of the evening. Fourth course. Dale's lamb rocked the house. Gail reiterates that Hung had the favorite in two courses, and Dale had the favorite in two courses. Poor Casey. The judges think. The moon books it across the sky. Ptom says that all three of Hung's savory dishes were good, and the dessert, though boring, was executed well. Dale, on the other hand, was much bolder, and really embodies the idea of a chef. Hung's meal was more consistent, but Dale had two perfect courses, as opposed to Hung's one. The judges reach a decision. The chefs enter, and Padma congratulates all three of them.
Padma: "One of you...is Top Chef."
Beebers: "Dale, stand up straight."
Live studio audience. The judges sit at a table in the same outfits they were wearing in the taped episode. Er...why? Are they trying to make us think it's the same day? The three finalists emerge to cheers and applause which go on for far too long. Get to the bloody point! Commercials. Is Reese Witherspoon just going to do Serious Message Movies now that she has an Oscar? Sheesh, I hope not.
And we're back. Blah blah blah incredible food. Blah blah blah prizes. Blah blah blah judges' summations. Blah blah blah contestants' final statements. Casey says that this just wasn't her challenge, which she accepts, but smilingly says that she was kicking ass for a while. That you were. Ptom tells her that she's been a fierce competitor, and while this wasn't her challenge, he knows where to get a fabulous meal in Dallas. So we're down to Dale and Hung. Dale found his inner chef. His menu was strong and competent. Hung is a great technician, and finally put passion into his final meal. And the winner is... Hung!
LabRat: "I watched this whole season for that?"
Casey pulls Hung into a hug. For some reason, Hung's family and friends applaud rather tepidly, as though they've just watched a crappy junior high production of The Crucible. The judges come over to congratulate Hung, and hug all the chefs. Hung is thrilled. He says he's very excited, to the point of being speechless, though there is a line tossed in about "support from America". He collects himself enough to howl in victory as a sad little confetti bomb goes off. Yeah, the live show segments? Not impressive. Hung hugs his family, and Padma reminds us that next week is the Season 3 reunion show. Another one? Eh, we'll see.
OK, so we've got a lot to talk about. I guess we should do the winner postmortem first. It feels weird to have to do one; I've never had to before. Everyone pretty much agreed that Harold was a charming, deserving winner, and everyone pretty much agreed that Ilan was a horrible, douchebaggy winner. This time around, the opinions are split right down the middle. Did Hung deserve to win? Given that this is a reality show before it is a cooking competition, should Hung's general attitude have affected the final decision as much or more than his technical prowess? I'm of two minds about this. As I said in the short version, if we're going purely on cooking skill, I'm perfectly content with a Hung victory. We were told time and again that he's got tremendous ability, and if he lacked anything, it was a richness of flavor that seemed to come through in the final challenge. I'm always complaining when "dramatic personalities" triumph over more meritorious contestants, just for the sake of televison, so I have to award Bravo some points for choosing who they consider to be the best chef. It's a fair decision.
But. You just knew there was a "but" coming up, didn't you? I can still dislike a fair decision. Cops setting up nice, relaxing speed traps when people are routinely mugged half a mile away and wouldn't be if the policeman got off his fat ass and walked an actual beat is fair, but bullshit. And in Hung's case, I don't like to see arrogance and egotism rewarded. Plenty of contestants talked shit about each other this season, which is fine. It's part of the game. But Hung was smug. He would praise an accomplished guest judge in one breath, then in the next, deride them for being morons when they didn't like his food. He pompously assumed that he could identify an ingredient on sight, even when he was allowed to taste it. He disavowed responsibility for issues that were clearly his fault. When he did well in a challenge, he would brag about it to his competitors. I probably wouldn't have such an issue with him winning if this wasn't coming on the heels of Jeffrey the Poseur winning the last season of Project Runway, and Ilan the Bully winning the last season of Top Chef. That means Bravo hasn't crowned a likable winner for more than a year, which is forever in Reality Showville. I want the winner to deserve to win, yes. But I also want the winner to be someone I can root for. And Hung? Hung is not that person.
Now, season postmortem. Write a number one. Put five hundred million zeroes after it. That's how much better this season was than last season. The vast majority of the chefs were able and likable. Howie, Tacoma Joey, and Hung injected some villainy, but it was never over the top. The challenges (save one) were inspired and well-planned. I was so disgusted with this show last season, and it does my heart good to see it turn itself around.
But. I know, I'm sorry. I was born to nitpick. Judging. JUDGING. JUDGING. Ptom needs to go. He sucks out loud. He sucks on toast. He's inconsistent and arbitrary and petty and applies double standards. It's extremely difficult to respect a decision if you don't respect the person making it, and for that reason, Top Chef will always be fundamentally flawed. Ptom wasn't the only judging problem. I never got much into Queer Eye, but I remember a vague fondness for Ted Allen. No more. I've always liked Gail as a judge, so it was irritating to see her replaced so often, and it became doubly so when Ted proved to be almost as incompetent as Ptom. He frequently judged chefs for things that weren't part of the challenge, and I will never forget that sexist barb aimed at Saran; I don't care how many pseudo-apologies he handed out afterwards. Though most of the challenges were extremely well thought-out, nothing boils my blood like a bad one, and this season had a doozy. Christ, was that awful.
Still, there was more good than bad. I may not be joyously setting off a confetti bomb, but I'm satisfied.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: B
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