Eastern Promise

Top Chef - Season 2, Episode 2

Previously on Top Chef: Fifteen chefs met in Los Angeles. The Quickfire Challenge apparently never existed. During the Elimination Challenge, Suyai told Ptom that she'd never cooked so badly before. Her competitors agreed, and her honesty and humility got her a one-way ticket to Dumpsville. Heartwarming, huh? Fourteen attention-seeking nutmeg jockeys remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?

Los Angeles. The chefs sit around the Cellblock (my nickname for their Spartan living quarters) shooting the breeze. As always, the fact that people get eliminated doesn't really sink in until it actually happens, which is fairly understandable. Betty thinks the judges made the right choice, while Otto is relieved at dodging elimination. Josie warns everyone to get back on their game by the time tomorrow rolls around. Which will be extremely soon, thanks to the magic of television. Tah dah! We're there. If there's something more nightmarish than being yelled awake in a crappy bed at 4:30 AM by fucking Ptom, I don't know what it is. I'd rather chew a jumbo roll of aluminum foil. He tells the chefs that they're headed to the fish market, and have to get there early if they want a good selection. The chefs are like "Huuuuuuuuuh?". They're able to keep a lid on their morning grumpiness much better than I could. I'd be all "I'll tell you where you can put your fish, assmunch". Mia interviews that she started to feel a little ill before bed last night, and is still not feeling good. After a quick swallow of coffee, the chefs are off to market.

At 6:00 AM, the chefs meet up with Padma. She's got twin braids in her hair that don't suit her at all. She tells the chefs that today's Quickfire Challenge is about sushi. Oh my God, I love sushi. Upon hearing this, Mia vurps. Raw fish is about the worst thing you could present to her right now. Various chefs interview that sushi is difficult, so this challenge is fraying their nerves a little bit. Padma tells the chefs they'll have $100 to shop, and 30 minutes in the Kitchen to prepare a sushi plate. Sam looks sour. Emily looks bland. Mia's not even listening. She's just trying to keep from rowlfing all over the place. Once Padma dismisses the chefs, Mia walks behind a truck and tosses her cookies. Thanks so much for showing me the glistening puddle of vomit, show. That's just what I want to see when I tune into a show about cooking. Mia interviews that she's not going to let a little sickness interfere with her game. One hopes that it interfered enough to the point where she washed her hands before handling a bunch of raw fish.

Josie is about the only chef who is actively excited for this challenge, saying that she knows her flavors when it comes to sushi. Elia makes up for everything she said about American cheese last week when she says "I love cooking with fish, I love buttering fish, I love swimming with fish, I love eating fish. I LOVE FISH." I couldn't have put it better myself (except for "buttering fish" -- what does that mean?). Rock on, Elia. Mia just buys a bunch of random ingredients, not really caring about the challenge by this point. She just hopes to make it through the day. So much for not letting a little sickness interfere with her game. Everyone loads up with their stuff, and heads back to the Kitchen. They're met there by Padma and the Quickfire judge, executive chef Hiroshi Shima. I'm sorry, Hiroshi Shima? Looks like cruel parents with awful naming ideas aren't restricted to the United States. His partner is also present to act as an interpreter, and I'm just going to go ahead and call him Naga Saki. A couple of the chefs seem to recognize Hiroshi, who's apparently a big deal in the sushi world. The chefs may use provided ingredients like seaweed and roe in addition to anything in the pantry, and have half an hour to finish. Ready? Go!

The chefs spring into action, madly scaling their fish. That's probably one of those activities that you don't want to rush if you'd like to keep all ten of your fingers. Frank would like to win immunity, while Cliff worries about the short time limit. Cliff has really nice teeth, by the way. Otto knows he's got to impress the judges, since he was in the bottom group last week. Betty tastes something she's done, and her eyebrows raise into a "Ooh! That's tasty! Good." face. Heh. Mia tells herself to get it together. There's a final montage, during which some poor, unseeing shrimp are set ablaze. They seem to be judging me. Hey, I'm not the one who killed you guys! This is why I like my food pre-dead. I had to shove some live lobsters into a pot once, and it was really difficult. I don't even like to step on spiders. Time runs out, and the judges work their way down the line. Frank has combined prawn, pompano fish, fluke, and tuna. Hiroshi seems to like it. Michael gives the judges a disclaimer that he's never really prepared sushi before. He's made sashimi tuna with sesame oil, sushi rice, and sesame rolled in cucumber. The judges thank him and move on, not saying a good or bad word about it. Michael thinks he's out of his league in this challenge. I'm prepared to think he's out of his league in everything.

Cliff has marinated hama hama oysters with ginger, soy, mango, and jalapeno. People use jalapeno too much nowadays. Remember when chefs put mushrooms in EVERYTHING? I thought I'd be happy to see those days behind us, but I wouldn't have been so excited if I'd have known that the new Flavor of the Month was going to be jalapeno. When is something I like going to take center stage? Cliff has also split some prawns, serving them with hamachi (yellowtail) and daikon (white radish). He's adorably nervous about presenting a sushi dish to a master in the field. Mia gives a disclaimer similar to Michael's before presenting her sushi hand roll, which includes red snapper, avocado, wasabi, and daikon. Hiroshi actually feeds Padma the first roll. That was weird. Are they going to the Winter Snow Ball together? Hiroshi says something that Naga translates as "It wasn't really appealing". Maybe her roll tastes like puke. Otto has made mackerel sushi with crab, scallops, and scallions. There's also a spicy tuna roll. His presentation is very good, which Hiroshi notes. Otto interviews that he's a "roundeye" with no formal sushi training. He's apparently had no training in not using outdated racist terms either. Mia gives him a little hug.

Elia has made mackerel sushi with olives, sea urchin, and New Zealand snapper. Olives? Really? That sounds odd to me. Her presentation is also lovely, and Hiroshi looks pleased. Naga translates that Hiroshi has never experienced olives in this way before, but he liked it. Ilan has made abalone sashimi, uni (sea urchin roe) on some rice, and scallops. Naga tells Ilan that Hiroshi found it "fresh" and "alive", which relieves Ilan, because judging by Hiroshi's face, what he thought was "ew". We don't see any of the other chefs' entries. Hey, what about Josie? What was the point of telling us how confident she is in preparing sushi if they didn't plan to feature her dish? Padma asks Hiroshi who he thought was the strongest. His answer needs no translation. "Cleef". The other chefs applaud and shake Cliff's hand. Naga says that Hiroshi liked the combination of the mango and oysters. Cliff's win means that he's immune from elimination this week. Cliff says that it's an honor and a compliment coming from a chef of Hiroshi's caliber. Cliff's cool.

Now that the Quickfire is dispensed with, it's time for this week's Elimination Challenge. Padma says that Los Angeles is a very multicultural city as an awkward segue into the fact that the challenge will incorporate two more Asian cultures' cuisine: Korean and Vietnamese. Ooh. Yum and yum. I always have at least a low grade craving for Asian food going on, and this episode is not helping. The chefs will be drawing knives again this week. Each knife is marked with a Korean or Vietnamese flag. Pull! Everyone takes a knife. Team Korea winds up being Ilan, Marisa, Frank, Elia, Otto, Cliff, and Marcel. That means Team Vietnam is Emily, Josie, Michael, Sam, Betty, Mia, and Carlos. Each team will work together as a group to create one hot dish and one cold dish, using the flavors of their specific country. The food will be presented at a charity event to benefit Los Angeles' Asian community. This event will be attended by a thousand people (including established chefs), so this is a pretty major challenge. Everyone gasps or laughs or something except Sam, who never does anything but stand around looking sour. Otto says that he's very passionate about feeding the masses, not just the privileged elite, and he's not whistling Dixie on that one. Padma tells the chefs that teamwork will be considered in the judging as well. Each team will get $500. One of the losing team's members will be going home. The chefs are dismissed. Elia interviews that it's weird to be teamed up with people who see you as a competitor. She doesn't know the half of it yet.

Back at the Cellblock, we check in with Team Vietnam, who's sitting around the table brainstorming. Betty is a caterer by trade, so she has handy ideas about efficiently serving a lot of people. They toss out ideas for food. Josie would like to do a pho. Emily wants to incorporate bok choi. Josie is very adamant about using fresh cilantro, lime, and mint. Sam sits around looking sour. Betty interviews that Josie used to work for a Vietnamese chef. In short, this team is shaping up to be extremely cohesive, which Betty appreciates. And which is our cue to check in with Team Korea, which may as well have been introduced with a Sproooooooing of Doofitude. It starts with Cliff, Ilan, and Frank whipping up a batch of sangria. Because nothing contributes to efficient work amongst competing alpha-dog personalities more than getting plowed. They get buzzed, and immediately begin talking over one another. Marisa volunteers to make a jasmine panna cotta for the cold dish. Yes, nothing screams Korea to me like an Italian dessert. Elia attempts to keep people on task and finish the menu, but everyone else is too busy giggling over their sangria. Twits.

Commercials. Christina Applegate wears Hanes. When she was Kelly Bundy, I thought she was just a dumb actress playing to type, but she's actually really talented. And cute in this ad. Good choice, Hanes. Now bring back the dodgeball players.

Morning. Betty recaps the challenge. They certainly rely on her a lot for exposition. Have we heard more than four sentences out of Emily by this point? Sam thinks Team Korea is pretty arrogant about the challenge, but that doesn't bother Josie, who gets off on fierce competition. Hungover Team Korea members scramble to come up with menu ideas. Otto says that it's important to pull down a win for Team Korea, which makes me wonder why he was one of the giggling ninnyhammers who couldn't sit down for half an hour to plan a menu yesterday. The teams go out to shop for supplies. All is happy with Team Vietnam. They have precise lists of what they need, gleefully wander around choosing watermelon, and easily get everything they're looking for. Team Korea, on the other hand, is completely chaotic. We hear their planned menu, which includes braised pork, kimchi, and the aforementioned jasmine panna cotta. Otto asks a store employee to put a case of lychees on the bottom of their cart since there's no room in the cart itself. Because the team is so disorganized, they find that they're overbudget at the register. They take something out of the cart (I'm not sure what), and that seems to bring them to an acceptable amount.

As Otto packs up the car, he mentions that he thinks the store forgot to charge them for the case of lychees. Marisa interviews that she wasn't sure she heard him correctly. Elia is also standing right there. And unless team members were magically forbidden from speaking to each other on the ride back, it's probable that the entire team now knows that they didn't pay for all of their supplies. Marisa goes on to say that if the team took the lychees, it's not a fair situation. So she tells Otto to take the lychees back in. Wait, no she doesn't. She just brings up the fact that this could be construed as stealing. Whoops, she doesn't do that either. What she, and indeed the entire team does, is merrily ride right back to the Kitchen. Once there, the teams have three hours to prepare their food. Marisa interviews that playing fairly is very important to her, and that Otto has put her in a bad position. She crabs to Ilan about how the team is going to look like they're cheating. I must again point out that if this is so important to her, it's odd that she didn't do a single thing to stop or correct it. Ilan doesn't think Otto knowingly stole from the store; he thinks it was just a mistake. Well, yeah. But why is Otto bearing full responsibility here? Yes, he was the one to bring it up, but the entire team knew about this before leaving the store.

Cooking ensues. We're let in on Team Vietnam's menu, which is coconut-braised pork pho with carrot vermicelli and summer rolls with pickled watermelon. They're going for the extra credit point by making a third item -- a cucumber and aloe refresher drink, which Betty is in charge of making. Carlos interviews that Josie has been elected team leader, due to her experience with Vietnamese cuisine. They've got a to-do list, and everyone's humming along on their respective duties. Josie checks in with various team members, and it looks like she's doing a great job of keeping everything organized. Team Korea is much more chaotic. Elia helps Marisa out on her dessert dish, while everyone else concentrates on the pork. Otto completely tunes Marcel out as he chops some cabbage. Heh. Otto, you'll have to teach me that trick. Marcel interviews that making kimchi in a short time span is difficult. Our weekly Ptimewasting with Ptom commences. He tells us that Betty's working on the drink and that Josie's the team leader. Yes, we already knew all that. It's not called Ptimewasting for nothing.

Something of note actually happens when Ptom approaches Elia and Marisa, and they tell him all about the lychee incident. If I ever write a spy novel, "The Lychee Incident" will definitely need to be the title. Of course, this tattling on Otto is complete bullshit, for all the reasons mentioned already. Ptom gathers Team Korea, and asks for the full story. He gathers that Otto was the first to discover the "free" lychees, and Otto admits to getting wrapped up in the competition and making a mistake. The lychees haven't been used yet, so Ptom removes Otto from the Kitchen to go return them to the store. Fair enough. I'm still not on board with saddling Otto with full responsibility for The Lychee Incident, but temporarily removing a team member to right a wrong is an acceptable consequence. Otto reiterates in an interview that this was an honest mistake.

Commercials. I hope that sex was worth missing an expensive show. It probably was.

Team Vietnam cooks merrily. Sam tastes something and proclaims it "money". That's so irritating, I'm giving it a tally mark on the Irritating Reality Show Cliche List, even though it's not particularly common in reality television. Sam probably thinks that Swingers was an instructional video. Betty, who seems to be second-in-command, sternly discusses transporting the summer rolls with Josie. Feeling that the mood is a little too serious, she asks Josie for a kiss. Heh. Betty has some annoying quirks, but I'm starting to like her. Over on Team Korea, Marisa scoops gelatin powder into the panna cotta. She interviews that as it solidified, it became clear that it was going to be hard. Good thing she's not a pastry chef by trade, or that would be pretty embarrassing. Oh, wait. As he chops something, Ilan snarks to the camera that dessert should have been finished a long time ago. Now Marisa shoveling blame onto Otto is becoming a bit more clear. Methinks someone is a little out of her league, and is scrambling for a scapegoat. Otto returns, saying that he doesn't think that there's any tension on Team Korea, and that they're ready to win this challenge. Er... Even setting The Lychee Incident aside, I'm thinking Team Vietnam is so far above Team Korea right now, they could drop a penny and kill them. The teams wrap up their food for transport. Time runs out.

The chefs pull up at the hall where the charity event is taking place. It might be the science center, though no way it's as cool as ours. They start setting up. Emily interviews that it's nice to be part of a team where everyone is pulling their weight. Wave to Emily, because that's all we're going to see of her tonight. Marisa interviews that it wasn't difficult to work with Otto after "confronting" him, just distracting. She never once confronted Otto. She silently let the team take the lychees, whined about the situation to Ilan and Elia, and blabbed to Ptom at the first opportunity. Stop casting yourself as the heroine in your little morality play, bitch. Padma gathers the chefs before the event begins to introduce this week's guest judge, Ming Tsai. I confess to not knowing who he is, though I'll believe everyone who's told me he's a big wheel in the culinary world. The chefs hope to impress him. Good God, what is Padma wearing? She's got on a tight, sleeveless black top that is cupping her boobs three ways from Sunday, and a short, electric blue skirt in a metallic sort of fabric. She looks like she's on her way to prom. In 1982. Ming tells the chefs that flavor is very important. Fascinating insight, there. The other judges are also present, of course. The chefs are dismissed to get ready for the arriving guests. Team Vietnam shares a little cheer. Team Korea burns down, falls over, and sinks into the swamp.

Team Vietnam has its first setback when Josie comes over to inspect the summer rolls. They look like shit, because get this, Michael can't cut them in half neatly. No, really. The man is on a show called Top Chef, and he can't slice a summer roll. Josie understandably freaks out. Michael carps in an interview that Josie is talking to him like he's her ten-year-old son. Gee, I wonder what could possibly justify talking to him like he's a giant loser who has no business in this competition? Josie was actually a lot nicer than I would have been about it, so he can feel free to shut up any time now. The guests arrive, and start eating. Betty expertly works the crowd. Team Korea mills around snapping at each other. Ming approaches Team Vietnam to try their food. Josie tells them they went with some traditional food, and Ming says that pickled watermelon isn't exactly traditional. Josie admits to giving it a twist. He then repeatedly corrects her pronunciation of "pho". What's the name of his show? Pretentious Dicks Weekly? Betty presents him with the drink. He really enjoys it, though he again harps on its lack of "traditional" ingredients and misidentifies the spice. This guy's shaping up to be as assy as Ptom. The other judges also try the food, though we don't see much of their reaction.

The judges wander over to Team Korea. Ptom enjoys the pork and kimchi, especially given the short time they had to prepare the latter. Marisa presents her dessert. Ptom pegs the fact that there's too much gelatin in it. Ming enjoys their pork, and asks if the food is traditional Korean fare. God, shut up! Does he get fifty bucks every time he says the word "traditional"? Is he appearing in "Fiddler on the Roof" later? Marisa responds that they used traditional ingredients in an untraditional way. After the judges leave, she interviews that their food is good, and that they have a good shot at winning the challenge. I guess she forgot that whole part about being judged on teamwork. Ming interviews that he liked the summer rolls from Team Vietnam, but not the pork pho. Team Korea had excellent pork, but their dessert was too heavy. The chefs toast each other for a job well done.

Commercials. Caroline Rhea does some damn fine standup. And Paula Poundstone next week? Sweet!

Judges' Table. Padma asks Gail, who's a veteran of eating at charity events, how the chefs stacked up. Gail thinks they were pretty on the ball. Ptom points out that Team Vietnam had a clear leader, while the lack of a leader on Team Korea was painfully clear. Ming says that Team Korea had great pork, but poor rice. Padma agrees that making rice should be a basic chef skill, but that even given that, she'd have rather had Team Korea's pork than Team Vietnam's. However, Team Korea's dessert was like a hockey puck. Gail says that while Team Vietnam's pork was much weaker, they did a much better job in overall execution. Team Vietnam's drink was wonderful, and the judges give praise to Betty for being so personable with the guests. The chefs fret in the Kitchen. The judges reach a "tough" decision. Doesn't seem so tough to me. Padma goes back to the Kitchen and summons Team Vietnam to the table. Team Korea dares to hope that this is good news, Marcel saying that he'd be surprised if it went differently than he expects (presumably, a Team Korea win).

Team Vietnam lines up in front of the judges. Ming asks who was responsible for cooking the pork, and Michael raises his hand. Well, of course. So his pork was literally the only thing the judges could find to criticize about Team Vietnam, and he can't cut a roll in half. I sure do wonder where that lack of respect he complains about originated from! Ptom tells him that the judges found it dry, and asks Josie if she was, in fact, team leader. She cautiously hedges that she was elected to keep the team focused. Betty confirms that she was responsible for the drink. Padma lets them in on the good news that they are the winning team, which we could see coming from the first team meeting, but which is enormously pleasing nonetheless. They loudly celebrate. The sounds of their jubilation reach the Kitchen, and Team Korea is none too pleased. Cliff is already pissed at their loss, saying it's because they couldn't work as a team. Well, true, but it's not like Cliff's going anywhere this week, so why open himself up for trouble by nitpicking now? Since Betty helped keep the team so organized AND made the drink AND handled the guests so well, she is named this week's challenge winner. Deservedly so. And, hey! The Elimination Challenge winner actually gets something for once! Ming presents her with a sashimi knife. It's apparently quite a rare type of knife. Ming tells her that there are only 100 in the world, and she now owns one. I don't know, it just looks like a knife to me. Betty is thrilled, though, and interviews that her fellow team members deserve just as much credit as she. Aw. They're dismissed.

Team Korea lines up in front of the table, and are told that they lost this week's challenge. Ilan immediately crabs that Team Korea's pork was better, and that Team Vietnam's dishes were both underseasoned. He follows this up with an avowal that he's not being a sore loser. Um, I'd say he's being pretty much the textbook definition of a sore loser. Gail quashes that nicely by saying that the judges agree that Team Korea's pork was better, but that's not the only thing at stake here. They're asked what they think went wrong. Don't answer! That question is a trap! Luckily, Cliff answers, and they can't toss him out for giving them an honest response. He says that they probably didn't function as a team as well as they should have. Padma asks if the team had a leader, and they shake their heads. Frank is pegged as the team member who made the bad rice, which Ming ascertains condescendingly. Ptom points out the problems they had with the dessert. Marisa says that she put a teaspoon of gelatin in for each cup of liquid. I can't take credit for noting that in the earlier shot of her making the panna cotta, it looks much more like she's using a tablespoon measure. Ooh, it sure does. That's not to say she didn't convert it correctly, but it's a possibility that that's where the screwup occurred. Marisa is asked if she tasted the panna cotta before she served it. She did, and admits that it was overly firm. Silly question on the judges' part. Who cares if she tasted it? It's not like she could have done anything about it by that point.

Ptom asks Elia her opinion of the dessert. Elia says that she's not big on gelatins; it's a personal taste of hers. A mild statement, yes? In fact, it looks like Elia's trying to be as honest as possible about not liking the panna cotta, but with the specific goal of not making Marisa look bad in the process. By saying she doesn't care for gelatin in general, she's trying to imply that it's not Marisa's fault that she didn't care for it. Why parse Elia's answer to this degree? Because Marisa jumps down her fucking throat for absolutely no fathomable reason. She whips her head around and snaps that that's not what Elia said when she tasted it. She accuses Elia of "backpedaling". Bitch, she's trying to help you out. Shut the fuck up and be grateful. Frank rolls his eyes.

The team is asked who they think should be eliminated, and Marcel says that Otto brought the least amount of production to the team. Ah, yes. And we all know why, right? Because he's a dirty lychee thief. Marcel says that Otto's actions were particularly disturbing, because he (Marcel) has issues with "moral responsibility". Elia agrees that the lychee issue kind of soured the team from then on, and that's enough to send Otto home. Otto's asked for his version, and he said that when they left the store, he brought up the fact that they may not have paid for the lychees, and nobody on his team said anything. And he's right. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Everyone who heard Otto mention the free lychees as they left the store (which is at least Elia and Marisa, if not the entire team) holds at least as much responsibility for this as Otto does. So guess who the two people throwing the most blame at Otto are? Yep, Marisa basically calls him a liar, and Elia says that she likes him, but he committed an "act of dishonesty". Ptom is asked if the entire team feels that way, and of course Marcel jumps on board right away. Frank does not, giving his fellow team members shit for flipping their loyalties on a whim. Ilan agrees that a single person cannot be held responsible for the team's loss. Cliff is silent. They're dismissed.

Once in the Kitchen, Frank yells at everyone for not presenting themselves as a team; they acted like seven individuals, and wound up looking "like hell". He's being obnoxious, but he's right. He goes on to say that if you don't back your teammates, you may as well shove your head right up your ass. He's babbling, but this diatribe is mostly directed at Marisa, so he's welcome to do it all day. The judges discuss the team. Frank's rice sucked. Marisa's dessert sucked more. No matter Otto's guilt or innocence, the "stolen" lychees were a cancer for this team that dragged them down. Ptom says that if Otto doesn't take responsibility for The Lychee Incident, that Marisa should go. Huh? I didn't quite understand that. Does he mean that since there's not enough evidence that Otto was solely responsible for The Lychee Incident, they won't eliminate him on that point? Unless he confesses or something? Weird. You can tell Ptom really wants to eliminate Marisa, and is desperately looking for a way around the fact that Otto has turned into a handy target for other team members. The judges reach a decision.

Commercials. Gnat has a Rav4, but I guess hers didn't come with the Foil Jewel Heist option.

The chefs are called back out. Otto is asked at what point he was going to admit that Team Korea had extra ingredients that they weren't allowed to use. He says that upon going back to the Kitchen, he immediately put the lychees down below the workstation so that they wouldn't be used. He's asked if he would have used the lychees if Marisa hadn't caused a big stink. Instead of answering the question, Otto says that he should have come clean from the very start, and taking that into consideration, quits the competition. The judges kind of sadly nod their heads. He's asked if he's sure, and he is. Padma gives him the "pack your knives and go" sendoff. The chefs are dismissed. Otto says good-bye to the other chefs, and interviews that The Lychee Incident was an error in judgment, but that choices have consequences. He promises to persist in his goal of ending hunger. Aw. He deserves a lot of respect for shouldering blame that was not entirely his, but part of me wishes he'd fought a little harder. He may be noble, but a touch of aggressiveness could have sent Marisa packing. He's free of her. We're not.

Next week on Top Chef: Some stuff happens. I'm sticking to my rule of not watching this show's previews. They give away too much.

Overall Grade: B