Finale - Part 1

Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 13

Previously on Project Runway: Any chance that I'd ever feel bad for the way Vincent and Keith were edited flew out the window, landed on the street, got hit by a milk truck, fell off a cliff into a bed of razor blades, and rolled into a pond of salted lemon juice. On the upside, Bradley's still hot. We're still down to our final four. And still nobody's getting eliminated tonight. I've liked this season a great deal, but let's wrap this shit up, folks.

Opening credits. Qualify "they", Malan, and I'll actually agree that you're better.

Runway. Heidi comes out holding the velvet bag. Yay, velvet bag! She congratulates the final four, and drops the big challenge on them. Twelve looks. Two months. $8000 budget. They'll use the models they had in the last challenge. I can't believe Clarissa's still in the running, while Amanda and Lindsay are out. Boo! Heidi brings Tim out onto the runway. He tells them to give it their all. Heidi tells them not to play it safe. Shot of Laura. Hehe. Heidi goes on to send the designers back to the Atlas to pack and go home. So...what was the velvet bag for? Weird.

Atlas. Laura's suitcase is freakishly organized. I mean, I'm anal-retentive when I pack, too, but even my suitcases don't look that neat. She doesn't find the idea of producing a full line of clothing too scary; after all, she's produced a "whole line of kids". Heh. She's excited for the career opportunities showing a full line will open up. Everyone leaves the Atlas, and Laura starts walking home. Pregnant, carrying two bags, and wearing high heels. Unless you live two blocks away, spring for a cab, lady. The remaining three say good-bye to each other. Uli interviews that winning the last challenge has made her more confident. Michael promises his line will be hot. Jeffrey's dream of seeing a full collection walk down the runway is being fulfilled.

A month later, Tim begins to make the rounds. First, we head to Atlanta, where Michael is working on his collection. Tim pulls up in a cherry red Saturn convertible. Oh, Tim. I see you in a much more dignified color. Jeez, you're not going through a midlife crisis. OR ARE YOU? Michael opens the door and welcomes him. He sounds surprised, given the fact that this is shot from within his house. Granted, I don't know Michael, but I feel confident in guessing that he doesn't live with a camera crew. He interviews that seeing Tim is like seeing an old friend, then interjects with the fact that he's a "braceface" now. Heh. Yeah, we saw. He gives us a nice, wide, metallic smile. He shows Tim his little workspace, and Tim asks how he's progressing. He seems pretty behind. His line is called "Street Safari", and there are sketches taped to the wall of what his clothing will look like. As far as completed pieces, there's a long, white dress with crisscrossed laces on the chest. I like it. Another dress is a crazy print. Did Uli sneak in and do this one? I'm not wild about that one. Tim says that the collection doesn't look very cohesive right now, and Michael will need to focus on that. Michael's a bit anxious. He's got one month left, and has only completed three pieces.

Shop talk out of the way, Michael invites Tim over to his cousin's house for dinner. Once there, Tim meets Michael's father, Michael. And Pamela is there, of course. She's as cute as ever. His aunt is bustling around in the kitchen, but we don't hear her name, because it's time to delve into the designers' past. Unlike last season, this year doesn't feel like a race to see who can get the most sympathy for the crappy things life has thrown at these people. Good. There are baby pictures of Michael in which his dad is working the huge afro. Awesome. He talks about being an army brat over more pictures of him in various awkward phases, wrapping up with one that I presume is from his modeling days. He says that his parents have always been very supportive of his goals. His father tells Tim they thought he was going to be a beautician, but his aspirations changed on them. He's never tried to convince Michael to follow a different path, and that's particularly impressive for an Army father. The family circles up to pray before dinner. Michael wills himself to think positively about winning the season.

Flash over to New York City. There's another fake shot of Laura admitting Tim to her building via the intercom buzzer. I guess the camera crew just teleported in. Really, show. Stop with that. Laura is pleased to see Tim. She interviews that she'll be having her fifth son in a row. I can't even imagine trying to look after six kids, let alone five boys. Yikes. Her apartment is gorgeous, of course. She leads Tim over to a photo album, so that we can transition into shots of her as a kid, and also one with her first child. She looks so young in that shot. She says that her mother taught sewing, so she learned construction skills at a young age. She takes Tim in to see the progress she's made on the collection, which is considerable. She has started on everything, but hasn't finished anything, simply because she wanted to be able to discuss each piece with Tim. I like the way she thinks. She has stuck to an evening-wear theme, but hopes to take her usual silhouettes to a new level. Tim likes her work, but warns her that she'll need to "youth things up", because her pieces tend to skew old, and these are no exception. Tim has a particular problem with a rather frilly, green dress. Laura explains that this is where she was trying to take a risk, but Tim doesn't think it's pretty in the least. I don't know, I kind of like it. They talk about how much work she's got yet to do, and Tim kids that she should turn her children into a mini-sweatshop. Heh.

Speaking of her children, the boys stream in. One of them is already crying and whining. My reproductive organs draw back in disgust. Where's her daughter? Oh, well. One of the boys offers Tim something that turns out to be a hunk of turtle poop. Tim laughs and basically runs away from him. Laura interviews that this was probably her youngest son's way of welcoming Tim to the family. Hehehe. Everyone realizes that where there's turtle poop, there's probably a turtle, and that he's missing. They start to search for him, and eventually figure he'll turn up somewhere. Laura's husband comes in. He's nothing like what I pictured her husband would look like. He looks like an English Lit professor. Tim is exhausted after spending half an hour with the kids. Aw, poor Tim. One of the boys finds Frank, the turtle. Having all these children meant that Laura has never really had the funds to start and sustain a business, and she hopes the winning the season will help get her rolling in the right direction. Tim takes his leave. The turtle eats Cheerios.

Commercials. Make sure you take good care of your retirement money. How else will you host barn dances?

Miami, Florida. OK, the cherry red Saturn makes a little more sense here. Tim pulls up to Uli's apartment building. That bitch... OK, let me get a hold of myself, here. All right. Uli has an expansive ocean view from her balcony. I'm turning green. She interviews that she takes her inspiration from Miami living. That's fine, as long as the wardrobe from The Golden Girls doesn't filter into her aesthetic. She shows off some of the safari-themed dresses she's made so far. Tim likes them, but tells her that she's not going to surprise the judges with this line; that it's too predictable. She seems OK with that. She seems OK with everything. Tim suggests going for a walk.

They stroll along the beach. It's gorgeous. I miss the ocean so much. Uli talks about life back in Germany, and how she used to watch Miami Vice. Heh. She actually grew up in East Germany, so it was a fairly restrictive life. She learned to make clothes early, but grew up without much color, so that's why she's so attracted to the more vibrant patterns these days. Her baby pictures are adorable. She's happy to have made it to America, where you can start as nobody and achieve your dreams in a very short time. You want to tug at my patriotic heartstrings, show? Get back to me when my beloved countrymen aren't actively stripping away my civil rights. Uli's excited for Fashion Week.

Los Angeles, California. There are only two weeks left. Jeffrey welcomes him in, and interviews that he was glad to see Tim, but nervous as well, because he doesn't think he ever really convinced Tim of what his point of view is. Fair enough. We meet Melanie, who's got a dark mohawk above a head of blond hair, and little Harrison, who's a cutie. Jeffrey says that Melanie got pregnant five months after they started going out. Hmmm...I'm not sure that's something I'd share with the country. He talks about the 20-hour days he's worked, which is somehow our transition into his backstory. It's certainly not as cheery as Michael or Laura's. As we know, he used to be an abused, alcoholic, suicidal junkie. A roommate who had been unexpectedly fired came home and saved him from hanging himself. Guess that tempers the whole "got fired" thing, huh? Jeffrey cleaned himself up after his suicide attempt, and has been clean for five years now. Tim asks how things have been going, and he says that it's been crazy since the show started to air. Yeah, I can imagine that trying to strike a balance between designing clothes and dodging rocks thrown at your head can be tiring. He really wants to win, and thus provide Harrison with a future. It's an admirable ambition, which is why I'm so frustrated that he chose to be the asshole of the season. I can't see any way that he can win now, so he's essentially shot himself in the foot.

Tim and Jeffrey leave to go to the workspace. It's a gigantic warehouse. The clothes are wrapped in plastic and neatly hanging on a rack. Jeffrey interviews that his initial inspiration was Japanese ghost and demon stories. That's cool, though it doesn't quite explain the red and white polka dot number I see back there. He shows Tim a striped dress in green and white with some very neat zipper seams that Tim loves. Some of the other pieces are equally good, which Tim finds delightfully unexpected. Jeffrey likes that Tim is wowed, but says that he doesn't see it as foreshadowing to how the judges will feel about the collection.

New York City. Two weeks later. Five days until the runway show. Michael arrives first. He's quite excited, and loves his collection, calling it "nasty". Hmm. He checks into a suite much nicer than the one at the Atlas. He says he hasn't slept in two days. Next to arrive is Laura, who says that she feels very good about her collection. She really wants to win, if for no other reason than that means that Jeffrey loses. Meow! Yep, you can tell the show has started to air at this point. Those backstabbing interviews are no longer so private. She sneaks into the bedroom and shakes Michael awake for a hug. In the evening, Uli pulls up. She can't wait to see how the other designers' collections look. Or something. I'm too busy concentrating on the fact that I don't think her suitcase is going to fit in that revolving door. She enters the suite and hugs Michael and Laura, admiring the latter's pregnant belly. Jeffrey lands, and interviews that he's finished everything he wanted to get done. He's expecting some sort of eleventh hour surprise, which is good thinking on his part, given last season. He still expects to win. If only he could hear the music that greets him as he enters the suite. This is not "Here Comes The Winner" music. This is "Here Comes The Moustache-Twirling Villain, Ready To Tie Poor Nell To The Railroad Tracks" music. Uli asks him how his life has been, and if people have been throwing eggs at him. He pretends that everything has been peachy. I've read about his reactions to the vile things people have written about him on the internet. I'm not going to pretend I've been a ray of sunshine about him, but I have no wish to "hold him underwater until he stops struggling". And that's one of the more mild things I found. Michael and Uli get up to greet him, while Laura...doesn't. I have to say she's being fairly graceless right now. You said plenty about him too, lady. Jeffrey tells everyone about how much work has gone into his collection, and everyone heads to bed. Extremely fake-looking shot of moonrise over the skyline.

Commercials. Saw III. Limecrete passes. III.

Much more realistic sunrise. Four days until the runway show. Everyone hauls their collections out of the hotel. Laura is excited to get back to the workroom with Michael and Uli and "even the tension that Jeff tries to cause." Man, she is being brutal. Everyone walks into their spacious new workspace and begins setting up their collections. Michael says that everyone was pretending not to be checking out everyone else's work. I don't even see why they put up the pretense. Laura asks how much Jeffrey has done, because it looks like a lot. It's eight dresses, a bathing suit, and three separates. He thinks the plastic bags add volume. Tim enters and gathers the designers. He pumps them up for Fashion Week, and cautions them to think about their entire presentation. He dismisses them so he can make the rounds to each individual designer.

Jeffrey's collection is done. No, DONE. No buttons to sew. No hems to clean up. Everything is finished. Laura's face gives us a window into the shitstorm that's about to fall. Tim seems to love Jeffrey's work. Uli does not fare as well. Tim tells her he'd like to see her clothes on actual people, because he's worried about proportion. He says he kind of misses her wacky print dresses. Aw, me too. She may have been predictable, but she could really work that style. Laura's detailing work is phenomenal, of course. She's gotten rid of the green dress Tim didn't care for during his visit. Tim is really pleased with her overall work. Michael's first dress gets an "Oy". That's not a good sign. Tim asks to see the rest of it, and Michael brings out a...holy hell, what is that? It's a white shirt with the front pockets make entirely out of silver sequins. I'm slack-jawed that Michael is capable of producing something so hideous. Even his less successful garments during the season at least had a basis in something pretty. This is just...icky. Oh, God, it also has big ol' brass buttons. Feh. Tim tells him he can either intentionally go over-the-top with things like this, or he'll have to start taking elements away. Michael's flustered. Tim collects everyone's receipts, so the producers will know what the $8000 was spent on. Jeffrey fusses a little over his before handing them over. It's meant to look very suspicious. Work montage. Except for Jeffrey, of course. Michael interviews that he'd rather go over-the-top than have no point of view. He says he's going to "rework" the details of his garments. Uli looks forward to the model casting.

And hey, here we are! Girls walk for the designers. Laura excitedly chooses a girl with actual hips. Heh. They've been seeing too many toothpicks, I gather. Looks like Katie is there, but she doesn't get the fanfare that Amanda does. A bunch of other no-names are chosen. The next segment is a mind-numbingly boring hair consultation with one of the stylists. I'll spare you. Although it is worth noting that Jeffrey has brought several blond wigs. It looks like he wants all the girls to look the same, so that it's the clothing that people are focused on. Mattel would be proud. Night falls. Morning. Three days until the runway show. Everyone heads to the workspace to meet some models for preliminary fittings. Hey, I think one of Michael's is Alexandra. Laura interviews that Jeffrey's work doesn't need a lot of alterations, because of the way they're constructed. She goes on to say that the alterations are one thing, but she's having trouble buying the fact that he was able to finish every button, hook, and seam before arriving in New York.

Commercials. I want to know what that song in the Intel commercial is. That's got a nice beat to it.

Oh, Jesus. The boring hair segment wasn't bad enough. Now it's time for an even more boring makeup segment with my un-favorite snooze, Collier Strong. Skipping! Seven hours until the end of the day. Everyone works on the details of their collection, except for Jeffrey, who's just kind of sitting there. Laura interviews that she's been stewing over this for two days, and that she doesn't believe that Jeffrey sewed the collection himself. Jeffrey wanders out of the room, and while he's gone, Laura voices her suspicions to Michael and Uli. Michael immediately agrees there's something fishy about it, especially given that Jeffrey has said he's also been working on other projects in addition to his Fashion Week line. Laura interviews that she has no problem believing that Jeffrey designed the entire line, but that you don't "pull craftsmanship like that out of your ass." So it's not just that he was able to finish all that in a short amount of time; she actually feels he's not capable of the work that was produced. The three of them go to pick over Jeffrey's clothing. Uli seems to find some imperfections (that would exonerate Jeffrey, I assume), but Laura points out some stellar stitching on leather jeans. They agree to bring it up with Jeffrey when he gets back.

But it's not Jeffrey who enters the room next, but Tim. Who knows how this would have gone if Jeffrey had never left? It's an interesting thought. Tim checks in with Uli first. She says that the day went pretty well, though she's still missing some models to fit. It's during this that Jeffrey comes back with some food. So now Laura cannot confront Jeffrey without Tim being present. She asks to speak with Tim, and he suggests moving out onto the terrace for some privacy. She hesitates. It looks like she's torn between making this a clandestine accusation and openly involving the entire room. She ultimately agrees to go outside. After a weak transition from talking about the terrace, Laura presents her suspicions to Tim. She details the things that Jeffrey has supposedly accomplished in a collection seemingly beyond his capabilities in a very short time span. She says that it's nothing she can prove, admitting it's just a gut feeling she has, and that she wanted to go on-record rather than ignoring it. Tim tells her that something like this can be difficult, if not impossible to prove, but he will take it to the producers, and they will investigate. Tim leaves. Laura interviews that she knows people will think she's a bitch for bringing this up (and she was right -- you should see some of the shit I've been reading on the internet about her), but that she stands by her belief that there's no way Jeffrey could have accomplished what he has on his own.

Commercials. The new Top Chef contestants are briefly introduced. Michael and I? Oh, yeah, we're going to have some problems.

When we return, Uli says that Laura has an announcement. Laura doesn't really want to phrase it like that, but doesn't miss a beat before telling Jeffrey about her conversation with Tim. Every single other time that Jeffrey has been confronted about anything on this show, he immediately goes on the offensive. This time he stares silently at Laura, then gives a tight "No, absolutely not". And that, more than anything else I've seen, makes me think Laura is right. I'm really not in a position to know if Jeffrey cheated or not, so I'm hesitant to hand down some sort of proclamation of his guilt or innocence. For all I know, he's worked his ass off for the past two months to get this collection done. But we have been watching Jeffrey for several weeks now. We've gotten a feel for his personality. And my gut reaction is that if he had really done all the work himself, he'd be screaming in Laura's face right about now. He just waveringly tells her that he's come on the show to show what he can do. Michael shoulders some of the blame for her accusations, saying that he agreed with her once she brought it up. Uli starts to say something, but I can't hear it over Jeffrey's protestations. Laura calmly says that she had a feeling she needed to express, and now he knows what it is. Jeffrey just sits there, but soon flees to the terrace. It's just so out-of-character. If he's innocent, he's still being awfully shady. Laura says to the others that she's not going to apologize for bringing the subject up. Jeffrey interviews that Laura just feels that if anyone does better than she did, they must be cheating. "Who fucking cares what you think?" he rhetorically asks. I'll answer him anyway. The producers.

Morning. In bed, Laura says basically what I just did, that Jeffrey's reaction was odd. She expected him to say (as she puts on a faux-Jeffrey voice) "What the hell, bitch? I made this stuff myself. Shut up!" In even odder news, Laura apparently wears her earrings to bed. She hopes there won't be horrible tension in the workroom. They enter the workroom and set up. Jeffrey interviews that he started his business making hundreds of one-of-a-kind pieces for celebrities. His point is that he's genuinely able to make good clothes quickly, when it's all his own time to do it on. I'm not sure what makes his self-imposed time limits any more special than the show-imposed ones. He's not saying a word to anyone else, when you'll remember he couldn't wait to rehash the entire mom challenge with Angela. I'm just saying. Tim enters to talk to Jeffrey. He starts by saying that Jeffrey will be assumed innocent until they find reason otherwise, and gives him the opportunity to confess if he is, indeed, guilty. Jeffrey denies it. I know it must seem that I'm looking for ways to nail Jeffrey to the wall, but I must point out that he's not able to meet Tim's eyes as he says this. Tim generally inspects the collection, and says that they'll be studying Jeffrey's receipts to look for irregularities. "I fucking made the entire collection," Jeffrey interviews. "But I'm scared to death that I'm not going to be showing at Bryant Park." Um...why? It's not like Laura has the time or power to cobble together some vast conspiracy against him. If he made the collection, then they won't find anything wrong, and he'll be fine. It's only if he actually cheated that he has cause to worry. Yeah, I can feel my scales tipping.

Next week on Project Runway: Fallout from the accusation. Tim says something that makes Jeffrey cry, though whether in sadness or relief, I don't know. Clothes will be shown. A winner will be picked.

Overall Grade: C-