Reunion

Project Runway - Season 3, Episode 12

Previously on Project Runway: The entire third season. Need to brush up? Have fun with the links to your left. Tonight, a very special episode. All fifteen designers are back to answer questions! Well, all fifteen designers are back. Their skill in answering questions is still to be determined, lest anyone forget Lupe.

We jump right in, with most of the designers (save five) already seated. I also note that nobody has any drinks in his/her hand, because did I mention Lupe? Heidi greets everyone, and introduces Tim. He says that the show will include clips, discussions, and questions. OK, get to it! Get, get, get! Sorry, I've had two gigantic cups of coffee, and I'm on a bit of a high right now. He also mentions that the person voted "fan favorite" will receive $10,000. Shot of Vincent smiling. Yeah, he has a prayer. Heidi asks how it's been being recognized. Bradley kids that he's not recognized, because he's shaved off his beard, and OH MY GOD SO CUTE. Bonnie says that a woman came up to her, and after confirming that she was on the show, told her she sucked and ran away. Hehehe. Vincent says that knowing who your fans are is a beautiful thing. Like he has any fans apart from his wife and daughter. Heidi narrows her eyes. "Did it turn you on?" Hahaha! Wow, fourteen seconds in, and this episode already rocks. Everyone laughs. Malan showed at Fashion Week. Hey, that's great! I still didn't like him on the show, but everything I've seen or read about him since then makes him seem like a perfectly nice person. Angela says that public reaction was great, especially after the mom challenge. Well, sure. Attention is like food to her.

Before bringing out the finalists, Heidi would like to know who they thought would have made it to the finals. Katie picks Alison, because her style is so wearable by so many people. Alison thanks her. Vincent picks Kayne, because of his outstanding presentation. Kayne remains stone-faced. He's not Vincent's best friend ever? Why could that be? Maybe Kayne did some laundry for him. SPOILER! Stacey picks Robert. Robert kiddingly agrees. Time to bring out the finalists. Uli. Applause. Michael. Applause. Jeffrey. Notably tepid applause. Laura. Applause. She's very pregnant, but is totally rocking a red dress. She looks fantastic. She and Heidi throw a few pregnancy barbs back and forth. Heidi has a question for her from the website. Does she own a pair of jeans? Laura says that riding pants and boots are her version of jeans and sneakers. She doesn't own any jeans, which is almost unfathomable to me, but hey, it's Laura. Heidi tells Tim she's never seen him in jeans either, but he cops to owning them. Tim says they're going to view a clip of how they arrived at the final four. It's just the ending runway of the last episode, which is pretty boring, except when Alison mimics the Pounding Drums of Suspense that always precede the elimination. Hahahaha! Heidi asks how they felt during that judging. Michael says he sweats about it, even watching it now when he knows what's coming. He's got braces. How he avoids looking goofy is beyond me, but he pulls it off. Everyone thinks having the final four (as opposed to three) is a good idea.

You may have noticed that there's still one designer missing. The person "everyone" thought was going to make it to Olympus Fashion week, but was disqualified. Yes, it's the one and only (thank God) Keith Michael. Let's bring him out. Applause even more tepid than Jeffrey's. These aren't even golf claps. They're putt-putt claps. Heidi, very friendly under the circumstances, asks him if his predictions of becoming a laughing-stock came true. He says not really, and that he didn't give his friends enough credit. OK, but... They're your friends. Are those really the people you need to worry about? Alison squeezes his shoulder comfortingly. Aw. Tim introduces the clip of Keith's ejection. Heidi asks what they all thought of this; whether it was fair or not. Robert says absolutely. Alison says she was upset, because Keith was one of the designers that she had become close with. Note she skirted the question of whether or not his disqualification was justified. Kayne says that his goal was not to come to the show and have someone kicked off, which I'm sure is true. Tim asks Keith if he believes the outcome was fair. Prepare yourself for some world-class delusion. He doesn't think it was fair, based on the fact that he's upset. No, it won't make a difference how many times you read that sentence. It won't ever make more sense. Keith claims that it was never in the contract that people can't bring books. The other designers instantly disagree. Tactic #2: "I don't recall reading that". The other designers say that it was explicitly stated.

Heidi confirms that the designers were to come with their brains and their fingers, and that's about it. I mean, even if Keith really missed that section, does it make sense that books would be allowed? Of course not. So it's still no excuse. Stacey says that looking at even the most basic pattern in a book can trigger a whole slew of ideas, which is 1) true and 2) totally irrelevant. Thanks, Stacey. Tactic #3: The books were taken away from Keith, then mysteriously returned a week later. Heidi and Tim both deny that producers would do that, and of course they have more credibility than Cheaty McSneakerson. Even if this little fantasy of Keith's is true, who cares? Say I have forty pounds of cocaine. The cops take it away from me. Then they return it to me. Then they arrest me. Is that unfair? No. Weird, but not unfair, because having the cocaine in the first place is illegal. Tim shuts him down, saying that the producers' integrity is unimpugnable. Keith says he has no idea how the books made it back to his room. Magical elf, perhaps?

Jeffrey pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers in a classic "Lord, save me from this douchebag" gesture. He's asked if he thought Keith's ejection was fair, and he absolutely does. Tim and Heidi also bring up the matter of Keith leaving the production for several hours, which is also against the rules. Keith says that he was upset about the whispering and gossip about the books. Heidi brings up the excellent analogy of a fender-bender. If you believe the accident wasn't your fault and it's just an innocent mistake, do you take off? No, because there's no reason to run. You go, Heidi! Tactic #4: A production assistant gave Keith permission to go. The same magical elf, perhaps? Laura rolls her eyes awesomely. Uli says that the designers aren't even allowed to go to the bathroom without somebody following, so things like that don't happen. Keith says he's not going to take this abuse by "rolling over like a puppy", which is what Tim is quoted as saying about him later. There's no way this little ass pimple is able to take on the likes of Tim Gunn, though, so Tim explains that the quote was in reference to the fact that he was expecting a fight when he first brought the news of the ejection to Keith, and that the puppy-rolling was Keith's reaction then. That's all the time we have for this waste of organs. Good job redeeming yourself in the eyes of the public, Keith! I certainly am totally convinced of your innocence after your mass of rambling, incomprehensible stories!

Commercials. Go spend money on this movie about Truman Capote! No, not that one! This other one! Please? We're begging you!

Heidi introduces a very funny clip of Tim befuddling the designers with his extensive vocabulary. I'd love to be all snotty and "Well, I certainly understood everything, because I'm so smart!", but Faux bois (fake wood)? Sturm und Drang (turmoil)? I'd look as blank as the designers. There's a final string of three-dollar words before we rejoin everyone laughing at the reunion. Tim gets a question from e-mail, asking if he himself is a designer. He says that he prefers to educate rather than design, but he does do drawings and sculpture and such. Really? Wow, that's cool. Tim's not the only one with a "idiosyncratic lexicon" of the season. Another hilarious montage follows. Laura referring to several other works as "serious ugly". Shot of her looking amusingly horrified at the reunion. Robert chanting "boring" over and over. Vincent and his disgusting "turns me on". And finally, a brilliant, brilliant series of Bradley's random sound effects, the best of which is him completely ignoring whatever Bonnie's saying to make some sort of popping noise.

The designers are asked how it is to work with Tim. Uli gives the general "yay, Tim!" speech we hear a lot from these guys. But not everyone is complimentary. Heidi reads a quote from Entertainment Weekly. "Tim has been bad-mouthing me ever since the show started, because I didn't choose to bow down to Tim. If he gave me constructive advice, I would thank him. But if he tried other things, I would dismiss him." Before we get into another delude-o-rama from the quote's source, which is OF COURSE Vincent, let's examine it a little. Tim publicly shredded Vincent because he wasn't subservient enough? How many episodes of this show would you have to watch to see what patent bullshit that is? My guess is about three. From any season. Also, note the "I don't have a problem with Tim, as long as he likes my work" tone of that quote. What he's basically saying is that someone's opinion of his work isn't valid unless it happens to be a positive one. Convenient. Vincent says he stands by that quote, because of what people have been telling him that Tim's said on various blogs. Not that Vincent has read any of these blogs, by his own admission. So he's perfectly comfortable making and standing by a quote based entirely on hearsay. Tim duhs that if Vincent hasn't read [Tim's] blog on the Bravo website, he should, because any criticism Tim made was about Vincent's designs; not his character. Don't worry Tim, I'll take up the slack for you. VINCENT IS CRAZY. AND NOT LOVABLY CRAZY. FULL-ON PSYCHOTIC. There.

Heidi continues with Vincent's quote, which refers to the other designers as a bunch of amateurs. Michael points out that getting on the show together would imply that if the other designers are amateur, so is he. Instead of saying anything that would make the tiniest bit of sense, Vincent responds that what he meant by amateur is "not being up to that level of design". Oh, well that clears everything up! Even Alison, who is far kinder than a lot of these other people, is rolling her eyes. Tim asks Laura what she thinks. "I think Vincent's delusional." Atta girl! She goes on to say that it's great that he loves his own work, but disagrees with his opinion about the other designers' work, which was a perfectly polite way of making him sound like an even bigger tool. Well played, Laura. Uli asks if he's such a professional, why is he not, you know, SELLING CLOTHES FOR PROFIT? YOU KNOW, LIKE A BUSINESS? Vincent pulls that move when someone's lost an argument by saying that he's entitled to his opinion. Yes, and other people are entitled to POINT OUT WHAT A FREAKING NUTBAR YOU ARE. I realize I'm shouting, which I guess is my way of hoping the tiniest bit of logic is able to penetrate the mass of tapioca that constitutes his brain. I know I'm crying for the moon. Robert sniffs that "dogging" other people's work is the true mark of an amateur. Bitchy, but deserved. Vincent retreats into garble, saying that it "takes a certain level to be at a certain level." Tim says that he has no idea what Vincent is talking about. Hehe.

Tim introduces a montage of Kayne talking at warp-speed, most notably frightening Miss USA to her core. There's an honest-to-goodness word count flashed on screen, winding up with Kayne's 932 words to Miss USA's seven. Hehehe. There are other scenes of him blathering away intercut with this, along with shots of designers at the reunion giggling along. Kayne laughs that he feels like telling himself to shut up, just as he did (in interview) to Amanda. Heidi has him speed-talk us into the commercials.

Commercials. OhmyGodcanyoubelievethatCaliforniaistryingtopretendlikewe'reallintotheircheese? ImeaneveryoneknowsthatWisconsin'stheplacetobe. Nope. It doesn't roll off my tongue like it does Kayne's.

Tim asks about the public reaction to Malan. He says that it's been really great, and that he's received over two million e-mails. Yowsa. He says if not for that support, he probably wouldn't have had the strength to show at Fashion Week. Heidi confirms that he still did not get any support from his family, which he seems pretty depressed about. Aw. He feels it has a lot to do with his sexuality. Shots of Tim, Robert, and Kayne. Yeah, we get it, show. A viewer wrote in asking about Malan's accent. He says he was raised in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Australia, and the United States, so it's a blend. He laughs that very, ah, unique laugh of his, which Heidi imitates. Heh. They've even got a montage clip of Malan's disturbing laugh. Bonnie tries to imitate it, and fails. Robert says it's like a blend of Cary Grant and Eddie Munster. Not a bad description. Back at the reunion, Malan is delighted, calling it sweet that they dedicated a clip to him. Yeah, no kidding, considering he was second off.

Tim asks which challenge was the most enjoyable. Alison jumps right in with the dog challenge. Yeah, I loved that one. Alison says that the animals made the whole thing really fun. Heidi asks which one was the hardest. People seem to agree that it was the mom challenge. I know I'm redundantly linking all over the place, but did I mention the two giant cups of coffee? Robert says that it was very tough to design plus-sized clothing, and it required the designers to break out of their shell. Heidi adds that unlike usual models, moms actually talk back. Heh. This, of course, leads Robert to add that the challenge was indeed more difficult, because "except for some people", you don't want to make someone else's mom cry. Clip of that whole Jeffrey/Angela/Darlene kerfluffle. Heidi asks if they look at that situation any differently now. Jeffrey's already defiant as he snots "No. It hasn't happened any differently." Angela doesn't really know what to say. Jeffrey says that it was never his intention to make Darlene cry, but that she was never planning to tell him that she didn't like the colors; only criticize him on the runway. Probably true. Angela disputes this, saying that Jeffrey's making it out like Darlene was planning to sabotage him on the runway.

Gnat: "No, you were handling that part yourself."

Jeffrey actually states something that makes his point of view of the situation understandable. He says that Darlene didn't approach him with her problems, because she didn't want to make trouble, and by the time she did voice her opinion, it was too late for him to do anything about it. He didn't appreciate that. I have no trouble believing that this is 100% true. Also true is what Robert says next, so I'll let him do my work for me. "To me, Jeffrey didn't handle it properly in how he spoke to her. I think he knows it, though. Because it's just inappropriate to talk to any client that way." Laura, of all people, brings up a good point in Jeffrey's defense, which is that all the moms except Darlene just let the designers do whatever they wanted. Darlene gave Jeffrey a much harder time. It certainly doesn't excuse the way that Jeffrey acted in that episode, but I'm sure it's true. Tim asks Jeffrey how he would have responded had his mom been on the end of a smackdown. He responds that he would have gone over and "assisted". Oh, and you were doing so well, Jeffrey. This is pure bullshit. He would have thrown a massive tantrum. We all know it. Tim asks if he ever apologized to Darlene, and he says that he never had the chance to. Fishy. Angela confirms that she asked him to apologize the morning of the runway show, and he said "I'm not apologizing to anybody". So...here we are at the reunion. This has all been rehashed, and he's admitted that he never apologized. Everyone around him seems to feel that an apology is called for. Pop quiz, hotshot. You're in this situation. You, as a normal human being:

a) Read the damn room and apologize now.
b) Stick to your guns, and say that you don't feel you owe anybody an apology.
c) Completely wuss out, and mutter something about "circumstances" and "stress".

Scoresheet:

a) Congratulations. You have correctly diffused the situation. Even if you don't mean a word of your apology, you know that sometimes your image being redeemed is more important than your wounded pride.
b) Your social skills need some work, but at least nobody can accuse you of inconsistency. Perhaps people won't like you for it, but hey, you're standing by your principles. Can't please everyone.
c) You're not only an asshole, but a stupid asshole. Put away your jeweled sunglasses and your neck tattoos, pussy. You're about as hardcore as Rainbow Brite.

Angela ruins this, of course, by pretending that she and Jeffrey would be best friends if not for the mom challenge. People laugh in her face, as they should. Tim segues into what he calls one of the "scariest" moments of the season, which didn't even make it on camera. You've probably seen it by now. If not:



Yeah, he's totally professional. And it actually goes on longer than that. This is what cracks me up about the people who never tire of whining that it's all the editor's fault that they came off poorly. It's slightly understandable. Certainly, if you took all the parts of a competition that I acted stressed and bitchy, strung them together, and showed only that, you wouldn't get a complete picture of what I'm like. BUT. They can't show you acting bitchy (crazy, weird, stupid, etc.) if you DON'T ACT LIKE THAT. They didn't CGI you being a twat, Zulema. They didn't dub in an actor's voice yelling at well-meaning locals, Hayden (and by the way, please purchase a bra -- there are several stores where this can be accomplished). They didn't spin your snide attitude out of magic dust and pixie wings, Tiffani. My coffee buzz is wearing off. I'm sad now.

Commercials. Men should act like men. OK, Milwaukee's Best Light. I'm going to assert my masculinity by telling you that your commercials are the dumbest fucking things I've ever seen in my life, and I wouldn't drink your swill if Ken Ryker were dancing naked above it.

It's time to announce the winner of the "fan favorite" competition. Michael. Yay! Two special guests have the giant toy check for him: Nina and Michael Kors. Laura makes fun of the check. Hehe. Michael's thrilled and gratified. Kors and Nina take seats next to Tim, who says that fashion is "subjective" and "boils down to a matter of taste". Hey, does something smell like unfermented ass-covering in here? But first, they talk about the scoring system in general. The designs are scored on a scale from 1 (awful) to 5 (wonderful). The scores are then added. After the question and answer section, the scores may change. Nina says she judges by whatever the particular challenge called for. Kors says that he tries to judge the challenges separately, rather than by someone's overall body of work. Based on the number of "this is a nice dress, but your other work is too similar to it" thrown at these designers (Uli in particular), I'm going to have to call bullshit on that one. Tim says that the designers can ask the judges questions about their motivations for particular decisions. Interesting.

Angela asks that had her "story" been different in the dog challenge, would the judges have hated the garment so much? This is actually a really good question. That outfit was hideous from head to toe, of course, but the judges really pounced on how inappropriate the clothing was, given the (admittedly stupid) art-camp-for-kids story behind it. They let her in on the fact that they wouldn't have liked the outfit anyway. The words "hoochie" and "hooker" feature prominently. Kayne starts off with a legitimate question about his couture dress. Would the judges have liked it more if it had been a solid color? Michael Kors begins to respond in the affirmative, but Kayne's inner drama queen can't be contained for that long, and interrupts with a tangent about how there wasn't a wide enough fabric selection, and that he's gotten nothing but positive feedback on that dress, and blah blah HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE MY WORK! NO MORE WIRE HANGERS! Kors snippily responds that it's a matter of taste, and if people want to do over-the-top designs, that's wonderful, but they still have to find the best way to present that aesthetic. Zing!

Tim brings up the controversial judging in the recycling challenge. That ass-covering smell is getting stronger. He asks Alison how she felt about her elimination. She says she's moved beyond it at this point, but at the time, she liked it on the dress form. It didn't work out on the runway, however. So she's essentially agreeing with her booting. Michael Kors tells her she should have changed what needed changing when the dress was transferred to Alexandria from the mannequin. Um, she didn't disagree with you, ass. And it would have fallen to bits if she had tried to do that. Besides, the controversy from that judging wasn't that Alison's dress didn't suck, because it kind of did. The controversy is that Vincent's dress was far, far worse. Note that this is never addressed, so it's just as much bullshit as it was when they tried to cover up Santino's shitty lingerie line. Whatever. Laura asks if they feel like they've ever made a mistake in judging. Do they ever see an old episode and think they judged too hastily? Michael Kors says "No" after not one iota of hesitation. Anyone who thinks they've never made a mistake in their work -- is not very good at their work. I'll leave it at that.

Heidi transitions into some wacky problems they had during certain judgings. Clip of the smoke alarm going off during the runway questioning session in the black and white challenge. Nobody moves. They're lucky there wasn't a real fire. The funniest bit is when they think it's stopped; the second Nina goes back to criticizing the designers, it starts again. Hehehe. Clip of Marilinda feeling faint during the freestyle challenge. Clip of Amanda feeling faint in the dog challenge. And the recycling challenge. Note that all of those challenges were ones in which the model's designer didn't do well. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. Clip of Jeffrey letting a massive fart out. But we don't see him. It's just a noise emanating from behind the silhouette screen on the runway. Hahahahaha! He farts again as the designers emerge, and Vincent chastises him, which cracks everybody at the reunion up.

Commercials. Hey, you don't have to sell Ben and Jerry's to me. I'm sold already.

The four finalists have left, and the remaining designers are asked who they think will win. Bonnie finds it hard to pick a favorite, but likes Uli's work. Robert thinks Laura's the dark horse. Katie picks Michael. Alison says Michael and Jeffrey are her top choices. Kayne thinks Michael and Laura will be the top two. Keith feels Jeffrey is the most innovative, but Uli has a great perspective. Angela and Vincent can't pick a favorite. Heidi introduces a clip of what previous seasons' designers think. Jay picks Michael, and his reasoning is... Well, see the breakdown here. Gay white guy wins. Asian immigrant wins. Black guy wins. It's the natural progression of reality programming. Note he doesn't say one word about design talent, and while I don't like Jay in general, that was brilliant. Chloe wants Michael to win. And why shouldn't she? He might not have even made it into the competition were it not for her. Kara says Uli's going to have a strong showing. Hehehe. I swear I'm not laughing because they're the same person as far as Reality Show Archetypes go. OK, I am. Danzzz picks Uli, too. Daniel Franco chooses Laura. Robert P. says something dumb said only for attention's sake, so I'm going to omit his quote just out of spite. And that's it. Heidi thanks everyone, and signs off by pretending to kiss Tim on the lips. Oh, just do it!

Next week on Project Runway: Tim visits designers. Jeffrey has an ugly mullet, but an enormous design space. Tim encounters turtle feces. Uli's models are hungover and aren't showing up for fittings. Laura formally accuses Jeffrey of cheating. You heard me.

Overall Grade: B