Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 10
In the final episode, our three finalists are put through their usual paces. Each of the chefs must make a showpiece, an entremet cake, a bonbon, a plated dessert, and a bread course for the judges and a bunch of Names. There's also supposed to be some connection between the desserts and the chefs' loved ones, but it's fairly pointless. The Names help out as sous chefs on Day 1, and as we've seen in the past, eliminated contestants come in and are forced to help on Day 2.
Each chef gets two helpers, one of their choosing and one chosen at random. As fun as it would be to see someone get stuck with Dr. Teeth, it is not to be. Matthew gets Megan assigned to him, then chooses Carlos. Chris gets Rebecca, and chooses Amanda. Sally gets Vanarin (who everybody's forgotten), and chooses Orlando. This last choice is most important, because Sally knows full well that she's weak at making showpieces, so she sets Orlando to executing her design.
All three chefs work hard to impress the diners, though Matthew makes the weird choice to wander so far out of his comfort zone in service of risk-taking that everything he makes winds up looking so-so, with the showpiece being particularly ugly. That brings it down to Sally and Chris, and... Well, let's see...
Chris has been a focused overachiever from the start, while Sally has gone with the flow. Chris' story of leaving behind a newborn daughter with a heart condition is played to the hilt, while Sally has an ostensibly typical home life. And there's the most decisive factor: Chris made his own showpiece, while Sally used the help she was provided and expressly told to use. Well! We can't have that! Chris naturally takes the title, which is understandable and well-earned, though I don't think anybody can claim to be surprised.
So, shall we spend a moment talking about the season as a whole? If you don't count Top Chef Masters -- which I don't -- this has unquestionably been the gentlest crop of contestants this franchise has ever seen. A lot of people found that boring, but I thought it was a nice change to watch a competition that centered almost exclusively on challenges and not on maladjusted psychotic douchebags. Nobody wailing about their mommy's red-hots. No snide junior high cliques. No catty, backstabbing, egocentric bitches throwing glitter bombs. No homophobic jerks tearfully talking about their children while sitting on a stash of kiddie-porn. Just a bunch of mature adults, doing their best to excel in a competition that put their skills to the test. Novel, huh?
The challenges ranged from fine to great, with no real catastrophes to piss me off. If there's one issue I took with the season, it's that the judging showed no improvement from the lackluster panel last season. Gail is still a perfectly genial host, but Hubert still looks like he wishes he were eating savory dishes, Dannielle still shows no sign of why her opinion is any more relevant than your Great Aunt Betty's, and Johnny has become even more wooden and cranky.
Like I said, I'm pleased that there was no sucky challenge that turned out to be unwinnable, because there's almost nothing that makes me angrier. If there is something that can achieve it, though, it's the Chef-22. This isn't specific to Johnny; Ptom and Padma are known to indulge in this ugly practice. But at least they usually have the good grace to spread it out over multiple episodes. Johnny chided someone for having the temerity to make him wait after chiding someone else for not making her dessert to order, literally in the span of five minutes. In this finale, Sally is given a sous chef to help, and then punished for using said help. So, sorry you lost the weight for nothing, Iuzzini, but I'm afraid your television persona needs more of a workout than your biceps.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: B
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
World War Chew
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 9
It's time to decide the finalists, so let's be sure to pour on the emotion! Calls home! Orlando's mom had to come to terms with his sexuality! Chris' daughter has a heart condition! Matt misses his wife! Sally comes from an immigrant family!
That dispensed with, Gail is joined in the Kitchen by Suzanne Goin for no reason, as there is no Quickfire tonight. But hell, I like Suzanne Goin, so sure, let's have her along for this announcement. Instead of a Quickfire, the chefs will have an extended Elimination Challenge. There are several nations' flags offered, and the chefs each pick one:
Chris: France
Orlando: Spain
Matt: Italy
Sally: Cuba
Now, the twist. The chefs have to make a dessert dish...that looks like a savory dish from the country they chose. Ouch. Sometimes, the twists and turns of the challenges can be a little silly, but this one is devious without being stupid or unmanageable. I like it! Matthew is sitting pretty, as he creates "manicotti" without much trouble. Orlando hits upon "paella", but doesn't think to do a rice pudding, which is odd to me. Sally dithers and second-guesses herself until she's forced to settle on making a "Cuban sandwich".
And Chris? Chris chooses "Beef Wellington", which Johnny notes is rather more English than French. The judges then bend over backwards to excuse him for it, and overlook him using store-bought puff pastry instead of making his own. Ladies and gentleman, our ordained season winner!
A large assortment of Names judges the challenge, with special guest judge Cat Cora, who looks fantastic all gussied up for the camera and not in her usual stressed-out-frantic-cooking mode. Matthew smirks to the camera that his wife better not find out about his secret crush on Cora, wink-wink. Um, Matt? Even if you were single, I don't think she'd be interested.
When it comes to judging, Sally's looks far-and-away most like her inspiration food, and she takes a much-deserved win.
With Chris automatically safe because we all know he's going to win the competition now, that leaves it between Matthew, whose "manicotti" was too safe, and Orlando, whose "paella" was kind of a mess. Lo and behold, Orlando's persnickety attitude can't keep him afloat any longer, and he's set adrift. So, we're down to our final three. Well, we're actually down to our winner, but we should probably let them have their finale anyway, right?
Overall Grade: B-
It's time to decide the finalists, so let's be sure to pour on the emotion! Calls home! Orlando's mom had to come to terms with his sexuality! Chris' daughter has a heart condition! Matt misses his wife! Sally comes from an immigrant family!
That dispensed with, Gail is joined in the Kitchen by Suzanne Goin for no reason, as there is no Quickfire tonight. But hell, I like Suzanne Goin, so sure, let's have her along for this announcement. Instead of a Quickfire, the chefs will have an extended Elimination Challenge. There are several nations' flags offered, and the chefs each pick one:
Chris: France
Orlando: Spain
Matt: Italy
Sally: Cuba
Now, the twist. The chefs have to make a dessert dish...that looks like a savory dish from the country they chose. Ouch. Sometimes, the twists and turns of the challenges can be a little silly, but this one is devious without being stupid or unmanageable. I like it! Matthew is sitting pretty, as he creates "manicotti" without much trouble. Orlando hits upon "paella", but doesn't think to do a rice pudding, which is odd to me. Sally dithers and second-guesses herself until she's forced to settle on making a "Cuban sandwich".
And Chris? Chris chooses "Beef Wellington", which Johnny notes is rather more English than French. The judges then bend over backwards to excuse him for it, and overlook him using store-bought puff pastry instead of making his own. Ladies and gentleman, our ordained season winner!
A large assortment of Names judges the challenge, with special guest judge Cat Cora, who looks fantastic all gussied up for the camera and not in her usual stressed-out-frantic-cooking mode. Matthew smirks to the camera that his wife better not find out about his secret crush on Cora, wink-wink. Um, Matt? Even if you were single, I don't think she'd be interested.
When it comes to judging, Sally's looks far-and-away most like her inspiration food, and she takes a much-deserved win.
With Chris automatically safe because we all know he's going to win the competition now, that leaves it between Matthew, whose "manicotti" was too safe, and Orlando, whose "paella" was kind of a mess. Lo and behold, Orlando's persnickety attitude can't keep him afloat any longer, and he's set adrift. So, we're down to our final three. Well, we're actually down to our winner, but we should probably let them have their finale anyway, right?
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Easy As Pie
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 8
Tonight's episode kicks off with Chris sharing some family drama that usually portends either a stunning victory or a looming elimination. His newborn daughter has some medical issues, and he wants to win the competition to help pay for the treatments. That's an eminently noble motivation, of course, but you've got to think the producers are sitting there thinking "Stop talking about how you're going to spend the money on your kids! You're supposed to be obsessed with your career!"
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a pie for Gail and guest judge Francois Payard. Just baking a pie is too simple, of course, so the chefs are forced to do it one-handed. Everyone manages pretty well, except poor Matthew, who merely nudges his pie with his off-limit hand for one moment. That's enough to disqualify him from the win. It turns out not to matter, as Sally and Chris take the bottom two spots, and Orlando and Carlos take the top. Orlando's four-berry pie looks remarkably good, but it is Carlos who scores the win and the $5000 prize.
For the Elimination Challenge, it's time for Dana Cowin to host another fake party. In this case, it's got a carnival theme, and the chefs are told to to make upscale food inspired by usual carnival fare. My gorge immediately begins to rise, because I just know somebody's going to include fucking funnel cake. Yuck. Indeed, Chris makes funnel-cake-infused ice cream.
It's not very successful, and he lands in the bottom with Carlos (who made mini-burgers and fries out of dessert ingredients that look wonderful, but taste off) and Orlando (who once again gives the judges a description he can't sell when his candy apple inspiration leads to a chocolate dessert). Sally and Matthew get top marks, with Matthew snagging the win. Carlos takes the long walk home, much to our viewing party's despair. Though I had Sallyesque leanings before this episode, they're now full-blown. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B-
Tonight's episode kicks off with Chris sharing some family drama that usually portends either a stunning victory or a looming elimination. His newborn daughter has some medical issues, and he wants to win the competition to help pay for the treatments. That's an eminently noble motivation, of course, but you've got to think the producers are sitting there thinking "Stop talking about how you're going to spend the money on your kids! You're supposed to be obsessed with your career!"
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a pie for Gail and guest judge Francois Payard. Just baking a pie is too simple, of course, so the chefs are forced to do it one-handed. Everyone manages pretty well, except poor Matthew, who merely nudges his pie with his off-limit hand for one moment. That's enough to disqualify him from the win. It turns out not to matter, as Sally and Chris take the bottom two spots, and Orlando and Carlos take the top. Orlando's four-berry pie looks remarkably good, but it is Carlos who scores the win and the $5000 prize.
For the Elimination Challenge, it's time for Dana Cowin to host another fake party. In this case, it's got a carnival theme, and the chefs are told to to make upscale food inspired by usual carnival fare. My gorge immediately begins to rise, because I just know somebody's going to include fucking funnel cake. Yuck. Indeed, Chris makes funnel-cake-infused ice cream.
It's not very successful, and he lands in the bottom with Carlos (who made mini-burgers and fries out of dessert ingredients that look wonderful, but taste off) and Orlando (who once again gives the judges a description he can't sell when his candy apple inspiration leads to a chocolate dessert). Sally and Matthew get top marks, with Matthew snagging the win. Carlos takes the long walk home, much to our viewing party's despair. Though I had Sallyesque leanings before this episode, they're now full-blown. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
D'oh Nuts
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 7
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Mark of the Beast
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 6
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Water Sports
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 5
Now that poor, unloved Melissa is off giving donuts the stinkeye somewhere else, it appears that the remaining chefs need someone else to be offended by. The spinning wand comes to rest on Katzie, who now is on everyone's nerves for no apparent reason.
For today's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making their own candy bar for Gail and guest judge Pichet Ong. Yum! Orlando starts off as supercilious as ever, but when Rebecca's broken hand causes her to drop her desserts all over the floor, he redeems himself by spending his free time helping her get a new batch ready. Chris is fast becoming the overachiever of the group, and works hard to make not one candy bar, but a duo. When time runs out, Mathhew's unfinished bar sinks to the bottom of Pichet's list, along with Katzie's goopy, liquidy bar. Sally appeals to him with Asian flavors, and is joined in the top by Rebecca, who makes sure to thank Orlando for his assistance. Sally wins the challenge and immunity, which feels good after all the time she's spent at Losers' Table lately.
For the Elimination Challenge, get ready for a shock... The chefs are split into teams. TEAMS! Can you believe it? What's that you say? Every single Elimination Challenge so far has been a team challenge? Oh. Well, that's kind of anticlimactic, then. Seriously, it's time to let these people work individually. Anyhow, the teams are chosen randomly, and shake out to be:
Carlos/Sally/Amanda
Orlando/Chris/Matthew
Katzie/Rebecca/Megan
The challenge is to create refreshing treats for the crowd at a nearby waterpark. Naturally, this leads to a lot of ice cream and sorbet plans. Minor drama breaks out when Carlos hogs all the available ice cream machines. As befits the theme of this season so far, it never gets beyond some impatient sniping before everything is resolved into an organized list of whose turn it is next. As a group, I'm really enjoying these people's attitudes. Plus, Carlos gets his comeuppance when his machine hogging leads other teams to turn to liquid nitrogen that he desperately needs.
As with last week's edible room, this is one of those challenges that I wish I could attend as a guest, because the park's patrons obviously love augmenting their waterslide fun by getting nine free gourmet summer desserts. The judges work their way down the line, and manage to coin yet another annoying Catch-22, bringing the total number up to about six. In this case, Johnny rails against Amanda for preparing her funnel cakes ahead of time, because the taste and texture suffer, and she should have made them to order. He then takes Mathhew to task for taking two whole minutes to make his desserts on the spot, because oh my God he's been waiting two whole minutes for it. Criticizing chefs' mistakes is one of the tenets of this show, but when you pick a complaint, perhaps you should wait more than thirty seconds before arguing for the diametrically opposite point.
At Judges' Table, the Megan/Katzie/Rebecca team gets top marks, with Katzie winning her second Elimination Challenge in a row for her impressive spumoni. Huh, that sounds a lot more sexual than I intended. Everyone else is called to Losers' Table and each of them gets their own little personal critique before Amanda is axed for those pesky funnel cakes. Well, it's shame in the sense that she seems like a cool person, but as I'm the only citizen of America who detests funnel cake, it's nice to finally have some ammunition for my lonely battle.
Overall Grade: B-
Now that poor, unloved Melissa is off giving donuts the stinkeye somewhere else, it appears that the remaining chefs need someone else to be offended by. The spinning wand comes to rest on Katzie, who now is on everyone's nerves for no apparent reason.
For today's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making their own candy bar for Gail and guest judge Pichet Ong. Yum! Orlando starts off as supercilious as ever, but when Rebecca's broken hand causes her to drop her desserts all over the floor, he redeems himself by spending his free time helping her get a new batch ready. Chris is fast becoming the overachiever of the group, and works hard to make not one candy bar, but a duo. When time runs out, Mathhew's unfinished bar sinks to the bottom of Pichet's list, along with Katzie's goopy, liquidy bar. Sally appeals to him with Asian flavors, and is joined in the top by Rebecca, who makes sure to thank Orlando for his assistance. Sally wins the challenge and immunity, which feels good after all the time she's spent at Losers' Table lately.
For the Elimination Challenge, get ready for a shock... The chefs are split into teams. TEAMS! Can you believe it? What's that you say? Every single Elimination Challenge so far has been a team challenge? Oh. Well, that's kind of anticlimactic, then. Seriously, it's time to let these people work individually. Anyhow, the teams are chosen randomly, and shake out to be:
Carlos/Sally/Amanda
Orlando/Chris/Matthew
Katzie/Rebecca/Megan
The challenge is to create refreshing treats for the crowd at a nearby waterpark. Naturally, this leads to a lot of ice cream and sorbet plans. Minor drama breaks out when Carlos hogs all the available ice cream machines. As befits the theme of this season so far, it never gets beyond some impatient sniping before everything is resolved into an organized list of whose turn it is next. As a group, I'm really enjoying these people's attitudes. Plus, Carlos gets his comeuppance when his machine hogging leads other teams to turn to liquid nitrogen that he desperately needs.
As with last week's edible room, this is one of those challenges that I wish I could attend as a guest, because the park's patrons obviously love augmenting their waterslide fun by getting nine free gourmet summer desserts. The judges work their way down the line, and manage to coin yet another annoying Catch-22, bringing the total number up to about six. In this case, Johnny rails against Amanda for preparing her funnel cakes ahead of time, because the taste and texture suffer, and she should have made them to order. He then takes Mathhew to task for taking two whole minutes to make his desserts on the spot, because oh my God he's been waiting two whole minutes for it. Criticizing chefs' mistakes is one of the tenets of this show, but when you pick a complaint, perhaps you should wait more than thirty seconds before arguing for the diametrically opposite point.
At Judges' Table, the Megan/Katzie/Rebecca team gets top marks, with Katzie winning her second Elimination Challenge in a row for her impressive spumoni. Huh, that sounds a lot more sexual than I intended. Everyone else is called to Losers' Table and each of them gets their own little personal critique before Amanda is axed for those pesky funnel cakes. Well, it's shame in the sense that she seems like a cool person, but as I'm the only citizen of America who detests funnel cake, it's nice to finally have some ammunition for my lonely battle.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Scrumdiddlyumptious
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 4
Honestly, I'm shocked. At a couple of things. I'm shocked that it took this long for Just Desserts to put together a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory tie-in. I'm shocked at how pleased I was to see this week's guests. And I'm shocked by how well this episode was put together, and how enjoyable it was.
The producers knew exactly how special this week was going to be, choosing to dispense with the Quickfire entirely so that they can focus on this gem of an Elimination Challenge. In order to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -- Forty years?!? Yikes! -- the chefs are taken to a special screening of it. Having seen the special features on the Wonka DVD, I recognize the chefs' fellow moviegoers, but they do not. It's the original cast of kids, minus one Augustus Gloop, who probably didn't feel like wandering over from Europe for this.
The chefs are then thrown straight into the Elimination Challenge, in which they must work as one big team to transform the dining room into an edible wonderland straight out of the movie's showpiece scene. As proof that you don't need to cast psychotic weirdos in order to generate good television, a game plan is agreed upon, everyone does their best to pull their weight, and it's still fascinating.
All sorts of extremely clever ideas are put into practice (or at least clever adaptations of the movie's existing ideas), from Katzie's "carrot" cakes and honey-dripping beehive, to Carlos' lickable wallpaper, to Chris' supervision and construction of a working chocolate waterfall. Johnny interrupts the process to announce that two chefs will be eliminated tonight, which has the chefs scrambling to put their individual stamp on as many desserts as possible.
I've never wanted to be at a Just Desserts tasting more as when the Wonka kids (along with some actual kids) are turned loose in the finished room to go nuts. Apart from getting all sorts of delightful treats, it just looks super-fun. When the event is over, Katzie, Carlos, and Matt are declared the top three, with Katzie taking a very deserved win for her underground cakes and edible beehive.
Meanwhile, Sally's gritty, ugly "dirt", Melissa's abominable donuts, Dr. Teeth's lackluster gummi bears, and Megan's disappointing bourbon cake get them shunted to the bottom. The top three chefs admirably stick up for Megan, stressing that her dessert may have suffered because she spent most of her time busting ass to help other chefs and ensuring the room as a whole turned out well. Johnny is a bit smarmy about this, but thankfully, appears to take it into consideration. After the deliberations, the judges finally, finally axe Dr. Teeth. About three episodes late, in my estimation, but better late than never. Poor, unloved Melissa also gets her walking papers, so it looks like we're getting down to the real competition now.
Overall Grade: A
Honestly, I'm shocked. At a couple of things. I'm shocked that it took this long for Just Desserts to put together a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory tie-in. I'm shocked at how pleased I was to see this week's guests. And I'm shocked by how well this episode was put together, and how enjoyable it was.
The producers knew exactly how special this week was going to be, choosing to dispense with the Quickfire entirely so that they can focus on this gem of an Elimination Challenge. In order to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -- Forty years?!? Yikes! -- the chefs are taken to a special screening of it. Having seen the special features on the Wonka DVD, I recognize the chefs' fellow moviegoers, but they do not. It's the original cast of kids, minus one Augustus Gloop, who probably didn't feel like wandering over from Europe for this.
The chefs are then thrown straight into the Elimination Challenge, in which they must work as one big team to transform the dining room into an edible wonderland straight out of the movie's showpiece scene. As proof that you don't need to cast psychotic weirdos in order to generate good television, a game plan is agreed upon, everyone does their best to pull their weight, and it's still fascinating.
All sorts of extremely clever ideas are put into practice (or at least clever adaptations of the movie's existing ideas), from Katzie's "carrot" cakes and honey-dripping beehive, to Carlos' lickable wallpaper, to Chris' supervision and construction of a working chocolate waterfall. Johnny interrupts the process to announce that two chefs will be eliminated tonight, which has the chefs scrambling to put their individual stamp on as many desserts as possible.
I've never wanted to be at a Just Desserts tasting more as when the Wonka kids (along with some actual kids) are turned loose in the finished room to go nuts. Apart from getting all sorts of delightful treats, it just looks super-fun. When the event is over, Katzie, Carlos, and Matt are declared the top three, with Katzie taking a very deserved win for her underground cakes and edible beehive.
Meanwhile, Sally's gritty, ugly "dirt", Melissa's abominable donuts, Dr. Teeth's lackluster gummi bears, and Megan's disappointing bourbon cake get them shunted to the bottom. The top three chefs admirably stick up for Megan, stressing that her dessert may have suffered because she spent most of her time busting ass to help other chefs and ensuring the room as a whole turned out well. Johnny is a bit smarmy about this, but thankfully, appears to take it into consideration. After the deliberations, the judges finally, finally axe Dr. Teeth. About three episodes late, in my estimation, but better late than never. Poor, unloved Melissa also gets her walking papers, so it looks like we're getting down to the real competition now.
Overall Grade: A
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Beverly Hillbillies
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 3
I've never been a fan of television "synergy". Not the word, which strikes me as one of those obnoxious corporate buzz phrases that threatened to consume us in the '80s, and not the convention, which shoehorns people into situations in which they simply do not belong. Tonight is no exception, and only magnifies Bravo's problem of having precisely one watchable franchise.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a mini-dessert that will be entered into a public vote that will perhaps inspire a new gum flavor. Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Realizing that this prize won't exactly get the chefs jazzed about their work, Gail offers a cool twenty-five grand to the winning contestant, in addition to the usual immunity. That does the trick. Everyone gives it their all, and several delightful little tiny treats are presented. Rebecca, Melissa, and Matthew fall to the bottom three of guest judge Hugh Acheson's list, while Carlos, Nelson, and Dr. Teeth (that'd be Craig - whose giant chompers, zany voice, and ill-advised facial hair all scream Muppet) get top marks. Dr. Teeth pulls down the win and immunity, and crows about going shopping, which leads to a shot of a very frustrated Carlos, who wanted to put some of that scratch away for his kids' college education.
That's about it for the entertaining part of tonight's episode, as the Elimination Challenge slides into the hated synergy mentioned above. See, the reason I watch Top Chef and not The Real Housewives is because I like Top Chef and don't like The Real Housewives. See how that works? Does Bravo think that by forcing the latter into the former that I'll become a fan of these vapid whores? No sale. So, the challenge doesn't even really matter, as it's just as contrived and pointless as any Real Housewives episode. Suffice it to say that the chefs will be split into two teams and will put together a giant dessert presentation to impress people that we're all asked to pretend have a modicum of class, taste, or sophistication. As winner of the Quickfire, Dr. Teeth gets to select team captains, and he chooses himself and Amanda. They alternate choices, and the teams shake out to be:
Dr. Teeth/Sally/Matthew/Orlando/Nelson/Rebecca
Amanda/Chris/Carlos/Megan/Katzie/Melissa
Poor Melissa is chosen last yet again, and despite her protestations, you can tell that her psyche is started to get a little damaged by the unpopularity. A suggestion by Closet Case Husband #7B that Botoxed Shallow Wife #16F enjoys the color pink leads to both teams' presentations appearing as if the Barbie factory just exploded. Aside from that, both tables are actually quite nice. The desserts are presented to the judges, and a panel of various Botoxed Shallow Wives, Purse Dog #4B, Closet Case Husband #7B, and Entitled Brat #23P.
After the desserts are consumed and the presumable off-screen break so everyone can purge, Amanda's team is declared the winner. Actually, "Chris'" team is declared the winner, I guess because he explained the team's concept to the panel. Still, ouch. On the losing team, Matthew, Orlando, and Rebecca did good enough work to save them from the chop, which leaves Dr. Teeth, Nelson, and Sally up for elimination. Or rather, Nelson and Sally, because the judges did not eliminate Dr. Teeth when they had the chance, and despite making the worst dessert of the day, and being a terrible team leader, he's got that Quickfire immunity tonight. He's dismissed, but not before Johnny makes sure to tell him that he'd be looking at the business end of an elimination if he hadn't won the Quickfire.
Back in the Kitchen, Dr. Teeth whines about Johnny's criticism, which nobody else wants to hear, since no matter what happens, the rules of the game have brought about the end of someone who's far more talented than he is. I guess I can't fault him for not giving up his immunity and throwing himself on the sword, although everyone both on-screen and off dearly wishes he would. Instead, the judges shrug their shoulders and axe Nelson. You see what horrors this goddamned synergy brings about?
Overall Grade: C
I've never been a fan of television "synergy". Not the word, which strikes me as one of those obnoxious corporate buzz phrases that threatened to consume us in the '80s, and not the convention, which shoehorns people into situations in which they simply do not belong. Tonight is no exception, and only magnifies Bravo's problem of having precisely one watchable franchise.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a mini-dessert that will be entered into a public vote that will perhaps inspire a new gum flavor. Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Realizing that this prize won't exactly get the chefs jazzed about their work, Gail offers a cool twenty-five grand to the winning contestant, in addition to the usual immunity. That does the trick. Everyone gives it their all, and several delightful little tiny treats are presented. Rebecca, Melissa, and Matthew fall to the bottom three of guest judge Hugh Acheson's list, while Carlos, Nelson, and Dr. Teeth (that'd be Craig - whose giant chompers, zany voice, and ill-advised facial hair all scream Muppet) get top marks. Dr. Teeth pulls down the win and immunity, and crows about going shopping, which leads to a shot of a very frustrated Carlos, who wanted to put some of that scratch away for his kids' college education.
That's about it for the entertaining part of tonight's episode, as the Elimination Challenge slides into the hated synergy mentioned above. See, the reason I watch Top Chef and not The Real Housewives is because I like Top Chef and don't like The Real Housewives. See how that works? Does Bravo think that by forcing the latter into the former that I'll become a fan of these vapid whores? No sale. So, the challenge doesn't even really matter, as it's just as contrived and pointless as any Real Housewives episode. Suffice it to say that the chefs will be split into two teams and will put together a giant dessert presentation to impress people that we're all asked to pretend have a modicum of class, taste, or sophistication. As winner of the Quickfire, Dr. Teeth gets to select team captains, and he chooses himself and Amanda. They alternate choices, and the teams shake out to be:
Dr. Teeth/Sally/Matthew/Orlando/Nelson/Rebecca
Amanda/Chris/Carlos/Megan/Katzie/Melissa
Poor Melissa is chosen last yet again, and despite her protestations, you can tell that her psyche is started to get a little damaged by the unpopularity. A suggestion by Closet Case Husband #7B that Botoxed Shallow Wife #16F enjoys the color pink leads to both teams' presentations appearing as if the Barbie factory just exploded. Aside from that, both tables are actually quite nice. The desserts are presented to the judges, and a panel of various Botoxed Shallow Wives, Purse Dog #4B, Closet Case Husband #7B, and Entitled Brat #23P.
After the desserts are consumed and the presumable off-screen break so everyone can purge, Amanda's team is declared the winner. Actually, "Chris'" team is declared the winner, I guess because he explained the team's concept to the panel. Still, ouch. On the losing team, Matthew, Orlando, and Rebecca did good enough work to save them from the chop, which leaves Dr. Teeth, Nelson, and Sally up for elimination. Or rather, Nelson and Sally, because the judges did not eliminate Dr. Teeth when they had the chance, and despite making the worst dessert of the day, and being a terrible team leader, he's got that Quickfire immunity tonight. He's dismissed, but not before Johnny makes sure to tell him that he'd be looking at the business end of an elimination if he hadn't won the Quickfire.
Back in the Kitchen, Dr. Teeth whines about Johnny's criticism, which nobody else wants to hear, since no matter what happens, the rules of the game have brought about the end of someone who's far more talented than he is. I guess I can't fault him for not giving up his immunity and throwing himself on the sword, although everyone both on-screen and off dearly wishes he would. Instead, the judges shrug their shoulders and axe Nelson. You see what horrors this goddamned synergy brings about?
Overall Grade: C
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Bittersweet Symphony
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 2
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Fairy Tale...Ending
Top Chef: Just Desserts: Season 2, Episode 1
Well, we're back for a new season of pastry, and at first glance, it appears the producers have learned a valuable lesson about casting. That is, that it perhaps isn't the wisest idea to recruit your contestant pool from the Cuckoo's Nest Ward over at the local asylum. The new group of fourteen chefs naturally has its fair share of obnoxious people you'd cheerfully push into a kiddie pool full of alpaca droppings, but at least everybody appears to have all their marbles. Oh, and Johnny has dropped a bunch of weight.
In the first Quickfire, the chefs are immediately thrown into pairs, the better to bring their personality disorders to the surface right away. The pairs are tasked with making a modern soda fountain treat. Orlando/Megan and Craig/Lina sink to the bottom, more for unoriginal ideas than for bad food, which is a promising sign as far as talent goes. The Carlos/Rebecca and Amanda/Nelson teams take the top two spots, with Amanda and Nelson winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are thrown into teams yet again. Evil. This time, the teams are given famous fairy tales, and are told to create a showpiece and two plated desserts that represent each story. Nerves fray almost immediately. Restraining one's ego to work with other people with input and opinions is, like, so hard and stuff!
Matthew/Amanda/Carlos/Chris do great sugar work for "Little Red Riding Hood" and Rebecca/Sally/Orlando/Nelson make a lovely architectural showpiece for "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", so these two teams go to Winners' Circle, with the former team winning the challenge. Once they're done not getting anything for their win, Katzie/Craig/Megan and Melissa/Vanarin/Lina trudge out to Losers' Table. Huh, it's almost as if the teams with four people were able to get more and better work done with an extra pair of hands! Weird!
That's not to say that these two teams don't deserve to be at Losers' Table, because ugh. The showpiece that Katzie and Megan put together for "Jack and the Beanstalk" has a bunch of flaws and cracks, and Craig mostly just runs around being useless. Melissa/Vanarin/Lina have "Hansel and Gretel", which has a dessert inspiration WRITTEN INTO THE STORY that Lina chooses to ignore in favor of making a giant, ugly cake house, then lies about at Judges' Table. It doesn't work, she gets booted, and all is right with the world.
Overall Grade: B+
Well, we're back for a new season of pastry, and at first glance, it appears the producers have learned a valuable lesson about casting. That is, that it perhaps isn't the wisest idea to recruit your contestant pool from the Cuckoo's Nest Ward over at the local asylum. The new group of fourteen chefs naturally has its fair share of obnoxious people you'd cheerfully push into a kiddie pool full of alpaca droppings, but at least everybody appears to have all their marbles. Oh, and Johnny has dropped a bunch of weight.
In the first Quickfire, the chefs are immediately thrown into pairs, the better to bring their personality disorders to the surface right away. The pairs are tasked with making a modern soda fountain treat. Orlando/Megan and Craig/Lina sink to the bottom, more for unoriginal ideas than for bad food, which is a promising sign as far as talent goes. The Carlos/Rebecca and Amanda/Nelson teams take the top two spots, with Amanda and Nelson winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are thrown into teams yet again. Evil. This time, the teams are given famous fairy tales, and are told to create a showpiece and two plated desserts that represent each story. Nerves fray almost immediately. Restraining one's ego to work with other people with input and opinions is, like, so hard and stuff!
Matthew/Amanda/Carlos/Chris do great sugar work for "Little Red Riding Hood" and Rebecca/Sally/Orlando/Nelson make a lovely architectural showpiece for "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", so these two teams go to Winners' Circle, with the former team winning the challenge. Once they're done not getting anything for their win, Katzie/Craig/Megan and Melissa/Vanarin/Lina trudge out to Losers' Table. Huh, it's almost as if the teams with four people were able to get more and better work done with an extra pair of hands! Weird!
That's not to say that these two teams don't deserve to be at Losers' Table, because ugh. The showpiece that Katzie and Megan put together for "Jack and the Beanstalk" has a bunch of flaws and cracks, and Craig mostly just runs around being useless. Melissa/Vanarin/Lina have "Hansel and Gretel", which has a dessert inspiration WRITTEN INTO THE STORY that Lina chooses to ignore in favor of making a giant, ugly cake house, then lies about at Judges' Table. It doesn't work, she gets booted, and all is right with the world.
Overall Grade: B+
Monday, August 08, 2011
Crossing the T's
What's up, food fans? After not touching this blog for... Yeesh, five months?!? Ouch. Anyway, it may well be that after such a time, there's nobody here but us chickens, but just in case, I wanted to check in. I certainly haven't been ignoring the Top Chef realm. The viewing party watched the latest iteration of Masters, and we were all bored silly by it, though it was fun to watch Tiffany and LabRat compete to see who could make more fun of the unibrow guy.
Fortunately, it looks like another season of Just Desserts is on the horizon, premiering on August 24th at 9PM (10PM Eastern). The Serious Life Business I brought up before is ongoing, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle full recaps, but I'll definitely be watching, and can hopefully at least be able to put something up for each episode. Let's hope it's a fun season, with a big cutback in the amount of contestants with full-blown mental illness!
I've been feeling a little guilty for running out of steam towards the end of the last dessert season, and have decided that since I never deleted the last two episodes from my iTunes library, I should spend the days leading up to the premiere going back and converting the blurbs to full recaps. Incomplete series bug me.
The penultimate episode is finished! Just click on the Just Desserts link in the "Previously On..." menu to your right! I'm turning my attention to the finale now, and when it's done, we'll be able to face the future together.
If you have any thoughts/suggestions on this, the cast for the upcoming season, or anything else, please leave a comment. I'd be thrilled to see if anyone still visits this dusty corner of the internet.
UPDATE: Finale complete!
Fortunately, it looks like another season of Just Desserts is on the horizon, premiering on August 24th at 9PM (10PM Eastern). The Serious Life Business I brought up before is ongoing, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle full recaps, but I'll definitely be watching, and can hopefully at least be able to put something up for each episode. Let's hope it's a fun season, with a big cutback in the amount of contestants with full-blown mental illness!
I've been feeling a little guilty for running out of steam towards the end of the last dessert season, and have decided that since I never deleted the last two episodes from my iTunes library, I should spend the days leading up to the premiere going back and converting the blurbs to full recaps. Incomplete series bug me.
The penultimate episode is finished! Just click on the Just Desserts link in the "Previously On..." menu to your right! I'm turning my attention to the finale now, and when it's done, we'll be able to face the future together.
If you have any thoughts/suggestions on this, the cast for the upcoming season, or anything else, please leave a comment. I'd be thrilled to see if anyone still visits this dusty corner of the internet.
UPDATE: Finale complete!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Intermezzo
Greetings!
My sincere apologies for the site suddenly going dark. A combination of travel, sickness, and Serious Life Business all sprang up at the same time, and as always, blogging is the first thing to go when free time evaporates.
I have still been watching and enjoying this season, and am bummed that all this had to flare up just in time for Marcel to get eliminated. I would have enjoyed recapping that.
Thanks for all the comments and emails! Things are settling down now, and while I probably won't be able to fire up the blog again anytime soon, feel free to use this post as an open thread to post comments about the All-Star season. I'm always interested in others' opinions; can I really be the only one out there pulling for Antonia?
My sincere apologies for the site suddenly going dark. A combination of travel, sickness, and Serious Life Business all sprang up at the same time, and as always, blogging is the first thing to go when free time evaporates.
I have still been watching and enjoying this season, and am bummed that all this had to flare up just in time for Marcel to get eliminated. I would have enjoyed recapping that.
Thanks for all the comments and emails! Things are settling down now, and while I probably won't be able to fire up the blog again anytime soon, feel free to use this post as an open thread to post comments about the All-Star season. I'm always interested in others' opinions; can I really be the only one out there pulling for Antonia?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So Long, Chum
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 6
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
China Syndrome
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 5
Previously on Top Chef: Hey, did you know that Spike allowed other people to execute his dish? He totally did! And then he went home! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!!! You should never rely on or allow another chef to direct your vision! By the way, the show would still like you to conveniently ignore that allowing yuzu gelee to be added to his soup was perhaps .5% of the reason Spike got eliminated. Thanks so much, and enjoy the show! Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Antonia doesn't understand what drives Angelo to stick his nose into so many other people's dishes. Not literally, of course, although that would be entertaining. She calls his constant need to interfere a case of "Chef Tourette's", which is honestly the best description of it I've heard so far. It's certainly a lot more believable than Angelo having some grand evil plan to sabotage everyone else. Richard outlines the Jamie Arc for us again.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma. It's tough to concentrate on anything she says, because she's wearing a black and white striped shirt with puffy shoulders. I guess it figures. She's already been the parrot, and has now worked her way up to full-fledged pirate. I look forward to the inevitable peg-leg and eyepatch.
Panny: "I had a shirt like that. In third grade."
Padma explains that today's Quickfire will be a test of speed. Another chef will come in and make a dish as fast as he can, and however much time that takes is the time limit that the contestants will have to make their own dishes. The pace chef turns out to be Ptom. I'm not sure if the show is putting him forward as some sort of "Look! He doesn't just sit behind a table and pronounce judgment! He's really talented!" statement, or if they just thought it'd be a cute idea for a challenge. I waffled back and forth on this, but as I'm feeling rather cynical today, right now I'm in the former camp. The other chefs dutifully suck up in interview. Ptom starts his prep. He's an impressive whirl of speed at first, although he probably didn't intend to catapult his leftover fish carcass right into Padma. Well, wear a pirate shirt, and of course dead fish will be attracted to you. When Ptom finishes, there is a scant 8 minutes, 37 seconds on the clock.
The chefs gird themselves for a tough challenge. Ptom tells them that degree of difficulty will factor into the results, so quick slices of tuna tartare aren't going to make the grade. Padma adds some incentive when she promises the winner not only immunity, but a brand new Toyota Prius to go along with it. The countdown starts. Marcel has the very smart idea to avoid the clusterfuck of ingredient grabbing at the fridge, and heads right for Ptom's leftover fish. Nicely done. Wild prep ensues; it's understandably even more chaotic than usual. And before you know it, time's up. Ptom and Padma go down the line.
Antonia has seared ahi tuna on top of a tarragon, corn, and tomato salad. Richard has roasted foie gras with aromatics, served with corn, coriander, and port. Tiffani has a weak-looking clam chowder with celery and cream. Fabio's dish is similar to Ptom's. It has steamed clams, with zucchini, fish, tomato broth, thyme, and garlic. Angelo has disregarded the whole "difficulty matters" lecture, and has made a crudo, with yuzu and branzino, with jalapeno and cilantro. Tiffany has pan-seared bass, with tomato relish, olives, and capers. Ooh. Yes, please. Capers bring me happiness.
Tre has grilled beef tenderloin with seared foie gras, and serves it with mushrooms and brandy sauce. Sounds pretty complicated for the time limit. Carla has got shrimp with mango, cilantro, and mint. Now that sounds like an eight-minute dish. Dalet attempted to make pad Thai with egg noodles, but couldn't complete much of anything in the time limit. His bowls just have one sad noodle and some cooking liquid at the bottom. Casey was in such a hurry that she still has food stuck in her hair. Heh. She's made a spice-rubbed filet, with a fresh tomato relish. Marcel has used Ptom's black sea bass, and combined it with dashi broth, bok choy, and chili oil. Mike has pan-roasted branzino, with a black olive and caper stew. Yum. More happiness! Jamie wasn't able to get much clam done in time, so she calls it an amuse-bouche with tomato and bacon. I guess she can't do much else at this point. You know, Carla aside, Jamie's season was the most boring one, so a lot of details are lost to the sands of time, but I honestly don't remember her being this sucky. Didn't she show some promise at some point?
Results. The bottom three naturally kicks off with Dalet, who was the only chef not able to plate anything. Jamie couldn't put anything together with her clam. And her dish wasn't much to talk about, either. Ba-zing! Angelo gets shunted to the bottom for the cardinal sin of ignoring a challenge parameter. Now, for the good news. Mike developed a ton of flavors. Richard had well-cooked foie gras. Marcel is commended for making dashi so speedily. The winner of the challenge, the immunity, and the car is... Mike. Yay! If you had told me during Season 6 that I'd one day be happily cheering Mike's victory, I'd have thought you were crazy. Yet here we are. I'm certainly not the only person to have noticed this attitude turnaround and disproportionate amount of screentime, but it's something to ponder.
Elimination Challenge. Like the Quickfire, it will also test the chefs' speed and organizational skills, though nobody's going to be able to get away with a one-clam "amuse-bouche" this time. The chefs are going to Chinatown, and will work as one team to supply a dim sum restaurant through the lunch rush. Obviously, some chefs are happier to hear this than others. Dalet once worked in a dim sum restaurant, and is thrilled, while Fabio is horrified. Padma warns that dim sum is served continuously, so keeping the carts filled is a big aspect of the challenge. The chefs are dismissed, and Mike heads outside to check out his new car. It's a nice car, though the dull gray finish they picked for it is unfortunate.
That evening, the chefs settle in to plan the menu. Jamie volunteers to make scallops. DRINK! Fabio sets up a flashback to Season 5, and Jamie's slavish devotion to putting scallops into everything short of a milkshake. Mike agrees to expedite, because that's what people with immunity do. After that's decided, a discussion of who's going to work the front-of-house arises. Thanks to the chefs' newfound focus on retaining full control of their own dishes, this one's not as easily settled. After all, whoever is out peddling the food will have less time in the kitchen. Eventually, Carla and Casey step up to the plate. Dalet and Angelo, who have the most experience in this arena, agree to do two dishes each. Jamie, perhaps still stinging from the whole Jamie Arc thing, wants to do two as well.
After the menu planning session, a group of chefs gather in the loft kitchen to drink and shoot the shit. Tiffani attacks Antonia with her bra. All the dudes immediately clear the room. And...scene!
Shopping. Fabio talks about his pet turtle over footage of him walking her on a leash. And...scene!
The chefs head for the dim sum restaurant, and get started on their three and a half hours of prep. Fabio discovers that the ovens don't go above 300 degrees. That's because Chinese people don't bake. Seriously, we've been watching a lot of House Hunters International lately, and if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that were I ever to move to Nanjing, making chocolate chip cookies won't be in the cards. Jamie screws up yet another dish. In this case, she's not happy with the way her dumplings are turning out. Casey has purchased a large bag of chicken feet, and is now stuck cutting all of the nails off of them. Carla wraps up some very pretty summer rolls. Tre has trouble keeping his dessert cold in the fiery heat of the cramped kitchen. As time winds down, a horde of Chinese diners enters the restaurant and gets seated. Casey prepares about a dozen of her chicken feet dishes, but has to go work the dining room, so she leaves the rest in Antonia's hands.
Service begins. There's a problem right away. All the chefs are behind in their prep, and in addition to that, Casey and Carla are working the dining room, Tiffany is loading the dumbwaiter with food, and Mike is extricating it. That's pretty much a full quarter of the chefs doing nothing but shuttling food from one place to another. Not an auspicious beginning. Casey and Carla greet the judges, including guest judge (and Top Chef Master) Susur Lee. Tiffani's cabbage salad with curry chicken is presented. It's a huge plate of roughage, and in no way would be a welcome sight at dim sum, at least in my eyes. Who knows, this crowd may love it. Fabio's soy, honey-glazed pork rib is also too big and unwieldy, although it looks tasty. Carla's summer rolls have a lemongrass dipping sauce on the side. Angelo's shrimp and pork spring rolls look fucking fantastic. Marcel has boneless chicken wings, with a scallion mayonnaise.
Meanwhile, the kitchen has already blown its wad, and isn't sending any dishes out. Tiffany shrieks at the other chefs to get her some goddamn food already, and complains in interview that she doesn't understand what's happening, because this is what they supposedly do every day; they're chefs. Well, exactly. They're chefs, not cooks. If you need a perfectly composed plate, with every delicate ingredient placed just so, these passionate artists have got you covered. Getting a large volume of food out quickly? Not so much. Also, most kitchens run on genuine teamwork, while this crew has no incentive to help one another out. The whole enterprise was doomed before it began.
Tasting. Angelo's spring roll gets high marks, while Carla's summer roll falters. Fabio's ribs are nice and sweet. Richard's dish is presented without being described, and without any identifying subtitles. Someone messed up. Marcel's dish is bland, while Tiffani's is heavy on the sesame. Service sucks. The crowd gets increasingly impatient. Get used to this theme, because it's never going to get any better. Jamie is a terrible chef with a terrible attitude. Get used to that theme, too, because it's never going to get any better. In fact, the entire structure of service dissolves, and everyone takes whatever they can to the dining room, carts and servers be damned.
Jamie and Antonia have collaborated on Chinese longbeans with sausage. Dalet and Angelo have collaborated on cheung fun with xo shrimp. Dalet has also made sticky rice with Chinese bacon, wrapped in banana leaf. Tiffany has steamed buns with spicy pork and vegetables. Tre's got an orange/ginger dessert, served with water chestnut, pine nuts, and Thai basil. Service sucks.
Tasting. The cheung fun is spicy, but tasty. Dalet's sticky rice is a hit as well. The longbeans are overcooked, while Tiffany's pork buns are delightfully authentic. Tre's dessert isn't cold enough, and has gotten runny. Service sucks. The kitchen is a total black hole of chaos. Casey descends to discover that Antonia can barely keep up with her own dish, and has let Casey's suffer as a result. Diners start to walk out in a huff. Ptom goes down to the kitchen to complain, which is the number one way to make things slow down even more. Everyone's running around in complete panic; it's not like they're down there playing canasta. I'm not prepared to call this a challenge where the chefs were set up to fail, because they could have done plenty differently to turn this around. But Ptom can certainly still feel free to shove that Disappointed Dad act he loves so much in his craw and suck on it for a while.
Casey's pathetic chicken feet finally make it out to the table. They're a play on chicken and waffles, and are braised and served with cilantro on a scallion pancake. Antonia has shrimp toast with pickled scallions and mushrooms. Mike has made pork and prawn steamed dumplings, served with spicy soy sauce. Jamie's dumplings have scallop and water chestnuts with Chinese chives. Service sucks.
Tasting. Mike's dumplings aren't bad, but the soy is too strong. Antonia's shrimp toast is great. Casey's chicken feet were not cooked in hot enough oil, and are stringy. Jamie's dumplings are awful. What...a shock. The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad service finally winds down. Well, that was just painful to watch. I've done my share of cater waiting, and have had those shifts were you just can't keep up for whatever reason, and they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm having sympathy stress. The chefs dejectedly drag themselves out.
Interstitial. Have they mentioned how much the service sucked? Well, just in case you haven't gotten that yet, let's devote the interstitial to repeating it.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs do their best to do an autopsy on their service, but never find the cause of death. Padma enters, and summons Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie, and Tre to Judges' Table. While it's nice when they attempt to mix things up by calling the losing chefs first (as they've done here), it may whip up a bit more suspense when the divide isn't so obvious. Odd Asian Music and Gong have made sure to show up for this episode. For once, I guess Odd Asian Music actually makes sense in this context, so just for tonight let's welcome Perfectly Normal Asian Music!
Service is briefly mentioned, then completely discarded in favor of the food. While I'm glad cooking is taking center stage, it's still a bit disingenuous to spend half the episode on scenes of crappy service, only to have it lead nowhere. Jamie prepared her dumpling wrappers incorrectly. She also put way too much oil on the longbeans. Antonia's shrimp toast was good, but she did have her hand in the disappointing longbeans and in Casey's chicken feet, which the judges address now by saying they weren't cooked nearly long enough. Also, the pancake they rested on was way too heavy. Antonia's role is mentioned, but all she can find to say about the situation was that she wished there were more time to help each other.
Casey shakes her head, because that's not very helpful at all. I don't know if she never said it, or if it's on the cutting room floor, but I dearly wish Antonia had said something along the lines of "I'm disappointed that I couldn't do better for Casey, but I was trying to cook those AND my shrimp toast AND assist Jamie with the longbeans. Plenty of other chefs had poor food, and don't have the excuse of extra work." Tre's dessert was defeated by the hot kitchen. Carla's summer rolls were dainty and beautiful, but wound up being nothing but a mouthful of bland noodle. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Tiffany, Angelo, Dalet, and Fabio are sent to Winners' Table. That's three people who have experience with Chinese food preparation...and Fabio, who deserves a lot of credit for scoring so highly while so completely out of his comfort zone. His dish had good imagination, and tasted great. Tiffany's pork bun was bright and flavorful. Dalet's rice was fresh. Angelo's spring rolls were authentic, with good texture. Susur gets to announce the individual winner, who is... Dalet. I'm as surprised to be as happy for him as I was for Mike's Quickfire win. He deserves this one.
Deliberations. Padma says that this is a tough elimination, because so many things sucked. Both of Jamie's dishes were terrible, but she gets credit for putting in some extra work. Antonia is saved by her shrimp toast. Tre's dessert was a soupy mess. Neither the judges nor the diners liked Casey's chicken feet. Carla's dish was pretty as a painting, and tasted about as good. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. Bad wordplay by Ptom. The same criticisms. Let's get straight to the chop. Casey. Please pack your knives and go. What?!? Well, that's just bullshit. Let's have the final interview first: Unlike some of her other competitors, she clearly knew coming in that winning would be a longshot, and takes everything in stride. Figures. Someone finally gets an unfair elimination, and they have the nerve to be all mature about it. She does say what everyone's thinking - that everyone expected Jamie to be cut, including Jamie. Casey took a big risk leaving her dish in someone else's hands, and that risk did not pay off. She doesn't think it's her time to go, but that's how it worked out.
Seriously, are we missing something here? If I understand correctly, Casey's dish may have been saved by cooking at the proper temperature, which she was not around to do, because some of the chefs were required to be out in the dining room. I'm not even saying that that means Antonia should have been eliminated. I'm saying that Casey's food being bad was at least partially beyond Casey's control, while Jamie's dishes being bad all rests on Jamie. This was a bad, bad decision. Confucius say: "You got totally robbed, girl."
Overall Grade: C-
Previously on Top Chef: Hey, did you know that Spike allowed other people to execute his dish? He totally did! And then he went home! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!!! You should never rely on or allow another chef to direct your vision! By the way, the show would still like you to conveniently ignore that allowing yuzu gelee to be added to his soup was perhaps .5% of the reason Spike got eliminated. Thanks so much, and enjoy the show! Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Antonia doesn't understand what drives Angelo to stick his nose into so many other people's dishes. Not literally, of course, although that would be entertaining. She calls his constant need to interfere a case of "Chef Tourette's", which is honestly the best description of it I've heard so far. It's certainly a lot more believable than Angelo having some grand evil plan to sabotage everyone else. Richard outlines the Jamie Arc for us again.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma. It's tough to concentrate on anything she says, because she's wearing a black and white striped shirt with puffy shoulders. I guess it figures. She's already been the parrot, and has now worked her way up to full-fledged pirate. I look forward to the inevitable peg-leg and eyepatch.
Panny: "I had a shirt like that. In third grade."
Padma explains that today's Quickfire will be a test of speed. Another chef will come in and make a dish as fast as he can, and however much time that takes is the time limit that the contestants will have to make their own dishes. The pace chef turns out to be Ptom. I'm not sure if the show is putting him forward as some sort of "Look! He doesn't just sit behind a table and pronounce judgment! He's really talented!" statement, or if they just thought it'd be a cute idea for a challenge. I waffled back and forth on this, but as I'm feeling rather cynical today, right now I'm in the former camp. The other chefs dutifully suck up in interview. Ptom starts his prep. He's an impressive whirl of speed at first, although he probably didn't intend to catapult his leftover fish carcass right into Padma. Well, wear a pirate shirt, and of course dead fish will be attracted to you. When Ptom finishes, there is a scant 8 minutes, 37 seconds on the clock.
The chefs gird themselves for a tough challenge. Ptom tells them that degree of difficulty will factor into the results, so quick slices of tuna tartare aren't going to make the grade. Padma adds some incentive when she promises the winner not only immunity, but a brand new Toyota Prius to go along with it. The countdown starts. Marcel has the very smart idea to avoid the clusterfuck of ingredient grabbing at the fridge, and heads right for Ptom's leftover fish. Nicely done. Wild prep ensues; it's understandably even more chaotic than usual. And before you know it, time's up. Ptom and Padma go down the line.
Antonia has seared ahi tuna on top of a tarragon, corn, and tomato salad. Richard has roasted foie gras with aromatics, served with corn, coriander, and port. Tiffani has a weak-looking clam chowder with celery and cream. Fabio's dish is similar to Ptom's. It has steamed clams, with zucchini, fish, tomato broth, thyme, and garlic. Angelo has disregarded the whole "difficulty matters" lecture, and has made a crudo, with yuzu and branzino, with jalapeno and cilantro. Tiffany has pan-seared bass, with tomato relish, olives, and capers. Ooh. Yes, please. Capers bring me happiness.
Tre has grilled beef tenderloin with seared foie gras, and serves it with mushrooms and brandy sauce. Sounds pretty complicated for the time limit. Carla has got shrimp with mango, cilantro, and mint. Now that sounds like an eight-minute dish. Dalet attempted to make pad Thai with egg noodles, but couldn't complete much of anything in the time limit. His bowls just have one sad noodle and some cooking liquid at the bottom. Casey was in such a hurry that she still has food stuck in her hair. Heh. She's made a spice-rubbed filet, with a fresh tomato relish. Marcel has used Ptom's black sea bass, and combined it with dashi broth, bok choy, and chili oil. Mike has pan-roasted branzino, with a black olive and caper stew. Yum. More happiness! Jamie wasn't able to get much clam done in time, so she calls it an amuse-bouche with tomato and bacon. I guess she can't do much else at this point. You know, Carla aside, Jamie's season was the most boring one, so a lot of details are lost to the sands of time, but I honestly don't remember her being this sucky. Didn't she show some promise at some point?
Results. The bottom three naturally kicks off with Dalet, who was the only chef not able to plate anything. Jamie couldn't put anything together with her clam. And her dish wasn't much to talk about, either. Ba-zing! Angelo gets shunted to the bottom for the cardinal sin of ignoring a challenge parameter. Now, for the good news. Mike developed a ton of flavors. Richard had well-cooked foie gras. Marcel is commended for making dashi so speedily. The winner of the challenge, the immunity, and the car is... Mike. Yay! If you had told me during Season 6 that I'd one day be happily cheering Mike's victory, I'd have thought you were crazy. Yet here we are. I'm certainly not the only person to have noticed this attitude turnaround and disproportionate amount of screentime, but it's something to ponder.
Elimination Challenge. Like the Quickfire, it will also test the chefs' speed and organizational skills, though nobody's going to be able to get away with a one-clam "amuse-bouche" this time. The chefs are going to Chinatown, and will work as one team to supply a dim sum restaurant through the lunch rush. Obviously, some chefs are happier to hear this than others. Dalet once worked in a dim sum restaurant, and is thrilled, while Fabio is horrified. Padma warns that dim sum is served continuously, so keeping the carts filled is a big aspect of the challenge. The chefs are dismissed, and Mike heads outside to check out his new car. It's a nice car, though the dull gray finish they picked for it is unfortunate.
That evening, the chefs settle in to plan the menu. Jamie volunteers to make scallops. DRINK! Fabio sets up a flashback to Season 5, and Jamie's slavish devotion to putting scallops into everything short of a milkshake. Mike agrees to expedite, because that's what people with immunity do. After that's decided, a discussion of who's going to work the front-of-house arises. Thanks to the chefs' newfound focus on retaining full control of their own dishes, this one's not as easily settled. After all, whoever is out peddling the food will have less time in the kitchen. Eventually, Carla and Casey step up to the plate. Dalet and Angelo, who have the most experience in this arena, agree to do two dishes each. Jamie, perhaps still stinging from the whole Jamie Arc thing, wants to do two as well.
After the menu planning session, a group of chefs gather in the loft kitchen to drink and shoot the shit. Tiffani attacks Antonia with her bra. All the dudes immediately clear the room. And...scene!
Shopping. Fabio talks about his pet turtle over footage of him walking her on a leash. And...scene!
The chefs head for the dim sum restaurant, and get started on their three and a half hours of prep. Fabio discovers that the ovens don't go above 300 degrees. That's because Chinese people don't bake. Seriously, we've been watching a lot of House Hunters International lately, and if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that were I ever to move to Nanjing, making chocolate chip cookies won't be in the cards. Jamie screws up yet another dish. In this case, she's not happy with the way her dumplings are turning out. Casey has purchased a large bag of chicken feet, and is now stuck cutting all of the nails off of them. Carla wraps up some very pretty summer rolls. Tre has trouble keeping his dessert cold in the fiery heat of the cramped kitchen. As time winds down, a horde of Chinese diners enters the restaurant and gets seated. Casey prepares about a dozen of her chicken feet dishes, but has to go work the dining room, so she leaves the rest in Antonia's hands.
Service begins. There's a problem right away. All the chefs are behind in their prep, and in addition to that, Casey and Carla are working the dining room, Tiffany is loading the dumbwaiter with food, and Mike is extricating it. That's pretty much a full quarter of the chefs doing nothing but shuttling food from one place to another. Not an auspicious beginning. Casey and Carla greet the judges, including guest judge (and Top Chef Master) Susur Lee. Tiffani's cabbage salad with curry chicken is presented. It's a huge plate of roughage, and in no way would be a welcome sight at dim sum, at least in my eyes. Who knows, this crowd may love it. Fabio's soy, honey-glazed pork rib is also too big and unwieldy, although it looks tasty. Carla's summer rolls have a lemongrass dipping sauce on the side. Angelo's shrimp and pork spring rolls look fucking fantastic. Marcel has boneless chicken wings, with a scallion mayonnaise.
Meanwhile, the kitchen has already blown its wad, and isn't sending any dishes out. Tiffany shrieks at the other chefs to get her some goddamn food already, and complains in interview that she doesn't understand what's happening, because this is what they supposedly do every day; they're chefs. Well, exactly. They're chefs, not cooks. If you need a perfectly composed plate, with every delicate ingredient placed just so, these passionate artists have got you covered. Getting a large volume of food out quickly? Not so much. Also, most kitchens run on genuine teamwork, while this crew has no incentive to help one another out. The whole enterprise was doomed before it began.
Tasting. Angelo's spring roll gets high marks, while Carla's summer roll falters. Fabio's ribs are nice and sweet. Richard's dish is presented without being described, and without any identifying subtitles. Someone messed up. Marcel's dish is bland, while Tiffani's is heavy on the sesame. Service sucks. The crowd gets increasingly impatient. Get used to this theme, because it's never going to get any better. Jamie is a terrible chef with a terrible attitude. Get used to that theme, too, because it's never going to get any better. In fact, the entire structure of service dissolves, and everyone takes whatever they can to the dining room, carts and servers be damned.
Jamie and Antonia have collaborated on Chinese longbeans with sausage. Dalet and Angelo have collaborated on cheung fun with xo shrimp. Dalet has also made sticky rice with Chinese bacon, wrapped in banana leaf. Tiffany has steamed buns with spicy pork and vegetables. Tre's got an orange/ginger dessert, served with water chestnut, pine nuts, and Thai basil. Service sucks.
Tasting. The cheung fun is spicy, but tasty. Dalet's sticky rice is a hit as well. The longbeans are overcooked, while Tiffany's pork buns are delightfully authentic. Tre's dessert isn't cold enough, and has gotten runny. Service sucks. The kitchen is a total black hole of chaos. Casey descends to discover that Antonia can barely keep up with her own dish, and has let Casey's suffer as a result. Diners start to walk out in a huff. Ptom goes down to the kitchen to complain, which is the number one way to make things slow down even more. Everyone's running around in complete panic; it's not like they're down there playing canasta. I'm not prepared to call this a challenge where the chefs were set up to fail, because they could have done plenty differently to turn this around. But Ptom can certainly still feel free to shove that Disappointed Dad act he loves so much in his craw and suck on it for a while.
Casey's pathetic chicken feet finally make it out to the table. They're a play on chicken and waffles, and are braised and served with cilantro on a scallion pancake. Antonia has shrimp toast with pickled scallions and mushrooms. Mike has made pork and prawn steamed dumplings, served with spicy soy sauce. Jamie's dumplings have scallop and water chestnuts with Chinese chives. Service sucks.
Tasting. Mike's dumplings aren't bad, but the soy is too strong. Antonia's shrimp toast is great. Casey's chicken feet were not cooked in hot enough oil, and are stringy. Jamie's dumplings are awful. What...a shock. The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad service finally winds down. Well, that was just painful to watch. I've done my share of cater waiting, and have had those shifts were you just can't keep up for whatever reason, and they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm having sympathy stress. The chefs dejectedly drag themselves out.
Interstitial. Have they mentioned how much the service sucked? Well, just in case you haven't gotten that yet, let's devote the interstitial to repeating it.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs do their best to do an autopsy on their service, but never find the cause of death. Padma enters, and summons Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie, and Tre to Judges' Table. While it's nice when they attempt to mix things up by calling the losing chefs first (as they've done here), it may whip up a bit more suspense when the divide isn't so obvious. Odd Asian Music and Gong have made sure to show up for this episode. For once, I guess Odd Asian Music actually makes sense in this context, so just for tonight let's welcome Perfectly Normal Asian Music!
Service is briefly mentioned, then completely discarded in favor of the food. While I'm glad cooking is taking center stage, it's still a bit disingenuous to spend half the episode on scenes of crappy service, only to have it lead nowhere. Jamie prepared her dumpling wrappers incorrectly. She also put way too much oil on the longbeans. Antonia's shrimp toast was good, but she did have her hand in the disappointing longbeans and in Casey's chicken feet, which the judges address now by saying they weren't cooked nearly long enough. Also, the pancake they rested on was way too heavy. Antonia's role is mentioned, but all she can find to say about the situation was that she wished there were more time to help each other.
Casey shakes her head, because that's not very helpful at all. I don't know if she never said it, or if it's on the cutting room floor, but I dearly wish Antonia had said something along the lines of "I'm disappointed that I couldn't do better for Casey, but I was trying to cook those AND my shrimp toast AND assist Jamie with the longbeans. Plenty of other chefs had poor food, and don't have the excuse of extra work." Tre's dessert was defeated by the hot kitchen. Carla's summer rolls were dainty and beautiful, but wound up being nothing but a mouthful of bland noodle. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Tiffany, Angelo, Dalet, and Fabio are sent to Winners' Table. That's three people who have experience with Chinese food preparation...and Fabio, who deserves a lot of credit for scoring so highly while so completely out of his comfort zone. His dish had good imagination, and tasted great. Tiffany's pork bun was bright and flavorful. Dalet's rice was fresh. Angelo's spring rolls were authentic, with good texture. Susur gets to announce the individual winner, who is... Dalet. I'm as surprised to be as happy for him as I was for Mike's Quickfire win. He deserves this one.
Deliberations. Padma says that this is a tough elimination, because so many things sucked. Both of Jamie's dishes were terrible, but she gets credit for putting in some extra work. Antonia is saved by her shrimp toast. Tre's dessert was a soupy mess. Neither the judges nor the diners liked Casey's chicken feet. Carla's dish was pretty as a painting, and tasted about as good. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. Bad wordplay by Ptom. The same criticisms. Let's get straight to the chop. Casey. Please pack your knives and go. What?!? Well, that's just bullshit. Let's have the final interview first: Unlike some of her other competitors, she clearly knew coming in that winning would be a longshot, and takes everything in stride. Figures. Someone finally gets an unfair elimination, and they have the nerve to be all mature about it. She does say what everyone's thinking - that everyone expected Jamie to be cut, including Jamie. Casey took a big risk leaving her dish in someone else's hands, and that risk did not pay off. She doesn't think it's her time to go, but that's how it worked out.
Seriously, are we missing something here? If I understand correctly, Casey's dish may have been saved by cooking at the proper temperature, which she was not around to do, because some of the chefs were required to be out in the dining room. I'm not even saying that that means Antonia should have been eliminated. I'm saying that Casey's food being bad was at least partially beyond Casey's control, while Jamie's dishes being bad all rests on Jamie. This was a bad, bad decision. Confucius say: "You got totally robbed, girl."
Overall Grade: C-
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