Top Chef - Season 7, Episode 1
Welcome back, food fans! Though Iron Chef is fun, I must confess that I was really ready for Top Chef to come back. I even sat through a bunch of Chopped episodes, despite my disgust for the entire judging panel (save Freitag and Guarnaschelli), just to get my culinary fix. This season comes to us from our nation's capital, which is a beautiful place, though I don't know much about its restaurants or cuisine. Seventeen chefs are here to prove that they have what it takes to wow the judges with their cooking prowess, and have enough of a crap personality to become a deeply-unsatisfactory winner. Hooray!
Padma introduces the opening montage. One lady wants to stick her success in her mom's face. One guy needs the money so he can support Asian orphanages. A bunch of people want to fight on television. In the best news ever, Toby Young has been booted from the judging panel, and has been replaced by Eric Ripert. I have no idea whom to credit for this change, but once I figure it out, the thank you card is in the mail. The prizes will sound familiar to you: A feature in Food and Wine, a showcase at their event in Aspen, and $125,000.
Opening menu. We always tend to go a bit crazy on the first and last episodes of a season. This time around was no exception. LabRat made a tomato/basil/mozzarella salsa to top some bruschetta, and used tomatoes and basil he plucked from our garden the day before. I'm on a wild dessert tear, and made buttercream cupcakes. Tim outdid us all with candy sushi. I swear I was looking forward to a nice unagi roll before I realized it was made out of Rice Krispie Treats and gummi worms. The viewing party's Top Chef drinking game is also in effect, so feel free to play along at home. Rule #1: Take a drink whenever someone refers to getting "thrown under the bus". The observant among you will have realized that someone already said it in the opening montage, so knock back that glass!
Ready to get acquainted? Tiffany Derry is from Beaumont, Texas. She started work at the International House of Pancakes, and by simply deciding to always work harder than the people around her, has risen to be an executive chef in Dallas. Of course, judging by my local IHOP, it's not difficult to work harder than the other employees, but I like her style. She thinks it'd be nice to be the first African American contestant to win Top Chef. Ah, yes. As I mentioned in the blurblet for this episode, we have an incredibly refreshing cast on our hands. Last time around, the entire pool was lily white by episode seven. This time, nearly half of the contestants are minorities, and there isn't just one token black guy that gets punted when all of the cannon fodder is out of the way. Stephen Hopcraft is one of those unfortunate souls who has been kidnapped at gunpoint and forced to abandon his family to go on a reality show. Tracey Bloom is an executive chef in Atlanta, Georgia. I predict Dawn French will play her in the movie. Kenny Gilbert has been cooking since he was knee-high to a grasshopper. He's confident.
The chefs arrive on the rooftop of one of the Smithsonian buildings to meet and greet. Alex Reznik enjoys the view, and is looking forward to cooking in D.C. Kelly Liken owns a restaurant with her husband in Vail, Colorado. I'm always in awe and a little bit suspicious of couples who spend all day working together, then all night living together. There is something to be said for alone time. Kelly tells us that she was voted one of the top young, female chefs in the country. That's quite a few qualifiers. Did you guys know I was voted the best Jewish, bee-fearing, crossword-loving, public-transportation-commuting, television blogger in the country? Lynne Gigliotti works for the CIA. Not that CIA. She's an instructor at the Culinary Institute of America, and tells us with a bit of deadpan cattiness that she's not some flashy young star with tattoos and weird hair, but her food tastes good. I'm taking a real shine to her already. Oh, and speaking of weird hair, we see her chatting with a guy who doesn't seem to have noticed the rats' nest that has formed atop his head. Curiously, I haven't seen a single tattoo. That's strange, given the human canvases we had last season.
Arnold Myint is an executive chef and owns three restaurants. Geez, why does he even need to be on this show? Oh, he's the one whose family supports all those orphanages. That explains it. Kids ain't cheap. His bio video includes him dancing around his restaurant like he's backup for Lady Gaga. He also talks about getting a wardrobe stylist and facial before he came on the show, so it seems safe to say that Team Rainbow has a new recruit. Kevin Sbraga puts together a frou-frou plate in his bio video, then talks about how New Jersey chefs don't get enough respect. He's familiar with Kenny, and is unnerved to be competing against him, pegging him as his biggest threat. I always love how these people try to rank competitors in a cooking contest before a single dish has been prepared. Jacqueline Lombard is the traditional contestant who is "here to prove" that a self-taught, catering chef can win the competition.
Timothy Dean is the hometown hero, as he was born and raised in D.C. Hmm. It'll be tough to refer to the Tim and Tiffany of the viewing party when there are a Tim and Tiffany competing. Frankly, it seems as though the racial difference is the simplest one, so thanks for the candy sushi, WhiteTim! BlackTim wants to win in honor of his late wife. That ought to shut down anyone attempting to trash talk him. Angelo Sosa is easily identifiable as the unavoidable, arrogant contestant. That doesn't mean he's not talented, but I'm already bracing myself for choppy waters ahead.
Padma and Ptom come out to greet the chefs. Padma was putting on some baby weight at the time, and it really suits her. The rats' nest known as John Somerville finds it surreal to actually be in this situation. If I saw that head bent over a plate of my food, I'd be calling for the check. Ptom always sounds stilted and uncomfortable when he's forced to recite reality show patter, and his opening blather is no exception, so let's just skip ahead to this season's first...
Quickfire Challenge. It's a replay of the mise en place relay race. The first round will be to peel ten potatoes, after which the last five chefs will be eliminated. The remaining contestants will have to dice ten cups of onions, after which the last four chefs will be eliminated. The third round will be to break down four chickens, after which the last four chefs will be eliminated. The final four will have to cook a dish with the aforementioned ingredients to win the challenge and its attendant prize of $20,000. Not bad! Kevin would like to win. No way, really?!? The chefs take their starting positions. Ready? Go! Ptom stands over everyone with his tinny rape whistle and monitors their work. Kenny immediately leaps into the lead. Amanda Baumgarten has apparently seen Season Five's relay race, and decides to pay homage by pulling a Richard and gouging her hand.
Kenny is the first to finish, followed by Angelo. Others soon fall into place. When the round is over, Arnold, Kelly, Jacqueline, Amanda, and Stephen are the five eliminated chefs. The wardrobe stylist and facial didn't help peel potatoes faster? Damn! Round two begins. As befits his role as The Arrogant One, Angelo is more intent on beating Kenny than anything else. It doesn't work. Kenny once again leads the pack. After the onion settles, we meet Andrea Curto-Randazzo just in time to see her eliminated. Some guy we haven't met, along with Tracey and John are also cut. Round three begins. The whistle's note is barely done reverberating before Kenny is done yet again. He's followed by Angelo, Tim, and Kevin, so Lynne, Tiffany, Alex, and some lady we haven't met yet are out. In fact, they won't bother to introduce her for the whole hour, so let's do it now. Tamesha Warren, America. America, Tamesha Warren. Alex is mad, because he "was a quarter of a chicken away from $20,000". Well, sure. Who among us hasn't said that at some point in our lives?
After the commercials, we go into the final round. The final four chefs have half an hour to throw their dishes together. Tim works on a potato gallette with chicken and fresh herbs. Kevin is making a poached, boneless chicken wing in chicken broth with the onions, some potatoes, and mushroom. Kenny goes for Moroccan spice chicken two ways. He wants to show the other chefs that he's the alpha male of the group, but Lynne is more interested in cajoling the winner into buying them booze. I know it's only the first episode, but so far, every word out of her mouth makes me like her more. Angelo makes roasted chicken with a sauce of curried onion jam and potato noodles. Time winds down, and the chefs wrap up their preparations.
Padma and Ptom go down the line, then pronounce judgment (with a lovely shot of the Capitol in the background). Tim's dish had too much cream. Kevin's broth was too salty. That leaves it between Kenny and Angelo, which it will probably be for the remainder of the season. I hope there's a surprise or two down the line, because we really don't need another season of Golden Child domination. The ultimate winner of the challenge and the money is... Angelo. He's very pleased, saying that he'd like to win every single challenge. Golden Child status aside, I have the feeling that he's going to be disappointed on that score sooner rather than later.
Elimination Challenge. Padma explains that since they're in a place that represents all Americans, the chefs will be making a dish that represents where they're from. Hilariously, we see a proud Canadian flag waving in the background as she says this. The chefs will be serving 300 guests at the annual Cherry Blossom Festival. That sounds fun, although I find it a bit weird for the first challenge to be catering, because that's really not the best venue for the chefs to put their best, representative dishes forward. Ptom says that the chefs will be broken into four groups, and that within each group, someone will be up for the win, and someone will be up for elimination. The final four chefs of the Quickfire get to choose the chefs they'll be competing against in the mini-groups. Angelo gets to pick first, and the groups shake out to be:
Group #1: Angelo, Tiffany, Kelly, and John
Group #2: Kenny, Tracey, Lynne, and Stephen
Group #3: Kevin, Arnold, Amanda, and Jacqueline
Group #4: Tim, Alex, Tamesha, and Andrea
That leaves one odd man out, who's named Ed Cotton. He's miffed at being chosen last, and rattles off his impressive resume. Of course, he doesn't realize that being picked last would suggest the team-choosing chefs believe he's stronger rather than weaker, so he should probably leave "Critical Thinking" off of that CV. As the Quickfire winner, Angelo gets to place Ed, so he puts him in Kenny's group. The chefs will have $300 to shop, and four hours to prep, plus one hour to set up at the event.
The chefs head back to their living quarters, which turns out to be a beautiful townhouse. Rooms are divvied up via the time-tested method of sticking all the snorers together, although it looks like non-snorer Arnold may be stuck with log-sawing roommates. John kicks back and journals. I've freeze-framed the shot of his diary, and can make out "Tough nite sleeping as it always is in a big city. Lots of noise, lights, phones, and pillows that were a bit soft." What a goofball. Soft pillows are more of a distraction than sixteen roommates? And if you're going to take the trouble to write everything out, why not just go the extra letter and write night? His diary anticipates an upcoming challenge. Ya think? He also mentions something about the Easter Egg Roll at the White House, and Obama throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game. He interviews that he wants to "give the judges a piece of who [he is]." I'm sure anyone he's prepared food for without a hairnet has had a piece of him.
Shopping. Everyone floods the meat counter, because no matter what part of America you hail from, your food had better contain something that used to have a heartbeat. Jacqueline stocks up on chicken liver and spills apples all over the floor. John grabs a bunch of store-brand puff pastry that he's never tried before. Back at the Kitchen, prep time begins. Several chefs have spent some of their food budget on decorative flowers. The viewing party becomes a sea of heads shaking in disdain. The Reliably Shitty Titles Department gets an early jump this season by misidentifying the four hour prep time as one hour.
Timothy gets started on rockfish to symbolize the Chesapeake Bay region. Alex's family is from Russia (holla!), so he works on a deconstructed short rib borscht with creme fraiche. Alex is kind of cute when he's not wearing those hideously unflattering glasses. Amanda giggles that Kevin was silly for choosing her, because she's going to totally destroy him. If she can avoid chopping off more of her hand, that is. Kevin works on a sous vide Pennsylvania lamb with a lemon pistachio marmalade and spring onions. Sounds good. Jacqueline is making a duo of chicken liver mousse to put into apple cups. She decides to make it lighter by omitting a lot of the butter fat. Sure, why not make a completely unnecessary change to the taste and texture of mousse? It's not like you're being critiqued by a French judge or anything. Angelo has Arctic char with shallots, chili tapioca, and a smoked bacon froth. John is from Michigan. LabRat rolls his eyes. Apparently, they've got some good maple sap up there, so John is making a maple mousse Napoleon with macadamia nuts and vanilla sauce.
Tracey sizes up Stephen's food. He's making a potato-crusted ribeye to symbolize Ohio. Sounds good to me. It does not sound good to Tracey, because the only food served between New York and Las Vegas is pig slop. What a twat. Kenny is representing Colorado with a cinnamon-coffee-rubbed trout with a black bean mole, goat cheese polenta, and quinoa.
LabRat: "Ah, yes. When I think of Colorado, I always think of mole and quinoa."
Meanwhile, John has already ruined his macadamia nuts by setting the oven incorrectly. I hate to keep making fun of him, because he seems like a lovely guy, but come on. I need something to work with here. If a reality show competitor wants me on their team, being nice is great, but they also have to be either competent or funny. Miraculously good-looking doesn't hurt, either. Where was I going with this idea? Oh, yeah. John's a mess. Jacqueline decides not to strain her chicken liver puree. She calls this "risky", but a "safe bet". Um. Do these sentences not pass through some sort of logic filter before they leave her mouth? Time runs out, and through the magic of television, we arrive at the event hall. The chefs do their final preparations. Jacqueline discovers that the mousse has not magically strained itself on the trip over, and is grainy. She tries to cook it down to a smoother texture.
Guests begin to arrive. Serving gets underway. The judges stride in, led by Padma's newly-swelled breasts. She, Ptom, Gail, and Eric head for Amanda's table first. Amanda has made neo-classical Californian food. Bleh. It's a red snapper carpaccio with clementines, sencha oil, and a daikon/caraway gelee. Arnold explains that he's from Nashville. So, seafood? I'm sorry, is it too soon for that joke? Arnold also has a Thai background, so he's made a kaffir lime and basil cake with a palm sugar anglaise, and a "Myint" julep. That's a pretty weak tie to Tennessee, but it looks like a nice dish, overall. Kevin presents his lamb. Jacqueline explains that she's made a low-fat chicken liver mousse. Gail is already horrified by the idea. Tasting #1. Amanda's fish is messy and underseasoned. Kevin's lamb is tender and tasty. Jacqueline's grainy mousse is universally disliked. Arnold's dish isn't discussed on camera.
Commercials. As we return, Bravo sneaks in a shot of a gay couple holding hands on their way in to the festival. Don't let any military personnel see you! Stephen has accented his potato-crusted ribeye with a celery root puree and a scarlet stadium mustard vinaigrette. Heh. I like that stadium mustard touch. Ed is from Boston, and has made sauteed cod cakes with Boston baked beans and a shaved fennel salad. Lynne is from the New York area, and has a corn-camembert ice cream on waffles, with a bacon-praline and caramel sauce. Curiosity about that corn aside, it looks wonderful. Tracey is from Atlanta, and has made stone-ground grits, with rock shrimp and a maple cheddar sauce. Kenny has the aforementioned trout. Tasting #2. Tracey's shrimp is bland. How can that be?!?! She's from a city!!!!!! Ed's cod has too much breading. Stephen's ribeye just tastes like deep-fried anything. One of the guys from The Bachelor didn't like it either, as if anyone gives a good goddamn what he thinks about anything. Kenny's is the only one to get a positive reaction (although Lynne's food isn't mentioned). Looks like he chose his "team" well.
Alex presents his borscht. Tamesha finally gets to open her mouth. She's from Barbados originally, and has made a jerk chicken sphere on top of polenta, with mango, papaya, and jicama. Andrea was inspired by Miami Italian food. I wasn't aware that Miami had that many Italians. She's made pork with chorizo/potato gnocchi, calabaza squash, and an orange gremolata. Tim's pan-seared rockfish includes pickled leek, dill, and a grilled crostini, finished with ginger and sesame seeds. Tasting #3. Andrea's food is good, but has little to do with Miami. Alex's borscht is a big hit, both taste-wise and as a method of deconstruction. Tim's sauces are indistinct, and his fish had too thick a skin on it to cook well. Tamesha is ignored yet again.
Tiffany is from Texas, and wanted to give her food some Southern flair. She's made a Cajun shrimp and crawfish salad, with some chicken-fried tomatillos and a bacon-sherry vinaigrette. Yes, please. Kelly, who bragged earlier that she had this challenge in the bag because she cooks regional cuisine every day at her restaurant in Colorado, has made New York strip steak. As a dish to represent where she's from. In Colorado. A New York strip steak. Whatever. Anyway, it's crusted in spices, and served with fiddlehead fern and a wild mushroom sauce. Angelo represents small town Connecticut with his Arctic char. John presents his maple Napoleon. Tasting #4. Angelo's fish is great, though Gail and Ptom have a slight disagreement over the amount of dill in it. Angelo tells some guests that they can lick their bowls, but his pronunciation, along with a high level of background noise, makes it sound like Angelo just told a group of complete strangers to go lick their balls. Kelly's steak is well-seasoned. John's maple mousse is nothing but sugar. The judges taste no maple at all. Tiffany's food isn't mentioned. The event winds down.
Back in the Kitchen, the chefs settle in for the fret 'n sweat. Padma comes in and summons Kevin, Alex, Kenny, and Angelo to Judges' Table. They're told they are the top of their groups. That's three of the top four Quickfire placers. I guess Tim didn't do such a good job of choosing competitors. Gail's initial impression of Kenny's plate was that it needed editing, but she has to admit that it turned out to be extremely well-balanced. Kevin's was the exact opposite; it looked overly simple until the judges tasted it. The components of Angelo's dish all made themselves known, and were all wonderful. Alex did a great job of deconstructing his borscht. Eric gets to announce the winner, which is... Angelo. Wow, the rare double win! He's very proud of himself, saying that he's going to "set the presidents" for the whole season. I know we're in D.C., but precendents, Angelo. Unless this is just another weird speech pattern of his, and he really did want those people to lick their balls. No prize is given. Only the duty to inform the bottom four that they're wanted at Losers' Table.
Angelo tells the waiting chefs that the judges want to see Stephen, John, Tim, and Jacqueline. Tim is confused and flustered. The four of them trudge out to the dining room, where the judges inform them that they had the least successful dishes of the evening. Now, in the first challenge, the chefs have a unique opportunity not available in later challenges. This is probably the only episode in which "I thought I could pull this off, because X, Y, and Z, but here's why it didn't work out," could be accepted as a legitimate excuse. As long as you can articulately explain where you went wrong, you'll probably get a second chance. Let's see how these four handle it, shall we? Stephen's ribeye was so thin that it was destined to be overcooked. He says he thought he could crisp the outside so that the inside remained medium rare, but couldn't. Eric tells him his meat turned out like chicken nuggets.
Jacqueline had a bad concept from the beginning. Liver is supposed to be fatty. If you thought "this is risky, but a safe bet" was the most illogical, stupid thing she could ever say, prepare to be amazed. "I've never made these without my recipes. I've served this dish hundreds of times around the country." Oy. Does she do this a lot? "I wanted to stay clean, so I jumped in a mud puddle." "I'm a staunch Republican, so I voted for Bill Clinton." Ptom asks her if she's made it hundreds of times, or just served it hundreds of times. She tries to dance around that question by admitting it was underseasoned, but Ptom nails her, saying that's not what he asked her. She says she's made it hundreds of times, and Ptom wonders why she needs a recipe. She doesn't really have a response to that, muttering that it's not memorized. Well, I guess Jill can take heart. She no longer holds the record for the worst defense of her food.
John's food had no maple flavor and the puff pastry was soggy. John admits that buying pre-prepared pastry might not have been the right choice, but that it was just an instrument to bring the mousse up to the mouth. Double oy. Would that be the mousse that the judges just said they didn't like? Gail points out that the pastry made up a good third of the plate, so John can't really act like it was some inconsequential component. John says that he guesses that he just did something stupid. Triple oy. Tim liked his cut of rockfish, but Eric says that leaving the skin on made it chewy and unpleasant. Ptom brings up the fact that Tim had his choice of competitors, and here he sits at the bottom of his self-selected pile. Tim says he's let himself down more than the judges, but knows that he can put forth better food, given the chance. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. The bottom four made a lot of mistakes. John not only had bad food, but buying pre-prepared dough doesn't fit the challenge parameter of representing himself. His cream was grainy and thin. Stephen had a bad idea when it came to preparation technique, and got caught up in his background story. Jacqueline had a better idea, but made a terrible mousse. The judges can't believe she used low-fat liver as a selling point. Tim's fish skin ruined everything. The judges reach a decision.
Interstitial. Some of the chefs spend the long wait during the fret 'n sweat playing games. Some of the other chefs disapprove. I fail to care.
Elimination. The bottom four chefs all had execution problems. Ptom tells Stephen that if "Cleveland rocks," his dish certainly didn't. I don't know who puts these terrible puns and attempts at acerbic wit into Ptom's scripts, but I wish they'd stop. He can't sell them. That's not an insult; he does well when he's simply explaining his reaction to something. They need to just let him be direct, and stop trying to make him a showman. Jacqueline's mousse was completely terrible. The only thing John represented was a first-year pastry student. Tim could have done a better job with his fish and a much better job representing his region. We go over to Padma for the chop. John. Please pack your knives and go. I sure am glad that there's a dessert iteration of this show coming up, because the contestants in this main version prove over and over again how hard they suck at it. Except for my girl Carla. Hootie!
John thanks the judges for the opportunity, and leaks some tears in his final interview. Aw. He admits that making a dessert on this show is always a big risk, which is why I wonder why he chose to take that risk on the first challenge. Play to your strengths first - then prove you can go outside of your comfort zone. He gets good-bye hugs back in the Kitchen, and tells us that he feels like he's let down his family and supporters back home. Oh, I wouldn't say that, necessarily. Some people just aren't cut out for this kind of contest; it doesn't mean they can't cook. Still, I have to admit that not having to look at giant, nasty dreads for the rest of the season is a definite perk.
This season on Top Chef: Washington. Running. Cooking. Holy shitballs. Yelling. Fighting. The CIA. This time, it is that CIA. Baseball. Boats. Rambunctious children. Crying. Cursing. Astronauts. Mike, for some inconceivable reason. Nancy Pelosi. Angelo is "literally going to be a sniper". AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! That's it. I've decided that every time someone misuses literally, they owe me a dollar. I'll be a millionaire in five years.
Overall Grade: B
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
After Dinner Mint
Just a temporary post to wrap up business on Season 6 of Top Chef. Like many people, the viewing party missed the reunion show, because it was run an hour earlier than the main episodes. Bravo was probably hoping they could trap people into watching their second crap attempt to recapture Project Runway, but we had zero interest in that (plus I heard they didn't even reveal the fan favorite -- as if anyone but Kevin was going to win). So, no reunion recap. I'm not usually a big fan of them, anyway.
However, if I have time over the next few weeks, and the episodes remain online and free, I'll go back and recap the episodes I had to skip due to travel or moving. I know it seems kind of pointless, since we already know who got eliminated, and who's going to win the season, but incomplete series tend to bug me. Other than that, I'll see you next season!
UPDATE: Both recaps are done. Full season coverage! I won't be recapping the upcoming season of Top Chef Masters (though we'll be watching), so be sure to come back when Top Chef or its dessert spinoff premieres.
However, if I have time over the next few weeks, and the episodes remain online and free, I'll go back and recap the episodes I had to skip due to travel or moving. I know it seems kind of pointless, since we already know who got eliminated, and who's going to win the season, but incomplete series tend to bug me. Other than that, I'll see you next season!
UPDATE: Both recaps are done. Full season coverage! I won't be recapping the upcoming season of Top Chef Masters (though we'll be watching), so be sure to come back when Top Chef or its dessert spinoff premieres.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Last Supper
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 14
Previously on Top Chef: Perhaps the most talented cast ever, barring a few without the necessary level of talent (Eve), drive (Ash), or ability to stir up watercooler buzz (Laurine). Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. There. You think I've said it enough times to prevent the editors from cramming it down our throats tonight? Michael, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc were ordained as the Golden Children, and won every single Elimination Challenge. That's not an exaggeration. Nobody outside of these four won an Elimination Challenge. Seriously! Once the rest of the chefs were cut loose, one of the Golden Children had to take the fall, and Jenc's slightly unfocused approach finally did her in. Three chefs remain. Who will be Top Chef?
Opening credits. A wine called "Marilyn Merlot". Heh. Also, fondue up the wazoo! Our viewing party had both cheese and chocolate fondue, and I contributed the dippers, from apples to bread to veggies to marshmallows to pound cake to berries. It may have been delicious, but my stomach was not happy with me the next day.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The final three analyze their chances. Kevin's got the best record going into the finals, but isn't about to rest on his laurels. Michael notes that Bryan has racked up a bunch of challenge wins, but could never manage to figure out those Quickfires. The chefs head out for the day, and Bravo pastes up a logo (practically in the center of the screen) for that dreadful attempt to recapture Project Runway. I'll make it simple for you, Bravo: No. If it makes you feel any better, Project Runway isn't good anymore. Anyway, back to this show.
The chefs meet Ptom and Padma in the midst of a winery, where they explain the upcoming SuperChallenge. Each chef will cook a three-course meal, but naturally, there will be certain parameters. The first course will be a rip-off of Chopped, in which chefs are given identical boxes of mystery ingredients, all of which must be incorporated into the dish. It's sad to see Top Chef have to stoop to stealing material from a show that owes its entire existence to this one. Thankfully, for all the carping I've done about the judging on this show, I doubt it would be possible to reach the level of sheer assitude the losers who call themselves experts spew on Chopped. Geez, what's with these digressions about shows that aren't good anymore? Forgive me, I'll try to focus. The second course is entirely up to the chef. The third course must be dessert. This news causes a couple of brows to furrow.
Obviously, the diners will be a collection of Names. Just as obviously, the chefs will have some help in their preparations. Who could it possibly be? Eliminated contestants? No way! How'd they think that one up? In a nice change of pace, all of the eliminated chefs are prospective sous chefs, and not just the people eliminated in the last few weeks. Each of the finalists will draw two knives to determine their helpers; one of the sous chefs will help today, and one tomorrow. My heart goes giddy, flush with the possibility that Michael may have to rely on Robin, or that anyone could draw Jenz and have to figure out her name, let alone her cooking style. Unfortunately, Fate isn't feeling particularly dramatic this evening. Kevin draws Preeti. Bryan draws Jenc. Michael draws Jesse. Kevin draws Ash. Bryan draws Ashley. Michael draws Eli. Interesting. I'd say Michael's picks don't really affect him one way or the other, but Bryan is sure set up nicely. Kevin, not so much.
That night, the chefs dig into their mystery boxes to figure out the first course. It contains Pacific rockfish, Dungeness crab, squash, lemon, Matsutake mushrooms, and anise hyssop. After some frenzied planning, everyone gets started. Preeti, Jesse, and Ashley are on the field as sous chefs. Ashley and Jesse are doing fine, but Preeti is cutting vegetables at a glacial pace. Kevin is getting peeved, as well he might. I'm pretty sure I could knock out that task faster. Kevin complains in interview that of the twenty items on his prep list, he can only assign two to Preeti. Ouch. As time winds down, Michael and Bryan spar via interview about whether Bryan's more conservative cooking style is "safe" or "smart". Kevin worries that his sous chefs will be about as much help as Sarah Palin in securing a win.
The next day, Kevin awakens in a foul mood. He lost time on Preeti, and lost even more time wandering around in a funk about Preeti. It's taken to the last episode to see that Bryan does indeed have a tattoo, just like most of his other brethren here in the most inked season ever. And just like them, it's not particularly becoming. A knock at the door sends all of the chefs' brains into a whirl. It's got to be a twist! What's going to be the twist? Will they be able to overcome the twist? It'd have been funny if it had just been a maid, all "I was just dropping by to see if you needed more towels." It turns out to be the chefs' mothers, which Bryan calls "surreal". DRINK! Michael and Bryan's mother interviews that she's rooting for both of them, but that ultimately, there will be one winner.
LabRat (as Voltaggimom): "You were always my favorite, Bryan."
There's a telling bit in which Voltaggimom helps button her sons' chef coats (probably at the producers' urging -- what self-sufficient adult needs help fastening a front-buttoned garment?) Bryan plays along nicely. Michael lectures his mother on the finer points of sleeve-rolling. Bryan kiddingly-but-not-really chides Michael for ragging on her. Kevin's mom pledges her full support and interviews that there's no reason he can't win. Kevin's mood is markedly improved by the visit, and the chefs head out for the day. They're met at the restaurant by Ptom, who nails them with the real twist. There is to be a fourth course. It will slide in as the first course, and shift all the other ones back. This new course will be "inspired" by the chefs' mothers, and should be a callback to a favorite childhood dish. The chefs have three hours before the first plate hits the table.
Ready? Go! The sous chefs enter, and everyone gets cookin'. Bryan's childhood course will be a play on tuna noodle casserole, which will include sardines, German potato, panko, and fennel cucumber linguine. Sounds good. Michael hated broccoli as a child, and will be playing around with that concept by "reinventing" it. He's making a cream of dehydrated broccoli soup, with spot prawn and fried broccoli. Kevin talks about his upbringing, and how he abandoned the idea of college to become a chef. His childhood course will be "chicken and fixings", which includes fried chicken skin, tomatoes, and a liquid squash casserole. As an aside, I know that everyone has their own personal list of words they despise, and "fixings" (not to mention its toothless cousin, "fixins'") is firmly ensconced in my top ten. Bleh.
For the mystery box course, Bryan is preparing sous vide rockfish with diced mushroom and a lemon jam. Michael is poaching the rockfish in butter, and serving it with tomato-kombu sauce, and a sweet and sour salad. Kevin is cooking his rockfish in duck fat, and serving it with mushrooms and crab broth, both of which will be roasted. Kevin doesn't like the texture of the Matsutake mushrooms, and doesn't quite know what to do with them. He's a lot happier with Ash than he was with Preeti, though.
For the third course, Michael, who loves his gimmicks, will be making fake mushrooms out of mushroom goo. He's also working with fennel, squab, and a pistachio cassoulet. Kevin, who loves his pork, will be slow roasting some pork belly, and serving it with roasted broccoli and Brussels sprouts. A caramelized ham jus will serve as the sauce. Bryan, who loves... Well, anyway. He'll be making venison saddle with Brussels sprouts, sunchokes, and maple-glazed carrots. The venison sounds good, but the vegetables are unimpressive.
For dessert, Michael works on a chocolate caramel cake with a butternut squash brulee and butternut ice cream. Kevin is throwing bacon into a roasted banana chocolate mousse. He's serving it with peanut bacon brittle. Hmm. You won't find a more ardent supporter of bacon than I, but it doesn't go well with everything. Bryan is making a white chocolate dulce de leche cheesecake with sheep's milk. There will also be a fig sorbet and poached pear. Time winds down.
Out in the dining room, the judges, Names, and moms await the first course. Padma apologizes in advance for the critical things that must be said about the food. Voltaggimom lives in Vegas, and threatens to track Ptom down if need be. Awesome. The chefs emerge to the surprise of being judged by their mothers. What, like we all don't live in fear of that? Bryan rethinks the wisdom of using sardine, which he's sure his mother has never gone near. Ptom introduces the diners, noting that the moms will only be around for the first course. The chefs explain their childhood memory courses, and recede. Kevin's squash casserole goes over very well. Bryan's sardine isn't as seasoned as much as it could be, which is a common theme with Bryan. His mother sticks up for him, of course, saying that she was concerned that the sardine would taste overly fishy, but it didn't. Michael's prawn is too undercooked for the Names, but he sold the shit out of his story of overcoming his dislike for broccoli. Wonderful, judges. I can't wait to head to the nearest restaurant and order crappy food that reminds the chef of his Nana. Padma tries to get Voltaggimom to decide which of her sons' dishes she liked better, but she wisely pleads the Fifth. Padma thanks the moms and sends them back to say good-bye. Michael immediately pumps Voltaggimom for information about the judges' opinions, but if he got any, we never hear it.
The chefs bring out their mystery box courses. Kevin's broth goes over very well, but his mushrooms were too tough. His fish wasn't bad, but it doesn't wow anyone, either. Bryan's fish is -- surprise! -- underseasoned. Again, the overall plate is good, but not great. Michael's is a lot more successful, as he struck a perfect balance of sweet and sour. Everyone likes it, but I'm surprised at how subdued all of the judges' reactions have been so far.
Third course. Bryan finally knocks one out of the park. The judges all love his venison. Michael's squab was excellent, but his mushrooms didn't have a lot of flavor, and were a bit silly in execution. Kevin, who's been excelling at meat dishes all season long, falls down a bit on his pork belly. It seems that cracks are finally starting to show in his veneer, but man, what a terrible day for that to be happening. The pork belly wasn't cooked long enough, and came out tough. The sauce was good, though.
Fourth course. Back in the kitchen, Michael realizes that Eli overfilled the cakes, and that Michael himself cooked them too long. They're way overdone. The chefs bring out their plates. Kevin's dessert gets poor to mixed reviews. Gail likes the bacon crumblies, but one of the Names is tired of chefs throwing bacon into desserts. Ptom thinks Kevin didn't do enough with the banana. Michael has made candied pumpkin seeds, which were good, but his cakes were dry. Bryan's cheesecake was "nice". Geez. If you just heard the deliberations, you'd never know this was the most successful final three ever. Based on the judges' conversation, it frankly sounds like a disappointing meal. Strange. The chefs come out for cursory applause, and so that Padma can tell them she'll see them later at Judges' Table. All three of the chefs think they have a good shot at the title, but Michael is nervous about his lackluster dessert.
Fret 'n sweat. Michael has both of those things covered. Judges' Table. Odd Asian Music and Gong breeze in so they can get through their work and go on vacation for a while. The chefs enter, and Padma thanks them for the meal, which was "an amazing end to an amazing season". I'm just not buying it. Nobody had that moment. You know, the one where you take a bite of truly extraordinary food and just lose yourself in it. I don't think I saw an expression much higher than "Meh" at that table. As to the dishes, Bryan's mystery box course was well-cooked, but it didn't have a lot of contrast, imagination, or seasoning. His venison was great. Kevin's childhood memory course was flavorful and complex. His pork belly needed more time, and the judges are surprised that he didn't deliver on his speciality. Michael's mystery box course was excellent. He's a creative cook, and takes risks, which judges always love. Michael's dessert was disappointing, which he admits. For some reason, the judges bend over backwards to excuse him for it. I don't know if they already had their minds made up or what, but they just shrugged off the detriments of a dessert they would have blasted any of the eliminated chefs for.
Padma asks the pageant question of why each chef "deserves" to be Top Chef. Bryan says that he expressed himself through his cuisine. Michael jokes that he just doesn't want Bryan to win. When everyone's done giggling, Michael really sells himself again, saying that cooking is what he is, and that he's never collected a paycheck for doing anything else, nor will he ever. He lives and breathes food. The judges wet their pants, because this neat package of American Dream is exactly what they're looking for. Ironically, a heartfelt speech on this show about how much food means to you is as important -- if not more -- than the actual food. A point to Michael for playing the production like a fiddle here. Kevin says he cooks soulful food that speaks to the person that he is. The judges are still swooning over Michael, and hardly pay attention. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Kevin had the most interesting, flavorful first course. Ptom found Bryan's bland, but Toby liked it, saying he didn't mind at all that it was underseasoned.
Limecrete: "Wow, the British judge likes bland food? Shut the fuck up."
Michael's fried broccoli completely overwhelmed the prawn. On the second course, Michael was king. He was smart and creative with the mystery box ingredients. Gail didn't care for Michael's tomato, but hated Kevin's mushroom more. Bryan's was safe and boring. Gail can't find a flaw in Bryan's third course. Toby admits that it was good, but says that it wasn't as memorable as Michael's squab. Gail lobs back that although the squab was good, two other components (the mushroom and the pistachio cassoulet) weren't up to par. Kevin is not even in the running on this course, as his pork belly was tough and unsophisticated. Michael's dessert execution was off, but his bold flavors made sense, whatever that means. I'm sorry, but "I know what you were going for," is an acceptable reason to keep someone around in Episode 1 or 2. Not the finale. Kevin's dessert was disappointing. He's clearly bound for culinary greatness, but he had a bad night. Bryan's dessert was restrained and sophisticated. Had Michael put out the dessert he intended, it may have been better than Bryan's, but it wasn't. The judges reach a decision.
Final decision. Ptom congratulates all three chefs. Padma starts with some bad news, and dismisses Kevin right away. It's amazing how many seasons this happens in. A favorite strides into the finals, then immediately shoots him or herself in the foot. Casey committed game suicide in Season Three. Richard flailed at the last minute in Season Four. Carla fell apart in Season Five. And here is Kevin, who unquestionably ruled this entire season. He dominated challenge after challenge, came to the finals, and promptly lost his head. It's a shame, because while I can support his elimination under the rules of the game, he's probably the most talented competitor this show has ever seen. The producers are giddy that Kevin lost his groove, though, because it sets up a magnificently television-friendly Battle of the Brothers for the final two. Kevin walks back to the fret 'n sweat room, where his mom is waiting to give him a conciliatory hug. He's disappointed, but proud of what he's accomplished, saying that he was the underdog from the very beginning. Kevin, you know I love you, but you do not get to win every goddamn challenge under the sun, then call yourself an underdog. Sorry, buddy.
Back at Judges' Table, Ptom obligingly plays up the EMOTION of a SIBLING RIVALRY final two, where two such professional chefs must STRUGGLE with their FEELINGS. Blah, blah, blah. Let's just get to the winner, which is... Michael. Even though he's spent the entire season talking himself up, he looks genuinely shocked. I'm sure he was thinking that the dessert course had torpedoed his chances. Bryan congratulates him, and pulls him in for a hug. Michael interviews that he's happier about having Bryan in the finals with him than about winning. He wishes both of them could have won. Uh huh. Also, he's got a pet unicorn, and Nigerian princes are waiting to wire you two million dollars. Voltaggimom comes out to hug them both. Michael leaks a few tears, and tells Padma she's finally getting the emotion she wanted. Heh. Bryan is disappointed, but displays his trademark stoicism. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged, and the season comes to a close with Michael saying that he's learned about himself as a person and as a cook.
That's an interesting distinction, actually. As I said in the short version, if the competition were judged solely on food, I wouldn't have a problem with any of these three chefs winning. I haven't tasted their cooking, of course, but we can figure out a lot based on judging and diners' reactions. If they say that Michael had the best food of the night and/or is the most talented chef overall, I have no reason to disbelieve that. But as I also said in the short version, it's also nice when the winner has an enjoyable personality on top of being meritorious. I can respect someone who does good work, but I have greater respect for someone who does good work without having to resort to being an ass to get it done. Given that this is a television show well before it is a cooking competition, how much should personality weigh into the decision? Is the positive force of Michael's talent so great that it's better than Bryan's talent + Bryan's personality? Is Michael so much better than Kevin that you'd prefer to work with him yelling "Relax! Relax! Relax! Relax! RE-LAX!" in your face every night?
These sound like rhetorical questions, but they're not. If this were a genuine cooking competition, or you were eating in a restaurant at which you'd never even come into contact with the chef, it wouldn't matter. You'd want the person with the best food. But when you watch a television show, you not only want the winner to deserve the achievement, you want to like them. You want to root for them, and it's difficult to resolve the situation when you don't. Looking back at Top Chef's history, we see that they do not have a great track record in this regard. Ilan was a scum-sucking douchebag. Hung was arrogant and condescending. Hosea was nice enough, but about as interesting as toast. And here we have Michael, the cold, snide victor, who swayed the judges with romantic talk of his Life's Work while serving dry cake and undercooked prawn. I don't know. I don't begrudge Michael the win for a moment, but at the same time, I have to admit to some disappointment. I like that Top Chef hands out the award to people who they believe can cook great food. I don't like that Top Chef hands out the award to people who kind of suck as people. Make of that what you will.
As to the season postmortem, I have very few complaints. They did a great job this time around. They seemed to focus on finding talented competitors, rather than people who would act up for attention. Mike was the exception to that, of course, but there's always got to be at least one, right? I didn't enjoy the Mean Girl mentality of ganging up on Robin, but it never got out of hand. Except for pointing out the obvious fact that Toby is woefully unqualified and works way too hard to be acerbic and witty (and fails every time), the judging was mostly sound and reasonable. I don't think Ptom really annoyed me once, which is a new milestone. If I had to pick the worst episode, I'd pick the Air Force challenge without hesitation. As I said then, I'm all for patriotism, but I felt like I was being bludgeoned to death by a bald eagle with an American flag in one talon and Mom's apple pie in the other. Not only that, but the judging was clearly steered towards getting rid of someone boring, rather than someone bad. Other than that, it was an interesting, well-crafted season, and I look forward to the next one.
Overall Grade: B-
Overall Season Grade: A-
Previously on Top Chef: Perhaps the most talented cast ever, barring a few without the necessary level of talent (Eve), drive (Ash), or ability to stir up watercooler buzz (Laurine). Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. There. You think I've said it enough times to prevent the editors from cramming it down our throats tonight? Michael, Bryan, Kevin, and Jenc were ordained as the Golden Children, and won every single Elimination Challenge. That's not an exaggeration. Nobody outside of these four won an Elimination Challenge. Seriously! Once the rest of the chefs were cut loose, one of the Golden Children had to take the fall, and Jenc's slightly unfocused approach finally did her in. Three chefs remain. Who will be Top Chef?
Opening credits. A wine called "Marilyn Merlot". Heh. Also, fondue up the wazoo! Our viewing party had both cheese and chocolate fondue, and I contributed the dippers, from apples to bread to veggies to marshmallows to pound cake to berries. It may have been delicious, but my stomach was not happy with me the next day.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. The final three analyze their chances. Kevin's got the best record going into the finals, but isn't about to rest on his laurels. Michael notes that Bryan has racked up a bunch of challenge wins, but could never manage to figure out those Quickfires. The chefs head out for the day, and Bravo pastes up a logo (practically in the center of the screen) for that dreadful attempt to recapture Project Runway. I'll make it simple for you, Bravo: No. If it makes you feel any better, Project Runway isn't good anymore. Anyway, back to this show.
The chefs meet Ptom and Padma in the midst of a winery, where they explain the upcoming SuperChallenge. Each chef will cook a three-course meal, but naturally, there will be certain parameters. The first course will be a rip-off of Chopped, in which chefs are given identical boxes of mystery ingredients, all of which must be incorporated into the dish. It's sad to see Top Chef have to stoop to stealing material from a show that owes its entire existence to this one. Thankfully, for all the carping I've done about the judging on this show, I doubt it would be possible to reach the level of sheer assitude the losers who call themselves experts spew on Chopped. Geez, what's with these digressions about shows that aren't good anymore? Forgive me, I'll try to focus. The second course is entirely up to the chef. The third course must be dessert. This news causes a couple of brows to furrow.
Obviously, the diners will be a collection of Names. Just as obviously, the chefs will have some help in their preparations. Who could it possibly be? Eliminated contestants? No way! How'd they think that one up? In a nice change of pace, all of the eliminated chefs are prospective sous chefs, and not just the people eliminated in the last few weeks. Each of the finalists will draw two knives to determine their helpers; one of the sous chefs will help today, and one tomorrow. My heart goes giddy, flush with the possibility that Michael may have to rely on Robin, or that anyone could draw Jenz and have to figure out her name, let alone her cooking style. Unfortunately, Fate isn't feeling particularly dramatic this evening. Kevin draws Preeti. Bryan draws Jenc. Michael draws Jesse. Kevin draws Ash. Bryan draws Ashley. Michael draws Eli. Interesting. I'd say Michael's picks don't really affect him one way or the other, but Bryan is sure set up nicely. Kevin, not so much.
That night, the chefs dig into their mystery boxes to figure out the first course. It contains Pacific rockfish, Dungeness crab, squash, lemon, Matsutake mushrooms, and anise hyssop. After some frenzied planning, everyone gets started. Preeti, Jesse, and Ashley are on the field as sous chefs. Ashley and Jesse are doing fine, but Preeti is cutting vegetables at a glacial pace. Kevin is getting peeved, as well he might. I'm pretty sure I could knock out that task faster. Kevin complains in interview that of the twenty items on his prep list, he can only assign two to Preeti. Ouch. As time winds down, Michael and Bryan spar via interview about whether Bryan's more conservative cooking style is "safe" or "smart". Kevin worries that his sous chefs will be about as much help as Sarah Palin in securing a win.
The next day, Kevin awakens in a foul mood. He lost time on Preeti, and lost even more time wandering around in a funk about Preeti. It's taken to the last episode to see that Bryan does indeed have a tattoo, just like most of his other brethren here in the most inked season ever. And just like them, it's not particularly becoming. A knock at the door sends all of the chefs' brains into a whirl. It's got to be a twist! What's going to be the twist? Will they be able to overcome the twist? It'd have been funny if it had just been a maid, all "I was just dropping by to see if you needed more towels." It turns out to be the chefs' mothers, which Bryan calls "surreal". DRINK! Michael and Bryan's mother interviews that she's rooting for both of them, but that ultimately, there will be one winner.
LabRat (as Voltaggimom): "You were always my favorite, Bryan."
There's a telling bit in which Voltaggimom helps button her sons' chef coats (probably at the producers' urging -- what self-sufficient adult needs help fastening a front-buttoned garment?) Bryan plays along nicely. Michael lectures his mother on the finer points of sleeve-rolling. Bryan kiddingly-but-not-really chides Michael for ragging on her. Kevin's mom pledges her full support and interviews that there's no reason he can't win. Kevin's mood is markedly improved by the visit, and the chefs head out for the day. They're met at the restaurant by Ptom, who nails them with the real twist. There is to be a fourth course. It will slide in as the first course, and shift all the other ones back. This new course will be "inspired" by the chefs' mothers, and should be a callback to a favorite childhood dish. The chefs have three hours before the first plate hits the table.
Ready? Go! The sous chefs enter, and everyone gets cookin'. Bryan's childhood course will be a play on tuna noodle casserole, which will include sardines, German potato, panko, and fennel cucumber linguine. Sounds good. Michael hated broccoli as a child, and will be playing around with that concept by "reinventing" it. He's making a cream of dehydrated broccoli soup, with spot prawn and fried broccoli. Kevin talks about his upbringing, and how he abandoned the idea of college to become a chef. His childhood course will be "chicken and fixings", which includes fried chicken skin, tomatoes, and a liquid squash casserole. As an aside, I know that everyone has their own personal list of words they despise, and "fixings" (not to mention its toothless cousin, "fixins'") is firmly ensconced in my top ten. Bleh.
For the mystery box course, Bryan is preparing sous vide rockfish with diced mushroom and a lemon jam. Michael is poaching the rockfish in butter, and serving it with tomato-kombu sauce, and a sweet and sour salad. Kevin is cooking his rockfish in duck fat, and serving it with mushrooms and crab broth, both of which will be roasted. Kevin doesn't like the texture of the Matsutake mushrooms, and doesn't quite know what to do with them. He's a lot happier with Ash than he was with Preeti, though.
For the third course, Michael, who loves his gimmicks, will be making fake mushrooms out of mushroom goo. He's also working with fennel, squab, and a pistachio cassoulet. Kevin, who loves his pork, will be slow roasting some pork belly, and serving it with roasted broccoli and Brussels sprouts. A caramelized ham jus will serve as the sauce. Bryan, who loves... Well, anyway. He'll be making venison saddle with Brussels sprouts, sunchokes, and maple-glazed carrots. The venison sounds good, but the vegetables are unimpressive.
For dessert, Michael works on a chocolate caramel cake with a butternut squash brulee and butternut ice cream. Kevin is throwing bacon into a roasted banana chocolate mousse. He's serving it with peanut bacon brittle. Hmm. You won't find a more ardent supporter of bacon than I, but it doesn't go well with everything. Bryan is making a white chocolate dulce de leche cheesecake with sheep's milk. There will also be a fig sorbet and poached pear. Time winds down.
Out in the dining room, the judges, Names, and moms await the first course. Padma apologizes in advance for the critical things that must be said about the food. Voltaggimom lives in Vegas, and threatens to track Ptom down if need be. Awesome. The chefs emerge to the surprise of being judged by their mothers. What, like we all don't live in fear of that? Bryan rethinks the wisdom of using sardine, which he's sure his mother has never gone near. Ptom introduces the diners, noting that the moms will only be around for the first course. The chefs explain their childhood memory courses, and recede. Kevin's squash casserole goes over very well. Bryan's sardine isn't as seasoned as much as it could be, which is a common theme with Bryan. His mother sticks up for him, of course, saying that she was concerned that the sardine would taste overly fishy, but it didn't. Michael's prawn is too undercooked for the Names, but he sold the shit out of his story of overcoming his dislike for broccoli. Wonderful, judges. I can't wait to head to the nearest restaurant and order crappy food that reminds the chef of his Nana. Padma tries to get Voltaggimom to decide which of her sons' dishes she liked better, but she wisely pleads the Fifth. Padma thanks the moms and sends them back to say good-bye. Michael immediately pumps Voltaggimom for information about the judges' opinions, but if he got any, we never hear it.
The chefs bring out their mystery box courses. Kevin's broth goes over very well, but his mushrooms were too tough. His fish wasn't bad, but it doesn't wow anyone, either. Bryan's fish is -- surprise! -- underseasoned. Again, the overall plate is good, but not great. Michael's is a lot more successful, as he struck a perfect balance of sweet and sour. Everyone likes it, but I'm surprised at how subdued all of the judges' reactions have been so far.
Third course. Bryan finally knocks one out of the park. The judges all love his venison. Michael's squab was excellent, but his mushrooms didn't have a lot of flavor, and were a bit silly in execution. Kevin, who's been excelling at meat dishes all season long, falls down a bit on his pork belly. It seems that cracks are finally starting to show in his veneer, but man, what a terrible day for that to be happening. The pork belly wasn't cooked long enough, and came out tough. The sauce was good, though.
Fourth course. Back in the kitchen, Michael realizes that Eli overfilled the cakes, and that Michael himself cooked them too long. They're way overdone. The chefs bring out their plates. Kevin's dessert gets poor to mixed reviews. Gail likes the bacon crumblies, but one of the Names is tired of chefs throwing bacon into desserts. Ptom thinks Kevin didn't do enough with the banana. Michael has made candied pumpkin seeds, which were good, but his cakes were dry. Bryan's cheesecake was "nice". Geez. If you just heard the deliberations, you'd never know this was the most successful final three ever. Based on the judges' conversation, it frankly sounds like a disappointing meal. Strange. The chefs come out for cursory applause, and so that Padma can tell them she'll see them later at Judges' Table. All three of the chefs think they have a good shot at the title, but Michael is nervous about his lackluster dessert.
Fret 'n sweat. Michael has both of those things covered. Judges' Table. Odd Asian Music and Gong breeze in so they can get through their work and go on vacation for a while. The chefs enter, and Padma thanks them for the meal, which was "an amazing end to an amazing season". I'm just not buying it. Nobody had that moment. You know, the one where you take a bite of truly extraordinary food and just lose yourself in it. I don't think I saw an expression much higher than "Meh" at that table. As to the dishes, Bryan's mystery box course was well-cooked, but it didn't have a lot of contrast, imagination, or seasoning. His venison was great. Kevin's childhood memory course was flavorful and complex. His pork belly needed more time, and the judges are surprised that he didn't deliver on his speciality. Michael's mystery box course was excellent. He's a creative cook, and takes risks, which judges always love. Michael's dessert was disappointing, which he admits. For some reason, the judges bend over backwards to excuse him for it. I don't know if they already had their minds made up or what, but they just shrugged off the detriments of a dessert they would have blasted any of the eliminated chefs for.
Padma asks the pageant question of why each chef "deserves" to be Top Chef. Bryan says that he expressed himself through his cuisine. Michael jokes that he just doesn't want Bryan to win. When everyone's done giggling, Michael really sells himself again, saying that cooking is what he is, and that he's never collected a paycheck for doing anything else, nor will he ever. He lives and breathes food. The judges wet their pants, because this neat package of American Dream is exactly what they're looking for. Ironically, a heartfelt speech on this show about how much food means to you is as important -- if not more -- than the actual food. A point to Michael for playing the production like a fiddle here. Kevin says he cooks soulful food that speaks to the person that he is. The judges are still swooning over Michael, and hardly pay attention. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Kevin had the most interesting, flavorful first course. Ptom found Bryan's bland, but Toby liked it, saying he didn't mind at all that it was underseasoned.
Limecrete: "Wow, the British judge likes bland food? Shut the fuck up."
Michael's fried broccoli completely overwhelmed the prawn. On the second course, Michael was king. He was smart and creative with the mystery box ingredients. Gail didn't care for Michael's tomato, but hated Kevin's mushroom more. Bryan's was safe and boring. Gail can't find a flaw in Bryan's third course. Toby admits that it was good, but says that it wasn't as memorable as Michael's squab. Gail lobs back that although the squab was good, two other components (the mushroom and the pistachio cassoulet) weren't up to par. Kevin is not even in the running on this course, as his pork belly was tough and unsophisticated. Michael's dessert execution was off, but his bold flavors made sense, whatever that means. I'm sorry, but "I know what you were going for," is an acceptable reason to keep someone around in Episode 1 or 2. Not the finale. Kevin's dessert was disappointing. He's clearly bound for culinary greatness, but he had a bad night. Bryan's dessert was restrained and sophisticated. Had Michael put out the dessert he intended, it may have been better than Bryan's, but it wasn't. The judges reach a decision.
Final decision. Ptom congratulates all three chefs. Padma starts with some bad news, and dismisses Kevin right away. It's amazing how many seasons this happens in. A favorite strides into the finals, then immediately shoots him or herself in the foot. Casey committed game suicide in Season Three. Richard flailed at the last minute in Season Four. Carla fell apart in Season Five. And here is Kevin, who unquestionably ruled this entire season. He dominated challenge after challenge, came to the finals, and promptly lost his head. It's a shame, because while I can support his elimination under the rules of the game, he's probably the most talented competitor this show has ever seen. The producers are giddy that Kevin lost his groove, though, because it sets up a magnificently television-friendly Battle of the Brothers for the final two. Kevin walks back to the fret 'n sweat room, where his mom is waiting to give him a conciliatory hug. He's disappointed, but proud of what he's accomplished, saying that he was the underdog from the very beginning. Kevin, you know I love you, but you do not get to win every goddamn challenge under the sun, then call yourself an underdog. Sorry, buddy.
Back at Judges' Table, Ptom obligingly plays up the EMOTION of a SIBLING RIVALRY final two, where two such professional chefs must STRUGGLE with their FEELINGS. Blah, blah, blah. Let's just get to the winner, which is... Michael. Even though he's spent the entire season talking himself up, he looks genuinely shocked. I'm sure he was thinking that the dessert course had torpedoed his chances. Bryan congratulates him, and pulls him in for a hug. Michael interviews that he's happier about having Bryan in the finals with him than about winning. He wishes both of them could have won. Uh huh. Also, he's got a pet unicorn, and Nigerian princes are waiting to wire you two million dollars. Voltaggimom comes out to hug them both. Michael leaks a few tears, and tells Padma she's finally getting the emotion she wanted. Heh. Bryan is disappointed, but displays his trademark stoicism. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged, and the season comes to a close with Michael saying that he's learned about himself as a person and as a cook.
That's an interesting distinction, actually. As I said in the short version, if the competition were judged solely on food, I wouldn't have a problem with any of these three chefs winning. I haven't tasted their cooking, of course, but we can figure out a lot based on judging and diners' reactions. If they say that Michael had the best food of the night and/or is the most talented chef overall, I have no reason to disbelieve that. But as I also said in the short version, it's also nice when the winner has an enjoyable personality on top of being meritorious. I can respect someone who does good work, but I have greater respect for someone who does good work without having to resort to being an ass to get it done. Given that this is a television show well before it is a cooking competition, how much should personality weigh into the decision? Is the positive force of Michael's talent so great that it's better than Bryan's talent + Bryan's personality? Is Michael so much better than Kevin that you'd prefer to work with him yelling "Relax! Relax! Relax! Relax! RE-LAX!" in your face every night?
These sound like rhetorical questions, but they're not. If this were a genuine cooking competition, or you were eating in a restaurant at which you'd never even come into contact with the chef, it wouldn't matter. You'd want the person with the best food. But when you watch a television show, you not only want the winner to deserve the achievement, you want to like them. You want to root for them, and it's difficult to resolve the situation when you don't. Looking back at Top Chef's history, we see that they do not have a great track record in this regard. Ilan was a scum-sucking douchebag. Hung was arrogant and condescending. Hosea was nice enough, but about as interesting as toast. And here we have Michael, the cold, snide victor, who swayed the judges with romantic talk of his Life's Work while serving dry cake and undercooked prawn. I don't know. I don't begrudge Michael the win for a moment, but at the same time, I have to admit to some disappointment. I like that Top Chef hands out the award to people who they believe can cook great food. I don't like that Top Chef hands out the award to people who kind of suck as people. Make of that what you will.
As to the season postmortem, I have very few complaints. They did a great job this time around. They seemed to focus on finding talented competitors, rather than people who would act up for attention. Mike was the exception to that, of course, but there's always got to be at least one, right? I didn't enjoy the Mean Girl mentality of ganging up on Robin, but it never got out of hand. Except for pointing out the obvious fact that Toby is woefully unqualified and works way too hard to be acerbic and witty (and fails every time), the judging was mostly sound and reasonable. I don't think Ptom really annoyed me once, which is a new milestone. If I had to pick the worst episode, I'd pick the Air Force challenge without hesitation. As I said then, I'm all for patriotism, but I felt like I was being bludgeoned to death by a bald eagle with an American flag in one talon and Mom's apple pie in the other. Not only that, but the judging was clearly steered towards getting rid of someone boring, rather than someone bad. Other than that, it was an interesting, well-crafted season, and I look forward to the next one.
Overall Grade: B-
Overall Season Grade: A-
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Crushed Dreams
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 13
Previously on Top Chef: Kevin won another Elimination Challenge. The chefs went through a fake Bocuse d'Or that had real consequences for Eli. Now, four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. With the season coming to a close, the viewing party goes snack crazy. For the first half of the finale, we had turkey tetrazzini, cheese fondue, olive salsa, sausage dip, Fruity Pebble treats, and a multitude of wines. Perhaps not the most well-balanced meal, but a very enjoyable one.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. We get a brief look back at the final four throughout the season, and a few of their opinions on each other. Kevin is complimentary. Jenc is flustered. Michael is snotty. Bryan is. The finalists roll into a Napa Valley train station under a picturesque rainbow. They chat to each other about what they've been up to since they've finally gotten some time off from each other, and they chat to us about how they're totally going to win. A train pulls up to the station, and a very pregnant Padma steps out, along with this week's guest judge, Michael Chiarello. Michael (the contestant) admires him, ostensibly because he's such an awesome chef, but probably more because he saw the episode where Chiarello got into a snit with Douchebag Dale. Michael loves snits.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be cooking with and featuring the most natural ingredient you can find in these parts: Grapes! The chefs will have half an hour to get their food ready, and they will then serve to Padma and Chiarello on the train. Oh, and by the way... They'll be cooking in the cramped train kitchen. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so the winner will get a nice little prize in their Christmas stocking. It turns out to be a Prius. Nice! The chefs are all jazzed. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs hustle onto the train and stock up on ingredients, including several varieties of grape. Everyone gets cooking, and bumps up against each other in the narrow kitchen space. A hideous Frankenbyte makes Bryan sound angry about Michael beating him to the small prep space, but it's so obviously cobbled together from different quotes, Bryan may as well have been talking about standing in line at the DMV. Kevin works on dessert, and questions his choice of grape. Jenc is pleased with hers. Michael wants to use as many parts of the grape as he can. Bryan muses over the fact that he's never won a Quickfire. Hey, Stephanie was terrible at Quickfires, and she did all right for herself. Time runs out, and the chefs present their dishes.
Kevin has made honey and cheese mousse with glazed grapes, sea salt, and thyme. It's very pretty. Michael has stuffed a grape leaf with couscous filling, and serves it with a spice blend, vinegar reduction, and a kebab of grapes and scallops. Bryan has roasted hen with Brussels sprouts and bacon. The grapes have been reduced into a sauce and the grape flesh was added back in at the end. Jenc has made chicken liver with steamed clams, and serves it with a sauce of grapes, grape tendrils, and wild mushrooms. Results. Kevin's was tasty, but light on grape. Michael, on the other hand, used his grapes very wisely. Bryan's smoky bacon matched the grape well. Jenc's was impressive enough to steal for Chiarello's own restaurant. The winner of the challenge and the snazzy ride is... Michael. He's pleased, but still focused on the challenge ahead.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs approach a winery, where they're told there is going to be a Crush party celebrating the grape harvest's end, which is capped with grape stomping. Sounds like a fun party activity. I'd love to jump up and down on some grapes. The party will have 150 guests, and the chefs will be responsible for making two dishes. The focus will be on local ingredients, so the chefs won't have access to ingredients that aren't raised or grown nearby. One of the dishes has to be vegetarian, and one has to feature a local protein. They'll shop at a Farmer's Market, and will have five hours to cook and prep.
Shopping. The chefs get forty-five minutes and $600. The market looks great, and reminds me that I really have to get down to Soulard before it gets intolerably cold. Jenc, knowing full well that she tends to fall apart when she's unfocused and has got too many ideas flying around her head, has too many ideas flying around her head. She finally settles on duck for her protein. Michael wants to feature the freshness of local eggs. Kevin knows Michael disdains his simple style, but has no plans to complicate his dishes, believing that he can beat Michael with that simplicity.
Cooking montage. Michael has an intensely long prep list, and jumps into a whirlpool of activity from the first moment. Jenc describes the environment as competitive, but not meanly so. I wish she'd go around to every reality show and explain the difference between "I hope I beat you, but good luck," and "I'm an unrepentant dickweed, which I will attempt to pawn off on a 'competitive' nature". Bryan debones short ribs to make for a faster braise. Michael tells us that there's definitely a sibling rivalry going on between him and Bryan. Whoa! No way! I never picked up on that in the nineteen-thousand other interviews about sibling rivalry sprinkled generously across the season! Ptom stops by to talk with everyone. They describe what they'll be preparing, which we'll hear about later anyway, so is this a complete waste of time? It is! Jenc discovers that the coals in the stove aren't hot enough to cook her duck, so she's switching to confit in duck fat. Kevin worries about the tenderness of his brisket. Michael frets over his eggs. "It's either going to be OK, or it's not," he says. Oh, good. I was hoping I could pile more evidence in the "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" file before the end of the season. Time winds down.
After the commercials, the chefs are setting up their stations at the Crush party. Before they know it, the scene is flooded with guests. The judges stride in soon after. Holy hell, what crime against fashion is Padma perpetrating this time? She's got on a black, knee-length dress, high red boots, and what looks like a black shrug, suggesting a cape billowing out the back.
Panny: "Who the hell is dressing her?"
Limecrete: "Carmen Sandiego, apparently."
Michael cajoles some guests into helping him set out bowls so he can work on serving the food. Kevin describes his protein to some interested people. The judges approach Bryan's station, and happily, Gail is available this week, so we don't have to put up with Toby. Bryan's vegetarian dish is goat cheese ravioli over a squash puree with mushrooms and fennel. His protein is fig-glazed short rib with celeriac puree, wax beans, and arugula. The judges all love the ravioli, but feel the sauce beneath it needs seasoning. The short rib is also slightly underseasoned. Michael is still trying to garner help from the party guests. His vegetarian dish is a vegetable pistou with heirloom tomato coulis, a poached egg, squash flowers, and fennel. His protein dish is a turnip soup with foie gras terrine, a poached pear, and glazed turnip. The judges like the egg, but find that it overpowers the vegetables. Padma's egg is underdone. Judging from that expanding uterus, I'd say the egg is plenty done. Ba-zing! Everyone likes the foie gras, but finds it a bit over-sauced.
Kevin's vegetarian dish is roasted beets and carrots in a honey vinaigrette, resting on a carrot top puree, and topped with local cheese. His meat dish is braised brisket with pumpkin polenta, and marinated root vegetables. He gives props to the locals who dedicate their lives to making wine, and compliments those who master this craft, only "craft" kind of sounds like "crap", which makes this speech a hell of a lot funnier. The judges are over the moon for Kevin's veggie dish, but the brisket is stringy and tough. The polenta underneath it is good, though. Odd for the barbecue king of Atlanta to wow with plants and fall down on the beef. Jenc's vegetarian option is chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, braised radishes, and basil. Granted, I'm not a fan of mushrooms, so I may not get a vote here, but honey AND mushrooms? Ew. Her meat plate is braised duck legs and duck breast confit, with squash puree and a foie gras vinaigrette. She's even come up with a couple of wine pairings for her food, which was smart. The judges find the veggie dish salty, but with impressive undertones. The duck is hearty and flavorful. Various guests talk about how much they enjoyed the dishes.
Michael sings his favorite tune about how happy he is with his food, and that other people -- nod, nod, Kevin -- are playing things too safe. I guess the lesson didn't sink in after all. Kevin points out that all of the final four have had major success over the course of the season, not just a challenge here and there. Someone talented is heading home.
Interstitial. The chefs drink. The viewing party drinks.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong make their brief appearance, then head off to get drunk somewhere. The judges open by heartily congratulating all four chefs on the talent and professionalism they've displayed this season. I actually believe them. I know that every season of every show is supposed to be the MOST! TALENTED! CAST! EVER! but that rarely turns out to be the case. In this instance, though, it really seems like the level of talent this year has been superb, and I have no problem believing all four of these people consistently cook amazing food. Now, to the technicalities. Kevin's vegetarian dish was stellar. Ptom says that despite its simplicity, the restraint Kevin showed goes a long way. Michael sucks a lemon. Kevin is slightly taken to task for his tough brisket, but not very much. Bryan's ravioli was perfect, but the sauce needed seasoning, as did his meat dish. Also, the figs didn't shine through as much as they could have. Michael loses some points for the cut of his vegetables, as well as the underdone egg that Padma got. The meat dish was tasty. Chiarello says he was surprised at how the elements came together in his mouth.
Viewing party: "That's what she said."
Gail found the soup a bit bitter, which was fine as long as it had the meat and pear to counteract it. The problem was that there was far more soup than the other components. Jenc's goat cheese dish was "interesting". The basil was nice, but the rest was salty. Ptom points out that during his Ptimewaste, she said she was going to grill it, and wonders why that didn't happen. Jenc describes how the coals got too cold, and when asked if she would have preferred to grill it if she could have, she assents. That makes her look bad (essentially conveying "I wish I could have done a completely different preparation,") but it's a little unfair, because of course she would prefer to stick to her original plan, as would everyone. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Chiarello points out that nobody's food was bad, so they have to delve into the nuances of who made the biggest mistake. Jenc's goat cheese was good, but had too much salt. The best part of her duck dish was the foie gras vinaigrette, and there wasn't much of it. Michael took big risks, and it mostly paid off. The egg was too sloppy, though. Bryan's ravioli was fantastic, but he had seasoning problems across the board. Kevin knows how to turn two ingredients into a full, satisfying dish. His brisket had texture issues, and despite his sneaky use of the word "toothsome" to admit it was tough without out-and-out calling it so, the judges weren't impressed. The chefs think the judges have a tough choice, because unlike previous episodes (and seasons), there isn't an obvious pile of shite on the table to eliminate. Strange that you can't say "shit" on TV, but "shite" (and "merde") are just peachy. I'm going to start cursing in foreign languages all the time, you matherchoth. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. First, the winner. It's someone who made the most of the Farmer's Market, and was the closest to perfect. It's Bryan. He interviews that he's very excited, and laughs that goofy, endearing laugh of his. He's dismissed. Of the remaining three, all were missing something. Kevin's beef dish was stringy. Michael's egg was disappointing. Jenc was a little scattered and unfocused. AGAIN. Ptom reiterates what a tough decision it was, but they did make one. Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Padma's eyes shift off camera for a moment as she says it, though I don't know if it's because she's a bit upset to deliver this news, or if something's distracting her. I figured Jenc would be the one cut, if only because of the concentration issues she's had in a few episodes. Jenc is happy for the experience, saying that it's pushed her to become a better chef, and to expand her creativity. She hugs the guys good-bye, and says that it's tough to know that you can do better than what you put out, but just not have the time to do it. Yeah, that must suck. As I said in the short version, Jenc may be leaving in fourth place in this season, but if you could transplant her to the other ones (such as Hosea's or Ilan's), she'd almost undoubtedly win. I'm not worried about her; her future looks pretty damn secure.
Next week on Top Chef: A winner! More fondue and booze for me!
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: Kevin won another Elimination Challenge. The chefs went through a fake Bocuse d'Or that had real consequences for Eli. Now, four chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. With the season coming to a close, the viewing party goes snack crazy. For the first half of the finale, we had turkey tetrazzini, cheese fondue, olive salsa, sausage dip, Fruity Pebble treats, and a multitude of wines. Perhaps not the most well-balanced meal, but a very enjoyable one.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. We get a brief look back at the final four throughout the season, and a few of their opinions on each other. Kevin is complimentary. Jenc is flustered. Michael is snotty. Bryan is. The finalists roll into a Napa Valley train station under a picturesque rainbow. They chat to each other about what they've been up to since they've finally gotten some time off from each other, and they chat to us about how they're totally going to win. A train pulls up to the station, and a very pregnant Padma steps out, along with this week's guest judge, Michael Chiarello. Michael (the contestant) admires him, ostensibly because he's such an awesome chef, but probably more because he saw the episode where Chiarello got into a snit with Douchebag Dale. Michael loves snits.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs will be cooking with and featuring the most natural ingredient you can find in these parts: Grapes! The chefs will have half an hour to get their food ready, and they will then serve to Padma and Chiarello on the train. Oh, and by the way... They'll be cooking in the cramped train kitchen. This is a high-stakes Quickfire, so the winner will get a nice little prize in their Christmas stocking. It turns out to be a Prius. Nice! The chefs are all jazzed. Padma starts the clock, and the chefs hustle onto the train and stock up on ingredients, including several varieties of grape. Everyone gets cooking, and bumps up against each other in the narrow kitchen space. A hideous Frankenbyte makes Bryan sound angry about Michael beating him to the small prep space, but it's so obviously cobbled together from different quotes, Bryan may as well have been talking about standing in line at the DMV. Kevin works on dessert, and questions his choice of grape. Jenc is pleased with hers. Michael wants to use as many parts of the grape as he can. Bryan muses over the fact that he's never won a Quickfire. Hey, Stephanie was terrible at Quickfires, and she did all right for herself. Time runs out, and the chefs present their dishes.
Kevin has made honey and cheese mousse with glazed grapes, sea salt, and thyme. It's very pretty. Michael has stuffed a grape leaf with couscous filling, and serves it with a spice blend, vinegar reduction, and a kebab of grapes and scallops. Bryan has roasted hen with Brussels sprouts and bacon. The grapes have been reduced into a sauce and the grape flesh was added back in at the end. Jenc has made chicken liver with steamed clams, and serves it with a sauce of grapes, grape tendrils, and wild mushrooms. Results. Kevin's was tasty, but light on grape. Michael, on the other hand, used his grapes very wisely. Bryan's smoky bacon matched the grape well. Jenc's was impressive enough to steal for Chiarello's own restaurant. The winner of the challenge and the snazzy ride is... Michael. He's pleased, but still focused on the challenge ahead.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs approach a winery, where they're told there is going to be a Crush party celebrating the grape harvest's end, which is capped with grape stomping. Sounds like a fun party activity. I'd love to jump up and down on some grapes. The party will have 150 guests, and the chefs will be responsible for making two dishes. The focus will be on local ingredients, so the chefs won't have access to ingredients that aren't raised or grown nearby. One of the dishes has to be vegetarian, and one has to feature a local protein. They'll shop at a Farmer's Market, and will have five hours to cook and prep.
Shopping. The chefs get forty-five minutes and $600. The market looks great, and reminds me that I really have to get down to Soulard before it gets intolerably cold. Jenc, knowing full well that she tends to fall apart when she's unfocused and has got too many ideas flying around her head, has too many ideas flying around her head. She finally settles on duck for her protein. Michael wants to feature the freshness of local eggs. Kevin knows Michael disdains his simple style, but has no plans to complicate his dishes, believing that he can beat Michael with that simplicity.
Cooking montage. Michael has an intensely long prep list, and jumps into a whirlpool of activity from the first moment. Jenc describes the environment as competitive, but not meanly so. I wish she'd go around to every reality show and explain the difference between "I hope I beat you, but good luck," and "I'm an unrepentant dickweed, which I will attempt to pawn off on a 'competitive' nature". Bryan debones short ribs to make for a faster braise. Michael tells us that there's definitely a sibling rivalry going on between him and Bryan. Whoa! No way! I never picked up on that in the nineteen-thousand other interviews about sibling rivalry sprinkled generously across the season! Ptom stops by to talk with everyone. They describe what they'll be preparing, which we'll hear about later anyway, so is this a complete waste of time? It is! Jenc discovers that the coals in the stove aren't hot enough to cook her duck, so she's switching to confit in duck fat. Kevin worries about the tenderness of his brisket. Michael frets over his eggs. "It's either going to be OK, or it's not," he says. Oh, good. I was hoping I could pile more evidence in the "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" file before the end of the season. Time winds down.
After the commercials, the chefs are setting up their stations at the Crush party. Before they know it, the scene is flooded with guests. The judges stride in soon after. Holy hell, what crime against fashion is Padma perpetrating this time? She's got on a black, knee-length dress, high red boots, and what looks like a black shrug, suggesting a cape billowing out the back.
Panny: "Who the hell is dressing her?"
Limecrete: "Carmen Sandiego, apparently."
Michael cajoles some guests into helping him set out bowls so he can work on serving the food. Kevin describes his protein to some interested people. The judges approach Bryan's station, and happily, Gail is available this week, so we don't have to put up with Toby. Bryan's vegetarian dish is goat cheese ravioli over a squash puree with mushrooms and fennel. His protein is fig-glazed short rib with celeriac puree, wax beans, and arugula. The judges all love the ravioli, but feel the sauce beneath it needs seasoning. The short rib is also slightly underseasoned. Michael is still trying to garner help from the party guests. His vegetarian dish is a vegetable pistou with heirloom tomato coulis, a poached egg, squash flowers, and fennel. His protein dish is a turnip soup with foie gras terrine, a poached pear, and glazed turnip. The judges like the egg, but find that it overpowers the vegetables. Padma's egg is underdone. Judging from that expanding uterus, I'd say the egg is plenty done. Ba-zing! Everyone likes the foie gras, but finds it a bit over-sauced.
Kevin's vegetarian dish is roasted beets and carrots in a honey vinaigrette, resting on a carrot top puree, and topped with local cheese. His meat dish is braised brisket with pumpkin polenta, and marinated root vegetables. He gives props to the locals who dedicate their lives to making wine, and compliments those who master this craft, only "craft" kind of sounds like "crap", which makes this speech a hell of a lot funnier. The judges are over the moon for Kevin's veggie dish, but the brisket is stringy and tough. The polenta underneath it is good, though. Odd for the barbecue king of Atlanta to wow with plants and fall down on the beef. Jenc's vegetarian option is chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, braised radishes, and basil. Granted, I'm not a fan of mushrooms, so I may not get a vote here, but honey AND mushrooms? Ew. Her meat plate is braised duck legs and duck breast confit, with squash puree and a foie gras vinaigrette. She's even come up with a couple of wine pairings for her food, which was smart. The judges find the veggie dish salty, but with impressive undertones. The duck is hearty and flavorful. Various guests talk about how much they enjoyed the dishes.
Michael sings his favorite tune about how happy he is with his food, and that other people -- nod, nod, Kevin -- are playing things too safe. I guess the lesson didn't sink in after all. Kevin points out that all of the final four have had major success over the course of the season, not just a challenge here and there. Someone talented is heading home.
Interstitial. The chefs drink. The viewing party drinks.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong make their brief appearance, then head off to get drunk somewhere. The judges open by heartily congratulating all four chefs on the talent and professionalism they've displayed this season. I actually believe them. I know that every season of every show is supposed to be the MOST! TALENTED! CAST! EVER! but that rarely turns out to be the case. In this instance, though, it really seems like the level of talent this year has been superb, and I have no problem believing all four of these people consistently cook amazing food. Now, to the technicalities. Kevin's vegetarian dish was stellar. Ptom says that despite its simplicity, the restraint Kevin showed goes a long way. Michael sucks a lemon. Kevin is slightly taken to task for his tough brisket, but not very much. Bryan's ravioli was perfect, but the sauce needed seasoning, as did his meat dish. Also, the figs didn't shine through as much as they could have. Michael loses some points for the cut of his vegetables, as well as the underdone egg that Padma got. The meat dish was tasty. Chiarello says he was surprised at how the elements came together in his mouth.
Viewing party: "That's what she said."
Gail found the soup a bit bitter, which was fine as long as it had the meat and pear to counteract it. The problem was that there was far more soup than the other components. Jenc's goat cheese dish was "interesting". The basil was nice, but the rest was salty. Ptom points out that during his Ptimewaste, she said she was going to grill it, and wonders why that didn't happen. Jenc describes how the coals got too cold, and when asked if she would have preferred to grill it if she could have, she assents. That makes her look bad (essentially conveying "I wish I could have done a completely different preparation,") but it's a little unfair, because of course she would prefer to stick to her original plan, as would everyone. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Chiarello points out that nobody's food was bad, so they have to delve into the nuances of who made the biggest mistake. Jenc's goat cheese was good, but had too much salt. The best part of her duck dish was the foie gras vinaigrette, and there wasn't much of it. Michael took big risks, and it mostly paid off. The egg was too sloppy, though. Bryan's ravioli was fantastic, but he had seasoning problems across the board. Kevin knows how to turn two ingredients into a full, satisfying dish. His brisket had texture issues, and despite his sneaky use of the word "toothsome" to admit it was tough without out-and-out calling it so, the judges weren't impressed. The chefs think the judges have a tough choice, because unlike previous episodes (and seasons), there isn't an obvious pile of shite on the table to eliminate. Strange that you can't say "shit" on TV, but "shite" (and "merde") are just peachy. I'm going to start cursing in foreign languages all the time, you matherchoth. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. First, the winner. It's someone who made the most of the Farmer's Market, and was the closest to perfect. It's Bryan. He interviews that he's very excited, and laughs that goofy, endearing laugh of his. He's dismissed. Of the remaining three, all were missing something. Kevin's beef dish was stringy. Michael's egg was disappointing. Jenc was a little scattered and unfocused. AGAIN. Ptom reiterates what a tough decision it was, but they did make one. Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Padma's eyes shift off camera for a moment as she says it, though I don't know if it's because she's a bit upset to deliver this news, or if something's distracting her. I figured Jenc would be the one cut, if only because of the concentration issues she's had in a few episodes. Jenc is happy for the experience, saying that it's pushed her to become a better chef, and to expand her creativity. She hugs the guys good-bye, and says that it's tough to know that you can do better than what you put out, but just not have the time to do it. Yeah, that must suck. As I said in the short version, Jenc may be leaving in fourth place in this season, but if you could transplant her to the other ones (such as Hosea's or Ilan's), she'd almost undoubtedly win. I'm not worried about her; her future looks pretty damn secure.
Next week on Top Chef: A winner! More fondue and booze for me!
Overall Grade: B+
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Merci, Bocuse
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 12
Previously on Top Chef: Padma stayed in bed. Robin stayed in the way. Toby stayed delusional about the notion that he's qualified to judge this show. Michael stayed in the winners' circle. Robin's stay was cut short. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Not much in the way of food, but I'm all for trying out a new wine, large quantities of which were consumed in short order. Also, I have to say that I'm rewatching this episode online, and whoever uploaded it has goofed the audio, so everyone sort of sounds like they're in an episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Hehe.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Bryan worries about how his restaurant is doing back home without him. Kevin misses his wife. Eli says that they're down to the five strongest chefs in the competition. I don't particularly agree with that assessment, but realize that it takes a lot longer to say: "We're down to the five people who didn't perform the worst in several off-kilter, severely-time-limited challenges," so I'll let it slide. Eli hopes to win for his mentor, Richard. Jenc once again vows to find her focus. Let's hope she means it this time.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge Gavin Kaysen, who won the James Beard Rising Chef award. Getting one of those must pile on the pressure to succeed. Padma tells us that Gavin represented the United States in the 2007 Bocuse d'Or, which is basically the culinary Olympics. I read a little of that Wikipedia entry, and it's worth checking out what happened to Gavin in that competition. Oops! It also looks like an American has never even medaled in the Bocuse d'Or, let alone won. As to the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs will be recreating a version of one of Gavin's entries (a chicken ballotine with crayfish in the middle, and surrounded by chicken liver and more chicken). These chefs are to create a dish in ninety minutes that includes a protein within a protein within a protein. It's an appropriate time of year to do it. I've never eaten turducken, but I'd like to. No immunity for the winner, but Padma promises an advantage in the Elimination Challenge.
Ready? Go! Everyone scatters. Bryan is planning to put sausage around loin of lamb. He's worked with the technique before, and seems confident. Michael is going to put bacon inside of turkey inside of chicken. He's going in more of a terrine direction than a ballotine. Kevin thinks the brothers' dishes are too complicated for the time limit, so he's sticking with his signature simplicity, and making Scotch eggs. He insists that he and Eli are the ballsiest chefs, because they dare to make home-cooked food for a competition like Top Chef. Well, yes and no. I mean, sure the judges tend to reward complicated techniques, but let's not forget that Carla made it to the final three by sticking to simplicity, and Stephanie outright won without making frou-frou dishes, so let's not pretend you're breaking down any walls, here. Jenc returns to the welcoming bosom of seafood. Michael, who is to spend the entire episode sucking a lemon and generally acting like a teenager whose mother has confiscated his Game Boy, sneers that Jenc may have started off strong, but has gone as far as she can. Time runs out.
Gavin and Padma go down the line. Eli has made bacon-crusted sausage that has a six-minute egg in the center. Sounds tasty. Michael's terrine has chicken with turkey and bacon mousseline. Jenc has a calamari steak that incorporates scallops, salmon, shiitake mushroom, and shiso. There's also a rice noodle salad on the side. Gavin asks why she made seafood, and Jenc responds that it's always been her strong suit. "Welcome back," Padma says. Well, that's encouraging. Kevin winks at her. I didn't care for that wink; it seemed a little condescending. Bryan has made rack of lamb with sausage, which is then wrapped in caul fat. There are a couple of nifty sauces served in a colorful circle underneath the meat. Kevin has gone back to his roots again, with cornmeal-fried catfish surrounding scallops and shrimp. Bryan notes in interview that Kevin's food leans towards the simple, but that it's a fine strategy, as long as it's done correctly.
Results. Gavin found Kevin's catfish overcooked and the breading dry. Upon finding himself on the bottom for perhaps the first time ever, Kevin does not cover himself in glory. He begs to differ, saying that Gavin and he just have different tastes. I mean, it's fine to think that, but it makes it sound like there's no room for any less-than-stellar view of Kevin's food. I know he's a Golden Child, but if I'm not going to accept "If you like my food, it's because it's good. If you don't, it's because you don't get it," from other chefs, I'm not going to accept it from Kevin. Bryan's lamb tenderloin was cooked very well. Eli's concept was well-thought and well-executed. Jenc's calamari had the potential to come out tough, but didn't, and her dish was very successful. Michael is called on making a terrine instead of a ballotine. Michael sourly notes that the challenge was to wrap three proteins around each other, and if the challenge was "Make a ballotine," that's what he would have done. As with a lot of other things he's said this season: 1) He's right. 2) I completely agree, and 3) He's so snotty about it that it's tough to back him up. I wish he'd stop doing that. Anyhow, the winner of the challenge is Jenc, whose prize is an extra half hour to cook in the Elimination Challenge. Michael sucks another lemon.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be taking part in a Top Chef version of the Bocuse d'Or. I'm surprised it's taken six seasons for the idea to come up. Probably because unlike other reality programs, the contestant pool is getting more accomplished over time, instead of less. In this challenge, the chefs will create a presentation platter using one protein and two garnishes. They cannot just be simple side salads or grilled vegetables, but should be as intricate as they can be. Gavin gives the example of zucchini strips being woven into a basket. Yikes. The only proteins to choose from are lamb and salmon. I wonder why they imposed that limitation. The food will be served on a traditional mirrored platter, and the chefs will have four hours to cook (except Jenc, of course). There will be twelve diners, including advisors to American Bocuse d'Or competitors (who apparently aren't doing the best job), and culinary luminary Thomas Keller. The chefs are already jittery with nerves.
Shopping. Kevin has no specific dish planned, and is winging it as far as which ingredients he's buying. Once everyone is checked out, they head back to the house to plan their dishes. Well, Michael goes straight to bed, but everyone else plans their dishes. They watch a provided DVD of past Bocuse d'Or competitions to get an idea of how they need to present their food. Kevin wants to sous vide his lamb, and asks for detailed instruction about how to go about doing it. Bryan kindly gives him some advice, not wanting to be a prick about it. I like Kevin, and if it were up to me, I'd award him the Top Chef title right now, but he is really getting on my nerves tonight. There's a vast middle ground between being friendly with your competitors and doing their work for them. Someone who's won a buttload of challenges shouldn't have to get instruction from a competitor. I love Bryan for wanting to be a nice guy about it, but I wouldn't have seen anything wrong with "If you don't know how to do it, you probably shouldn't risk it for this challenge." Bryan surmises that Michael wouldn't have done the same thing in his position. Yeah, I don't think many of us would disagree.
The next day, the chefs head to a kitchen at the Wynn and get cooking. Eli says that everyone is being super-focused, and trying to catch mistakes before they happen. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste in that unfortunate purple chef coat that makes him look like Violet Beauregarde. He's accompanied by Thomas Keller, who offers some trite platitudes about putting your head down and getting to work. The chefs take him at his word, and go back to their stations. Michael is confident, having taken part in some culinary competitions in the past. I'm having a good giggle picturing him at the Pillsbury Bake-Off. He pulls bones out of his salmon. Jenc is a ball of nerves. Bryan is pushing his limits, and worries about getting his meat braised in time. Kevin looks after his sous vide. Michael whines that Kevin's food is good, but overly simple, snotting that the food Kevin makes is the food Michael makes on his day off. Oh, sorry we can't all climb to the culinary pinnacle that is hot wings with blue cheese dressing. This is not the first time Michael has sulked when Kevin outperformed him, and it's extremely unattractive. If you're so much better than him, then you'll beat him. It's that simple. Also simple: Five is more than three. That's how many Elimination Challenges Kevin has won compared to Michael's wins. Maybe you should take more days off, chief.
Ptom comes back to Ptimewaste even more. I'll spare you, except to say that all the chefs describe what they'll be doing. Post-walkthrough, he tells us that "details separate a good dish from a great dish." If Season 4's subtitle was "Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!", then this season shall surely be: "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH". Ptom ducks back into the kitchen to pile even more pressure on by announcing that the challenge's winner will receive $30,000. That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo! The chefs all have mini-freakouts. Out in the dining room, the judges and other diners get seated. Kevin knows that Bocuse d'Or is often about complex presentation, but he's hoping to squeak by on complex flavor, instead. He will be first to present, and goes out to face the firing squad.
We meet the diners. They're more Names. Kevin has made lamb loin poached in olive oil and caramelized fat. His garnishes are sherry-glazed golden beets with pickled Swiss chard stems, and baked asparagus with sunchoke cream and buttered toast. It all sounds delicious, but as far as presentation, I think he's gone beyond homey and simple, and into basic. It's a very plain plate of food. The judges agree, saying that everything tastes great, but is very elementary. Michael is up next. He introduces his food by saying it's a Mediterranean-inspired platter, and serves up salmon loin with crab and zucchini, a cauliflower/chickpea cake , and tzatziki with salmon belly tartare. Once he's gone, a Name calls the platter very pretty, but disparate, flavor-wise. A bone is found in his fish. Overall, the plate lacked harmony. Bryan struggles with time. Jenc is flush with time, and helps him get his food plated. That's the kind of nice-guy behavior I can get behind. She wants to beat him on flavor and technique, not a rule technicality. As he goes out to present, Bryan notes all the little mistakes he's made, which leaves him frustrated.
He pulls it together to present his food to the diners. He's made lamb loin crusted with parsley, a crepinette of lamb shank, garlic chips, and orzo pasta with sheep's milk cheese. The Names find the idea compelling and the presentation lovely, but the execution was off. The lamb is undercooked, but the judges feel that if Bryan had more time to work, it would have been spectacular. Eli has made pistachio-crusted lamb sausage wrapped around three different loins, ras-el-hanout with carrot puree and yogurt foam (that burps up a gas bubble), and tomato/pepper marmalade with capers on top of a brioche crouton. The lamb has a tarragon/asparagus coulis on top. The Names find the lamb undercooked and butchered poorly. The raw lamb fat ruins any benefits his platter may have had. His yogurt foam was good (better than Michael's tzatziki, in fact), but there's no overlooking his disappointing lamb.
Jenc nervously emerges, convinced that her food isn't up to snuff. Her protein is poached salmon topped with caviar and mushrooms, and her garnishes are shrimp flan with peas/chervil/truffles, and celery root squares with shiitake mushrooms. She's asked if she's done any food competitions before, and she admits that she hasn't. Her food is received with shrugs. Everything tastes fine, but there isn't much thought behind it. One of the Names' piece of fish is undercooked, but everyone else's is fine. The shrimp flan similarly varies from diner to diner. Each person seems to take a different view of her platter as a whole.
Despite all the criticism, Gail is proud that the chefs were able to put together what they did in the twelve hours since they've first heard the words "Bocuse d'Or". The chefs come back to the table and are applauded and congratulated. It turns out that there is yet another twist. The chef who wins will get to compete to be part of the American Bocuse d'Or team in 2011. Crikey. As they clean the kitchen, Bryan tells Michael that this may be the last time they cook together for a while. "Why, you think I'm going?" Michael sneers. "No. Me," Bryan says. Jesus, who pissed in Michael's cornflakes this morning? He either needs to start coming to some realizations about what revolves around what in this universe, or he needs to shut the fuck up for a while. Kevin tells us that no matter who gets eliminated, nobody need feel ashamed for going home on such a tough challenge.
Interstitial. Now that stupid, useless Robin is gone, all the chefs love each other.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong are back from their vacation. I'm glad they didn't get laid off in this tough economy. Michael's salmon, caviar, and cauliflower didn't fit his Mediterranean theme, not to mention the bones in one of the Names' portion. Bryan's lamb was undercooked, but the judges agree that with more time, he would have done a better job. Kevin's food was too simple. He tries out his usual line about how the techniques may be simple, but that's only so he can put out complex flavors. It doesn't go over as well as it has before, and Ptom thinks that he veered too far into basic cooking. Jenc's salmon didn't cook as slowly as it should have, thanks to thin pans. Her uneven cuts led to differing levels of doneness, as well. Eli's sausage had unappetizing gobs of fat in it. Before the chefs are dismissed, Ptom wants to reiterate that all five of them have done a great job, overall. The chefs thank him and trudge off.
Deliberations. Kevin rues not putting more technique into his food. Gail loved Eli's sauces, and wishes the lamb underneath them could have supported them properly. Padma thinks it was the worst of the lamb dishes. Jennifer's garnishes were fine, but her salmon was inconsistent. Kevin's dish was overly simple, but tasted great. Michael had good technique. He's never done a bad job with flavor... Until this challenge. Plus, that fish bone pops up again. Bryan had problems with his cooking that were brought on by the strict time limit. I'm all for allowing Bryan to continue in the competition, but they're selling this argument a little too hard. Bryan knew in advance how much time he'd have to cook, and if he was unable to execute his food properly within that time limit, he may have done better to have come up with a different idea. I don't know why I'm so cranky about these people tonight. Maybe there's just too much rule-bending in this episode for my tastes. Don't know how to do something? No problem! Just ask your competitor how to do it. Can't finish your food on time? No problem! We'll just judge it as if you had. You see what I'm getting at? The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. The winner of the $30,000 and the chance to compete to be on the American Bocuse d'Or team is... Kevin, whose superior flavors are deemed more important than his weak technique. Michael sucks yet another lemon. Jenc gives Kevin a hug. On the way out the door, he tells the other chefs that they all did a fantastic job. Thank you, O Golden Child. Ptom tells the remaining chefs that it's getting harder to cut each one. I'll buy that if it turns out the Final Four wasn't written in the stars long ago. Eli. Please pack your knives and go. Huh. I guess I must be psychic, as are a number of other internet denizens. Eli is satisfied that he has lasted this long, and that he went out on something of a high note. That's true. He's in a bit of mild shock, and figures he'll process all of those icky emotions later. Eh, don't worry about it, Eli. Nostradamus saw this boot coming.
Overall Grade: C
Previously on Top Chef: Padma stayed in bed. Robin stayed in the way. Toby stayed delusional about the notion that he's qualified to judge this show. Michael stayed in the winners' circle. Robin's stay was cut short. Five chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening credits. Not much in the way of food, but I'm all for trying out a new wine, large quantities of which were consumed in short order. Also, I have to say that I'm rewatching this episode online, and whoever uploaded it has goofed the audio, so everyone sort of sounds like they're in an episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Hehe.
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Bryan worries about how his restaurant is doing back home without him. Kevin misses his wife. Eli says that they're down to the five strongest chefs in the competition. I don't particularly agree with that assessment, but realize that it takes a lot longer to say: "We're down to the five people who didn't perform the worst in several off-kilter, severely-time-limited challenges," so I'll let it slide. Eli hopes to win for his mentor, Richard. Jenc once again vows to find her focus. Let's hope she means it this time.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge Gavin Kaysen, who won the James Beard Rising Chef award. Getting one of those must pile on the pressure to succeed. Padma tells us that Gavin represented the United States in the 2007 Bocuse d'Or, which is basically the culinary Olympics. I read a little of that Wikipedia entry, and it's worth checking out what happened to Gavin in that competition. Oops! It also looks like an American has never even medaled in the Bocuse d'Or, let alone won. As to the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs will be recreating a version of one of Gavin's entries (a chicken ballotine with crayfish in the middle, and surrounded by chicken liver and more chicken). These chefs are to create a dish in ninety minutes that includes a protein within a protein within a protein. It's an appropriate time of year to do it. I've never eaten turducken, but I'd like to. No immunity for the winner, but Padma promises an advantage in the Elimination Challenge.
Ready? Go! Everyone scatters. Bryan is planning to put sausage around loin of lamb. He's worked with the technique before, and seems confident. Michael is going to put bacon inside of turkey inside of chicken. He's going in more of a terrine direction than a ballotine. Kevin thinks the brothers' dishes are too complicated for the time limit, so he's sticking with his signature simplicity, and making Scotch eggs. He insists that he and Eli are the ballsiest chefs, because they dare to make home-cooked food for a competition like Top Chef. Well, yes and no. I mean, sure the judges tend to reward complicated techniques, but let's not forget that Carla made it to the final three by sticking to simplicity, and Stephanie outright won without making frou-frou dishes, so let's not pretend you're breaking down any walls, here. Jenc returns to the welcoming bosom of seafood. Michael, who is to spend the entire episode sucking a lemon and generally acting like a teenager whose mother has confiscated his Game Boy, sneers that Jenc may have started off strong, but has gone as far as she can. Time runs out.
Gavin and Padma go down the line. Eli has made bacon-crusted sausage that has a six-minute egg in the center. Sounds tasty. Michael's terrine has chicken with turkey and bacon mousseline. Jenc has a calamari steak that incorporates scallops, salmon, shiitake mushroom, and shiso. There's also a rice noodle salad on the side. Gavin asks why she made seafood, and Jenc responds that it's always been her strong suit. "Welcome back," Padma says. Well, that's encouraging. Kevin winks at her. I didn't care for that wink; it seemed a little condescending. Bryan has made rack of lamb with sausage, which is then wrapped in caul fat. There are a couple of nifty sauces served in a colorful circle underneath the meat. Kevin has gone back to his roots again, with cornmeal-fried catfish surrounding scallops and shrimp. Bryan notes in interview that Kevin's food leans towards the simple, but that it's a fine strategy, as long as it's done correctly.
Results. Gavin found Kevin's catfish overcooked and the breading dry. Upon finding himself on the bottom for perhaps the first time ever, Kevin does not cover himself in glory. He begs to differ, saying that Gavin and he just have different tastes. I mean, it's fine to think that, but it makes it sound like there's no room for any less-than-stellar view of Kevin's food. I know he's a Golden Child, but if I'm not going to accept "If you like my food, it's because it's good. If you don't, it's because you don't get it," from other chefs, I'm not going to accept it from Kevin. Bryan's lamb tenderloin was cooked very well. Eli's concept was well-thought and well-executed. Jenc's calamari had the potential to come out tough, but didn't, and her dish was very successful. Michael is called on making a terrine instead of a ballotine. Michael sourly notes that the challenge was to wrap three proteins around each other, and if the challenge was "Make a ballotine," that's what he would have done. As with a lot of other things he's said this season: 1) He's right. 2) I completely agree, and 3) He's so snotty about it that it's tough to back him up. I wish he'd stop doing that. Anyhow, the winner of the challenge is Jenc, whose prize is an extra half hour to cook in the Elimination Challenge. Michael sucks another lemon.
Elimination Challenge. The chefs will be taking part in a Top Chef version of the Bocuse d'Or. I'm surprised it's taken six seasons for the idea to come up. Probably because unlike other reality programs, the contestant pool is getting more accomplished over time, instead of less. In this challenge, the chefs will create a presentation platter using one protein and two garnishes. They cannot just be simple side salads or grilled vegetables, but should be as intricate as they can be. Gavin gives the example of zucchini strips being woven into a basket. Yikes. The only proteins to choose from are lamb and salmon. I wonder why they imposed that limitation. The food will be served on a traditional mirrored platter, and the chefs will have four hours to cook (except Jenc, of course). There will be twelve diners, including advisors to American Bocuse d'Or competitors (who apparently aren't doing the best job), and culinary luminary Thomas Keller. The chefs are already jittery with nerves.
Shopping. Kevin has no specific dish planned, and is winging it as far as which ingredients he's buying. Once everyone is checked out, they head back to the house to plan their dishes. Well, Michael goes straight to bed, but everyone else plans their dishes. They watch a provided DVD of past Bocuse d'Or competitions to get an idea of how they need to present their food. Kevin wants to sous vide his lamb, and asks for detailed instruction about how to go about doing it. Bryan kindly gives him some advice, not wanting to be a prick about it. I like Kevin, and if it were up to me, I'd award him the Top Chef title right now, but he is really getting on my nerves tonight. There's a vast middle ground between being friendly with your competitors and doing their work for them. Someone who's won a buttload of challenges shouldn't have to get instruction from a competitor. I love Bryan for wanting to be a nice guy about it, but I wouldn't have seen anything wrong with "If you don't know how to do it, you probably shouldn't risk it for this challenge." Bryan surmises that Michael wouldn't have done the same thing in his position. Yeah, I don't think many of us would disagree.
The next day, the chefs head to a kitchen at the Wynn and get cooking. Eli says that everyone is being super-focused, and trying to catch mistakes before they happen. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste in that unfortunate purple chef coat that makes him look like Violet Beauregarde. He's accompanied by Thomas Keller, who offers some trite platitudes about putting your head down and getting to work. The chefs take him at his word, and go back to their stations. Michael is confident, having taken part in some culinary competitions in the past. I'm having a good giggle picturing him at the Pillsbury Bake-Off. He pulls bones out of his salmon. Jenc is a ball of nerves. Bryan is pushing his limits, and worries about getting his meat braised in time. Kevin looks after his sous vide. Michael whines that Kevin's food is good, but overly simple, snotting that the food Kevin makes is the food Michael makes on his day off. Oh, sorry we can't all climb to the culinary pinnacle that is hot wings with blue cheese dressing. This is not the first time Michael has sulked when Kevin outperformed him, and it's extremely unattractive. If you're so much better than him, then you'll beat him. It's that simple. Also simple: Five is more than three. That's how many Elimination Challenges Kevin has won compared to Michael's wins. Maybe you should take more days off, chief.
Ptom comes back to Ptimewaste even more. I'll spare you, except to say that all the chefs describe what they'll be doing. Post-walkthrough, he tells us that "details separate a good dish from a great dish." If Season 4's subtitle was "Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!", then this season shall surely be: "Top Chef 6 - DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH". Ptom ducks back into the kitchen to pile even more pressure on by announcing that the challenge's winner will receive $30,000. That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo! The chefs all have mini-freakouts. Out in the dining room, the judges and other diners get seated. Kevin knows that Bocuse d'Or is often about complex presentation, but he's hoping to squeak by on complex flavor, instead. He will be first to present, and goes out to face the firing squad.
We meet the diners. They're more Names. Kevin has made lamb loin poached in olive oil and caramelized fat. His garnishes are sherry-glazed golden beets with pickled Swiss chard stems, and baked asparagus with sunchoke cream and buttered toast. It all sounds delicious, but as far as presentation, I think he's gone beyond homey and simple, and into basic. It's a very plain plate of food. The judges agree, saying that everything tastes great, but is very elementary. Michael is up next. He introduces his food by saying it's a Mediterranean-inspired platter, and serves up salmon loin with crab and zucchini, a cauliflower/chickpea cake , and tzatziki with salmon belly tartare. Once he's gone, a Name calls the platter very pretty, but disparate, flavor-wise. A bone is found in his fish. Overall, the plate lacked harmony. Bryan struggles with time. Jenc is flush with time, and helps him get his food plated. That's the kind of nice-guy behavior I can get behind. She wants to beat him on flavor and technique, not a rule technicality. As he goes out to present, Bryan notes all the little mistakes he's made, which leaves him frustrated.
He pulls it together to present his food to the diners. He's made lamb loin crusted with parsley, a crepinette of lamb shank, garlic chips, and orzo pasta with sheep's milk cheese. The Names find the idea compelling and the presentation lovely, but the execution was off. The lamb is undercooked, but the judges feel that if Bryan had more time to work, it would have been spectacular. Eli has made pistachio-crusted lamb sausage wrapped around three different loins, ras-el-hanout with carrot puree and yogurt foam (that burps up a gas bubble), and tomato/pepper marmalade with capers on top of a brioche crouton. The lamb has a tarragon/asparagus coulis on top. The Names find the lamb undercooked and butchered poorly. The raw lamb fat ruins any benefits his platter may have had. His yogurt foam was good (better than Michael's tzatziki, in fact), but there's no overlooking his disappointing lamb.
Jenc nervously emerges, convinced that her food isn't up to snuff. Her protein is poached salmon topped with caviar and mushrooms, and her garnishes are shrimp flan with peas/chervil/truffles, and celery root squares with shiitake mushrooms. She's asked if she's done any food competitions before, and she admits that she hasn't. Her food is received with shrugs. Everything tastes fine, but there isn't much thought behind it. One of the Names' piece of fish is undercooked, but everyone else's is fine. The shrimp flan similarly varies from diner to diner. Each person seems to take a different view of her platter as a whole.
Despite all the criticism, Gail is proud that the chefs were able to put together what they did in the twelve hours since they've first heard the words "Bocuse d'Or". The chefs come back to the table and are applauded and congratulated. It turns out that there is yet another twist. The chef who wins will get to compete to be part of the American Bocuse d'Or team in 2011. Crikey. As they clean the kitchen, Bryan tells Michael that this may be the last time they cook together for a while. "Why, you think I'm going?" Michael sneers. "No. Me," Bryan says. Jesus, who pissed in Michael's cornflakes this morning? He either needs to start coming to some realizations about what revolves around what in this universe, or he needs to shut the fuck up for a while. Kevin tells us that no matter who gets eliminated, nobody need feel ashamed for going home on such a tough challenge.
Interstitial. Now that stupid, useless Robin is gone, all the chefs love each other.
Judges' Table. Padma summons everyone to the dining room. Odd Asian Music and Gong are back from their vacation. I'm glad they didn't get laid off in this tough economy. Michael's salmon, caviar, and cauliflower didn't fit his Mediterranean theme, not to mention the bones in one of the Names' portion. Bryan's lamb was undercooked, but the judges agree that with more time, he would have done a better job. Kevin's food was too simple. He tries out his usual line about how the techniques may be simple, but that's only so he can put out complex flavors. It doesn't go over as well as it has before, and Ptom thinks that he veered too far into basic cooking. Jenc's salmon didn't cook as slowly as it should have, thanks to thin pans. Her uneven cuts led to differing levels of doneness, as well. Eli's sausage had unappetizing gobs of fat in it. Before the chefs are dismissed, Ptom wants to reiterate that all five of them have done a great job, overall. The chefs thank him and trudge off.
Deliberations. Kevin rues not putting more technique into his food. Gail loved Eli's sauces, and wishes the lamb underneath them could have supported them properly. Padma thinks it was the worst of the lamb dishes. Jennifer's garnishes were fine, but her salmon was inconsistent. Kevin's dish was overly simple, but tasted great. Michael had good technique. He's never done a bad job with flavor... Until this challenge. Plus, that fish bone pops up again. Bryan had problems with his cooking that were brought on by the strict time limit. I'm all for allowing Bryan to continue in the competition, but they're selling this argument a little too hard. Bryan knew in advance how much time he'd have to cook, and if he was unable to execute his food properly within that time limit, he may have done better to have come up with a different idea. I don't know why I'm so cranky about these people tonight. Maybe there's just too much rule-bending in this episode for my tastes. Don't know how to do something? No problem! Just ask your competitor how to do it. Can't finish your food on time? No problem! We'll just judge it as if you had. You see what I'm getting at? The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. The winner of the $30,000 and the chance to compete to be on the American Bocuse d'Or team is... Kevin, whose superior flavors are deemed more important than his weak technique. Michael sucks yet another lemon. Jenc gives Kevin a hug. On the way out the door, he tells the other chefs that they all did a fantastic job. Thank you, O Golden Child. Ptom tells the remaining chefs that it's getting harder to cut each one. I'll buy that if it turns out the Final Four wasn't written in the stars long ago. Eli. Please pack your knives and go. Huh. I guess I must be psychic, as are a number of other internet denizens. Eli is satisfied that he has lasted this long, and that he went out on something of a high note. That's true. He's in a bit of mild shock, and figures he'll process all of those icky emotions later. Eh, don't worry about it, Eli. Nostradamus saw this boot coming.
Overall Grade: C
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Casino Royale with Cheese
Top Chef - Season 6, Episode 11
Previously on Top Chef: Natalie Portman wouldn't eat meat. Not even Clive Owen's. Jenc continued her depressing downward spiral, and the producers realized that with the Clash of the Golden Children almost upon us, there's no need for The Smarmy Guy anymore. Bye, Mike! Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Bryan talks to his family back home, and interviews about missing them a lot, which is never a good sign for one's continued success on a reality show. At least he shows a healthy balance between missing his loved ones and forging ahead with this opportunity. Too many people on TV show up acting like they were forced to try out for a reality show at gunpoint, and practically rend their clothes with grief when talking to someone back home. Jenc vows to pull herself together.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs go to a kitchen at the Venetian, and receive a call from Padma, who's kickin' it in a hotel room bed with Nigella Lawson. No, not like that, pervos. She tells the chefs that with all the hotels in Vegas, room service is big business, and so the Quickfire challenge will be to prepare an appropriate breakfast in bed. They have half an hour to get everything ready. Robin and Eli go first. Eli works on a modified Reuben, making sure to include corned beef, because as we all know, without the corned beef, it ain't a Reuben. Robin is typically frenetic, and runs around hysterically. She and Eli leave to take their food upstairs, and Michael and Kevin move in. Michael whines about the mess Robin has left behind, and then expresses his consternation with the strict time limit. At no point does he realize that one may have followed from the other.
Meanwhile, Robin serves her food to Padma and Nigella. It's a blintz with goat cheese, caramelized pineapple, and blueberries. Eli then brings in his Reuben Benedict with fried egg, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and a Thousand Island hollandaise. It looks pretty good, although I'm used to seeing fried eggs with harder yolks. Down in the kitchen, Kevin works on a hearty steak and eggs plate. Michael has created too much work for himself, and isn't going to be able to get his food done in the way he wants. Into this mess walks Robin, who's been told by some PA or other to go in and get her stuff. Michael curtly boots her out of the work area, and for all the times that I've looked down on the Robin-bashing, and all the times I've groused about Michael's attitude, he's completely in the right here. He is still being timed, and she is really in the way. She complains about how Michael's treating her, but not wanting someone wandering around in your workspace in the middle of a challenge is not rude, and she should have known better.
Michael is next to serve his food, which is a take on Cuban eggs with banana puree, rice, and bacon. "The thing about breakfast is that you can eat it at any time of the day," Nigella non-sequiturs. Um, thanks for that brilliant piece of insider information. Let me jot that down under "The chefs that make things with the least detriments will have an advantage," "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to make something quick [for the Quickfire]." This is such an educational season! Kevin tells Padma and Nigella that he's prepared a hearty breakfast in the Southern tradition. It's steak and eggs with creme fraiche, green onion, aged Cheddar, and a dusting of coffee.
LabRat: "Yeah, cause no Southern breakfast is complete without creme fraiche."
Bryan and Jenc are cooking down in the kitchen. Jenc has experience with room service, and works on chipped beef that she proudly calls "shit on a shingle". It doesn't appear to occur to her that serving shit on a shingle to judges may not be the wisest choice, but who knows? Maybe they'll love Army food. Bryan works on a four-minute egg to serve over corn polenta. Jenc serves her creamed chipped beef on toast with potato and tomato. Bryan's plate includes a vanilla sauce, crab, asparagus, and the aforementioned polenta. Once he's gone, Nigella tells Padma the dish would have been a "star" without the vanilla.
Results. First in the bottom two is Bryan, whose vanilla flavors clashed horribly with the crab. The other bottom-dweller is Robin, whose blintzes were one-note, and had no contrast. "I wasn't proud of what I did today," Robin says for what feels like the sixtieth time. For the good news, Kevin's steak and eggs really embraced the challenge, while Eli's modified Reuben had a nice tang of sauerkraut. That's enough to carry the day, and Eli wins. Though he doesn't get immunity, his recipe will be featured in a Top Chef cookbook devoted entirely to Quickfire entries. This strikes me as hilarious, as Quickfire dishes are often hastily conceived and even more hastily put together. Stephanie was talented enough to win her entire season, and completely sucked at Quickfires. It doesn't seem like the portion of the show that home cooks would be very eager to emulate.
Elimination Challenge. Padma says that it will involve celebrating the Strip of Las Vegas by sending the chefs to create a dish inspired by different casinos. That's a good idea, and I'm surprised that it took until now for the casino culture to be integrated into a challenge to this degree. The chefs draw knives.
Bryan - Mandalay Bay
Eli - Circus Circus
Michael - New York, New York
Kevin - The Mirage
Jenc - Excalibur
Robin - Bellagio
Hmmm, weird. There's a sharp divide in Vegas casinos. There's the "new" portion of the Strip, with the really glittering places with fancy restaurants, bars, and spectacles. Then there's the older portion that may have the same things, but to a much lesser extent. I only bring this up because in the above list, all of the casinos belong to the newer grouping... Except Circus Circus. That's a much less fancy casino, and it makes me wonder why it was chosen over places like Caesar's Palace, the Venetian, or the Wynn. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be catering a party for 175 guests. The chefs march off for the evening to be inspired. The fact that they can finally escape their housemates for a while is probably a nice side effect.
Field trip. Michael says that New York City is restaurant Mecca, where many dreams succeed and fail. He begins to form an idea about honoring New York City firemen. These two concepts have nothing to do with one another. That's fine, but then why show both? Work with me, editors. Jenc takes in the meal, some grog, and a medieval show at the Excalibur. She's still having trouble coming up with an idea, which confuses me, as the casino has a lot more obvious inspiration than a place like the Mirage. Bryan takes in the shark reef at Mandalay Bay, which helpfully has a sign about sustainable fishing, so his inspiration is dealt with in forty-five seconds. On his way out, he gets a souvenir for his son. Stop talking about your family back home! That's elimination talk!
Over at the Bellagio, Robin is struck by the multicolored Dale Chihuly glass exhibits. I've seen those in a couple of art museums, and he once did an exhibit for our botanical garden, which was awesome:
Robin hopes to marry that sort of artistic flair with her food. She spends a moment at the famous fountains before we shift over to Kevin at the Mirage. He plays with the dolphins, which looks like grand fun. He talks about his signature style of simplicity and "less is more", which seems to be working just fine for him so far. He doesn't believe in flashy food or style over substance. That doesn't have much to do with any inspiration that the Mirage may give, so I guess we can only hope he doesn't incorporate dolphin into his dish. Eli heads to Circus Circus. What's to say? It's very circusy. Back at the house, Eli complains to the other chefs that there is no circus at Circus Circus. That's not entirely true, although it wouldn't surprise me if he missed the acrobats on the upper level. The stage is remarkably well-hidden. Can you tell I went there recently? The slots were not kind, although LabRat did well at the blackjack table.
Anyhoo, Eli tells the chefs that there weren't any restaurants, and Michael scoffs that he wasn't there to be inspired by the food, but by the environment. He points out that a circus is the most definitive concept that any of them had to be inspired by. I hate to agree with him yet again, but here we are. Robin senses that Eli is having trouble with his idea, and hopes to really push herself in the challenge, so that she can surge ahead.
The next day, we skip right over the shopping segment, which I frankly don't miss. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they have three and a half hours to prep. Kevin works on salmon with compressed vegetables. Again, I'm not sure what the connection between his food and the Mirage is, and I'd be curious to know. Michael hacks into chicken wings. Robin works on panna cotta, and will insert stiff panels of sugar to simulate the Chihuly glass. Jenc has settled on The Sword in the Stone as her inspiration, and starts a sauce with a couple of bottles of red wine. Eli incorporates circus themes with peanut soup with caramel apples. Popcorn and raspberry juice are also involved. Bryan cooks his fish in olive oil, and muses about how he's terrible at Quickfires, but seems to do very well in Elimination Challenges. Eli takes some time out to bash Robin some more. I agree that she's probably well past the point where she should have been eliminated, but her sticking around annoys the chefs I don't like, which brings me joy. Time winds down, and the chefs pack up their food for transport.
They are driven to the World Market Center, which I've never heard of, but has a great view of the Strip from the immense windows. The chefs unpack, and have one more hour to get everything ready. Michael cooks chicken. Jenc frets. Robin discovers that her sugar panels haven't set, and she won't be able to use them. When the hour is up, all the guests flood the room at the same time. A random guy enjoys Kevin's food. The judges head for Jenc's station first. She serves a chunk of grilled New York strip steak (as the stone) with a red wine reduction. There are beets, truffles, and herbs on top, and the whole thing is skewered by a plastic sword. Nigella finds the meat incredibly tough. Kevin serves up his wild Alaskan sockeye salmon with Napa cabbage and cucumber in a tomato broth base. All of the judges have very favorable things to say.
Michael serves boneless chicken wing confit with curry, and a disc of blue cheese. Everyone heartily enjoys it, just as they do in every bar in the country. Yes, it's a more upscale version of hot wings, and is probably very tasty. That said, Padma is cheerily describing blue cheese on chicken wings as "a nice surprise". Huh?!? Gee, Padma, why don't you stop by for dinner sometime, and I can "surprise" you by putting sour cream on a baked potato. I'm sure it's great food, but Michael has implied more than once that he's a better chef than Kevin because his food is more complicated, and here he is, serving something you can snarf by the bucket at the local dive. And since I'm already nitpicking... Saying your inspiration is derived from New York City by preparing something from Buffalo is a bit like preparing a Chicago-inspired dish from a St. Louis regional specialty.
Robin's panna cotta is based on flowers, which is what the Chihuly sculptures were formed into. She points out her table of ruined sugar, and explains what she was going for. That was probably a mistake. She should have said something like "I made these sugar panels, but decided the dish was better without them," or some other whopper like that. The judges find the panna cotta way too firm, because nobody on this show can ever make one. If for no other reason, I'm looking forward to the dessert spinoff just so someone can make a serviceable panna cotta.
Bryan has made an escabeche of halibut with a bouillabaisse consomme, pine nuts, a parsley coulis, and garlic chips. The judges all enjoy it quite a bit, calling it "balanced" and "professional". Huh, I guess all that talking about his family earlier was a false alarm. Eli's caramel apple peanut soup has ground popcorn and raspberry froth (which represents the pink dome of Circus Circus' decor). The results are not positive. None of the judges like it, and Padma outright hates it. The main problem seems to be one of texture. Yeah, texture issues are sometimes a bigger problem than flavor issues. It's why I don't eat pears. The judges choke it down, then head out of the party.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Kevin lightheartedly asks how everyone's food turned out, which is the first time he's sounded condescending, rather than genuinely curious. Maybe it was just the way it struck me. Nobody responds, which he takes to mean that everyone tanked. Padma enters, and summons Kevin, Michael, and Bryan to the table. Padma tells them they had the three favorite dishes of the evening. They all stare back resolutely, as if she just asked for one of their kidneys. Kevin's fish was great, and the vegetables were bright and flavorful. Bryan's food was quiet and elegant, much like he is. Michael's chicken wings were delicious and expressive. Toby gives him a backhanded compliment by calling his delicate style "effeminate". Nigella gets to announce the winner, and it turns out to be Michael. Well, those must have been some delicious wings, because he couldn't have won on inspiration. As a prize, he gets some wine and a trip to the winery where it's bottled. Nice.
Back in the Kitchen, Michael gets tepid applause. The waiting chefs are punted out to Losers' Table. Robin is already convinced she's toast. Once out there, Jenc admits to the judges that she didn't have a clear vision of what she wanted her food to be. Remember when she was such a strong contender? What the hell happened? It seems like one bad challenge punched all the momentum out of her. Ptom semi-excuses her by saying that perhaps she's just not familiar with medieval cooking. Nigella points out that while the other judges got tender cuts of meat, hers was too tough to slice through. Toby agrees that the meat was too tough.
Limecrete: "If there's one thing British judges don't get to whine about, it's tough meat."
LabRat: "I know. I don't get why British people get to judge this competition at all. What next, two Brits on the panel of a dental competition?"
Robin says that she thinks her vision and concept were good, but fell down on execution. The judges ask what happened, and she describes how her sugar didn't set properly. She was trying to accomplish techniques she hadn't worked with before, and Ptom asks her if she's being influenced by the chefs around her. She admits it. It's a fair question, but there's something off-putting about the phrasing. Of course, she shouldn't be rewarded for lackluster food, just because she hasn't done it before. However, Ptom has made a career out of slamming the chefs for staying in their comfort zones, and not pushing their limits. He's not over the hypocrisy line in this Robin inquiry, but he's dancing on it. Eli had a good idea, but both his flavors and textures were wildly off. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Every single one of Jenc's dish components was disappointing. The judges note that perhaps she has used up all of her early potential. Back in the Kitchen, Jenc herself is so beaten down, she's ready to pack up before she even gets eliminated. She's like the converse of Ariane, who started off in a whirlpool of despair and pulled herself together. Robin attempted to do things that are technically beyond her skill level. Ptom and Nigella complain that panna cotta is simplicity itself. Jeez, you wouldn't know it from this show. Eli's was just out-and-out bad. Bad texture, bad flavors, bad everything.
Elimination. Eli's dish was a mess. Jenc's food was boring. Robin's inspiration didn't make it onto the plate. In the end, Robin has run out of other chefs to hide behind, and is told to pack her knives and go. She shakes the judges' hands and thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she's glad to have made it as far as she did, but that she lost herself in trying to impress people, and forgot to make the comfort food that she excels at. She gets a good-bye hug from Jenc, and tears up as she says that she's looking forward to what comes next, and that the experience has inspired her. Well, she may have been outmatched as a chef, but she seems like a perfectly nice lady. In small doses, anyway. I wish she could have stuck around longer than Eli, just to give him something to haunt his dreams for eternity, but doing that to Mike will just have to suffice.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: Natalie Portman wouldn't eat meat. Not even Clive Owen's. Jenc continued her depressing downward spiral, and the producers realized that with the Clash of the Golden Children almost upon us, there's no need for The Smarmy Guy anymore. Bye, Mike! Six chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Bryan talks to his family back home, and interviews about missing them a lot, which is never a good sign for one's continued success on a reality show. At least he shows a healthy balance between missing his loved ones and forging ahead with this opportunity. Too many people on TV show up acting like they were forced to try out for a reality show at gunpoint, and practically rend their clothes with grief when talking to someone back home. Jenc vows to pull herself together.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs go to a kitchen at the Venetian, and receive a call from Padma, who's kickin' it in a hotel room bed with Nigella Lawson. No, not like that, pervos. She tells the chefs that with all the hotels in Vegas, room service is big business, and so the Quickfire challenge will be to prepare an appropriate breakfast in bed. They have half an hour to get everything ready. Robin and Eli go first. Eli works on a modified Reuben, making sure to include corned beef, because as we all know, without the corned beef, it ain't a Reuben. Robin is typically frenetic, and runs around hysterically. She and Eli leave to take their food upstairs, and Michael and Kevin move in. Michael whines about the mess Robin has left behind, and then expresses his consternation with the strict time limit. At no point does he realize that one may have followed from the other.
Meanwhile, Robin serves her food to Padma and Nigella. It's a blintz with goat cheese, caramelized pineapple, and blueberries. Eli then brings in his Reuben Benedict with fried egg, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and a Thousand Island hollandaise. It looks pretty good, although I'm used to seeing fried eggs with harder yolks. Down in the kitchen, Kevin works on a hearty steak and eggs plate. Michael has created too much work for himself, and isn't going to be able to get his food done in the way he wants. Into this mess walks Robin, who's been told by some PA or other to go in and get her stuff. Michael curtly boots her out of the work area, and for all the times that I've looked down on the Robin-bashing, and all the times I've groused about Michael's attitude, he's completely in the right here. He is still being timed, and she is really in the way. She complains about how Michael's treating her, but not wanting someone wandering around in your workspace in the middle of a challenge is not rude, and she should have known better.
Michael is next to serve his food, which is a take on Cuban eggs with banana puree, rice, and bacon. "The thing about breakfast is that you can eat it at any time of the day," Nigella non-sequiturs. Um, thanks for that brilliant piece of insider information. Let me jot that down under "The chefs that make things with the least detriments will have an advantage," "The hard part about shucking clams is knowing how to do it," and "I want to make something quick [for the Quickfire]." This is such an educational season! Kevin tells Padma and Nigella that he's prepared a hearty breakfast in the Southern tradition. It's steak and eggs with creme fraiche, green onion, aged Cheddar, and a dusting of coffee.
LabRat: "Yeah, cause no Southern breakfast is complete without creme fraiche."
Bryan and Jenc are cooking down in the kitchen. Jenc has experience with room service, and works on chipped beef that she proudly calls "shit on a shingle". It doesn't appear to occur to her that serving shit on a shingle to judges may not be the wisest choice, but who knows? Maybe they'll love Army food. Bryan works on a four-minute egg to serve over corn polenta. Jenc serves her creamed chipped beef on toast with potato and tomato. Bryan's plate includes a vanilla sauce, crab, asparagus, and the aforementioned polenta. Once he's gone, Nigella tells Padma the dish would have been a "star" without the vanilla.
Results. First in the bottom two is Bryan, whose vanilla flavors clashed horribly with the crab. The other bottom-dweller is Robin, whose blintzes were one-note, and had no contrast. "I wasn't proud of what I did today," Robin says for what feels like the sixtieth time. For the good news, Kevin's steak and eggs really embraced the challenge, while Eli's modified Reuben had a nice tang of sauerkraut. That's enough to carry the day, and Eli wins. Though he doesn't get immunity, his recipe will be featured in a Top Chef cookbook devoted entirely to Quickfire entries. This strikes me as hilarious, as Quickfire dishes are often hastily conceived and even more hastily put together. Stephanie was talented enough to win her entire season, and completely sucked at Quickfires. It doesn't seem like the portion of the show that home cooks would be very eager to emulate.
Elimination Challenge. Padma says that it will involve celebrating the Strip of Las Vegas by sending the chefs to create a dish inspired by different casinos. That's a good idea, and I'm surprised that it took until now for the casino culture to be integrated into a challenge to this degree. The chefs draw knives.
Bryan - Mandalay Bay
Eli - Circus Circus
Michael - New York, New York
Kevin - The Mirage
Jenc - Excalibur
Robin - Bellagio
Hmmm, weird. There's a sharp divide in Vegas casinos. There's the "new" portion of the Strip, with the really glittering places with fancy restaurants, bars, and spectacles. Then there's the older portion that may have the same things, but to a much lesser extent. I only bring this up because in the above list, all of the casinos belong to the newer grouping... Except Circus Circus. That's a much less fancy casino, and it makes me wonder why it was chosen over places like Caesar's Palace, the Venetian, or the Wynn. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be catering a party for 175 guests. The chefs march off for the evening to be inspired. The fact that they can finally escape their housemates for a while is probably a nice side effect.
Field trip. Michael says that New York City is restaurant Mecca, where many dreams succeed and fail. He begins to form an idea about honoring New York City firemen. These two concepts have nothing to do with one another. That's fine, but then why show both? Work with me, editors. Jenc takes in the meal, some grog, and a medieval show at the Excalibur. She's still having trouble coming up with an idea, which confuses me, as the casino has a lot more obvious inspiration than a place like the Mirage. Bryan takes in the shark reef at Mandalay Bay, which helpfully has a sign about sustainable fishing, so his inspiration is dealt with in forty-five seconds. On his way out, he gets a souvenir for his son. Stop talking about your family back home! That's elimination talk!
Over at the Bellagio, Robin is struck by the multicolored Dale Chihuly glass exhibits. I've seen those in a couple of art museums, and he once did an exhibit for our botanical garden, which was awesome:
Robin hopes to marry that sort of artistic flair with her food. She spends a moment at the famous fountains before we shift over to Kevin at the Mirage. He plays with the dolphins, which looks like grand fun. He talks about his signature style of simplicity and "less is more", which seems to be working just fine for him so far. He doesn't believe in flashy food or style over substance. That doesn't have much to do with any inspiration that the Mirage may give, so I guess we can only hope he doesn't incorporate dolphin into his dish. Eli heads to Circus Circus. What's to say? It's very circusy. Back at the house, Eli complains to the other chefs that there is no circus at Circus Circus. That's not entirely true, although it wouldn't surprise me if he missed the acrobats on the upper level. The stage is remarkably well-hidden. Can you tell I went there recently? The slots were not kind, although LabRat did well at the blackjack table.
Anyhoo, Eli tells the chefs that there weren't any restaurants, and Michael scoffs that he wasn't there to be inspired by the food, but by the environment. He points out that a circus is the most definitive concept that any of them had to be inspired by. I hate to agree with him yet again, but here we are. Robin senses that Eli is having trouble with his idea, and hopes to really push herself in the challenge, so that she can surge ahead.
The next day, we skip right over the shopping segment, which I frankly don't miss. The chefs stream into the Kitchen, where they have three and a half hours to prep. Kevin works on salmon with compressed vegetables. Again, I'm not sure what the connection between his food and the Mirage is, and I'd be curious to know. Michael hacks into chicken wings. Robin works on panna cotta, and will insert stiff panels of sugar to simulate the Chihuly glass. Jenc has settled on The Sword in the Stone as her inspiration, and starts a sauce with a couple of bottles of red wine. Eli incorporates circus themes with peanut soup with caramel apples. Popcorn and raspberry juice are also involved. Bryan cooks his fish in olive oil, and muses about how he's terrible at Quickfires, but seems to do very well in Elimination Challenges. Eli takes some time out to bash Robin some more. I agree that she's probably well past the point where she should have been eliminated, but her sticking around annoys the chefs I don't like, which brings me joy. Time winds down, and the chefs pack up their food for transport.
They are driven to the World Market Center, which I've never heard of, but has a great view of the Strip from the immense windows. The chefs unpack, and have one more hour to get everything ready. Michael cooks chicken. Jenc frets. Robin discovers that her sugar panels haven't set, and she won't be able to use them. When the hour is up, all the guests flood the room at the same time. A random guy enjoys Kevin's food. The judges head for Jenc's station first. She serves a chunk of grilled New York strip steak (as the stone) with a red wine reduction. There are beets, truffles, and herbs on top, and the whole thing is skewered by a plastic sword. Nigella finds the meat incredibly tough. Kevin serves up his wild Alaskan sockeye salmon with Napa cabbage and cucumber in a tomato broth base. All of the judges have very favorable things to say.
Michael serves boneless chicken wing confit with curry, and a disc of blue cheese. Everyone heartily enjoys it, just as they do in every bar in the country. Yes, it's a more upscale version of hot wings, and is probably very tasty. That said, Padma is cheerily describing blue cheese on chicken wings as "a nice surprise". Huh?!? Gee, Padma, why don't you stop by for dinner sometime, and I can "surprise" you by putting sour cream on a baked potato. I'm sure it's great food, but Michael has implied more than once that he's a better chef than Kevin because his food is more complicated, and here he is, serving something you can snarf by the bucket at the local dive. And since I'm already nitpicking... Saying your inspiration is derived from New York City by preparing something from Buffalo is a bit like preparing a Chicago-inspired dish from a St. Louis regional specialty.
Robin's panna cotta is based on flowers, which is what the Chihuly sculptures were formed into. She points out her table of ruined sugar, and explains what she was going for. That was probably a mistake. She should have said something like "I made these sugar panels, but decided the dish was better without them," or some other whopper like that. The judges find the panna cotta way too firm, because nobody on this show can ever make one. If for no other reason, I'm looking forward to the dessert spinoff just so someone can make a serviceable panna cotta.
Bryan has made an escabeche of halibut with a bouillabaisse consomme, pine nuts, a parsley coulis, and garlic chips. The judges all enjoy it quite a bit, calling it "balanced" and "professional". Huh, I guess all that talking about his family earlier was a false alarm. Eli's caramel apple peanut soup has ground popcorn and raspberry froth (which represents the pink dome of Circus Circus' decor). The results are not positive. None of the judges like it, and Padma outright hates it. The main problem seems to be one of texture. Yeah, texture issues are sometimes a bigger problem than flavor issues. It's why I don't eat pears. The judges choke it down, then head out of the party.
Judges' Table. In the fret 'n sweat, Kevin lightheartedly asks how everyone's food turned out, which is the first time he's sounded condescending, rather than genuinely curious. Maybe it was just the way it struck me. Nobody responds, which he takes to mean that everyone tanked. Padma enters, and summons Kevin, Michael, and Bryan to the table. Padma tells them they had the three favorite dishes of the evening. They all stare back resolutely, as if she just asked for one of their kidneys. Kevin's fish was great, and the vegetables were bright and flavorful. Bryan's food was quiet and elegant, much like he is. Michael's chicken wings were delicious and expressive. Toby gives him a backhanded compliment by calling his delicate style "effeminate". Nigella gets to announce the winner, and it turns out to be Michael. Well, those must have been some delicious wings, because he couldn't have won on inspiration. As a prize, he gets some wine and a trip to the winery where it's bottled. Nice.
Back in the Kitchen, Michael gets tepid applause. The waiting chefs are punted out to Losers' Table. Robin is already convinced she's toast. Once out there, Jenc admits to the judges that she didn't have a clear vision of what she wanted her food to be. Remember when she was such a strong contender? What the hell happened? It seems like one bad challenge punched all the momentum out of her. Ptom semi-excuses her by saying that perhaps she's just not familiar with medieval cooking. Nigella points out that while the other judges got tender cuts of meat, hers was too tough to slice through. Toby agrees that the meat was too tough.
Limecrete: "If there's one thing British judges don't get to whine about, it's tough meat."
LabRat: "I know. I don't get why British people get to judge this competition at all. What next, two Brits on the panel of a dental competition?"
Robin says that she thinks her vision and concept were good, but fell down on execution. The judges ask what happened, and she describes how her sugar didn't set properly. She was trying to accomplish techniques she hadn't worked with before, and Ptom asks her if she's being influenced by the chefs around her. She admits it. It's a fair question, but there's something off-putting about the phrasing. Of course, she shouldn't be rewarded for lackluster food, just because she hasn't done it before. However, Ptom has made a career out of slamming the chefs for staying in their comfort zones, and not pushing their limits. He's not over the hypocrisy line in this Robin inquiry, but he's dancing on it. Eli had a good idea, but both his flavors and textures were wildly off. The chefs are dismissed.
Deliberations. Every single one of Jenc's dish components was disappointing. The judges note that perhaps she has used up all of her early potential. Back in the Kitchen, Jenc herself is so beaten down, she's ready to pack up before she even gets eliminated. She's like the converse of Ariane, who started off in a whirlpool of despair and pulled herself together. Robin attempted to do things that are technically beyond her skill level. Ptom and Nigella complain that panna cotta is simplicity itself. Jeez, you wouldn't know it from this show. Eli's was just out-and-out bad. Bad texture, bad flavors, bad everything.
Elimination. Eli's dish was a mess. Jenc's food was boring. Robin's inspiration didn't make it onto the plate. In the end, Robin has run out of other chefs to hide behind, and is told to pack her knives and go. She shakes the judges' hands and thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she's glad to have made it as far as she did, but that she lost herself in trying to impress people, and forgot to make the comfort food that she excels at. She gets a good-bye hug from Jenc, and tears up as she says that she's looking forward to what comes next, and that the experience has inspired her. Well, she may have been outmatched as a chef, but she seems like a perfectly nice lady. In small doses, anyway. I wish she could have stuck around longer than Eli, just to give him something to haunt his dreams for eternity, but doing that to Mike will just have to suffice.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Guess Who's Not Recapping Dinner?
Well, that was odd. Instead of a regular episode, Fabio from Season 5 hosts a dinner cooked by contestants from all of the seasons. It's interesting in that some people have mellowed with time, while others are exactly as you remember them. It was an entertaining enough diversion, but even though my girl Carla was in attendance, I have a strict rule about not revisiting anything that involves Ilan.
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