Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 10
In the final episode, our three finalists are put through their usual paces. Each of the chefs must make a showpiece, an entremet cake, a bonbon, a plated dessert, and a bread course for the judges and a bunch of Names. There's also supposed to be some connection between the desserts and the chefs' loved ones, but it's fairly pointless. The Names help out as sous chefs on Day 1, and as we've seen in the past, eliminated contestants come in and are forced to help on Day 2.
Each chef gets two helpers, one of their choosing and one chosen at random. As fun as it would be to see someone get stuck with Dr. Teeth, it is not to be. Matthew gets Megan assigned to him, then chooses Carlos. Chris gets Rebecca, and chooses Amanda. Sally gets Vanarin (who everybody's forgotten), and chooses Orlando. This last choice is most important, because Sally knows full well that she's weak at making showpieces, so she sets Orlando to executing her design.
All three chefs work hard to impress the diners, though Matthew makes the weird choice to wander so far out of his comfort zone in service of risk-taking that everything he makes winds up looking so-so, with the showpiece being particularly ugly. That brings it down to Sally and Chris, and... Well, let's see...
Chris has been a focused overachiever from the start, while Sally has gone with the flow. Chris' story of leaving behind a newborn daughter with a heart condition is played to the hilt, while Sally has an ostensibly typical home life. And there's the most decisive factor: Chris made his own showpiece, while Sally used the help she was provided and expressly told to use. Well! We can't have that! Chris naturally takes the title, which is understandable and well-earned, though I don't think anybody can claim to be surprised.
So, shall we spend a moment talking about the season as a whole? If you don't count Top Chef Masters -- which I don't -- this has unquestionably been the gentlest crop of contestants this franchise has ever seen. A lot of people found that boring, but I thought it was a nice change to watch a competition that centered almost exclusively on challenges and not on maladjusted psychotic douchebags. Nobody wailing about their mommy's red-hots. No snide junior high cliques. No catty, backstabbing, egocentric bitches throwing glitter bombs. No homophobic jerks tearfully talking about their children while sitting on a stash of kiddie-porn. Just a bunch of mature adults, doing their best to excel in a competition that put their skills to the test. Novel, huh?
The challenges ranged from fine to great, with no real catastrophes to piss me off. If there's one issue I took with the season, it's that the judging showed no improvement from the lackluster panel last season. Gail is still a perfectly genial host, but Hubert still looks like he wishes he were eating savory dishes, Dannielle still shows no sign of why her opinion is any more relevant than your Great Aunt Betty's, and Johnny has become even more wooden and cranky.
Like I said, I'm pleased that there was no sucky challenge that turned out to be unwinnable, because there's almost nothing that makes me angrier. If there is something that can achieve it, though, it's the Chef-22. This isn't specific to Johnny; Ptom and Padma are known to indulge in this ugly practice. But at least they usually have the good grace to spread it out over multiple episodes. Johnny chided someone for having the temerity to make him wait after chiding someone else for not making her dessert to order, literally in the span of five minutes. In this finale, Sally is given a sous chef to help, and then punished for using said help. So, sorry you lost the weight for nothing, Iuzzini, but I'm afraid your television persona needs more of a workout than your biceps.
Overall Grade: B
Overall Season Grade: B
Monday, October 31, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
World War Chew
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 9
It's time to decide the finalists, so let's be sure to pour on the emotion! Calls home! Orlando's mom had to come to terms with his sexuality! Chris' daughter has a heart condition! Matt misses his wife! Sally comes from an immigrant family!
That dispensed with, Gail is joined in the Kitchen by Suzanne Goin for no reason, as there is no Quickfire tonight. But hell, I like Suzanne Goin, so sure, let's have her along for this announcement. Instead of a Quickfire, the chefs will have an extended Elimination Challenge. There are several nations' flags offered, and the chefs each pick one:
Chris: France
Orlando: Spain
Matt: Italy
Sally: Cuba
Now, the twist. The chefs have to make a dessert dish...that looks like a savory dish from the country they chose. Ouch. Sometimes, the twists and turns of the challenges can be a little silly, but this one is devious without being stupid or unmanageable. I like it! Matthew is sitting pretty, as he creates "manicotti" without much trouble. Orlando hits upon "paella", but doesn't think to do a rice pudding, which is odd to me. Sally dithers and second-guesses herself until she's forced to settle on making a "Cuban sandwich".
And Chris? Chris chooses "Beef Wellington", which Johnny notes is rather more English than French. The judges then bend over backwards to excuse him for it, and overlook him using store-bought puff pastry instead of making his own. Ladies and gentleman, our ordained season winner!
A large assortment of Names judges the challenge, with special guest judge Cat Cora, who looks fantastic all gussied up for the camera and not in her usual stressed-out-frantic-cooking mode. Matthew smirks to the camera that his wife better not find out about his secret crush on Cora, wink-wink. Um, Matt? Even if you were single, I don't think she'd be interested.
When it comes to judging, Sally's looks far-and-away most like her inspiration food, and she takes a much-deserved win.
With Chris automatically safe because we all know he's going to win the competition now, that leaves it between Matthew, whose "manicotti" was too safe, and Orlando, whose "paella" was kind of a mess. Lo and behold, Orlando's persnickety attitude can't keep him afloat any longer, and he's set adrift. So, we're down to our final three. Well, we're actually down to our winner, but we should probably let them have their finale anyway, right?
Overall Grade: B-
It's time to decide the finalists, so let's be sure to pour on the emotion! Calls home! Orlando's mom had to come to terms with his sexuality! Chris' daughter has a heart condition! Matt misses his wife! Sally comes from an immigrant family!
That dispensed with, Gail is joined in the Kitchen by Suzanne Goin for no reason, as there is no Quickfire tonight. But hell, I like Suzanne Goin, so sure, let's have her along for this announcement. Instead of a Quickfire, the chefs will have an extended Elimination Challenge. There are several nations' flags offered, and the chefs each pick one:
Chris: France
Orlando: Spain
Matt: Italy
Sally: Cuba
Now, the twist. The chefs have to make a dessert dish...that looks like a savory dish from the country they chose. Ouch. Sometimes, the twists and turns of the challenges can be a little silly, but this one is devious without being stupid or unmanageable. I like it! Matthew is sitting pretty, as he creates "manicotti" without much trouble. Orlando hits upon "paella", but doesn't think to do a rice pudding, which is odd to me. Sally dithers and second-guesses herself until she's forced to settle on making a "Cuban sandwich".
And Chris? Chris chooses "Beef Wellington", which Johnny notes is rather more English than French. The judges then bend over backwards to excuse him for it, and overlook him using store-bought puff pastry instead of making his own. Ladies and gentleman, our ordained season winner!
A large assortment of Names judges the challenge, with special guest judge Cat Cora, who looks fantastic all gussied up for the camera and not in her usual stressed-out-frantic-cooking mode. Matthew smirks to the camera that his wife better not find out about his secret crush on Cora, wink-wink. Um, Matt? Even if you were single, I don't think she'd be interested.
When it comes to judging, Sally's looks far-and-away most like her inspiration food, and she takes a much-deserved win.
With Chris automatically safe because we all know he's going to win the competition now, that leaves it between Matthew, whose "manicotti" was too safe, and Orlando, whose "paella" was kind of a mess. Lo and behold, Orlando's persnickety attitude can't keep him afloat any longer, and he's set adrift. So, we're down to our final three. Well, we're actually down to our winner, but we should probably let them have their finale anyway, right?
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Easy As Pie
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 8
Tonight's episode kicks off with Chris sharing some family drama that usually portends either a stunning victory or a looming elimination. His newborn daughter has some medical issues, and he wants to win the competition to help pay for the treatments. That's an eminently noble motivation, of course, but you've got to think the producers are sitting there thinking "Stop talking about how you're going to spend the money on your kids! You're supposed to be obsessed with your career!"
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a pie for Gail and guest judge Francois Payard. Just baking a pie is too simple, of course, so the chefs are forced to do it one-handed. Everyone manages pretty well, except poor Matthew, who merely nudges his pie with his off-limit hand for one moment. That's enough to disqualify him from the win. It turns out not to matter, as Sally and Chris take the bottom two spots, and Orlando and Carlos take the top. Orlando's four-berry pie looks remarkably good, but it is Carlos who scores the win and the $5000 prize.
For the Elimination Challenge, it's time for Dana Cowin to host another fake party. In this case, it's got a carnival theme, and the chefs are told to to make upscale food inspired by usual carnival fare. My gorge immediately begins to rise, because I just know somebody's going to include fucking funnel cake. Yuck. Indeed, Chris makes funnel-cake-infused ice cream.
It's not very successful, and he lands in the bottom with Carlos (who made mini-burgers and fries out of dessert ingredients that look wonderful, but taste off) and Orlando (who once again gives the judges a description he can't sell when his candy apple inspiration leads to a chocolate dessert). Sally and Matthew get top marks, with Matthew snagging the win. Carlos takes the long walk home, much to our viewing party's despair. Though I had Sallyesque leanings before this episode, they're now full-blown. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B-
Tonight's episode kicks off with Chris sharing some family drama that usually portends either a stunning victory or a looming elimination. His newborn daughter has some medical issues, and he wants to win the competition to help pay for the treatments. That's an eminently noble motivation, of course, but you've got to think the producers are sitting there thinking "Stop talking about how you're going to spend the money on your kids! You're supposed to be obsessed with your career!"
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a pie for Gail and guest judge Francois Payard. Just baking a pie is too simple, of course, so the chefs are forced to do it one-handed. Everyone manages pretty well, except poor Matthew, who merely nudges his pie with his off-limit hand for one moment. That's enough to disqualify him from the win. It turns out not to matter, as Sally and Chris take the bottom two spots, and Orlando and Carlos take the top. Orlando's four-berry pie looks remarkably good, but it is Carlos who scores the win and the $5000 prize.
For the Elimination Challenge, it's time for Dana Cowin to host another fake party. In this case, it's got a carnival theme, and the chefs are told to to make upscale food inspired by usual carnival fare. My gorge immediately begins to rise, because I just know somebody's going to include fucking funnel cake. Yuck. Indeed, Chris makes funnel-cake-infused ice cream.
It's not very successful, and he lands in the bottom with Carlos (who made mini-burgers and fries out of dessert ingredients that look wonderful, but taste off) and Orlando (who once again gives the judges a description he can't sell when his candy apple inspiration leads to a chocolate dessert). Sally and Matthew get top marks, with Matthew snagging the win. Carlos takes the long walk home, much to our viewing party's despair. Though I had Sallyesque leanings before this episode, they're now full-blown. Get it, girl!
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
D'oh Nuts
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 7
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Another evening, another strange opening scene in which the -- Rivalry? Dislike? Sexual tension? -- between Sally and Katzie is superficially explored. Honestly, it's baffling. The not-at-all-unexpected friendship between Chris and Matt is also mentioned, making me think one of them is not long for this competition.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making an exciting doughnut (to serve with coffee) for Gail and guest judge Mark Israel. The winner won't get immunity, but will score a quick ten-thousand dollars. It's not all sprinkles and sugar, though, because the loser of the Quickfire will be eliminated. Pretty harsh for someone in the final seven. Sally, who's always good for a reaction shot, bugs her eyes out upon hearing this news.
When time runs out, Carlos and Sally take the top spots, with Carlos winning the challenge and the prize. Yay, now one of his kids can go to college for a third of a semester! Megan, Matt, and Orlando comprise the bottom three, and Orlando thinks that with elimination hanging in the balance, now would be a peachy time to whine and nitpick about his placement. However, since this is a television show and not real life, copping an attitude is actually a positive, and poor, normal Megan is shown the door. Not to say that her elimination isn't fair; her doughnut did look fairly gross.
The Elimination Challenge is yet another team challenge, in which chocolate re-establishes its reign as King of Dessertland. Each team must make a showpiece, and each team member is responsible for an individual dessert, as well. The teams shake out to be:
Orlando/Carlos/Sally
Chris/Matt/Katzie
Orlando and Chris immediately go head-to-head on the showpieces, although neither can see what the other is doing, as partitions have been put up to keep everyone's eyes on their own papers. Orlando passes along a recipe to his team, and trusts Carlos and Sally to execute his individual dessert for him. That sounds like it has the potential for major disaster, but everything turns out for the best. In the end, both showpieces turn out quite lovely, and some of the individual desserts look great as well. Any dessert that incorporates bananas put its maker in the running for my new best friend.
The Orlando/Carlos/Sally team takes the win, which pleases Orlando no end, since he once lost to Chris in another competition. Chris, Matt, and Katzie head to Losers' Table, and despite all the ominous "He's my friend" talk at the beginning of the episode, it is Katzie who gets her walking papers. Wow. Not a good episode for the ladies. Sally, perhaps cognizant of that fact, gives Katzie a hug on her way out, so their conflict will remain a mystery for the ages.
Overall Grade: C
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
Mark of the Beast
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 6
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
I've mentioned already that I'm enjoying the relatively low levels of drama this season, and I stand by that opinion. That said, does anyone have any idea why Sally hates Katzie so much? Did Katzie do a really offensive Asian stereotype voice off-camera? Did she steal Sally's toothpaste? Seriously, every episode seems to feature a segment about how Katzie really grinds Sally's gears, and we have zero indication of why that might be. Odd.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs yank out a root vegetable buried in some dirt, and must make a dessert featuring that item for Gail and guest judge Jordan Kahn. Naturally, some items are more difficult than others. Chris, ever the overachiever, makes sure to serve his root veggie garnish at just the right time to make it taste the best. Unfortunately, that time is after the buzzer, and he's disqualified. Rebecca and Carlos sink to the bottom two, while Matthew and Sally rise to the top. Sally, who's really getting the hang of this whole Quickfire thing, scores her second consecutive win, along with immunity and $5,000. Not bad for an hour's work.
Finally, we get an Elimination Challenge that doesn't split the chefs into teams. Unfortunately, now that the chefs can shine on their own, they're given one of those wacky-ass challenges in which it's well-nigh impossible to determine the good chefs from the bad, because the challenge restrictions are so off-kilter that it basically boils down to luck. Aging Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz assumes the mantle of guest judge, and presents the chefs with an array of weird ingredients mentioned in Beastie Boys' songs. Each chef has to choose two of the off-putting foods to incorporate into their dessert, and in an additional twist, are assigned a third by one of their fellow chefs.
The foods are presented at an art show, where thankfully, the guests are fully prepared and in the mood for weird cuisine. Marcel is in attendance for whatever reason, but I see no reason to give him any more attention. All of the desserts sound pretty nasty, what with the pesto, falafel, matzo meal, and other non-dessert ingredients. Sally is the exception, managing to make a toffee and chicken skin dessert that I actively want to try. She scores a position in the Winners' Circle, along with Chris and Matt, who wins for incorporating mashed potatoes and gravy into his dessert. Down at the bottom, Katzie, Megan, and Rebecca are scolded for their disappointing dishes, with Rebecca taking the long walk home. Honestly, if I woke up and found myself on this show knowing that I couldn't win, this is the challenge I would want to get eliminated on. To reiterate my original point, not knowing how to make hummus into a pastry is no reason to beat yourself up, so Rebecca can make a graceful exit with a minimum of pain and regret. Except that whole broken bone thing.
Overall Grade: B-
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Water Sports
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 5
Now that poor, unloved Melissa is off giving donuts the stinkeye somewhere else, it appears that the remaining chefs need someone else to be offended by. The spinning wand comes to rest on Katzie, who now is on everyone's nerves for no apparent reason.
For today's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making their own candy bar for Gail and guest judge Pichet Ong. Yum! Orlando starts off as supercilious as ever, but when Rebecca's broken hand causes her to drop her desserts all over the floor, he redeems himself by spending his free time helping her get a new batch ready. Chris is fast becoming the overachiever of the group, and works hard to make not one candy bar, but a duo. When time runs out, Mathhew's unfinished bar sinks to the bottom of Pichet's list, along with Katzie's goopy, liquidy bar. Sally appeals to him with Asian flavors, and is joined in the top by Rebecca, who makes sure to thank Orlando for his assistance. Sally wins the challenge and immunity, which feels good after all the time she's spent at Losers' Table lately.
For the Elimination Challenge, get ready for a shock... The chefs are split into teams. TEAMS! Can you believe it? What's that you say? Every single Elimination Challenge so far has been a team challenge? Oh. Well, that's kind of anticlimactic, then. Seriously, it's time to let these people work individually. Anyhow, the teams are chosen randomly, and shake out to be:
Carlos/Sally/Amanda
Orlando/Chris/Matthew
Katzie/Rebecca/Megan
The challenge is to create refreshing treats for the crowd at a nearby waterpark. Naturally, this leads to a lot of ice cream and sorbet plans. Minor drama breaks out when Carlos hogs all the available ice cream machines. As befits the theme of this season so far, it never gets beyond some impatient sniping before everything is resolved into an organized list of whose turn it is next. As a group, I'm really enjoying these people's attitudes. Plus, Carlos gets his comeuppance when his machine hogging leads other teams to turn to liquid nitrogen that he desperately needs.
As with last week's edible room, this is one of those challenges that I wish I could attend as a guest, because the park's patrons obviously love augmenting their waterslide fun by getting nine free gourmet summer desserts. The judges work their way down the line, and manage to coin yet another annoying Catch-22, bringing the total number up to about six. In this case, Johnny rails against Amanda for preparing her funnel cakes ahead of time, because the taste and texture suffer, and she should have made them to order. He then takes Mathhew to task for taking two whole minutes to make his desserts on the spot, because oh my God he's been waiting two whole minutes for it. Criticizing chefs' mistakes is one of the tenets of this show, but when you pick a complaint, perhaps you should wait more than thirty seconds before arguing for the diametrically opposite point.
At Judges' Table, the Megan/Katzie/Rebecca team gets top marks, with Katzie winning her second Elimination Challenge in a row for her impressive spumoni. Huh, that sounds a lot more sexual than I intended. Everyone else is called to Losers' Table and each of them gets their own little personal critique before Amanda is axed for those pesky funnel cakes. Well, it's shame in the sense that she seems like a cool person, but as I'm the only citizen of America who detests funnel cake, it's nice to finally have some ammunition for my lonely battle.
Overall Grade: B-
Now that poor, unloved Melissa is off giving donuts the stinkeye somewhere else, it appears that the remaining chefs need someone else to be offended by. The spinning wand comes to rest on Katzie, who now is on everyone's nerves for no apparent reason.
For today's Quickfire, the chefs are tasked with making their own candy bar for Gail and guest judge Pichet Ong. Yum! Orlando starts off as supercilious as ever, but when Rebecca's broken hand causes her to drop her desserts all over the floor, he redeems himself by spending his free time helping her get a new batch ready. Chris is fast becoming the overachiever of the group, and works hard to make not one candy bar, but a duo. When time runs out, Mathhew's unfinished bar sinks to the bottom of Pichet's list, along with Katzie's goopy, liquidy bar. Sally appeals to him with Asian flavors, and is joined in the top by Rebecca, who makes sure to thank Orlando for his assistance. Sally wins the challenge and immunity, which feels good after all the time she's spent at Losers' Table lately.
For the Elimination Challenge, get ready for a shock... The chefs are split into teams. TEAMS! Can you believe it? What's that you say? Every single Elimination Challenge so far has been a team challenge? Oh. Well, that's kind of anticlimactic, then. Seriously, it's time to let these people work individually. Anyhow, the teams are chosen randomly, and shake out to be:
Carlos/Sally/Amanda
Orlando/Chris/Matthew
Katzie/Rebecca/Megan
The challenge is to create refreshing treats for the crowd at a nearby waterpark. Naturally, this leads to a lot of ice cream and sorbet plans. Minor drama breaks out when Carlos hogs all the available ice cream machines. As befits the theme of this season so far, it never gets beyond some impatient sniping before everything is resolved into an organized list of whose turn it is next. As a group, I'm really enjoying these people's attitudes. Plus, Carlos gets his comeuppance when his machine hogging leads other teams to turn to liquid nitrogen that he desperately needs.
As with last week's edible room, this is one of those challenges that I wish I could attend as a guest, because the park's patrons obviously love augmenting their waterslide fun by getting nine free gourmet summer desserts. The judges work their way down the line, and manage to coin yet another annoying Catch-22, bringing the total number up to about six. In this case, Johnny rails against Amanda for preparing her funnel cakes ahead of time, because the taste and texture suffer, and she should have made them to order. He then takes Mathhew to task for taking two whole minutes to make his desserts on the spot, because oh my God he's been waiting two whole minutes for it. Criticizing chefs' mistakes is one of the tenets of this show, but when you pick a complaint, perhaps you should wait more than thirty seconds before arguing for the diametrically opposite point.
At Judges' Table, the Megan/Katzie/Rebecca team gets top marks, with Katzie winning her second Elimination Challenge in a row for her impressive spumoni. Huh, that sounds a lot more sexual than I intended. Everyone else is called to Losers' Table and each of them gets their own little personal critique before Amanda is axed for those pesky funnel cakes. Well, it's shame in the sense that she seems like a cool person, but as I'm the only citizen of America who detests funnel cake, it's nice to finally have some ammunition for my lonely battle.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Scrumdiddlyumptious
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 4
Honestly, I'm shocked. At a couple of things. I'm shocked that it took this long for Just Desserts to put together a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory tie-in. I'm shocked at how pleased I was to see this week's guests. And I'm shocked by how well this episode was put together, and how enjoyable it was.
The producers knew exactly how special this week was going to be, choosing to dispense with the Quickfire entirely so that they can focus on this gem of an Elimination Challenge. In order to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -- Forty years?!? Yikes! -- the chefs are taken to a special screening of it. Having seen the special features on the Wonka DVD, I recognize the chefs' fellow moviegoers, but they do not. It's the original cast of kids, minus one Augustus Gloop, who probably didn't feel like wandering over from Europe for this.
The chefs are then thrown straight into the Elimination Challenge, in which they must work as one big team to transform the dining room into an edible wonderland straight out of the movie's showpiece scene. As proof that you don't need to cast psychotic weirdos in order to generate good television, a game plan is agreed upon, everyone does their best to pull their weight, and it's still fascinating.
All sorts of extremely clever ideas are put into practice (or at least clever adaptations of the movie's existing ideas), from Katzie's "carrot" cakes and honey-dripping beehive, to Carlos' lickable wallpaper, to Chris' supervision and construction of a working chocolate waterfall. Johnny interrupts the process to announce that two chefs will be eliminated tonight, which has the chefs scrambling to put their individual stamp on as many desserts as possible.
I've never wanted to be at a Just Desserts tasting more as when the Wonka kids (along with some actual kids) are turned loose in the finished room to go nuts. Apart from getting all sorts of delightful treats, it just looks super-fun. When the event is over, Katzie, Carlos, and Matt are declared the top three, with Katzie taking a very deserved win for her underground cakes and edible beehive.
Meanwhile, Sally's gritty, ugly "dirt", Melissa's abominable donuts, Dr. Teeth's lackluster gummi bears, and Megan's disappointing bourbon cake get them shunted to the bottom. The top three chefs admirably stick up for Megan, stressing that her dessert may have suffered because she spent most of her time busting ass to help other chefs and ensuring the room as a whole turned out well. Johnny is a bit smarmy about this, but thankfully, appears to take it into consideration. After the deliberations, the judges finally, finally axe Dr. Teeth. About three episodes late, in my estimation, but better late than never. Poor, unloved Melissa also gets her walking papers, so it looks like we're getting down to the real competition now.
Overall Grade: A
Honestly, I'm shocked. At a couple of things. I'm shocked that it took this long for Just Desserts to put together a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory tie-in. I'm shocked at how pleased I was to see this week's guests. And I'm shocked by how well this episode was put together, and how enjoyable it was.
The producers knew exactly how special this week was going to be, choosing to dispense with the Quickfire entirely so that they can focus on this gem of an Elimination Challenge. In order to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory -- Forty years?!? Yikes! -- the chefs are taken to a special screening of it. Having seen the special features on the Wonka DVD, I recognize the chefs' fellow moviegoers, but they do not. It's the original cast of kids, minus one Augustus Gloop, who probably didn't feel like wandering over from Europe for this.
The chefs are then thrown straight into the Elimination Challenge, in which they must work as one big team to transform the dining room into an edible wonderland straight out of the movie's showpiece scene. As proof that you don't need to cast psychotic weirdos in order to generate good television, a game plan is agreed upon, everyone does their best to pull their weight, and it's still fascinating.
All sorts of extremely clever ideas are put into practice (or at least clever adaptations of the movie's existing ideas), from Katzie's "carrot" cakes and honey-dripping beehive, to Carlos' lickable wallpaper, to Chris' supervision and construction of a working chocolate waterfall. Johnny interrupts the process to announce that two chefs will be eliminated tonight, which has the chefs scrambling to put their individual stamp on as many desserts as possible.
I've never wanted to be at a Just Desserts tasting more as when the Wonka kids (along with some actual kids) are turned loose in the finished room to go nuts. Apart from getting all sorts of delightful treats, it just looks super-fun. When the event is over, Katzie, Carlos, and Matt are declared the top three, with Katzie taking a very deserved win for her underground cakes and edible beehive.
Meanwhile, Sally's gritty, ugly "dirt", Melissa's abominable donuts, Dr. Teeth's lackluster gummi bears, and Megan's disappointing bourbon cake get them shunted to the bottom. The top three chefs admirably stick up for Megan, stressing that her dessert may have suffered because she spent most of her time busting ass to help other chefs and ensuring the room as a whole turned out well. Johnny is a bit smarmy about this, but thankfully, appears to take it into consideration. After the deliberations, the judges finally, finally axe Dr. Teeth. About three episodes late, in my estimation, but better late than never. Poor, unloved Melissa also gets her walking papers, so it looks like we're getting down to the real competition now.
Overall Grade: A
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Beverly Hillbillies
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 3
I've never been a fan of television "synergy". Not the word, which strikes me as one of those obnoxious corporate buzz phrases that threatened to consume us in the '80s, and not the convention, which shoehorns people into situations in which they simply do not belong. Tonight is no exception, and only magnifies Bravo's problem of having precisely one watchable franchise.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a mini-dessert that will be entered into a public vote that will perhaps inspire a new gum flavor. Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Realizing that this prize won't exactly get the chefs jazzed about their work, Gail offers a cool twenty-five grand to the winning contestant, in addition to the usual immunity. That does the trick. Everyone gives it their all, and several delightful little tiny treats are presented. Rebecca, Melissa, and Matthew fall to the bottom three of guest judge Hugh Acheson's list, while Carlos, Nelson, and Dr. Teeth (that'd be Craig - whose giant chompers, zany voice, and ill-advised facial hair all scream Muppet) get top marks. Dr. Teeth pulls down the win and immunity, and crows about going shopping, which leads to a shot of a very frustrated Carlos, who wanted to put some of that scratch away for his kids' college education.
That's about it for the entertaining part of tonight's episode, as the Elimination Challenge slides into the hated synergy mentioned above. See, the reason I watch Top Chef and not The Real Housewives is because I like Top Chef and don't like The Real Housewives. See how that works? Does Bravo think that by forcing the latter into the former that I'll become a fan of these vapid whores? No sale. So, the challenge doesn't even really matter, as it's just as contrived and pointless as any Real Housewives episode. Suffice it to say that the chefs will be split into two teams and will put together a giant dessert presentation to impress people that we're all asked to pretend have a modicum of class, taste, or sophistication. As winner of the Quickfire, Dr. Teeth gets to select team captains, and he chooses himself and Amanda. They alternate choices, and the teams shake out to be:
Dr. Teeth/Sally/Matthew/Orlando/Nelson/Rebecca
Amanda/Chris/Carlos/Megan/Katzie/Melissa
Poor Melissa is chosen last yet again, and despite her protestations, you can tell that her psyche is started to get a little damaged by the unpopularity. A suggestion by Closet Case Husband #7B that Botoxed Shallow Wife #16F enjoys the color pink leads to both teams' presentations appearing as if the Barbie factory just exploded. Aside from that, both tables are actually quite nice. The desserts are presented to the judges, and a panel of various Botoxed Shallow Wives, Purse Dog #4B, Closet Case Husband #7B, and Entitled Brat #23P.
After the desserts are consumed and the presumable off-screen break so everyone can purge, Amanda's team is declared the winner. Actually, "Chris'" team is declared the winner, I guess because he explained the team's concept to the panel. Still, ouch. On the losing team, Matthew, Orlando, and Rebecca did good enough work to save them from the chop, which leaves Dr. Teeth, Nelson, and Sally up for elimination. Or rather, Nelson and Sally, because the judges did not eliminate Dr. Teeth when they had the chance, and despite making the worst dessert of the day, and being a terrible team leader, he's got that Quickfire immunity tonight. He's dismissed, but not before Johnny makes sure to tell him that he'd be looking at the business end of an elimination if he hadn't won the Quickfire.
Back in the Kitchen, Dr. Teeth whines about Johnny's criticism, which nobody else wants to hear, since no matter what happens, the rules of the game have brought about the end of someone who's far more talented than he is. I guess I can't fault him for not giving up his immunity and throwing himself on the sword, although everyone both on-screen and off dearly wishes he would. Instead, the judges shrug their shoulders and axe Nelson. You see what horrors this goddamned synergy brings about?
Overall Grade: C
I've never been a fan of television "synergy". Not the word, which strikes me as one of those obnoxious corporate buzz phrases that threatened to consume us in the '80s, and not the convention, which shoehorns people into situations in which they simply do not belong. Tonight is no exception, and only magnifies Bravo's problem of having precisely one watchable franchise.
In tonight's Quickfire, the chefs are asked to make a mini-dessert that will be entered into a public vote that will perhaps inspire a new gum flavor. Wooooooooooooooooooooo! Realizing that this prize won't exactly get the chefs jazzed about their work, Gail offers a cool twenty-five grand to the winning contestant, in addition to the usual immunity. That does the trick. Everyone gives it their all, and several delightful little tiny treats are presented. Rebecca, Melissa, and Matthew fall to the bottom three of guest judge Hugh Acheson's list, while Carlos, Nelson, and Dr. Teeth (that'd be Craig - whose giant chompers, zany voice, and ill-advised facial hair all scream Muppet) get top marks. Dr. Teeth pulls down the win and immunity, and crows about going shopping, which leads to a shot of a very frustrated Carlos, who wanted to put some of that scratch away for his kids' college education.
That's about it for the entertaining part of tonight's episode, as the Elimination Challenge slides into the hated synergy mentioned above. See, the reason I watch Top Chef and not The Real Housewives is because I like Top Chef and don't like The Real Housewives. See how that works? Does Bravo think that by forcing the latter into the former that I'll become a fan of these vapid whores? No sale. So, the challenge doesn't even really matter, as it's just as contrived and pointless as any Real Housewives episode. Suffice it to say that the chefs will be split into two teams and will put together a giant dessert presentation to impress people that we're all asked to pretend have a modicum of class, taste, or sophistication. As winner of the Quickfire, Dr. Teeth gets to select team captains, and he chooses himself and Amanda. They alternate choices, and the teams shake out to be:
Dr. Teeth/Sally/Matthew/Orlando/Nelson/Rebecca
Amanda/Chris/Carlos/Megan/Katzie/Melissa
Poor Melissa is chosen last yet again, and despite her protestations, you can tell that her psyche is started to get a little damaged by the unpopularity. A suggestion by Closet Case Husband #7B that Botoxed Shallow Wife #16F enjoys the color pink leads to both teams' presentations appearing as if the Barbie factory just exploded. Aside from that, both tables are actually quite nice. The desserts are presented to the judges, and a panel of various Botoxed Shallow Wives, Purse Dog #4B, Closet Case Husband #7B, and Entitled Brat #23P.
After the desserts are consumed and the presumable off-screen break so everyone can purge, Amanda's team is declared the winner. Actually, "Chris'" team is declared the winner, I guess because he explained the team's concept to the panel. Still, ouch. On the losing team, Matthew, Orlando, and Rebecca did good enough work to save them from the chop, which leaves Dr. Teeth, Nelson, and Sally up for elimination. Or rather, Nelson and Sally, because the judges did not eliminate Dr. Teeth when they had the chance, and despite making the worst dessert of the day, and being a terrible team leader, he's got that Quickfire immunity tonight. He's dismissed, but not before Johnny makes sure to tell him that he'd be looking at the business end of an elimination if he hadn't won the Quickfire.
Back in the Kitchen, Dr. Teeth whines about Johnny's criticism, which nobody else wants to hear, since no matter what happens, the rules of the game have brought about the end of someone who's far more talented than he is. I guess I can't fault him for not giving up his immunity and throwing himself on the sword, although everyone both on-screen and off dearly wishes he would. Instead, the judges shrug their shoulders and axe Nelson. You see what horrors this goddamned synergy brings about?
Overall Grade: C
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Bittersweet Symphony
Top Chef: Just Desserts - Season 2, Episode 2
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
We begin tonight's episode with Rebecca suddenly incurring a disabling hand injury. I don't know if the viewing party was busy filling our wineglasses, and just wasn't paying enough attention, or if the show really didn't explain how it happened, but it just kind of comes out of nowhere. She's bandaged up, and hopes for the best in the upcoming challenges.
Tonight's Quickfire is a good one. Gimmicks are fine once in a while, but I tend to enjoy challenges that are simply "Take this basic ingredient, and do whatever you like with it". In this case, it's lemons. That makes it doubly exciting, because I happen to love lemon desserts, so the Kitchen is soon filled with concoctions that have me scratching at the screen.
Nelson, Orlando, and Amanda fall to the bottom of guest judge Margaret Braun's list, mostly due to flavor combinations that she doesn't happen to be a fan of. Matthew, Katzie, and Carlos take the top spots, with Matthew winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
In the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are split into four teams, which are picked by captains:
Red: Matthew, Chris, Megan, and Melissa
Green: Carlos, Sally, and Rebecca
Black: Orlando, Nelson, and Craig
Blue: Amanda, Katzie, and Vanarin
Melissa is picked last - she's fairly unpopular these days, due to her attack on Lina last week. Honestly, she does seem to be a somewhat unpleasant person, but let's not pretend that anything she said about Lina was untrue. Orlando has issues picking anyone as awesome as he is. Apparently, being in the bottom of two out of three challenges is our benchmark for quality these days.
The teams will be making cakes to serve the 150 orchestra members at the iconic concert hall in LA, and each chef is responsible for his or her own individual tier. Three of the teams hum along quite harmoniously in terms of teamwork, even if not all of their creative ideas are the best. The fourth team contains Orlando, so...
When all is said and done, the Green and Red teams wind up on top, so once again, the team with the extra pair of hands was able to accomplish better things. What a shock! The Red team takes the win, and I hope the victory is achievement enough, because they don't get anything for it. At Losers' Table, the Black team is rightfully blasted for creating three tiers that have absolutely no relation to one another, while the Blue team crammed too many details onto their cake, resulting in a sloppy mess (though not the worst mess we've ever seen).
Despite the fact that this is an opportune time to jettison Craig, who's so clearly out of his depth that he should be wearing floaties, the judges cut Vanarin for his disappointing flavor and amateur decoration work. It's a shame, but becomes less of one when he complains in his final interview about how he "didn't have an opportunity" to show what he can really do. I'm pretty sure you did, chief. You just didn't do it well.
Overall Grade: B
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Fairy Tale...Ending
Top Chef: Just Desserts: Season 2, Episode 1
Well, we're back for a new season of pastry, and at first glance, it appears the producers have learned a valuable lesson about casting. That is, that it perhaps isn't the wisest idea to recruit your contestant pool from the Cuckoo's Nest Ward over at the local asylum. The new group of fourteen chefs naturally has its fair share of obnoxious people you'd cheerfully push into a kiddie pool full of alpaca droppings, but at least everybody appears to have all their marbles. Oh, and Johnny has dropped a bunch of weight.
In the first Quickfire, the chefs are immediately thrown into pairs, the better to bring their personality disorders to the surface right away. The pairs are tasked with making a modern soda fountain treat. Orlando/Megan and Craig/Lina sink to the bottom, more for unoriginal ideas than for bad food, which is a promising sign as far as talent goes. The Carlos/Rebecca and Amanda/Nelson teams take the top two spots, with Amanda and Nelson winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are thrown into teams yet again. Evil. This time, the teams are given famous fairy tales, and are told to create a showpiece and two plated desserts that represent each story. Nerves fray almost immediately. Restraining one's ego to work with other people with input and opinions is, like, so hard and stuff!
Matthew/Amanda/Carlos/Chris do great sugar work for "Little Red Riding Hood" and Rebecca/Sally/Orlando/Nelson make a lovely architectural showpiece for "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", so these two teams go to Winners' Circle, with the former team winning the challenge. Once they're done not getting anything for their win, Katzie/Craig/Megan and Melissa/Vanarin/Lina trudge out to Losers' Table. Huh, it's almost as if the teams with four people were able to get more and better work done with an extra pair of hands! Weird!
That's not to say that these two teams don't deserve to be at Losers' Table, because ugh. The showpiece that Katzie and Megan put together for "Jack and the Beanstalk" has a bunch of flaws and cracks, and Craig mostly just runs around being useless. Melissa/Vanarin/Lina have "Hansel and Gretel", which has a dessert inspiration WRITTEN INTO THE STORY that Lina chooses to ignore in favor of making a giant, ugly cake house, then lies about at Judges' Table. It doesn't work, she gets booted, and all is right with the world.
Overall Grade: B+
Well, we're back for a new season of pastry, and at first glance, it appears the producers have learned a valuable lesson about casting. That is, that it perhaps isn't the wisest idea to recruit your contestant pool from the Cuckoo's Nest Ward over at the local asylum. The new group of fourteen chefs naturally has its fair share of obnoxious people you'd cheerfully push into a kiddie pool full of alpaca droppings, but at least everybody appears to have all their marbles. Oh, and Johnny has dropped a bunch of weight.
In the first Quickfire, the chefs are immediately thrown into pairs, the better to bring their personality disorders to the surface right away. The pairs are tasked with making a modern soda fountain treat. Orlando/Megan and Craig/Lina sink to the bottom, more for unoriginal ideas than for bad food, which is a promising sign as far as talent goes. The Carlos/Rebecca and Amanda/Nelson teams take the top two spots, with Amanda and Nelson winning the challenge and its attendant immunity.
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are thrown into teams yet again. Evil. This time, the teams are given famous fairy tales, and are told to create a showpiece and two plated desserts that represent each story. Nerves fray almost immediately. Restraining one's ego to work with other people with input and opinions is, like, so hard and stuff!
Matthew/Amanda/Carlos/Chris do great sugar work for "Little Red Riding Hood" and Rebecca/Sally/Orlando/Nelson make a lovely architectural showpiece for "Goldilocks and the Three Bears", so these two teams go to Winners' Circle, with the former team winning the challenge. Once they're done not getting anything for their win, Katzie/Craig/Megan and Melissa/Vanarin/Lina trudge out to Losers' Table. Huh, it's almost as if the teams with four people were able to get more and better work done with an extra pair of hands! Weird!
That's not to say that these two teams don't deserve to be at Losers' Table, because ugh. The showpiece that Katzie and Megan put together for "Jack and the Beanstalk" has a bunch of flaws and cracks, and Craig mostly just runs around being useless. Melissa/Vanarin/Lina have "Hansel and Gretel", which has a dessert inspiration WRITTEN INTO THE STORY that Lina chooses to ignore in favor of making a giant, ugly cake house, then lies about at Judges' Table. It doesn't work, she gets booted, and all is right with the world.
Overall Grade: B+
Monday, August 08, 2011
Crossing the T's
What's up, food fans? After not touching this blog for... Yeesh, five months?!? Ouch. Anyway, it may well be that after such a time, there's nobody here but us chickens, but just in case, I wanted to check in. I certainly haven't been ignoring the Top Chef realm. The viewing party watched the latest iteration of Masters, and we were all bored silly by it, though it was fun to watch Tiffany and LabRat compete to see who could make more fun of the unibrow guy.
Fortunately, it looks like another season of Just Desserts is on the horizon, premiering on August 24th at 9PM (10PM Eastern). The Serious Life Business I brought up before is ongoing, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle full recaps, but I'll definitely be watching, and can hopefully at least be able to put something up for each episode. Let's hope it's a fun season, with a big cutback in the amount of contestants with full-blown mental illness!
I've been feeling a little guilty for running out of steam towards the end of the last dessert season, and have decided that since I never deleted the last two episodes from my iTunes library, I should spend the days leading up to the premiere going back and converting the blurbs to full recaps. Incomplete series bug me.
The penultimate episode is finished! Just click on the Just Desserts link in the "Previously On..." menu to your right! I'm turning my attention to the finale now, and when it's done, we'll be able to face the future together.
If you have any thoughts/suggestions on this, the cast for the upcoming season, or anything else, please leave a comment. I'd be thrilled to see if anyone still visits this dusty corner of the internet.
UPDATE: Finale complete!
Fortunately, it looks like another season of Just Desserts is on the horizon, premiering on August 24th at 9PM (10PM Eastern). The Serious Life Business I brought up before is ongoing, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle full recaps, but I'll definitely be watching, and can hopefully at least be able to put something up for each episode. Let's hope it's a fun season, with a big cutback in the amount of contestants with full-blown mental illness!
I've been feeling a little guilty for running out of steam towards the end of the last dessert season, and have decided that since I never deleted the last two episodes from my iTunes library, I should spend the days leading up to the premiere going back and converting the blurbs to full recaps. Incomplete series bug me.
The penultimate episode is finished! Just click on the Just Desserts link in the "Previously On..." menu to your right! I'm turning my attention to the finale now, and when it's done, we'll be able to face the future together.
If you have any thoughts/suggestions on this, the cast for the upcoming season, or anything else, please leave a comment. I'd be thrilled to see if anyone still visits this dusty corner of the internet.
UPDATE: Finale complete!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Intermezzo
Greetings!
My sincere apologies for the site suddenly going dark. A combination of travel, sickness, and Serious Life Business all sprang up at the same time, and as always, blogging is the first thing to go when free time evaporates.
I have still been watching and enjoying this season, and am bummed that all this had to flare up just in time for Marcel to get eliminated. I would have enjoyed recapping that.
Thanks for all the comments and emails! Things are settling down now, and while I probably won't be able to fire up the blog again anytime soon, feel free to use this post as an open thread to post comments about the All-Star season. I'm always interested in others' opinions; can I really be the only one out there pulling for Antonia?
My sincere apologies for the site suddenly going dark. A combination of travel, sickness, and Serious Life Business all sprang up at the same time, and as always, blogging is the first thing to go when free time evaporates.
I have still been watching and enjoying this season, and am bummed that all this had to flare up just in time for Marcel to get eliminated. I would have enjoyed recapping that.
Thanks for all the comments and emails! Things are settling down now, and while I probably won't be able to fire up the blog again anytime soon, feel free to use this post as an open thread to post comments about the All-Star season. I'm always interested in others' opinions; can I really be the only one out there pulling for Antonia?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So Long, Chum
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 6
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Note to readers: This is a short summary of the episode that will be replaced by a more complete recap before the next episode airs. Stay tuned!
As other bloggers have noted (even recently), there are two types of reality show villain. There's the kind that knows playing the bad boy (or girl) will garner more attention, and thus more mini-fame. The more obvious he or she is at trying to get on other people's nerves, the more pathetic it looks. Ladies and gentlemen...Marcel.
The other type of villain has no idea how they're coming off to their competitors and to the general public. They honestly believe that they're just dandy people, and are oblivious to how obnoxious they can be. Ladies and gentlemen...Jamie.
But more on that in the full recap. Tonight's episode dispenses with the Quickfire entirely, and sends the chefs out to catch fish. The twelve remaining contestants are split into four teams of three, and must use the fish they catch to prepare a beach feast.
Richard, Marcel, and Fabio decide to focus all of their energy into one dish, the better to make it great, and the better to spread blame around should something go wrong.
Antonia, Jamie, and Tiffani decide to each focus on their own dish, the better to make them great, and the better to be able to ignore the problems of the others.
Mike/Angelo/Tiffany and Dale/Carla/Tre split the difference, and try to put together diverse menus while still lending a hand to one another, so it's nice to see that those two teams wind up on top. Carla scores the individual win, and gets to put another trip on the travel itinerary. Her husband must be jazzed to see how this season is playing out.
Richard/Marcel/Fabio and Antonia/Jamie/Tiffani fall to the bottom. Antonia had a great dish, and is only there because of her teammates. She gets criticized for not helping out the other ladies enough, and to my disappointment, does not give the judges the backtalk they so desperately deserve in such a situation. On the plus side, she gets to stick around while both of her teammates get punted. Tiffani completes her redemption from Season 1, while Jamie wrecks any goodwill she built up in Season 5. You probably should have planned that out a little better, Princess Scallop.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
China Syndrome
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 5
Previously on Top Chef: Hey, did you know that Spike allowed other people to execute his dish? He totally did! And then he went home! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!!! You should never rely on or allow another chef to direct your vision! By the way, the show would still like you to conveniently ignore that allowing yuzu gelee to be added to his soup was perhaps .5% of the reason Spike got eliminated. Thanks so much, and enjoy the show! Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Antonia doesn't understand what drives Angelo to stick his nose into so many other people's dishes. Not literally, of course, although that would be entertaining. She calls his constant need to interfere a case of "Chef Tourette's", which is honestly the best description of it I've heard so far. It's certainly a lot more believable than Angelo having some grand evil plan to sabotage everyone else. Richard outlines the Jamie Arc for us again.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma. It's tough to concentrate on anything she says, because she's wearing a black and white striped shirt with puffy shoulders. I guess it figures. She's already been the parrot, and has now worked her way up to full-fledged pirate. I look forward to the inevitable peg-leg and eyepatch.
Panny: "I had a shirt like that. In third grade."
Padma explains that today's Quickfire will be a test of speed. Another chef will come in and make a dish as fast as he can, and however much time that takes is the time limit that the contestants will have to make their own dishes. The pace chef turns out to be Ptom. I'm not sure if the show is putting him forward as some sort of "Look! He doesn't just sit behind a table and pronounce judgment! He's really talented!" statement, or if they just thought it'd be a cute idea for a challenge. I waffled back and forth on this, but as I'm feeling rather cynical today, right now I'm in the former camp. The other chefs dutifully suck up in interview. Ptom starts his prep. He's an impressive whirl of speed at first, although he probably didn't intend to catapult his leftover fish carcass right into Padma. Well, wear a pirate shirt, and of course dead fish will be attracted to you. When Ptom finishes, there is a scant 8 minutes, 37 seconds on the clock.
The chefs gird themselves for a tough challenge. Ptom tells them that degree of difficulty will factor into the results, so quick slices of tuna tartare aren't going to make the grade. Padma adds some incentive when she promises the winner not only immunity, but a brand new Toyota Prius to go along with it. The countdown starts. Marcel has the very smart idea to avoid the clusterfuck of ingredient grabbing at the fridge, and heads right for Ptom's leftover fish. Nicely done. Wild prep ensues; it's understandably even more chaotic than usual. And before you know it, time's up. Ptom and Padma go down the line.
Antonia has seared ahi tuna on top of a tarragon, corn, and tomato salad. Richard has roasted foie gras with aromatics, served with corn, coriander, and port. Tiffani has a weak-looking clam chowder with celery and cream. Fabio's dish is similar to Ptom's. It has steamed clams, with zucchini, fish, tomato broth, thyme, and garlic. Angelo has disregarded the whole "difficulty matters" lecture, and has made a crudo, with yuzu and branzino, with jalapeno and cilantro. Tiffany has pan-seared bass, with tomato relish, olives, and capers. Ooh. Yes, please. Capers bring me happiness.
Tre has grilled beef tenderloin with seared foie gras, and serves it with mushrooms and brandy sauce. Sounds pretty complicated for the time limit. Carla has got shrimp with mango, cilantro, and mint. Now that sounds like an eight-minute dish. Dalet attempted to make pad Thai with egg noodles, but couldn't complete much of anything in the time limit. His bowls just have one sad noodle and some cooking liquid at the bottom. Casey was in such a hurry that she still has food stuck in her hair. Heh. She's made a spice-rubbed filet, with a fresh tomato relish. Marcel has used Ptom's black sea bass, and combined it with dashi broth, bok choy, and chili oil. Mike has pan-roasted branzino, with a black olive and caper stew. Yum. More happiness! Jamie wasn't able to get much clam done in time, so she calls it an amuse-bouche with tomato and bacon. I guess she can't do much else at this point. You know, Carla aside, Jamie's season was the most boring one, so a lot of details are lost to the sands of time, but I honestly don't remember her being this sucky. Didn't she show some promise at some point?
Results. The bottom three naturally kicks off with Dalet, who was the only chef not able to plate anything. Jamie couldn't put anything together with her clam. And her dish wasn't much to talk about, either. Ba-zing! Angelo gets shunted to the bottom for the cardinal sin of ignoring a challenge parameter. Now, for the good news. Mike developed a ton of flavors. Richard had well-cooked foie gras. Marcel is commended for making dashi so speedily. The winner of the challenge, the immunity, and the car is... Mike. Yay! If you had told me during Season 6 that I'd one day be happily cheering Mike's victory, I'd have thought you were crazy. Yet here we are. I'm certainly not the only person to have noticed this attitude turnaround and disproportionate amount of screentime, but it's something to ponder.
Elimination Challenge. Like the Quickfire, it will also test the chefs' speed and organizational skills, though nobody's going to be able to get away with a one-clam "amuse-bouche" this time. The chefs are going to Chinatown, and will work as one team to supply a dim sum restaurant through the lunch rush. Obviously, some chefs are happier to hear this than others. Dalet once worked in a dim sum restaurant, and is thrilled, while Fabio is horrified. Padma warns that dim sum is served continuously, so keeping the carts filled is a big aspect of the challenge. The chefs are dismissed, and Mike heads outside to check out his new car. It's a nice car, though the dull gray finish they picked for it is unfortunate.
That evening, the chefs settle in to plan the menu. Jamie volunteers to make scallops. DRINK! Fabio sets up a flashback to Season 5, and Jamie's slavish devotion to putting scallops into everything short of a milkshake. Mike agrees to expedite, because that's what people with immunity do. After that's decided, a discussion of who's going to work the front-of-house arises. Thanks to the chefs' newfound focus on retaining full control of their own dishes, this one's not as easily settled. After all, whoever is out peddling the food will have less time in the kitchen. Eventually, Carla and Casey step up to the plate. Dalet and Angelo, who have the most experience in this arena, agree to do two dishes each. Jamie, perhaps still stinging from the whole Jamie Arc thing, wants to do two as well.
After the menu planning session, a group of chefs gather in the loft kitchen to drink and shoot the shit. Tiffani attacks Antonia with her bra. All the dudes immediately clear the room. And...scene!
Shopping. Fabio talks about his pet turtle over footage of him walking her on a leash. And...scene!
The chefs head for the dim sum restaurant, and get started on their three and a half hours of prep. Fabio discovers that the ovens don't go above 300 degrees. That's because Chinese people don't bake. Seriously, we've been watching a lot of House Hunters International lately, and if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that were I ever to move to Nanjing, making chocolate chip cookies won't be in the cards. Jamie screws up yet another dish. In this case, she's not happy with the way her dumplings are turning out. Casey has purchased a large bag of chicken feet, and is now stuck cutting all of the nails off of them. Carla wraps up some very pretty summer rolls. Tre has trouble keeping his dessert cold in the fiery heat of the cramped kitchen. As time winds down, a horde of Chinese diners enters the restaurant and gets seated. Casey prepares about a dozen of her chicken feet dishes, but has to go work the dining room, so she leaves the rest in Antonia's hands.
Service begins. There's a problem right away. All the chefs are behind in their prep, and in addition to that, Casey and Carla are working the dining room, Tiffany is loading the dumbwaiter with food, and Mike is extricating it. That's pretty much a full quarter of the chefs doing nothing but shuttling food from one place to another. Not an auspicious beginning. Casey and Carla greet the judges, including guest judge (and Top Chef Master) Susur Lee. Tiffani's cabbage salad with curry chicken is presented. It's a huge plate of roughage, and in no way would be a welcome sight at dim sum, at least in my eyes. Who knows, this crowd may love it. Fabio's soy, honey-glazed pork rib is also too big and unwieldy, although it looks tasty. Carla's summer rolls have a lemongrass dipping sauce on the side. Angelo's shrimp and pork spring rolls look fucking fantastic. Marcel has boneless chicken wings, with a scallion mayonnaise.
Meanwhile, the kitchen has already blown its wad, and isn't sending any dishes out. Tiffany shrieks at the other chefs to get her some goddamn food already, and complains in interview that she doesn't understand what's happening, because this is what they supposedly do every day; they're chefs. Well, exactly. They're chefs, not cooks. If you need a perfectly composed plate, with every delicate ingredient placed just so, these passionate artists have got you covered. Getting a large volume of food out quickly? Not so much. Also, most kitchens run on genuine teamwork, while this crew has no incentive to help one another out. The whole enterprise was doomed before it began.
Tasting. Angelo's spring roll gets high marks, while Carla's summer roll falters. Fabio's ribs are nice and sweet. Richard's dish is presented without being described, and without any identifying subtitles. Someone messed up. Marcel's dish is bland, while Tiffani's is heavy on the sesame. Service sucks. The crowd gets increasingly impatient. Get used to this theme, because it's never going to get any better. Jamie is a terrible chef with a terrible attitude. Get used to that theme, too, because it's never going to get any better. In fact, the entire structure of service dissolves, and everyone takes whatever they can to the dining room, carts and servers be damned.
Jamie and Antonia have collaborated on Chinese longbeans with sausage. Dalet and Angelo have collaborated on cheung fun with xo shrimp. Dalet has also made sticky rice with Chinese bacon, wrapped in banana leaf. Tiffany has steamed buns with spicy pork and vegetables. Tre's got an orange/ginger dessert, served with water chestnut, pine nuts, and Thai basil. Service sucks.
Tasting. The cheung fun is spicy, but tasty. Dalet's sticky rice is a hit as well. The longbeans are overcooked, while Tiffany's pork buns are delightfully authentic. Tre's dessert isn't cold enough, and has gotten runny. Service sucks. The kitchen is a total black hole of chaos. Casey descends to discover that Antonia can barely keep up with her own dish, and has let Casey's suffer as a result. Diners start to walk out in a huff. Ptom goes down to the kitchen to complain, which is the number one way to make things slow down even more. Everyone's running around in complete panic; it's not like they're down there playing canasta. I'm not prepared to call this a challenge where the chefs were set up to fail, because they could have done plenty differently to turn this around. But Ptom can certainly still feel free to shove that Disappointed Dad act he loves so much in his craw and suck on it for a while.
Casey's pathetic chicken feet finally make it out to the table. They're a play on chicken and waffles, and are braised and served with cilantro on a scallion pancake. Antonia has shrimp toast with pickled scallions and mushrooms. Mike has made pork and prawn steamed dumplings, served with spicy soy sauce. Jamie's dumplings have scallop and water chestnuts with Chinese chives. Service sucks.
Tasting. Mike's dumplings aren't bad, but the soy is too strong. Antonia's shrimp toast is great. Casey's chicken feet were not cooked in hot enough oil, and are stringy. Jamie's dumplings are awful. What...a shock. The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad service finally winds down. Well, that was just painful to watch. I've done my share of cater waiting, and have had those shifts were you just can't keep up for whatever reason, and they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm having sympathy stress. The chefs dejectedly drag themselves out.
Interstitial. Have they mentioned how much the service sucked? Well, just in case you haven't gotten that yet, let's devote the interstitial to repeating it.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs do their best to do an autopsy on their service, but never find the cause of death. Padma enters, and summons Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie, and Tre to Judges' Table. While it's nice when they attempt to mix things up by calling the losing chefs first (as they've done here), it may whip up a bit more suspense when the divide isn't so obvious. Odd Asian Music and Gong have made sure to show up for this episode. For once, I guess Odd Asian Music actually makes sense in this context, so just for tonight let's welcome Perfectly Normal Asian Music!
Service is briefly mentioned, then completely discarded in favor of the food. While I'm glad cooking is taking center stage, it's still a bit disingenuous to spend half the episode on scenes of crappy service, only to have it lead nowhere. Jamie prepared her dumpling wrappers incorrectly. She also put way too much oil on the longbeans. Antonia's shrimp toast was good, but she did have her hand in the disappointing longbeans and in Casey's chicken feet, which the judges address now by saying they weren't cooked nearly long enough. Also, the pancake they rested on was way too heavy. Antonia's role is mentioned, but all she can find to say about the situation was that she wished there were more time to help each other.
Casey shakes her head, because that's not very helpful at all. I don't know if she never said it, or if it's on the cutting room floor, but I dearly wish Antonia had said something along the lines of "I'm disappointed that I couldn't do better for Casey, but I was trying to cook those AND my shrimp toast AND assist Jamie with the longbeans. Plenty of other chefs had poor food, and don't have the excuse of extra work." Tre's dessert was defeated by the hot kitchen. Carla's summer rolls were dainty and beautiful, but wound up being nothing but a mouthful of bland noodle. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Tiffany, Angelo, Dalet, and Fabio are sent to Winners' Table. That's three people who have experience with Chinese food preparation...and Fabio, who deserves a lot of credit for scoring so highly while so completely out of his comfort zone. His dish had good imagination, and tasted great. Tiffany's pork bun was bright and flavorful. Dalet's rice was fresh. Angelo's spring rolls were authentic, with good texture. Susur gets to announce the individual winner, who is... Dalet. I'm as surprised to be as happy for him as I was for Mike's Quickfire win. He deserves this one.
Deliberations. Padma says that this is a tough elimination, because so many things sucked. Both of Jamie's dishes were terrible, but she gets credit for putting in some extra work. Antonia is saved by her shrimp toast. Tre's dessert was a soupy mess. Neither the judges nor the diners liked Casey's chicken feet. Carla's dish was pretty as a painting, and tasted about as good. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. Bad wordplay by Ptom. The same criticisms. Let's get straight to the chop. Casey. Please pack your knives and go. What?!? Well, that's just bullshit. Let's have the final interview first: Unlike some of her other competitors, she clearly knew coming in that winning would be a longshot, and takes everything in stride. Figures. Someone finally gets an unfair elimination, and they have the nerve to be all mature about it. She does say what everyone's thinking - that everyone expected Jamie to be cut, including Jamie. Casey took a big risk leaving her dish in someone else's hands, and that risk did not pay off. She doesn't think it's her time to go, but that's how it worked out.
Seriously, are we missing something here? If I understand correctly, Casey's dish may have been saved by cooking at the proper temperature, which she was not around to do, because some of the chefs were required to be out in the dining room. I'm not even saying that that means Antonia should have been eliminated. I'm saying that Casey's food being bad was at least partially beyond Casey's control, while Jamie's dishes being bad all rests on Jamie. This was a bad, bad decision. Confucius say: "You got totally robbed, girl."
Overall Grade: C-
Previously on Top Chef: Hey, did you know that Spike allowed other people to execute his dish? He totally did! And then he went home! Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!!! You should never rely on or allow another chef to direct your vision! By the way, the show would still like you to conveniently ignore that allowing yuzu gelee to be added to his soup was perhaps .5% of the reason Spike got eliminated. Thanks so much, and enjoy the show! Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Antonia doesn't understand what drives Angelo to stick his nose into so many other people's dishes. Not literally, of course, although that would be entertaining. She calls his constant need to interfere a case of "Chef Tourette's", which is honestly the best description of it I've heard so far. It's certainly a lot more believable than Angelo having some grand evil plan to sabotage everyone else. Richard outlines the Jamie Arc for us again.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma. It's tough to concentrate on anything she says, because she's wearing a black and white striped shirt with puffy shoulders. I guess it figures. She's already been the parrot, and has now worked her way up to full-fledged pirate. I look forward to the inevitable peg-leg and eyepatch.
Panny: "I had a shirt like that. In third grade."
Padma explains that today's Quickfire will be a test of speed. Another chef will come in and make a dish as fast as he can, and however much time that takes is the time limit that the contestants will have to make their own dishes. The pace chef turns out to be Ptom. I'm not sure if the show is putting him forward as some sort of "Look! He doesn't just sit behind a table and pronounce judgment! He's really talented!" statement, or if they just thought it'd be a cute idea for a challenge. I waffled back and forth on this, but as I'm feeling rather cynical today, right now I'm in the former camp. The other chefs dutifully suck up in interview. Ptom starts his prep. He's an impressive whirl of speed at first, although he probably didn't intend to catapult his leftover fish carcass right into Padma. Well, wear a pirate shirt, and of course dead fish will be attracted to you. When Ptom finishes, there is a scant 8 minutes, 37 seconds on the clock.
The chefs gird themselves for a tough challenge. Ptom tells them that degree of difficulty will factor into the results, so quick slices of tuna tartare aren't going to make the grade. Padma adds some incentive when she promises the winner not only immunity, but a brand new Toyota Prius to go along with it. The countdown starts. Marcel has the very smart idea to avoid the clusterfuck of ingredient grabbing at the fridge, and heads right for Ptom's leftover fish. Nicely done. Wild prep ensues; it's understandably even more chaotic than usual. And before you know it, time's up. Ptom and Padma go down the line.
Antonia has seared ahi tuna on top of a tarragon, corn, and tomato salad. Richard has roasted foie gras with aromatics, served with corn, coriander, and port. Tiffani has a weak-looking clam chowder with celery and cream. Fabio's dish is similar to Ptom's. It has steamed clams, with zucchini, fish, tomato broth, thyme, and garlic. Angelo has disregarded the whole "difficulty matters" lecture, and has made a crudo, with yuzu and branzino, with jalapeno and cilantro. Tiffany has pan-seared bass, with tomato relish, olives, and capers. Ooh. Yes, please. Capers bring me happiness.
Tre has grilled beef tenderloin with seared foie gras, and serves it with mushrooms and brandy sauce. Sounds pretty complicated for the time limit. Carla has got shrimp with mango, cilantro, and mint. Now that sounds like an eight-minute dish. Dalet attempted to make pad Thai with egg noodles, but couldn't complete much of anything in the time limit. His bowls just have one sad noodle and some cooking liquid at the bottom. Casey was in such a hurry that she still has food stuck in her hair. Heh. She's made a spice-rubbed filet, with a fresh tomato relish. Marcel has used Ptom's black sea bass, and combined it with dashi broth, bok choy, and chili oil. Mike has pan-roasted branzino, with a black olive and caper stew. Yum. More happiness! Jamie wasn't able to get much clam done in time, so she calls it an amuse-bouche with tomato and bacon. I guess she can't do much else at this point. You know, Carla aside, Jamie's season was the most boring one, so a lot of details are lost to the sands of time, but I honestly don't remember her being this sucky. Didn't she show some promise at some point?
Results. The bottom three naturally kicks off with Dalet, who was the only chef not able to plate anything. Jamie couldn't put anything together with her clam. And her dish wasn't much to talk about, either. Ba-zing! Angelo gets shunted to the bottom for the cardinal sin of ignoring a challenge parameter. Now, for the good news. Mike developed a ton of flavors. Richard had well-cooked foie gras. Marcel is commended for making dashi so speedily. The winner of the challenge, the immunity, and the car is... Mike. Yay! If you had told me during Season 6 that I'd one day be happily cheering Mike's victory, I'd have thought you were crazy. Yet here we are. I'm certainly not the only person to have noticed this attitude turnaround and disproportionate amount of screentime, but it's something to ponder.
Elimination Challenge. Like the Quickfire, it will also test the chefs' speed and organizational skills, though nobody's going to be able to get away with a one-clam "amuse-bouche" this time. The chefs are going to Chinatown, and will work as one team to supply a dim sum restaurant through the lunch rush. Obviously, some chefs are happier to hear this than others. Dalet once worked in a dim sum restaurant, and is thrilled, while Fabio is horrified. Padma warns that dim sum is served continuously, so keeping the carts filled is a big aspect of the challenge. The chefs are dismissed, and Mike heads outside to check out his new car. It's a nice car, though the dull gray finish they picked for it is unfortunate.
That evening, the chefs settle in to plan the menu. Jamie volunteers to make scallops. DRINK! Fabio sets up a flashback to Season 5, and Jamie's slavish devotion to putting scallops into everything short of a milkshake. Mike agrees to expedite, because that's what people with immunity do. After that's decided, a discussion of who's going to work the front-of-house arises. Thanks to the chefs' newfound focus on retaining full control of their own dishes, this one's not as easily settled. After all, whoever is out peddling the food will have less time in the kitchen. Eventually, Carla and Casey step up to the plate. Dalet and Angelo, who have the most experience in this arena, agree to do two dishes each. Jamie, perhaps still stinging from the whole Jamie Arc thing, wants to do two as well.
After the menu planning session, a group of chefs gather in the loft kitchen to drink and shoot the shit. Tiffani attacks Antonia with her bra. All the dudes immediately clear the room. And...scene!
Shopping. Fabio talks about his pet turtle over footage of him walking her on a leash. And...scene!
The chefs head for the dim sum restaurant, and get started on their three and a half hours of prep. Fabio discovers that the ovens don't go above 300 degrees. That's because Chinese people don't bake. Seriously, we've been watching a lot of House Hunters International lately, and if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that were I ever to move to Nanjing, making chocolate chip cookies won't be in the cards. Jamie screws up yet another dish. In this case, she's not happy with the way her dumplings are turning out. Casey has purchased a large bag of chicken feet, and is now stuck cutting all of the nails off of them. Carla wraps up some very pretty summer rolls. Tre has trouble keeping his dessert cold in the fiery heat of the cramped kitchen. As time winds down, a horde of Chinese diners enters the restaurant and gets seated. Casey prepares about a dozen of her chicken feet dishes, but has to go work the dining room, so she leaves the rest in Antonia's hands.
Service begins. There's a problem right away. All the chefs are behind in their prep, and in addition to that, Casey and Carla are working the dining room, Tiffany is loading the dumbwaiter with food, and Mike is extricating it. That's pretty much a full quarter of the chefs doing nothing but shuttling food from one place to another. Not an auspicious beginning. Casey and Carla greet the judges, including guest judge (and Top Chef Master) Susur Lee. Tiffani's cabbage salad with curry chicken is presented. It's a huge plate of roughage, and in no way would be a welcome sight at dim sum, at least in my eyes. Who knows, this crowd may love it. Fabio's soy, honey-glazed pork rib is also too big and unwieldy, although it looks tasty. Carla's summer rolls have a lemongrass dipping sauce on the side. Angelo's shrimp and pork spring rolls look fucking fantastic. Marcel has boneless chicken wings, with a scallion mayonnaise.
Meanwhile, the kitchen has already blown its wad, and isn't sending any dishes out. Tiffany shrieks at the other chefs to get her some goddamn food already, and complains in interview that she doesn't understand what's happening, because this is what they supposedly do every day; they're chefs. Well, exactly. They're chefs, not cooks. If you need a perfectly composed plate, with every delicate ingredient placed just so, these passionate artists have got you covered. Getting a large volume of food out quickly? Not so much. Also, most kitchens run on genuine teamwork, while this crew has no incentive to help one another out. The whole enterprise was doomed before it began.
Tasting. Angelo's spring roll gets high marks, while Carla's summer roll falters. Fabio's ribs are nice and sweet. Richard's dish is presented without being described, and without any identifying subtitles. Someone messed up. Marcel's dish is bland, while Tiffani's is heavy on the sesame. Service sucks. The crowd gets increasingly impatient. Get used to this theme, because it's never going to get any better. Jamie is a terrible chef with a terrible attitude. Get used to that theme, too, because it's never going to get any better. In fact, the entire structure of service dissolves, and everyone takes whatever they can to the dining room, carts and servers be damned.
Jamie and Antonia have collaborated on Chinese longbeans with sausage. Dalet and Angelo have collaborated on cheung fun with xo shrimp. Dalet has also made sticky rice with Chinese bacon, wrapped in banana leaf. Tiffany has steamed buns with spicy pork and vegetables. Tre's got an orange/ginger dessert, served with water chestnut, pine nuts, and Thai basil. Service sucks.
Tasting. The cheung fun is spicy, but tasty. Dalet's sticky rice is a hit as well. The longbeans are overcooked, while Tiffany's pork buns are delightfully authentic. Tre's dessert isn't cold enough, and has gotten runny. Service sucks. The kitchen is a total black hole of chaos. Casey descends to discover that Antonia can barely keep up with her own dish, and has let Casey's suffer as a result. Diners start to walk out in a huff. Ptom goes down to the kitchen to complain, which is the number one way to make things slow down even more. Everyone's running around in complete panic; it's not like they're down there playing canasta. I'm not prepared to call this a challenge where the chefs were set up to fail, because they could have done plenty differently to turn this around. But Ptom can certainly still feel free to shove that Disappointed Dad act he loves so much in his craw and suck on it for a while.
Casey's pathetic chicken feet finally make it out to the table. They're a play on chicken and waffles, and are braised and served with cilantro on a scallion pancake. Antonia has shrimp toast with pickled scallions and mushrooms. Mike has made pork and prawn steamed dumplings, served with spicy soy sauce. Jamie's dumplings have scallop and water chestnuts with Chinese chives. Service sucks.
Tasting. Mike's dumplings aren't bad, but the soy is too strong. Antonia's shrimp toast is great. Casey's chicken feet were not cooked in hot enough oil, and are stringy. Jamie's dumplings are awful. What...a shock. The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad service finally winds down. Well, that was just painful to watch. I've done my share of cater waiting, and have had those shifts were you just can't keep up for whatever reason, and they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm having sympathy stress. The chefs dejectedly drag themselves out.
Interstitial. Have they mentioned how much the service sucked? Well, just in case you haven't gotten that yet, let's devote the interstitial to repeating it.
Fret 'n sweat. The chefs do their best to do an autopsy on their service, but never find the cause of death. Padma enters, and summons Casey, Antonia, Carla, Jamie, and Tre to Judges' Table. While it's nice when they attempt to mix things up by calling the losing chefs first (as they've done here), it may whip up a bit more suspense when the divide isn't so obvious. Odd Asian Music and Gong have made sure to show up for this episode. For once, I guess Odd Asian Music actually makes sense in this context, so just for tonight let's welcome Perfectly Normal Asian Music!
Service is briefly mentioned, then completely discarded in favor of the food. While I'm glad cooking is taking center stage, it's still a bit disingenuous to spend half the episode on scenes of crappy service, only to have it lead nowhere. Jamie prepared her dumpling wrappers incorrectly. She also put way too much oil on the longbeans. Antonia's shrimp toast was good, but she did have her hand in the disappointing longbeans and in Casey's chicken feet, which the judges address now by saying they weren't cooked nearly long enough. Also, the pancake they rested on was way too heavy. Antonia's role is mentioned, but all she can find to say about the situation was that she wished there were more time to help each other.
Casey shakes her head, because that's not very helpful at all. I don't know if she never said it, or if it's on the cutting room floor, but I dearly wish Antonia had said something along the lines of "I'm disappointed that I couldn't do better for Casey, but I was trying to cook those AND my shrimp toast AND assist Jamie with the longbeans. Plenty of other chefs had poor food, and don't have the excuse of extra work." Tre's dessert was defeated by the hot kitchen. Carla's summer rolls were dainty and beautiful, but wound up being nothing but a mouthful of bland noodle. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Tiffany, Angelo, Dalet, and Fabio are sent to Winners' Table. That's three people who have experience with Chinese food preparation...and Fabio, who deserves a lot of credit for scoring so highly while so completely out of his comfort zone. His dish had good imagination, and tasted great. Tiffany's pork bun was bright and flavorful. Dalet's rice was fresh. Angelo's spring rolls were authentic, with good texture. Susur gets to announce the individual winner, who is... Dalet. I'm as surprised to be as happy for him as I was for Mike's Quickfire win. He deserves this one.
Deliberations. Padma says that this is a tough elimination, because so many things sucked. Both of Jamie's dishes were terrible, but she gets credit for putting in some extra work. Antonia is saved by her shrimp toast. Tre's dessert was a soupy mess. Neither the judges nor the diners liked Casey's chicken feet. Carla's dish was pretty as a painting, and tasted about as good. The judges make a decision.
Elimination. Bad wordplay by Ptom. The same criticisms. Let's get straight to the chop. Casey. Please pack your knives and go. What?!? Well, that's just bullshit. Let's have the final interview first: Unlike some of her other competitors, she clearly knew coming in that winning would be a longshot, and takes everything in stride. Figures. Someone finally gets an unfair elimination, and they have the nerve to be all mature about it. She does say what everyone's thinking - that everyone expected Jamie to be cut, including Jamie. Casey took a big risk leaving her dish in someone else's hands, and that risk did not pay off. She doesn't think it's her time to go, but that's how it worked out.
Seriously, are we missing something here? If I understand correctly, Casey's dish may have been saved by cooking at the proper temperature, which she was not around to do, because some of the chefs were required to be out in the dining room. I'm not even saying that that means Antonia should have been eliminated. I'm saying that Casey's food being bad was at least partially beyond Casey's control, while Jamie's dishes being bad all rests on Jamie. This was a bad, bad decision. Confucius say: "You got totally robbed, girl."
Overall Grade: C-
Monday, December 27, 2010
Love - All
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 4
Previously on Top Chef: A culinary relay race reconfirmed the moral of "The Tortoise and the Hare". The chefs attempted to cook in the style of other people, the better to determine who's the most adaptable. Stephen -- who probably hasn't even cooked in his own style since Season 1 -- got eliminated, with poor Dalel right behind him. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Casey is bummed that her pal Dalel is no longer around to be awesome, while Tiffani tries to drag herself out of the slump that's put her into the bottom for two weeks running (although the first one doesn't really count, so whatever). Dalet is happy for his win, but gives the Standard Speech.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Tony Mantuano, who cooked for Top Chef Masters, and who rather looks like a friendly basset hound. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I mean that as a compliment. For today's Quickfire, we get one of those hilarious challenges that shoehorns a seasonal event going on in real time into an episode filmed at an entirely different time of year. I love it when they tell chefs to create a Christmas feast in August. Anyhow, the challenge today is to make stuffing, which Tiffani reminds us is probably the most varied "traditional" recipe in the entire pantheon of holiday foods. The chefs will have 45 minutes to create a stuffing of their own. If that sounds too simple, there's naturally a catch: No utensils allowed. That sounds pretty rough, but there's a nice bonus for the chef that works it out. The winner gets immunity and $20,000. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring right into their prep work, and some very clever ideas are hatched to get around the challenge's limitations. Richard uses a jar lid for a spoon. Fabio grates cheese through a dish rack. Tiffani butchers quail with a pepper mill. Tre freezes ingredients with liquid nitrogen so they can be smashed easily. Ears of corn and stalks of celery are used as stirring spoons. Time runs out. Padma and Tony go down the line. Casey has gone an Asian route with mushrooms and crispy chicken livers. Jamie has made a "stuffing crepinette" with pork and lemon oil. She calls it a take on matzo ball soup, which is about as apt as calling pepperoni pizza a take on breakfast cereal. Carla readily admits her quinoa didn't have time to cook properly, calling her finished plate "undone-te" instead of al dente. Hehehe.
Spike has stuffed quail with raisins and herbs, and has put an apricot glaze on it. Marcel has squab with raisin brioche, cherries, currants, and ras el hanout gravy. Enough with the raisins. Richard has pressure-cooked an onion with nitro-fried fennel. He also incorporates the hated raisins. Tre's southwestern stuffing has bacon, cheese, chili powder, and peppers. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Dalet's Spanish-influenced stuffing has crab, oyster, chili lemon aioli, grapes, and olives. Tiffani's got soy maple stuffing with quail, grilled mushrooms, and grapes. Fabio has polenta bread with pressure-cooked vegetables, smoked bacon, and the aforementioned grated Parmesan.
Results. Carla naturally kicks off the bottom three, which is no surprise to anyone, least of all her. Tiffani's stuffing was too sweet. Casey's dish was more of a plated appetizer than a stuffing. Now, for the good news. Tre's dressing was spicy, but well-balanced. Marcel had great stuffing, along with a well-cooked, tasty bird. The winner of the immunity and the wad of cash is... Tre. Yaaaaaay! That really did look like the best stuffing. I'd demolish that stuff. He's thrilled, because he's got a couple of expensive things at home called daughters. Heh.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking at the home of the US Open. The dishes made should reflect the healthy, energy-providing food that athletes base their diets on. Cans of tennis balls are passed to the chefs, some with orange balls, and some with yellow, which breaks everyone into two teams:
Orange: Carla, Richard, Dalet, Antonia, Marcel, Mike, and Fabio
Yellow: Spike, Jamie, Tiffani, Tiffany, Angelo, Tre, and Casey
Spike worries about his team, because as he puts it, he has no "allies" in this group of people. Ah, yes. In case you'd forgotten about how Spike approached this show, he was always more about manipulation and game-playing than the actual cooking. This Survivor-esque strategy sometimes served him well, but once all there was to rely on was cooking skill, he was history. Padma explains that a chef from each team will present their dish in a head-to-head standoff. Whichever dish is better earns a point for the respective team. First team to four points wins. It's a fairly simple idea, but a very good one. I'm surprised they haven't done something like this before.
The chefs head off for fifteen minutes of menu planning. They do their best to come up with some kind of game plan, but without knowing what the other team is making, it's kind of pointless, so everyone just decides to make whatever the hell they want. Food strategy aside, there's game strategy. Team Orange decides that as long as everyone knocks their individual dishes out of the park, it doesn't matter what order they go in. Master Manipulator Spike, on the other hand, has a different idea for Team Yellow. He wants to put whatever their weakest dish is out first, in order to give up a gimme point against what he's assuming will be a strong opener on Team Orange's part.
After shopping the next day, the chefs head for the US Open kitchen, where they get three hours of prep time. Fabio... Are you ready to be floored? Are you sitting down? I just want to be sure you're prepared to be massively shocked. Ready? Fabio... Is making gnocchi. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!! Next thing you know, he'll be preparing a pasta dish of some kind! Casey works with farro. Careful, there. Jamie frets that her chickpeas won't be cooked in time. Angelo doesn't like the fish he's bought, so he shops around the kitchen until Tiffany agrees to give up some of her tuna. Ew, not like that, perv. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. Since this challenge involves people trying to keep quiet about their respective strategies, it's even more of a waste of time than usual, although Spike does spill about his weakest-dish-first idea. In the whir of activity, Carla cuts half her fingernail clean off, which is a great opportunity to play another round of Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain. Carla disdains the medic's advice to go to the hospital, puts a bandage on, and gets back to work. The other chefs give her props in interview, telling us that she really manned up...JAMIE. Unhappy with the first batch, Spike hurries to poach more shrimp in the final moments. Time runs out.
The chefs step out onto the courts for some final prep time. A few spectators watch from the stands. They will not figure into the episode in any way, shape, or form, so I'm unsure why they're included. The judges get seated (including a tennis player named Taylor Dent that I'm unfamiliar with), and Padma calls for the first match. Team Yellow is pretty much certain that Jamie's chickpea dish, which still hasn't finished cooking, is their worst entry. Team Orange sends Fabio out. Team Yellow is petrified of Richard, and since he's not out first (and since Jamie's food needs more time if it's to be of any use), their entire strategy burns down, falls over, and sinks into the swamp. Finally, Casey is like "Fuck it," and volunteers to go first. Fabio's whole wheat gnocchi is served with pork loin ragout, some caramelized fennel, and zucchini. Casey has brined, grilled pork tenderloin over a salad of farro, cherries, peas, and a vinaigrette. Taylor votes for Fabio, as do Padma and Ptom. That's enough votes for a majority, and Fabio wins the point.
He celebrates wildly, while Spike snarks in interview that the strategy was to give that point away, but to give it away with the worst dish. So, what's the difference? You wanted to pit your worst dish (Jamie) against what you assume is their best (Richard), and you can still do that. Maybe the strategy should have been Make Better Food Than the Other Team. I'd forgotten what grand fun it is watching Spike play at being a brilliant tactician. My nephew could totally take him at Chutes and Ladders. Dalet volunteers to go next for Team Orange, because if he doesn't, his dumplings won't make it. Marcel, originally slated to go second, is pissed for some nebulous reason. Dalet will be going up against Tiffani. He's made an edamame dumpling in spicy carrot froth, with crispy soy nuts. Tiffani has black bass sashimi, in an avocado and ponzu vinaigrette. Gail votes for Tiffani. Padma goes with Dalet. Ptom and Tony then vote for Tiffani, which seals the point for Team Yellow.
Next up is Angelo vs. Marcel. Angelo has smoked tuna, with a yuzu gelee, and red onion with capers. Marcel has a cauliflower couscous with pomegranate seeds and raisins. Gah! It's topped with some yellowfin tuna. Taylor can't really decide, but Ptom doesn't care for the cream that Marcel finished with. One vote Angelo. Tony and Gail soon follow, so that's two points for Team Yellow. Marcel gripes that Angelo always plates on a spoon, which is 1) Untrue, and 2) Irrelevant. I wait to hear about how this is all because his team didn't let him present second as originally planned, but it never comes. Jamie interviews that at this rate, she won't have to present at all, which is just how she'd like it.
It appears that Team Orange is about to put Richard forward, so Team Yellow pees their pants again and waffle over whether to send Jamie or not. When Team Orange actually sends Antonia, Team Yellow sends Tiffany out. Antonia would love to boost team morale, but "at the end of the day" (1) everyone is working on their own. DRINK! Tiffany has spiced some tuna with fennel, peppercorns, and coriander seeds, and serves it on a lentil salad. Antonia has scallop on a lentil puree, spiced with mint, and served on dandelion greens with cilantro and chives. Tony votes for Tiffany. Gail votes for Antonia. Taylor goes with Antonia. Padma votes Tiffany. This one's a squeaker! Ptom casts the deciding vote, and it goes to Antonia.
Tie game. Team Orange finally puts forth the feared Richard. Since Team Yellow has already given up two points, it's too late to give up a third on purpose. Spike will be going out. Angelo, who's had his fingers in several dishes, harangues Spike into adding some of Angelo's yuzu gelee to his dish. Spike reluctantly agrees. He's got a tomato tamarind soup, with olive oil-poached shrimp, pineapple, tomatoes, and dill. Richard has a spin on tabouli, with lamb, herbs, and yogurt. Tony says that both proteins are disappointing. Spike's shrimp was bland, and Richard's lamb was gamy. Richard's surrounding ingredients saved his, though, so he gets Tony's vote. Padma agrees, and after Ptom compliments the soup, but criticizes the shrimp, it's unanimous. Team Orange pulls ahead. Spike trudges back to his team, complaining in interview about how his plating went and how Jamie hasn't presented yet. Quick question. How do those two things figure into the worst problem with his dish, which was bland shrimp? I'll let you mull that over for a while.
Match point. Team Orange sends Carla up. Angelo encourages Jamie to go. Um, why? She, along with the rest of Team Yellow, would rather send someone who has a shot in hell of scoring a point, and use their last reserve, which is Tre. Angelo offers to help, and Tre allows him to cook the fish, some of which wind up overdone. The combatants walk up to present. Carla has an African groundnut soup, with baked sweet potato, peanuts, and adzuki beans. Tre has salmon on parsnip puree, with olive oil/citrus sauce, tomatoes, and olives. Taylor votes for Tre. Tony enthuses over Carla's soup, and happily gives her a vote. Padma votes for Carla, and Gail (after telling Tre that his fish is somewhat overdone), seals the deal. Carla takes the point, and with it, cinches Team Orange's victory. Carla lets out a wild, Xena-ish scream of triumph. Hehehe.
Spike complains that if only they'd have stuck with their strategy, Team Yellow would have won. HOW? If Jamie had lost to Fabio instead of Casey losing to Fabio, what would be different? Oh, I know! Nothing. Based on judge votes, the only hope Casey would have had would be to go up against Marcel. Neither of them got any votes. If she won that point, it would have given Team Yellow a tie, which would have brought the finals down to Mike vs. Tre, at which point the overcooked salmon would probably have sunk Team Yellow anyway. But by all means, Spike, blame the abandonment of your strategy rather than your crappy food. Glad to see that nothing's changed since your season. You and Elia should form a club. Tiffany agrees that Spike's strategy was idiotic, while Mike says that "at the end of the day," (2) you can't really have a strategy other than Make Good Food and expect to win. DRINK!
Interstitial. Mike leads a rousing dance party in the fret 'n sweat.
Speaking of, here we are. Spike interviews that Jamie had the worst dish, so "at the end of the day," (3) she should be up for elimination, which she isn't. DRINK! Padma enters, and summons the winning points from Team Orange: Carla, Fabio, Richard, and Antonia. Once they're out with the judges, Padma adds that the individual winner gets a trip to Italy. Nice. Fabio's face: "And? I go there every weekend." Richard explains that their strength was focusing on the food and not on any strategy. Carla's soup was homey, yet elevated. Antonia's dish had wonderful layers of flavor. Richard's tabouli tasted great, and Fabio's gnocchi was light, yet tasty. The winner of the challenge, and the trip to Italy is... Carla! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!! She gets applause and hugs back in the Kitchen, before the losing points from Team Yellow (Casey, Tre, Spike, and Tiffany) are sent out to Judges' Table. Once they're gone, Richard tells Jamie that she's got a story going now. She attempts to be pissy and offended, but knows exactly what he's talking about. And he's right. Jamie's arc is now officially: Attempt To Win the Season By Just Refusing to Cook Anything Until Everyone Else is Eliminated. She shrugs, trying to play it off like she doesn't care. She doesn't sell it well.
Judges' Table. Odd Asian Music and Gong are back from their break. The judges open by asking what Team Yellow's strategy was. Spike explains his terrific idea that the rest of the stupid team ignored. Ptom wonders where the backfire happened, because Jamie isn't even up for elimination. That is the one thing that I hadn't considered when tearing Spike apart a couple of paragraphs ago. His team still would have lost, but at least Jamie would be up for elimination. Spike tries another tack, which is to blame Angelo for messing with his soup. His soup that Ptom loved. Keep dancing, Spike! Still, Ptom thinks it worth asking Tiffany if she thinks Angelo is trying to sabotage other people's food. Before she answers, I have to say that I doubt it. I think Angelo always thinks he knows best, even when he has no idea what's going on with someone else's food. He's supercilious, not devious. Tiffany (partially) agrees, saying that each chef is ultimately responsible for their own dishes.
Gail tells Tiffany that her salad was somewhat overdressed, and her spice rub wasn't terrific, either. Fairly minor complaints, all things considered. Tre has immunity, but his fish was overcooked and oily, and was actually the judges' least favorite dish. Either Tre says nothing in response, or it's all on the cutting room floor. Casey's dish was heavy. She argues that it was meant to be hearty. Tony says that it was a problem of perception, and that if there had been more farro and less pork, it may not have been an issue. Meh. Also pretty minor, if you ask me. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Spike sighs that he should have just told the others to step off and let him plate his own dish. He really is determined to ignore the fact that the parts that the other chefs messed with was the only part of his dish the judges liked. Keep dancing! Tiffany reiterates that "at the end of the day," (4) everyone is still responsible for their own food. DRINK!
Viewing Party Tiffany (reaching for her glass): "Jesus."
Limecrete: "See why it's a drinking game rule now?"
Seriously, America. It's time to put that phrase to bed. Deliberations. Tre is damned lucky he has immunity, and may have phoned it in. Spike's dish needed salt, and he should have stood his ground on plating. Casey's dish was protein-heavy. Tiffany's dish was underseasoned. A shot of Tiffany looking worried back in the Kitchen is shown, and in the background noise, Spike is still complaining about how other people messed with his food. Keep dancing! Nothing's ever your fault! Dance!
Elimination. The same criticisms are rehashed before the wild dance comes to an end. Spike. Please pack your knives and go. In his final interview, he makes sure to tell us how screwed he got, and how awesome he is, and how others should have gone first. He closes by addressing Jamie, and telling her that at some point the competition, she's going to have to stop playing games and cook. Really? People should focus on cooking skill and not on manipulative game play? How perceptive! Is there someone else in the general vicinity who might benefit from that lesson? Nah, probably not. Keep dancing, Spike. I'm sure you'll be able to fool someone one of these days.
Overall Grade: A
Previously on Top Chef: A culinary relay race reconfirmed the moral of "The Tortoise and the Hare". The chefs attempted to cook in the style of other people, the better to determine who's the most adaptable. Stephen -- who probably hasn't even cooked in his own style since Season 1 -- got eliminated, with poor Dalel right behind him. Fourteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Casey is bummed that her pal Dalel is no longer around to be awesome, while Tiffani tries to drag herself out of the slump that's put her into the bottom for two weeks running (although the first one doesn't really count, so whatever). Dalet is happy for his win, but gives the Standard Speech.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and Tony Mantuano, who cooked for Top Chef Masters, and who rather looks like a friendly basset hound. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I mean that as a compliment. For today's Quickfire, we get one of those hilarious challenges that shoehorns a seasonal event going on in real time into an episode filmed at an entirely different time of year. I love it when they tell chefs to create a Christmas feast in August. Anyhow, the challenge today is to make stuffing, which Tiffani reminds us is probably the most varied "traditional" recipe in the entire pantheon of holiday foods. The chefs will have 45 minutes to create a stuffing of their own. If that sounds too simple, there's naturally a catch: No utensils allowed. That sounds pretty rough, but there's a nice bonus for the chef that works it out. The winner gets immunity and $20,000. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring right into their prep work, and some very clever ideas are hatched to get around the challenge's limitations. Richard uses a jar lid for a spoon. Fabio grates cheese through a dish rack. Tiffani butchers quail with a pepper mill. Tre freezes ingredients with liquid nitrogen so they can be smashed easily. Ears of corn and stalks of celery are used as stirring spoons. Time runs out. Padma and Tony go down the line. Casey has gone an Asian route with mushrooms and crispy chicken livers. Jamie has made a "stuffing crepinette" with pork and lemon oil. She calls it a take on matzo ball soup, which is about as apt as calling pepperoni pizza a take on breakfast cereal. Carla readily admits her quinoa didn't have time to cook properly, calling her finished plate "undone-te" instead of al dente. Hehehe.
Spike has stuffed quail with raisins and herbs, and has put an apricot glaze on it. Marcel has squab with raisin brioche, cherries, currants, and ras el hanout gravy. Enough with the raisins. Richard has pressure-cooked an onion with nitro-fried fennel. He also incorporates the hated raisins. Tre's southwestern stuffing has bacon, cheese, chili powder, and peppers. Now that's what I'm talkin' about. Dalet's Spanish-influenced stuffing has crab, oyster, chili lemon aioli, grapes, and olives. Tiffani's got soy maple stuffing with quail, grilled mushrooms, and grapes. Fabio has polenta bread with pressure-cooked vegetables, smoked bacon, and the aforementioned grated Parmesan.
Results. Carla naturally kicks off the bottom three, which is no surprise to anyone, least of all her. Tiffani's stuffing was too sweet. Casey's dish was more of a plated appetizer than a stuffing. Now, for the good news. Tre's dressing was spicy, but well-balanced. Marcel had great stuffing, along with a well-cooked, tasty bird. The winner of the immunity and the wad of cash is... Tre. Yaaaaaay! That really did look like the best stuffing. I'd demolish that stuff. He's thrilled, because he's got a couple of expensive things at home called daughters. Heh.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking at the home of the US Open. The dishes made should reflect the healthy, energy-providing food that athletes base their diets on. Cans of tennis balls are passed to the chefs, some with orange balls, and some with yellow, which breaks everyone into two teams:
Orange: Carla, Richard, Dalet, Antonia, Marcel, Mike, and Fabio
Yellow: Spike, Jamie, Tiffani, Tiffany, Angelo, Tre, and Casey
Spike worries about his team, because as he puts it, he has no "allies" in this group of people. Ah, yes. In case you'd forgotten about how Spike approached this show, he was always more about manipulation and game-playing than the actual cooking. This Survivor-esque strategy sometimes served him well, but once all there was to rely on was cooking skill, he was history. Padma explains that a chef from each team will present their dish in a head-to-head standoff. Whichever dish is better earns a point for the respective team. First team to four points wins. It's a fairly simple idea, but a very good one. I'm surprised they haven't done something like this before.
The chefs head off for fifteen minutes of menu planning. They do their best to come up with some kind of game plan, but without knowing what the other team is making, it's kind of pointless, so everyone just decides to make whatever the hell they want. Food strategy aside, there's game strategy. Team Orange decides that as long as everyone knocks their individual dishes out of the park, it doesn't matter what order they go in. Master Manipulator Spike, on the other hand, has a different idea for Team Yellow. He wants to put whatever their weakest dish is out first, in order to give up a gimme point against what he's assuming will be a strong opener on Team Orange's part.
After shopping the next day, the chefs head for the US Open kitchen, where they get three hours of prep time. Fabio... Are you ready to be floored? Are you sitting down? I just want to be sure you're prepared to be massively shocked. Ready? Fabio... Is making gnocchi. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!! Next thing you know, he'll be preparing a pasta dish of some kind! Casey works with farro. Careful, there. Jamie frets that her chickpeas won't be cooked in time. Angelo doesn't like the fish he's bought, so he shops around the kitchen until Tiffany agrees to give up some of her tuna. Ew, not like that, perv. Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. Since this challenge involves people trying to keep quiet about their respective strategies, it's even more of a waste of time than usual, although Spike does spill about his weakest-dish-first idea. In the whir of activity, Carla cuts half her fingernail clean off, which is a great opportunity to play another round of Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain. Carla disdains the medic's advice to go to the hospital, puts a bandage on, and gets back to work. The other chefs give her props in interview, telling us that she really manned up...JAMIE. Unhappy with the first batch, Spike hurries to poach more shrimp in the final moments. Time runs out.
The chefs step out onto the courts for some final prep time. A few spectators watch from the stands. They will not figure into the episode in any way, shape, or form, so I'm unsure why they're included. The judges get seated (including a tennis player named Taylor Dent that I'm unfamiliar with), and Padma calls for the first match. Team Yellow is pretty much certain that Jamie's chickpea dish, which still hasn't finished cooking, is their worst entry. Team Orange sends Fabio out. Team Yellow is petrified of Richard, and since he's not out first (and since Jamie's food needs more time if it's to be of any use), their entire strategy burns down, falls over, and sinks into the swamp. Finally, Casey is like "Fuck it," and volunteers to go first. Fabio's whole wheat gnocchi is served with pork loin ragout, some caramelized fennel, and zucchini. Casey has brined, grilled pork tenderloin over a salad of farro, cherries, peas, and a vinaigrette. Taylor votes for Fabio, as do Padma and Ptom. That's enough votes for a majority, and Fabio wins the point.
He celebrates wildly, while Spike snarks in interview that the strategy was to give that point away, but to give it away with the worst dish. So, what's the difference? You wanted to pit your worst dish (Jamie) against what you assume is their best (Richard), and you can still do that. Maybe the strategy should have been Make Better Food Than the Other Team. I'd forgotten what grand fun it is watching Spike play at being a brilliant tactician. My nephew could totally take him at Chutes and Ladders. Dalet volunteers to go next for Team Orange, because if he doesn't, his dumplings won't make it. Marcel, originally slated to go second, is pissed for some nebulous reason. Dalet will be going up against Tiffani. He's made an edamame dumpling in spicy carrot froth, with crispy soy nuts. Tiffani has black bass sashimi, in an avocado and ponzu vinaigrette. Gail votes for Tiffani. Padma goes with Dalet. Ptom and Tony then vote for Tiffani, which seals the point for Team Yellow.
Next up is Angelo vs. Marcel. Angelo has smoked tuna, with a yuzu gelee, and red onion with capers. Marcel has a cauliflower couscous with pomegranate seeds and raisins. Gah! It's topped with some yellowfin tuna. Taylor can't really decide, but Ptom doesn't care for the cream that Marcel finished with. One vote Angelo. Tony and Gail soon follow, so that's two points for Team Yellow. Marcel gripes that Angelo always plates on a spoon, which is 1) Untrue, and 2) Irrelevant. I wait to hear about how this is all because his team didn't let him present second as originally planned, but it never comes. Jamie interviews that at this rate, she won't have to present at all, which is just how she'd like it.
It appears that Team Orange is about to put Richard forward, so Team Yellow pees their pants again and waffle over whether to send Jamie or not. When Team Orange actually sends Antonia, Team Yellow sends Tiffany out. Antonia would love to boost team morale, but "at the end of the day" (1) everyone is working on their own. DRINK! Tiffany has spiced some tuna with fennel, peppercorns, and coriander seeds, and serves it on a lentil salad. Antonia has scallop on a lentil puree, spiced with mint, and served on dandelion greens with cilantro and chives. Tony votes for Tiffany. Gail votes for Antonia. Taylor goes with Antonia. Padma votes Tiffany. This one's a squeaker! Ptom casts the deciding vote, and it goes to Antonia.
Tie game. Team Orange finally puts forth the feared Richard. Since Team Yellow has already given up two points, it's too late to give up a third on purpose. Spike will be going out. Angelo, who's had his fingers in several dishes, harangues Spike into adding some of Angelo's yuzu gelee to his dish. Spike reluctantly agrees. He's got a tomato tamarind soup, with olive oil-poached shrimp, pineapple, tomatoes, and dill. Richard has a spin on tabouli, with lamb, herbs, and yogurt. Tony says that both proteins are disappointing. Spike's shrimp was bland, and Richard's lamb was gamy. Richard's surrounding ingredients saved his, though, so he gets Tony's vote. Padma agrees, and after Ptom compliments the soup, but criticizes the shrimp, it's unanimous. Team Orange pulls ahead. Spike trudges back to his team, complaining in interview about how his plating went and how Jamie hasn't presented yet. Quick question. How do those two things figure into the worst problem with his dish, which was bland shrimp? I'll let you mull that over for a while.
Match point. Team Orange sends Carla up. Angelo encourages Jamie to go. Um, why? She, along with the rest of Team Yellow, would rather send someone who has a shot in hell of scoring a point, and use their last reserve, which is Tre. Angelo offers to help, and Tre allows him to cook the fish, some of which wind up overdone. The combatants walk up to present. Carla has an African groundnut soup, with baked sweet potato, peanuts, and adzuki beans. Tre has salmon on parsnip puree, with olive oil/citrus sauce, tomatoes, and olives. Taylor votes for Tre. Tony enthuses over Carla's soup, and happily gives her a vote. Padma votes for Carla, and Gail (after telling Tre that his fish is somewhat overdone), seals the deal. Carla takes the point, and with it, cinches Team Orange's victory. Carla lets out a wild, Xena-ish scream of triumph. Hehehe.
Spike complains that if only they'd have stuck with their strategy, Team Yellow would have won. HOW? If Jamie had lost to Fabio instead of Casey losing to Fabio, what would be different? Oh, I know! Nothing. Based on judge votes, the only hope Casey would have had would be to go up against Marcel. Neither of them got any votes. If she won that point, it would have given Team Yellow a tie, which would have brought the finals down to Mike vs. Tre, at which point the overcooked salmon would probably have sunk Team Yellow anyway. But by all means, Spike, blame the abandonment of your strategy rather than your crappy food. Glad to see that nothing's changed since your season. You and Elia should form a club. Tiffany agrees that Spike's strategy was idiotic, while Mike says that "at the end of the day," (2) you can't really have a strategy other than Make Good Food and expect to win. DRINK!
Interstitial. Mike leads a rousing dance party in the fret 'n sweat.
Speaking of, here we are. Spike interviews that Jamie had the worst dish, so "at the end of the day," (3) she should be up for elimination, which she isn't. DRINK! Padma enters, and summons the winning points from Team Orange: Carla, Fabio, Richard, and Antonia. Once they're out with the judges, Padma adds that the individual winner gets a trip to Italy. Nice. Fabio's face: "And? I go there every weekend." Richard explains that their strength was focusing on the food and not on any strategy. Carla's soup was homey, yet elevated. Antonia's dish had wonderful layers of flavor. Richard's tabouli tasted great, and Fabio's gnocchi was light, yet tasty. The winner of the challenge, and the trip to Italy is... Carla! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!! She gets applause and hugs back in the Kitchen, before the losing points from Team Yellow (Casey, Tre, Spike, and Tiffany) are sent out to Judges' Table. Once they're gone, Richard tells Jamie that she's got a story going now. She attempts to be pissy and offended, but knows exactly what he's talking about. And he's right. Jamie's arc is now officially: Attempt To Win the Season By Just Refusing to Cook Anything Until Everyone Else is Eliminated. She shrugs, trying to play it off like she doesn't care. She doesn't sell it well.
Judges' Table. Odd Asian Music and Gong are back from their break. The judges open by asking what Team Yellow's strategy was. Spike explains his terrific idea that the rest of the stupid team ignored. Ptom wonders where the backfire happened, because Jamie isn't even up for elimination. That is the one thing that I hadn't considered when tearing Spike apart a couple of paragraphs ago. His team still would have lost, but at least Jamie would be up for elimination. Spike tries another tack, which is to blame Angelo for messing with his soup. His soup that Ptom loved. Keep dancing, Spike! Still, Ptom thinks it worth asking Tiffany if she thinks Angelo is trying to sabotage other people's food. Before she answers, I have to say that I doubt it. I think Angelo always thinks he knows best, even when he has no idea what's going on with someone else's food. He's supercilious, not devious. Tiffany (partially) agrees, saying that each chef is ultimately responsible for their own dishes.
Gail tells Tiffany that her salad was somewhat overdressed, and her spice rub wasn't terrific, either. Fairly minor complaints, all things considered. Tre has immunity, but his fish was overcooked and oily, and was actually the judges' least favorite dish. Either Tre says nothing in response, or it's all on the cutting room floor. Casey's dish was heavy. She argues that it was meant to be hearty. Tony says that it was a problem of perception, and that if there had been more farro and less pork, it may not have been an issue. Meh. Also pretty minor, if you ask me. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Spike sighs that he should have just told the others to step off and let him plate his own dish. He really is determined to ignore the fact that the parts that the other chefs messed with was the only part of his dish the judges liked. Keep dancing! Tiffany reiterates that "at the end of the day," (4) everyone is still responsible for their own food. DRINK!
Viewing Party Tiffany (reaching for her glass): "Jesus."
Limecrete: "See why it's a drinking game rule now?"
Seriously, America. It's time to put that phrase to bed. Deliberations. Tre is damned lucky he has immunity, and may have phoned it in. Spike's dish needed salt, and he should have stood his ground on plating. Casey's dish was protein-heavy. Tiffany's dish was underseasoned. A shot of Tiffany looking worried back in the Kitchen is shown, and in the background noise, Spike is still complaining about how other people messed with his food. Keep dancing! Nothing's ever your fault! Dance!
Elimination. The same criticisms are rehashed before the wild dance comes to an end. Spike. Please pack your knives and go. In his final interview, he makes sure to tell us how screwed he got, and how awesome he is, and how others should have gone first. He closes by addressing Jamie, and telling her that at some point the competition, she's going to have to stop playing games and cook. Really? People should focus on cooking skill and not on manipulative game play? How perceptive! Is there someone else in the general vicinity who might benefit from that lesson? Nah, probably not. Keep dancing, Spike. I'm sure you'll be able to fool someone one of these days.
Overall Grade: A
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The Sincerest Form of Flattery
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 3
Previously on Top Chef: They have a weird way of doing the previouslies this season, which is brief glimpses of what happened, filtered through Monday Morning Quarterback interviews. In this case, it's a lot of shock over Jenc's revolt against the judges and her subsequent elimination. The rest of the chefs are surprised that she went home over useless Jamie's need to curb blood loss. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge David Chang. The challenge is an old favorite: The mise-en-place relay race. There's a new twist on it this time, which we'll get to in a second. First, the sixteen chefs are broken up into four teams of four. No kickball-style team picking this time; the chefs are simply broken into teams based on who they're standing near:
Angelo/Mike/Tiffany/Fabio
Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel
Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel
Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike
Now, to the twist. Instead of working on one ingredient at a time, all four team members must come up with a system of prepping three ingredients simultaneously. Not only that, but once David approves the prep work, the team must make a dish with their prepped ingredients. It is the quality of that dish -- rather than the time it takes to complete the prep work -- that will determine the winner. If that were all there was to it, there would be no incentive to hurry. So, whichever finishes the relay first presses a button that starts a fifteen-minute countdown. Whatever time is left on the clock when the trailing teams finish, that's the amount of time they have to cook. Good challenge design! There won't be any immunity given, but the winning team members get a $5000 chunk of cash. Whoops of joy grander than any ever given for immunity flood forward, especially from Carla. Hootie! Ready? Go!
The ingredients for prep are: Cleaning racks of lamb, peeling (and chopping) five hundred cloves of garlic, and stripping/chopping artichokes. Chef start hacking away at all of the food. Casey, in particular, has laser-like focus on the lamb. Dalel grins in interview about how she's never quite lived down the whole onion business. Fabio uses a large cutting board to crush masses of garlic at once. Smart. Mike's vast experience with Greek food puts him ahead on the lamb. Thanks to those two, it's really no contest after that. The Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio team easily finishes in the lead, and starts the countdown. The other teams go into a panic. The Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike team finishes with twelve minutes on the clock. Two minutes later, the Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel team finishes. When the Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel team finally finishes, there's only eight and a half minutes left. The latter two teams decide to go for lamb carpaccio, because it doesn't need to be cooked. Time winds down.
Padma and David go down the line. Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel have lamb carpaccio with artichoke chips, and artichoke salad with garlic oil. Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike have a crispy lamb chop, with raw, crispy, and braised artichokes in a chili aioli. Padma approaches the Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel team with a cheery "Hello, ladies!" Hahaha! That was entirely accidental, and she apologizes to Dalel, but everyone laughs at her gaffe, Dalel included. The team has made lamb carpaccio with crispy capers, garlic, a salad with artichokes, and some Reggiano cheese. The speedy Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio team has lamb cooked in garlic, with slivers of artichoke and dill salad. The whole thing is topped with a tandoori-spiced yogurt sauce that looks... Well, disgusting. It looks like regurgitated Pepto Bismol.
Results. First in the bottom two is Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel, whose cheese and parsley overwhelmed everything else. Also in the bottom is Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio, whose thyme and dill overpowered the yogurt. It seems speed isn't prized over quality, in the kitchen as well as other rooms of the house. We know who that leaves in the top. Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel had a dish that seemed simple, but tasted complex. Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike had wonderfully bold flavors. The winners of the challenge and the wad of cash is... Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike. Needless to say, they're pleased as punch.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be staying in the same groups, but are no longer in teams. Now the cooperation must turn to competition. Each group will dine at a different New York restaurant. Then, the chefs must create a dish worthy of appearing on that restaurant's menu, both in quality and style. Each group will have a top performer that is up for the win, and each group will have a least impressive dish, whose chef will be up for elimination. And because we've still got a crapload of contestants to contend with, tonight will be a double elimination, so bring your A-Game, cakesniffers. Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio will be cooking at David's restaurant, ma peche (French/Vietnamese fusion). Antonia/Casey/Jamie/Dalel will be at townhouse (High-end American). Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike will be at Marea (Italian). And that puts Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel at wd~50 (avant garde/molecular gastronomy).
In order to get a feel for the menus, each of the groups gets to dine at their respective restaurant as guests. Sweet. What follows is footage of each of the four meals, and while all look delicious (to the point that I'm kind of aching for the food even though I'm actively full right now), there's not much to write about. It's telling that people who wound up at restaurants that aren't really their style (Tiffany at French/Vietnamese fusion, Tre at Italian, Carla at avant garde/molecular gastronomy, etc.) are more tense and stressed. That night, the chefs plan their dishes. Dalet read somewhere that Wylie Dufresne (the chef at wd~50) loves him some eggs, and tries to come up with something in that area. Stephen obsesses over clothing.
The next day, the chefs go to their respective restaurants, and have two hours of prep time. I'm not sure if the chefs shopped for ingredients, are using the restaurants' supplies, or what. Cooking ensues. Antonia notes that dinner the night before had a theme of using a simple base, and then spinning off into interesting directions, so instead of doing something wacky, she starts with peas and carrots. Carla nervously works with liquid nitrogen. Time winds down. The judges get seated at Marea first. Joining Padma and Ptom are Anthony Bourdain and Kate Krader, who is the restaurant editor at Food & Wine. Naturally, the chef of each restaurant will also sit in at their own places. At Marea, it's a chef named Michael White. Let's get started!
Tre has grilled swordfish, with two preparations of artichoke, basil oil, and a mushroom panna cotta. Spike has seared branzino, with caponata and a spicy prosciutto vinaigrette. Richard has a crudo of Spanish mackerel, braised veal shank, and a fennel mostarda. Stephen has salmon with figs, a broccoli rapini, and fennel pollen. Tasting. Spike's fish skin is nice and crispy, but the caponata is disappointing. Richard and Tre did a nice job, but Stephen's fennel pollen is way too aggressive. Kate compliments the job everyone did, punctuating everything with a slight lisp.
LabRat: "She'll be a good character for Rachel Dratch in thirty years."
Off to ma peche. By the way, I've totally written down all of these restaurant names for the next time LabRat and I are in New York. I guess I'd better start squirreling those pennies away. Fabio has made roasted lamb, with hoisin plum barbecue sauce, a corn tomato salad, and lemongrass chevre ricotta. That's certainly fusiony. Tiffany has a crudo of summer flounder, with pickled radish and a peach puree. Mike has lightly cured, warm sockeye salmon, with eggplant, marinated tomatoes, and pickled peach. Angelo's got tumeric-marinated fish, with dill, cilantro, salmon roe, chorizo, and for an unexpected kick, white chocolate. Hmm. I don't know about that, although anything with salmon roe in it gets ten points added automatically. Tasting. Angelo gets great reviews on taste, and David approves of the style. Mike's is popular as well, but Fabio's is overly heavy and misses the style mark. Tiffany's is fine, but undistinctive.
townhouse. The chef here is David Burke. Dalel kicks off the service with roasted veal loin, with peanuts, popcorn, French toast, corn, and thyme caramel. Interesting. I don't know if that's a good "interesting" or a bad "interesting". Antonia has pea puree with carrot butter (DRINK!) and seared scallop with pickled carrot. Casey has seared halibut, shaped to look like a scallop, resting on tapioca "caviar", and a ginger-carrot emulsion. Jamie's dish is almost shockingly simple; she's made a smoked tomato and bacon soup, with an heirloom tomato salad. Yes, that is the quick lunch you pick up at Panera on your half hour lunch break. Good observation! Tasting. David finds Jamie's soup blah, both in flavor and style. Dalel's dish is a plate of sweet food with a piece of veal plopped on it. Casey's dish was smart and tasty. Antonia's is fairly salty, but would fit nicely on the menu.
Interstitial. Marcel finds it ironic to be working at wd~50, because... Well, you know.
wd~50. Wylie greets the rest of the judges, and everyone settles in. Dalet has done a spin on breakfast. He has a sunny-side-up egg dumpling, with braised pork belly, and milk ramen with bacon, beef, and pork. Tiffani has made vacuum-packed melon, with powdered ham and Taleggio. Well, she's certainly going for style points. Carla has tried to marry molecular gastronomy with her own comfort food background. She's got "grits" (aka shrimp-infused corn), with poached shrimp and okra chips on top. Marcel has made Vadouvan lamb, with tzatziki, pickled red onion and "anti" flatbread. That's flatbread that's been poofed up by air. So it's essentially...bread. Tasting. Tiffani's melon falls flat. Dalet's breakfast bowl is fantastic. Carla did a nice job, though her technique was a bit safe. Marcel's dish was timid, and the food was fairly bland.
Fret 'n sweat. Carla gleefully tells the other chefs about how she was gettin' down and using the circulator. Everyone cackles in delight. Padma enters, and summons Dalet, Angelo, Antonia, and Tre to Judges' Table. That's three Elimination Challenges in a row that Angelo has come out on top. That'd be impressive in a regular season, never mind All-Stars. Padma tells the top four that the individual winner will get a six-day trip to New Zealand. Nice! All of them are roundly complimented before Kate announces the big winner. Dalet. Yeah, I've got to say, that egg dumpling with the meat and the broth looked really good. The winning chefs are dismissed. Dalet's win is applauded back in the Kitchen, before he delivers the news that the judges would like to see Stephen, Fabio, Dalel, and Tiffani. As they go out, Dalet advises them to fight hard. "Fight hard, but not too hard," Carla amends. "Don't pull a Jenc!" adds what sounds like Antonia. Hehe.
The losing chefs trudge out to face the music. Fabio didn't have a good background in the restaurant's style, and as such, wound up attempting way too much. Stephen guesses that he put too many little components on the plate, and he's right. His dish came off tasting like a Bath & Body Works shop. Tiffani got seduced into throwing herself into weird techniques, rather than flavor. Dalel's plate made no sense. Deliberations. Dalel's plate was way too sweet. Stephen's fish was fine, but nothing else worked. Fabio used Asian ingredients, but he didn't use them well. Tiffani put a bad spin on Wylie's type of food. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Or eliminations, rather. The same criticisms are rehashed before the Padma announces the first elimination, which is a gimme: Stephen. We're not sure who the other one is going to be. Dalel. Please pack your knives, and go. Aw, damn. Frankly, although he's delightful and charming and fun, I feel like Fabio has kind of reached the limit of his talents. He's great at pasta, but not much else. In his final interview, Dalel admits that he's a little embarrassed. He's never been eliminated before; he just didn't win in the finals. Stephen seems kind of relieved to go, saying that he's more of a front-of-house guy now, and was up against a bunch of fiercely talented competitors. Well, that's nice. He probably wouldn't have been included had some other chefs agreed to take part this season, but he carried himself well in this go-round. Hilariously, when Stephen announces his elimination, there's dead silence, and when Dalel announces his, there are gasps of horror. We end on Dalel saying that he's enjoyed the experience again, and is more than willing to come back from Top Chef 16 - Seniors. Haha! So many contestants take everything uber-seriously; we need more funny guys like him in this joint.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: They have a weird way of doing the previouslies this season, which is brief glimpses of what happened, filtered through Monday Morning Quarterback interviews. In this case, it's a lot of shock over Jenc's revolt against the judges and her subsequent elimination. The rest of the chefs are surprised that she went home over useless Jamie's need to curb blood loss. Sixteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and guest judge David Chang. The challenge is an old favorite: The mise-en-place relay race. There's a new twist on it this time, which we'll get to in a second. First, the sixteen chefs are broken up into four teams of four. No kickball-style team picking this time; the chefs are simply broken into teams based on who they're standing near:
Angelo/Mike/Tiffany/Fabio
Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel
Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel
Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike
Now, to the twist. Instead of working on one ingredient at a time, all four team members must come up with a system of prepping three ingredients simultaneously. Not only that, but once David approves the prep work, the team must make a dish with their prepped ingredients. It is the quality of that dish -- rather than the time it takes to complete the prep work -- that will determine the winner. If that were all there was to it, there would be no incentive to hurry. So, whichever finishes the relay first presses a button that starts a fifteen-minute countdown. Whatever time is left on the clock when the trailing teams finish, that's the amount of time they have to cook. Good challenge design! There won't be any immunity given, but the winning team members get a $5000 chunk of cash. Whoops of joy grander than any ever given for immunity flood forward, especially from Carla. Hootie! Ready? Go!
The ingredients for prep are: Cleaning racks of lamb, peeling (and chopping) five hundred cloves of garlic, and stripping/chopping artichokes. Chef start hacking away at all of the food. Casey, in particular, has laser-like focus on the lamb. Dalel grins in interview about how she's never quite lived down the whole onion business. Fabio uses a large cutting board to crush masses of garlic at once. Smart. Mike's vast experience with Greek food puts him ahead on the lamb. Thanks to those two, it's really no contest after that. The Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio team easily finishes in the lead, and starts the countdown. The other teams go into a panic. The Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike team finishes with twelve minutes on the clock. Two minutes later, the Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel team finishes. When the Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel team finally finishes, there's only eight and a half minutes left. The latter two teams decide to go for lamb carpaccio, because it doesn't need to be cooked. Time winds down.
Padma and David go down the line. Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel have lamb carpaccio with artichoke chips, and artichoke salad with garlic oil. Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike have a crispy lamb chop, with raw, crispy, and braised artichokes in a chili aioli. Padma approaches the Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel team with a cheery "Hello, ladies!" Hahaha! That was entirely accidental, and she apologizes to Dalel, but everyone laughs at her gaffe, Dalel included. The team has made lamb carpaccio with crispy capers, garlic, a salad with artichokes, and some Reggiano cheese. The speedy Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio team has lamb cooked in garlic, with slivers of artichoke and dill salad. The whole thing is topped with a tandoori-spiced yogurt sauce that looks... Well, disgusting. It looks like regurgitated Pepto Bismol.
Results. First in the bottom two is Antonia/Jamie/Casey/Dalel, whose cheese and parsley overwhelmed everything else. Also in the bottom is Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio, whose thyme and dill overpowered the yogurt. It seems speed isn't prized over quality, in the kitchen as well as other rooms of the house. We know who that leaves in the top. Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel had a dish that seemed simple, but tasted complex. Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike had wonderfully bold flavors. The winners of the challenge and the wad of cash is... Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike. Needless to say, they're pleased as punch.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be staying in the same groups, but are no longer in teams. Now the cooperation must turn to competition. Each group will dine at a different New York restaurant. Then, the chefs must create a dish worthy of appearing on that restaurant's menu, both in quality and style. Each group will have a top performer that is up for the win, and each group will have a least impressive dish, whose chef will be up for elimination. And because we've still got a crapload of contestants to contend with, tonight will be a double elimination, so bring your A-Game, cakesniffers. Angelo/Tiffany/Mike/Fabio will be cooking at David's restaurant, ma peche (French/Vietnamese fusion). Antonia/Casey/Jamie/Dalel will be at townhouse (High-end American). Stephen/Tre/Richard/Spike will be at Marea (Italian). And that puts Dalet/Carla/Tiffani/Marcel at wd~50 (avant garde/molecular gastronomy).
In order to get a feel for the menus, each of the groups gets to dine at their respective restaurant as guests. Sweet. What follows is footage of each of the four meals, and while all look delicious (to the point that I'm kind of aching for the food even though I'm actively full right now), there's not much to write about. It's telling that people who wound up at restaurants that aren't really their style (Tiffany at French/Vietnamese fusion, Tre at Italian, Carla at avant garde/molecular gastronomy, etc.) are more tense and stressed. That night, the chefs plan their dishes. Dalet read somewhere that Wylie Dufresne (the chef at wd~50) loves him some eggs, and tries to come up with something in that area. Stephen obsesses over clothing.
The next day, the chefs go to their respective restaurants, and have two hours of prep time. I'm not sure if the chefs shopped for ingredients, are using the restaurants' supplies, or what. Cooking ensues. Antonia notes that dinner the night before had a theme of using a simple base, and then spinning off into interesting directions, so instead of doing something wacky, she starts with peas and carrots. Carla nervously works with liquid nitrogen. Time winds down. The judges get seated at Marea first. Joining Padma and Ptom are Anthony Bourdain and Kate Krader, who is the restaurant editor at Food & Wine. Naturally, the chef of each restaurant will also sit in at their own places. At Marea, it's a chef named Michael White. Let's get started!
Tre has grilled swordfish, with two preparations of artichoke, basil oil, and a mushroom panna cotta. Spike has seared branzino, with caponata and a spicy prosciutto vinaigrette. Richard has a crudo of Spanish mackerel, braised veal shank, and a fennel mostarda. Stephen has salmon with figs, a broccoli rapini, and fennel pollen. Tasting. Spike's fish skin is nice and crispy, but the caponata is disappointing. Richard and Tre did a nice job, but Stephen's fennel pollen is way too aggressive. Kate compliments the job everyone did, punctuating everything with a slight lisp.
LabRat: "She'll be a good character for Rachel Dratch in thirty years."
Off to ma peche. By the way, I've totally written down all of these restaurant names for the next time LabRat and I are in New York. I guess I'd better start squirreling those pennies away. Fabio has made roasted lamb, with hoisin plum barbecue sauce, a corn tomato salad, and lemongrass chevre ricotta. That's certainly fusiony. Tiffany has a crudo of summer flounder, with pickled radish and a peach puree. Mike has lightly cured, warm sockeye salmon, with eggplant, marinated tomatoes, and pickled peach. Angelo's got tumeric-marinated fish, with dill, cilantro, salmon roe, chorizo, and for an unexpected kick, white chocolate. Hmm. I don't know about that, although anything with salmon roe in it gets ten points added automatically. Tasting. Angelo gets great reviews on taste, and David approves of the style. Mike's is popular as well, but Fabio's is overly heavy and misses the style mark. Tiffany's is fine, but undistinctive.
townhouse. The chef here is David Burke. Dalel kicks off the service with roasted veal loin, with peanuts, popcorn, French toast, corn, and thyme caramel. Interesting. I don't know if that's a good "interesting" or a bad "interesting". Antonia has pea puree with carrot butter (DRINK!) and seared scallop with pickled carrot. Casey has seared halibut, shaped to look like a scallop, resting on tapioca "caviar", and a ginger-carrot emulsion. Jamie's dish is almost shockingly simple; she's made a smoked tomato and bacon soup, with an heirloom tomato salad. Yes, that is the quick lunch you pick up at Panera on your half hour lunch break. Good observation! Tasting. David finds Jamie's soup blah, both in flavor and style. Dalel's dish is a plate of sweet food with a piece of veal plopped on it. Casey's dish was smart and tasty. Antonia's is fairly salty, but would fit nicely on the menu.
Interstitial. Marcel finds it ironic to be working at wd~50, because... Well, you know.
wd~50. Wylie greets the rest of the judges, and everyone settles in. Dalet has done a spin on breakfast. He has a sunny-side-up egg dumpling, with braised pork belly, and milk ramen with bacon, beef, and pork. Tiffani has made vacuum-packed melon, with powdered ham and Taleggio. Well, she's certainly going for style points. Carla has tried to marry molecular gastronomy with her own comfort food background. She's got "grits" (aka shrimp-infused corn), with poached shrimp and okra chips on top. Marcel has made Vadouvan lamb, with tzatziki, pickled red onion and "anti" flatbread. That's flatbread that's been poofed up by air. So it's essentially...bread. Tasting. Tiffani's melon falls flat. Dalet's breakfast bowl is fantastic. Carla did a nice job, though her technique was a bit safe. Marcel's dish was timid, and the food was fairly bland.
Fret 'n sweat. Carla gleefully tells the other chefs about how she was gettin' down and using the circulator. Everyone cackles in delight. Padma enters, and summons Dalet, Angelo, Antonia, and Tre to Judges' Table. That's three Elimination Challenges in a row that Angelo has come out on top. That'd be impressive in a regular season, never mind All-Stars. Padma tells the top four that the individual winner will get a six-day trip to New Zealand. Nice! All of them are roundly complimented before Kate announces the big winner. Dalet. Yeah, I've got to say, that egg dumpling with the meat and the broth looked really good. The winning chefs are dismissed. Dalet's win is applauded back in the Kitchen, before he delivers the news that the judges would like to see Stephen, Fabio, Dalel, and Tiffani. As they go out, Dalet advises them to fight hard. "Fight hard, but not too hard," Carla amends. "Don't pull a Jenc!" adds what sounds like Antonia. Hehe.
The losing chefs trudge out to face the music. Fabio didn't have a good background in the restaurant's style, and as such, wound up attempting way too much. Stephen guesses that he put too many little components on the plate, and he's right. His dish came off tasting like a Bath & Body Works shop. Tiffani got seduced into throwing herself into weird techniques, rather than flavor. Dalel's plate made no sense. Deliberations. Dalel's plate was way too sweet. Stephen's fish was fine, but nothing else worked. Fabio used Asian ingredients, but he didn't use them well. Tiffani put a bad spin on Wylie's type of food. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Or eliminations, rather. The same criticisms are rehashed before the Padma announces the first elimination, which is a gimme: Stephen. We're not sure who the other one is going to be. Dalel. Please pack your knives, and go. Aw, damn. Frankly, although he's delightful and charming and fun, I feel like Fabio has kind of reached the limit of his talents. He's great at pasta, but not much else. In his final interview, Dalel admits that he's a little embarrassed. He's never been eliminated before; he just didn't win in the finals. Stephen seems kind of relieved to go, saying that he's more of a front-of-house guy now, and was up against a bunch of fiercely talented competitors. Well, that's nice. He probably wouldn't have been included had some other chefs agreed to take part this season, but he carried himself well in this go-round. Hilariously, when Stephen announces his elimination, there's dead silence, and when Dalel announces his, there are gasps of horror. We end on Dalel saying that he's enjoyed the experience again, and is more than willing to come back from Top Chef 16 - Seniors. Haha! So many contestants take everything uber-seriously; we need more funny guys like him in this joint.
Overall Grade: B
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Tiger Beat
Top Chef - Season 8, Episode 2
Previously on Top Chef: Look at all the stars! Look at them try to redeem the dish that got them sent home! Look at Angelo take the win! Look at Elia be annoying! Look at her go home in last place! Seventeen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Richard bemoans his disqualification from the win, while Fabio recounts getting into it with Bourdain at Judges' Table. Like I said last week, I hope one of the chefs takes the judges to task every single week. It would be magical!
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and one of the Jonas Brothers. Yeah. I'm in my thirties, and the only significant youngster in my life is a four-year-old male. The only thing the Jonas Brothers mean to me is that they waste valuable real estate in Entertainment Weekly that I flip past in boredom. Them and Twilight. Oh, and I know that one Jonas is super fugly, but it's not this one. A lot of the chefs are as disinterested as I am, though Antonia's daughter is right in the target age group that will spend a few minutes in the year 2030 looking back at having a massive crush on stars like these with regret.
Today's challenge is to create a midnight snack for 150 kids that will be spending the night at the American Museum of Natural History. Well, I don't know about the challenge, but hot damn, would I have loved to do that as a kid. This Jonas (Joe, it turns out) will be a surprise guest at the event, and gets to select the winning snack. He explains that there won't be utensils or plates, so the snacks will have to be appropriate to be carted around in paper bags. He kids that the chefs have thirty seconds to throw everything together, and for a split second, they believe him. Heh. They actually have forty-five minutes. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring into prep. Dalel worries about how picky kids can be, and just plans on getting them hopped up on sweets. Speaking of sweets, Dalet has the bin of sugar set out on his station, which causes other chefs angst for whatever reason. It's not like he's hoarding it. And speaking of children, Tiffani recalls the challenge in which I hated her the most, and thankfully, admits what a huge asshole she was. It seems she's working as hard on improving her attitude about cooking for kids as she is on improving the food. This is a Tiffani I can get behind. A whirl of final prep -- replete with cursing streaks -- brings us to the end of the challenge.
Joe and Padma go down the line. Antonia has made a white chocolate/cherry muffin with allspice and cinnamon. Richard has microwave-baked white bread, with spiced apples, whipped honey, and crunchy chocolate. I don't really see how it can be eaten without utensils, but it sounds tasty. Spike has made potato and carrot chips, with mascarpone and marshmallow dip on the side. Tre's got a cracker with cranberry and cherry jam, and some apple smoked bacon. I love how the editors keep giving us interceding shots of the other chefs looking tense. A realer sense of what goes on during the judging slips in, as we see Jenc grinning and shooting the shit with other chefs in the background as they wait their turns.
Casey has made a chocolate and bacon lasagna, with a sprinkling of candy on top, and some apple juice on the side. Dalel admits up front that his snack is a blatant attempt to get the kids jacked up on sugar. He's made Sweet Tart nuggets with "caveman boulders" (chocolate, graham crackers, Whoppers), and chocolate sauce. He says his snack will lead to a ten-year-old rave. Ha! Antonia cracks up, while Dalet breaks out some dance moves. Jamie has made mini cheddar biscuits, with cinnamon apple sauce on the side. Tiffany has made coconut rice pudding, with grapefruit sauce on the side. DRINK! Dalet has a corn cake with dried cherries and whipped maple topping.
Fabio has dipped apples, some in white chocolate/caramel/blueberry, and some in dark chocolate, marshmallow, and candied ginger. Yes, please! Tiffani's got a Rice Krispie treat snowball, with malted milk and graham crackers. Angelo's made fried dough, with white pepper, Old Bay spice, and cheddar crumbles. I am enormously curious to try that. Stephen has got a snickerdoodle sandwich, with white chocolate, coconut ganache, apricot, and mint. DRINK! Jenc has bacon ginger taffy, with honey grilled peaches. Sounds good. Jenc laughs that if the kids don't like it, they can always whip the taffy at each other, a la snotballs. Heh. Mike has chocolate coconut corn bars, with a coconut horchata chaser. No "DRINK!" here, because this is not something that sounds tasty, but has been ruined by coconut. This sounds disgusting from top to bottom.
Results. First in the bottom three is Tiffany, whose snack was messy. Mike's chocolate flavor wasn't strong enough. Stephen's cookie was fine, but the flavors in the middle (especially the mint) wasn't strong enough. Hmm... Tiffany, Mike, and Stephen. Why, it's all the people who used coconut! Joe Jonas' stock is suddenly rising! Now, for the good news. There are two favorites instead of the usual three. Spike and Tiffani both made impressive snacks. In fact, no winner is announced right now. Padma tells the chefs that the kids will decide which snack reigns supreme. In order to get enough portions put together, Spike and Tiffani will lead teams composed of all the other chefs.
Tiffani's team is: Tiffani, Tiffany, Jamie, Antonia, Casey, Jenc, Dalel, and Tre. Spike's team winds up being: Dalet, Angelo, Marcel, Carla, Richard, Stephen, and Mike. Fabio is the last one standing, and gets to choose which team he'll join. He picks Spike's, interviewing that he doesn't care a whit that he didn't get chosen. He doesn't sell it. Dalel is pleased with the way the teams have shaken out, saying his team is like the Spice Girls and their bodyguard, and the other team is the so-called "cool guys" and "their babysitter, Carla". Hahaha! I'd forgotten how hilarious Dalel is. Prep proceeds without incident.
After all the food is separated into red and blue bags, the chefs head off to the museum. Once they're set up, a wave of children invades. They grab a bag of each snack and start chowing down. The chefs do their best to talk up their respective dishes. As promised, the kids get high on sugar, and start to have ballistic fits all over the floor. They're so jacked up, Joe Jonas' arrival doesn't cause a big uptick in enthusiasm. He leads a voice vote to see which snack wins the Quickfire, and Tiffani's easily bags it. So, she has immunity and an advantage in the upcoming Elimination Challenge. The tide of children sweeps out, but before the chefs can escape back home to get a good night's sleep, Ptom enters, and tells them that said Elimination Challenge begins this very instant.
The challenge will be to make breakfast for the kids and their parents, to be served at 7:30 AM. It's 1:30 AM right now. Ouch. The chefs will stay in the same teams, and will be creating meals in the spirit of two of the dinosaurs whose bones are looming over them right now: Brontosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The T-Rex team will be cooking with meat and meat byproducts only, while the Brontosaurus team will only have access to fruits, vegetables, and grains. Tiffani gets to choose which dino her team will represent, and she goes for T-Rex. The chefs can grab a little sleep (very little -- only forty-five minutes) in the Hall of North American Mammals before getting started on food prep. Of course, before they can even do that, they have to plan their menus.
Both teams break down into mini-teams to tackle the individual dishes they'd like to make, although they have no idea what ingredients they'll be working with. That dispensed with, the chefs turn in for their nap, although some eschew sleep altogether to have fun with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to traipse around a famous museum in their pajamas. That would certainly be tempting. It's unlikely they'll ever find themselves in such a From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler situation again.
At 4:00 AM, the awakened chefs are turned loose on the museum kitchen. Tiffani discovers that the carnivore she has chosen to represent is just that. Carnivore, not omnivore. So, her team has no access to the lemons or limes they want to use for acid, nor flour, nor herbs. Curiously, there's no sausage for them to use, either, which you'd think would be a pretty standard component of a meat-based challenge. Prep begins. Three seconds in, Jamie slices her thumb open. The show's medic tells her she needs stitches, so she heads off to the hospital. In real life, a teammate felled by injury would be cause for concern. These, however, are chefs. And not only chefs, but reality show chefs. Your thumb had better be hanging by a tiny strand of shredded skin, swinging back and forth on your mangled ligament before you go looking for sympathy. Once Jamie's gone, the others rush to interview about how much more badass they are, and how they wouldn't let a stupid thing like gushing blood stop them from getting through the prep.
Tim: "That's nothing. I cooked through the entire duration of my circumcision".
Nobody gives Jamie a second thought once she walks out the door. Casey works on a salmon that Tre will create a sauce for. Fabio makes gnocchi. Jenc works on a pork dish that Casey interviews tastes like "wet bacon". Spew. Antonia and Tiffany have oven issues. Time winds down, and the chefs head outside to get their stations set up. Marcel snipes in interview about Angelo cutting the plums for their dish. He tries to sell this as some evil plan Angelo is weaving to discredit Marcel's food, and perhaps, in some alternate universe, we could buy that... If this weren't a shared dish amongst Angelo, Marcel, and Richard. It's kind of hard to take another guy down when it's your own food up for discussion. Jamie returns with two stitches in her thumb. The other chefs commence Round 2 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain".
Time runs out, and once again, the chefs are inundated with children. Antonia frets about T-Rex, because the kids don't seem interested in the frittatas she and Tiffany made. Carla frets about Brontosaurus, because the kids seem naturally more drawn to a team that's offering bacon. The judges arrive. Joining Padma, Gail, and Ptom will be the KatieBot. Oh, I guess someone finally remembered to plug her in and recharge her battery. The judges stop by Brontosaurus first. Dalet and Mike have corn grits with salsa verde. Marcel/Richard/Angelo have a banana parfait with a bunch of other seasonal fruits and tandoori maple sauce. Carla and Spike have a fruit and vegetable gazpacho. Fabio and Stephen made potato gnocchi with leeks, mushrooms, and spinach. A lot of these don't really sound breakfasty, but I get that they were kind of painted into a corner, here. Tasting. Fabio's gnocchi gets good reviews, as does the parfait. The others strike the diners as kind of so-so, though nobody has any real out-and-out complaints.
T-Rex. Antonia and Tiffany have a trio of frittatas (bacon/cheddar, ham/cheese, and chevre). Casey's salmon is topped with Tre's sauce of shrimp and apple smoked bacon. Jenc has braised bacon and topped it with hard boiled egg. Jamie stands around like a bump on a pickle. Tiffani has tenderloin with cheesy eggs that is paired with Dalel's paprika and creme fraiche Hollandaise. Tasting. Jenc's bacon is a big disappointment. Casey's salmon is well-cooked, but Tre sauce is exceptionally salty. Tre realizes that the constantly reducing sauce is causing this issue, but shrugs it off, saying he'd rather it be too salty than bland. The frittatas are unevenly cooked. Dalel and Tiffani's steak and eggs is the only dish to get universally positive feedback.
Interstitial. Fabio charms the crowd.
Fret 'n sweat. Tiffani makes the incredibly apt point to the other chefs that to her, being given a blind choice between two menu restrictions isn't much of an "advantage" for winning the Quickfire. It's true. While Ptom did tell everyone about the types of foods they'd have access to, nobody knew what ingredients they'd be working with, so Tiffani had no real leg up on anybody else. It's not the worst thing to befall someone who supposedly had an "advantage", but it merits mention. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Team Brontosaurus to the table. Once they've left, Team T-Rex starts to gripe. Assuming that Team Brontosaurus is the winning group, Dalel wonders how that can be, because he thinks their dish concepts were so bizarre for kids and their parents. Jenc responds that while they're here, everyone has to cook strictly for the judges, and leave the supposed "target audience" completely out of the equation. Dalel thinks that's selfish, and Jenc shrugs and wonders aloud if Dalel would rather win or please a crowd of people that he'll never see again. It'd be interesting to hear an answer (and in fact, a full discussion on the matter), but we immediately teleport over to...
Judges' Table. Team Brontosaurus is informed that they are, indeed, the winning team. Both the gnocchi dish and the banana parfait are roundly complimented before KatieBot is given the honor of announcing the individual winner. Well, not so individual after all: OUR. FAVORITE. DISH. TODAY. REALLY. HAD. SUCH. NICE. FLAVORS. AND. THE. WINNING. DISH. IS... THE. BANANA. PARFAIT. So, Marcel, Angelo, and Richard all share the win, which means two in a row for Angelo amongst some very stiff competition. Impressive. Marcel blahs something about how if there were an individual winner, it would have been him. Yes, you're the rapscallion of the season. We get it now. Padma dismisses the chefs, and asks to see team T-Rex.
The winners get tepid applause before team T-Rex goes out to face the music. Not the Odd Asian Music, though. He and Gong apparently have the night off. Tiffani starts right in on the judges, explaining straightforwardly and without malice how her "advantage" was anything but. Ding, ding, ding! Continued backtalk to the judges is like an extra little Hanukkah present, just for me. All Ptom can find to say is that he explained to them beforehand that their ingredients would be limited. Right, but both team's ingredients were limited, so Tiffani's point that choosing between two disadvantages is not really an advantage is still valid. Would you consider it an advantage if I told you that tomorrow, you'll either be stoned to death by pickles or suffocated in a vat of mayonnaise, but I'll give you the option of choosing which you'd prefer?
Now, to the food. It's the same problems we heard about earlier. Uneven frittatas. Spicy salmon sauce. Jenc shifts back and forth on her feet, and glares at the judges with a hugely pissed off expression. Padma notes this, and asks why. And Hanukkah continues, as Jenc unloads. She says she doesn't think the T-Rex team deserves to be in the bottom. Gail tries the old trap of asking if Jenc tasted the other team's food, but this ain't Jenc's first rodeo. She said she tasted every single bite of Team Brontosaurus' dishes, and when asked if she still didn't like it, makes a condescending clicking noise of agreement. Tiffani brings up that the Brontosaurus dishes didn't really strike her as breakfast, and KatieBot says that it bespoke a creativity that T-Rex was lacking. Sorry: THAT. T-REX. WAS. LACKING.
Ptom asks why the food wasn't plated individually, and I've got to say, if the judges feel that's a problem worthy of bringing up at Judges' Table for us all to hear about, I'm totally behind Jenc and her righteous fury. "You guys are the judges. You guys are smart enough. Why don't you say 'Hey, can I get a different plate for this?" she spits back. SWEEEEEEEEEEET. In a normal season, I wouldn't find this kind of attitude charming, preferring people to take responsibility for their mistakes. But after seven seasons of gentle deference, it is massively entertaining to see the judges taken down a peg or two. Ptom has no idea what to do with himself, haughtily stating that if the judges should be smart enough to request separate plates, so should a member of the team. Well, that wasn't her point at all, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Jamie's absence from the challenge is discussed, so Antonia pops up for Round 3 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain". Jenc's pork dish is criticized, and she continues fighting with the judges, saying that there's no way her bacon and eggs were underseasoned. Given what Casey and the diners said about it earlier, I'd say she's most likely wrong about that. The chefs are dismissed. Christ, I feel like I should smoke a cigarette after that performance. Once the chefs are back in the Kitchen, Fabio asks how it went. "I think I yelled at the judges more than they yelled at us," Jenc says, and without missing a beat, Jamie adds "Yeah, it was pretty good!" Hahaha!
Deliberations. Ptom does his best to convince us that the judges will only consider food, and don't mind Jenc's backtalk at all. I...do not agree. Sure, if she said something like "Well, I think the pork was seasoned perfectly, so we're going to have to disagree on that," that'd be one thing, but she basically called him a moron, and well... As Bravo says, watch what happens. Tiffani and Dale had the best dish of this group. Everyone else is up for the chop, even Jamie and her lack of participation. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Once Tiffani and Dale are dismissed, reiterations of the same complaints we've already heard are leveled at the rest of team T-Rex, although Casey seems pretty blameless in this situation. So, who's next off the island of misfit chefs? Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Needless to say, she does not agree with this decision. She spends her final interview explaining that there was nothing wrong with her dish, and exits the Kitchen in a hail of screaming and cursing. What caused the axe to fall? Food or 'tude? In any event, Jenc, you made this an episode to remember, and for that, you are truly an All-Star.
Overall Grade: A
Previously on Top Chef: Look at all the stars! Look at them try to redeem the dish that got them sent home! Look at Angelo take the win! Look at Elia be annoying! Look at her go home in last place! Seventeen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Monday Morning Quarterback session. Richard bemoans his disqualification from the win, while Fabio recounts getting into it with Bourdain at Judges' Table. Like I said last week, I hope one of the chefs takes the judges to task every single week. It would be magical!
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs are met in the Kitchen by Padma and one of the Jonas Brothers. Yeah. I'm in my thirties, and the only significant youngster in my life is a four-year-old male. The only thing the Jonas Brothers mean to me is that they waste valuable real estate in Entertainment Weekly that I flip past in boredom. Them and Twilight. Oh, and I know that one Jonas is super fugly, but it's not this one. A lot of the chefs are as disinterested as I am, though Antonia's daughter is right in the target age group that will spend a few minutes in the year 2030 looking back at having a massive crush on stars like these with regret.
Today's challenge is to create a midnight snack for 150 kids that will be spending the night at the American Museum of Natural History. Well, I don't know about the challenge, but hot damn, would I have loved to do that as a kid. This Jonas (Joe, it turns out) will be a surprise guest at the event, and gets to select the winning snack. He explains that there won't be utensils or plates, so the snacks will have to be appropriate to be carted around in paper bags. He kids that the chefs have thirty seconds to throw everything together, and for a split second, they believe him. Heh. They actually have forty-five minutes. Ready? Go!
The chefs spring into prep. Dalel worries about how picky kids can be, and just plans on getting them hopped up on sweets. Speaking of sweets, Dalet has the bin of sugar set out on his station, which causes other chefs angst for whatever reason. It's not like he's hoarding it. And speaking of children, Tiffani recalls the challenge in which I hated her the most, and thankfully, admits what a huge asshole she was. It seems she's working as hard on improving her attitude about cooking for kids as she is on improving the food. This is a Tiffani I can get behind. A whirl of final prep -- replete with cursing streaks -- brings us to the end of the challenge.
Joe and Padma go down the line. Antonia has made a white chocolate/cherry muffin with allspice and cinnamon. Richard has microwave-baked white bread, with spiced apples, whipped honey, and crunchy chocolate. I don't really see how it can be eaten without utensils, but it sounds tasty. Spike has made potato and carrot chips, with mascarpone and marshmallow dip on the side. Tre's got a cracker with cranberry and cherry jam, and some apple smoked bacon. I love how the editors keep giving us interceding shots of the other chefs looking tense. A realer sense of what goes on during the judging slips in, as we see Jenc grinning and shooting the shit with other chefs in the background as they wait their turns.
Casey has made a chocolate and bacon lasagna, with a sprinkling of candy on top, and some apple juice on the side. Dalel admits up front that his snack is a blatant attempt to get the kids jacked up on sugar. He's made Sweet Tart nuggets with "caveman boulders" (chocolate, graham crackers, Whoppers), and chocolate sauce. He says his snack will lead to a ten-year-old rave. Ha! Antonia cracks up, while Dalet breaks out some dance moves. Jamie has made mini cheddar biscuits, with cinnamon apple sauce on the side. Tiffany has made coconut rice pudding, with grapefruit sauce on the side. DRINK! Dalet has a corn cake with dried cherries and whipped maple topping.
Fabio has dipped apples, some in white chocolate/caramel/blueberry, and some in dark chocolate, marshmallow, and candied ginger. Yes, please! Tiffani's got a Rice Krispie treat snowball, with malted milk and graham crackers. Angelo's made fried dough, with white pepper, Old Bay spice, and cheddar crumbles. I am enormously curious to try that. Stephen has got a snickerdoodle sandwich, with white chocolate, coconut ganache, apricot, and mint. DRINK! Jenc has bacon ginger taffy, with honey grilled peaches. Sounds good. Jenc laughs that if the kids don't like it, they can always whip the taffy at each other, a la snotballs. Heh. Mike has chocolate coconut corn bars, with a coconut horchata chaser. No "DRINK!" here, because this is not something that sounds tasty, but has been ruined by coconut. This sounds disgusting from top to bottom.
Results. First in the bottom three is Tiffany, whose snack was messy. Mike's chocolate flavor wasn't strong enough. Stephen's cookie was fine, but the flavors in the middle (especially the mint) wasn't strong enough. Hmm... Tiffany, Mike, and Stephen. Why, it's all the people who used coconut! Joe Jonas' stock is suddenly rising! Now, for the good news. There are two favorites instead of the usual three. Spike and Tiffani both made impressive snacks. In fact, no winner is announced right now. Padma tells the chefs that the kids will decide which snack reigns supreme. In order to get enough portions put together, Spike and Tiffani will lead teams composed of all the other chefs.
Tiffani's team is: Tiffani, Tiffany, Jamie, Antonia, Casey, Jenc, Dalel, and Tre. Spike's team winds up being: Dalet, Angelo, Marcel, Carla, Richard, Stephen, and Mike. Fabio is the last one standing, and gets to choose which team he'll join. He picks Spike's, interviewing that he doesn't care a whit that he didn't get chosen. He doesn't sell it. Dalel is pleased with the way the teams have shaken out, saying his team is like the Spice Girls and their bodyguard, and the other team is the so-called "cool guys" and "their babysitter, Carla". Hahaha! I'd forgotten how hilarious Dalel is. Prep proceeds without incident.
After all the food is separated into red and blue bags, the chefs head off to the museum. Once they're set up, a wave of children invades. They grab a bag of each snack and start chowing down. The chefs do their best to talk up their respective dishes. As promised, the kids get high on sugar, and start to have ballistic fits all over the floor. They're so jacked up, Joe Jonas' arrival doesn't cause a big uptick in enthusiasm. He leads a voice vote to see which snack wins the Quickfire, and Tiffani's easily bags it. So, she has immunity and an advantage in the upcoming Elimination Challenge. The tide of children sweeps out, but before the chefs can escape back home to get a good night's sleep, Ptom enters, and tells them that said Elimination Challenge begins this very instant.
The challenge will be to make breakfast for the kids and their parents, to be served at 7:30 AM. It's 1:30 AM right now. Ouch. The chefs will stay in the same teams, and will be creating meals in the spirit of two of the dinosaurs whose bones are looming over them right now: Brontosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The T-Rex team will be cooking with meat and meat byproducts only, while the Brontosaurus team will only have access to fruits, vegetables, and grains. Tiffani gets to choose which dino her team will represent, and she goes for T-Rex. The chefs can grab a little sleep (very little -- only forty-five minutes) in the Hall of North American Mammals before getting started on food prep. Of course, before they can even do that, they have to plan their menus.
Both teams break down into mini-teams to tackle the individual dishes they'd like to make, although they have no idea what ingredients they'll be working with. That dispensed with, the chefs turn in for their nap, although some eschew sleep altogether to have fun with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to traipse around a famous museum in their pajamas. That would certainly be tempting. It's unlikely they'll ever find themselves in such a From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler situation again.
At 4:00 AM, the awakened chefs are turned loose on the museum kitchen. Tiffani discovers that the carnivore she has chosen to represent is just that. Carnivore, not omnivore. So, her team has no access to the lemons or limes they want to use for acid, nor flour, nor herbs. Curiously, there's no sausage for them to use, either, which you'd think would be a pretty standard component of a meat-based challenge. Prep begins. Three seconds in, Jamie slices her thumb open. The show's medic tells her she needs stitches, so she heads off to the hospital. In real life, a teammate felled by injury would be cause for concern. These, however, are chefs. And not only chefs, but reality show chefs. Your thumb had better be hanging by a tiny strand of shredded skin, swinging back and forth on your mangled ligament before you go looking for sympathy. Once Jamie's gone, the others rush to interview about how much more badass they are, and how they wouldn't let a stupid thing like gushing blood stop them from getting through the prep.
Tim: "That's nothing. I cooked through the entire duration of my circumcision".
Nobody gives Jamie a second thought once she walks out the door. Casey works on a salmon that Tre will create a sauce for. Fabio makes gnocchi. Jenc works on a pork dish that Casey interviews tastes like "wet bacon". Spew. Antonia and Tiffany have oven issues. Time winds down, and the chefs head outside to get their stations set up. Marcel snipes in interview about Angelo cutting the plums for their dish. He tries to sell this as some evil plan Angelo is weaving to discredit Marcel's food, and perhaps, in some alternate universe, we could buy that... If this weren't a shared dish amongst Angelo, Marcel, and Richard. It's kind of hard to take another guy down when it's your own food up for discussion. Jamie returns with two stitches in her thumb. The other chefs commence Round 2 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain".
Time runs out, and once again, the chefs are inundated with children. Antonia frets about T-Rex, because the kids don't seem interested in the frittatas she and Tiffany made. Carla frets about Brontosaurus, because the kids seem naturally more drawn to a team that's offering bacon. The judges arrive. Joining Padma, Gail, and Ptom will be the KatieBot. Oh, I guess someone finally remembered to plug her in and recharge her battery. The judges stop by Brontosaurus first. Dalet and Mike have corn grits with salsa verde. Marcel/Richard/Angelo have a banana parfait with a bunch of other seasonal fruits and tandoori maple sauce. Carla and Spike have a fruit and vegetable gazpacho. Fabio and Stephen made potato gnocchi with leeks, mushrooms, and spinach. A lot of these don't really sound breakfasty, but I get that they were kind of painted into a corner, here. Tasting. Fabio's gnocchi gets good reviews, as does the parfait. The others strike the diners as kind of so-so, though nobody has any real out-and-out complaints.
T-Rex. Antonia and Tiffany have a trio of frittatas (bacon/cheddar, ham/cheese, and chevre). Casey's salmon is topped with Tre's sauce of shrimp and apple smoked bacon. Jenc has braised bacon and topped it with hard boiled egg. Jamie stands around like a bump on a pickle. Tiffani has tenderloin with cheesy eggs that is paired with Dalel's paprika and creme fraiche Hollandaise. Tasting. Jenc's bacon is a big disappointment. Casey's salmon is well-cooked, but Tre sauce is exceptionally salty. Tre realizes that the constantly reducing sauce is causing this issue, but shrugs it off, saying he'd rather it be too salty than bland. The frittatas are unevenly cooked. Dalel and Tiffani's steak and eggs is the only dish to get universally positive feedback.
Interstitial. Fabio charms the crowd.
Fret 'n sweat. Tiffani makes the incredibly apt point to the other chefs that to her, being given a blind choice between two menu restrictions isn't much of an "advantage" for winning the Quickfire. It's true. While Ptom did tell everyone about the types of foods they'd have access to, nobody knew what ingredients they'd be working with, so Tiffani had no real leg up on anybody else. It's not the worst thing to befall someone who supposedly had an "advantage", but it merits mention. Padma comes back to the Kitchen, and summons Team Brontosaurus to the table. Once they've left, Team T-Rex starts to gripe. Assuming that Team Brontosaurus is the winning group, Dalel wonders how that can be, because he thinks their dish concepts were so bizarre for kids and their parents. Jenc responds that while they're here, everyone has to cook strictly for the judges, and leave the supposed "target audience" completely out of the equation. Dalel thinks that's selfish, and Jenc shrugs and wonders aloud if Dalel would rather win or please a crowd of people that he'll never see again. It'd be interesting to hear an answer (and in fact, a full discussion on the matter), but we immediately teleport over to...
Judges' Table. Team Brontosaurus is informed that they are, indeed, the winning team. Both the gnocchi dish and the banana parfait are roundly complimented before KatieBot is given the honor of announcing the individual winner. Well, not so individual after all: OUR. FAVORITE. DISH. TODAY. REALLY. HAD. SUCH. NICE. FLAVORS. AND. THE. WINNING. DISH. IS... THE. BANANA. PARFAIT. So, Marcel, Angelo, and Richard all share the win, which means two in a row for Angelo amongst some very stiff competition. Impressive. Marcel blahs something about how if there were an individual winner, it would have been him. Yes, you're the rapscallion of the season. We get it now. Padma dismisses the chefs, and asks to see team T-Rex.
The winners get tepid applause before team T-Rex goes out to face the music. Not the Odd Asian Music, though. He and Gong apparently have the night off. Tiffani starts right in on the judges, explaining straightforwardly and without malice how her "advantage" was anything but. Ding, ding, ding! Continued backtalk to the judges is like an extra little Hanukkah present, just for me. All Ptom can find to say is that he explained to them beforehand that their ingredients would be limited. Right, but both team's ingredients were limited, so Tiffani's point that choosing between two disadvantages is not really an advantage is still valid. Would you consider it an advantage if I told you that tomorrow, you'll either be stoned to death by pickles or suffocated in a vat of mayonnaise, but I'll give you the option of choosing which you'd prefer?
Now, to the food. It's the same problems we heard about earlier. Uneven frittatas. Spicy salmon sauce. Jenc shifts back and forth on her feet, and glares at the judges with a hugely pissed off expression. Padma notes this, and asks why. And Hanukkah continues, as Jenc unloads. She says she doesn't think the T-Rex team deserves to be in the bottom. Gail tries the old trap of asking if Jenc tasted the other team's food, but this ain't Jenc's first rodeo. She said she tasted every single bite of Team Brontosaurus' dishes, and when asked if she still didn't like it, makes a condescending clicking noise of agreement. Tiffani brings up that the Brontosaurus dishes didn't really strike her as breakfast, and KatieBot says that it bespoke a creativity that T-Rex was lacking. Sorry: THAT. T-REX. WAS. LACKING.
Ptom asks why the food wasn't plated individually, and I've got to say, if the judges feel that's a problem worthy of bringing up at Judges' Table for us all to hear about, I'm totally behind Jenc and her righteous fury. "You guys are the judges. You guys are smart enough. Why don't you say 'Hey, can I get a different plate for this?" she spits back. SWEEEEEEEEEEET. In a normal season, I wouldn't find this kind of attitude charming, preferring people to take responsibility for their mistakes. But after seven seasons of gentle deference, it is massively entertaining to see the judges taken down a peg or two. Ptom has no idea what to do with himself, haughtily stating that if the judges should be smart enough to request separate plates, so should a member of the team. Well, that wasn't her point at all, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Jamie's absence from the challenge is discussed, so Antonia pops up for Round 3 of "Here's How Much Awesomer I Am Than You At Withstanding Pain". Jenc's pork dish is criticized, and she continues fighting with the judges, saying that there's no way her bacon and eggs were underseasoned. Given what Casey and the diners said about it earlier, I'd say she's most likely wrong about that. The chefs are dismissed. Christ, I feel like I should smoke a cigarette after that performance. Once the chefs are back in the Kitchen, Fabio asks how it went. "I think I yelled at the judges more than they yelled at us," Jenc says, and without missing a beat, Jamie adds "Yeah, it was pretty good!" Hahaha!
Deliberations. Ptom does his best to convince us that the judges will only consider food, and don't mind Jenc's backtalk at all. I...do not agree. Sure, if she said something like "Well, I think the pork was seasoned perfectly, so we're going to have to disagree on that," that'd be one thing, but she basically called him a moron, and well... As Bravo says, watch what happens. Tiffani and Dale had the best dish of this group. Everyone else is up for the chop, even Jamie and her lack of participation. The judges reach a decision.
Elimination. Once Tiffani and Dale are dismissed, reiterations of the same complaints we've already heard are leveled at the rest of team T-Rex, although Casey seems pretty blameless in this situation. So, who's next off the island of misfit chefs? Jenc. Please pack your knives and go. Needless to say, she does not agree with this decision. She spends her final interview explaining that there was nothing wrong with her dish, and exits the Kitchen in a hail of screaming and cursing. What caused the axe to fall? Food or 'tude? In any event, Jenc, you made this an episode to remember, and for that, you are truly an All-Star.
Overall Grade: A
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