America's Next Top Model - Season 10, Episode 10
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Fatima got sick, but improved in time to do relatively well with the CoverGirl commercial. Whitney was called out for being too fake, but there was no getting around how awful Lauren's performance was, and no amount of great photos could save her from getting the boot in the country shaped like one. Five girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
The girls discuss how the judges treat them at panel. Whitney and Fatima have a brief, catty bonding moment, backstabbing Katarzyna by gossipping about how bland she is. I guess I can't be too harsh, as I kind of agree. Later, the girls are taken to a picturesque ruin to get some quick and dirty training in gladiator fight moves. After getting dressed up like Xena extras, they're pitted against a beefy warrior for an impromptu photo challenge. Dominique appears petrified, as if he's actually going to run her through with his sword. Which I guess is an understandable fear if you're Dominique. Whitney wins the challenge and 1000 euros to go shopping with, but kindly chooses to split the loot with Anya.
Later, the girls head to a castle to be photographed by Tyra, and they're all styled as Renaissance hookers. Or something. Tyra tells them to act in the manner of the period, but also to act as if they've just had a night at the club, and be sure to give it a modern twist. Great direction, Tyra. Why not just give them some advice like "I want you to act like a carrot, but a carrot that has just been laid off from its job as a plumber. And...go!" Anya, Dominique, and Fatima all do well, but Katarzyna continues her reign of bland, and Whitney's "best shot" is nothing of the kind. Fix! At panel, the minor, subservient judges dutifully stroke Tyra's ego, and pretend she's an amazing photographer. Dominique gets rightfully chastised for looking trashy as hell, while Katarzyna and Whitney sink to the bottom two. Whitney struggles through for yet another week, and Katarzyna walks the plank with her head held high. Back to the Future fadeout.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Fatima and Dominique continue their mini-competition to see whose inflated sense of self-worth is bigger. Nigel has issues with the photo shoot.
Overall Grade: B
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Improv
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 7
Previously on Top Chef: JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. She got off to a good start by winning the Quickfire Challenge. Mark was a mess from beginning to end. The Elimination Challenge was to cook for sports fans, and when Ryan decided the best way to do that was to ignore everything about what sports fans generally like, he was punted. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. The usual assortment of cheese, meat, veggies, and alcohol. I've really fallen down on the whole make-something-for-Top-Chef-night goal.
A breezy morning greets the chefs. Antonia interviews that they've reached the point in the competition where there is absolutely no room for error. She looks a lot different when her hair's down. Oh, and in case you haven't heard... JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. That dispensed with, the chefs head to the Kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with rows and rows of delectable desserts. Those are some fine-lookin' cakes. Nikki heartily approves of eating a lot of dessert. Padma introduces the guest judge, who is rather more photogenic than usual. You can tell Padma agrees, by the way she purrs "I'm delighted to introduce out guest judge for this round..."
Tiffany: "...who I've just fucked."
Heh. His name is Johnny Iuzzini, and he's an award-winning pastry chef. Padma pimps the Top Chef cookbook, and although cookbooks are my heroin, I have no interest in that one. I don't know which contestants are featured, but there's no way people like Ilan or Frank are ever getting anywhere near my kitchen. Padma points out that dessert has been the downfall of many a contestant. That's tough luck, because today's Quickfire is to make one. The winning chef gets a recipe in the cookbook. None of them seem to care. Padma starts the ninety-minute countdown, and everyone scatters. Antonia admits that she has no idea what she's doing. Dale had the foresight to bring one dessert recipe, and he's busting it out now. Lisa isn't happy to be stuck with dessert, and explains why the chefs have so many problems with it.
Baking is very technical. There's no throw-a-bit-of-this, now-that, maybe-some-garlic-would-make-this-better kind of experimentation. Everything has to be measured and combined to a specific degree, and there's no fixing it if you mess up. Yay, rules! Seriously, sometimes I watch my friends cook, and Gnat drives me crazy, what with the "Oh, I'll just toss a handful of basil in if the mood strikes, then toss it on the stove until it looks right". I like lists. I like detailed directions. Maybe that's why I turned out some awesome cookies in half an hour last night, while these professional chefs stand around, scratching their heads over baking powder.
Anyway, enough about my anal-retentive recipe love. Richard is improvising, and notes that his bananas look like sea scallops, so he decides to do a little tongue-in-cheek play on them. That's a fine idea, save the patting himself on the back for his own wit. Spike has memorized a recipe for chocolate molten cake, but decides that he'll ignore it in favor of making a souffle. Yes, a souffle, which appears to be as popular with chefs as holy water is with vampires. I guess I can understand wanting to do your risk-taking in the Quickfire. Time runs out. Padma and Johnny go down the line. Spike presents his pineapple/rum/raisin souffle, with toasted coconut. Johnny gives him points for making something difficult. Richard has made banana "scallops" with a banana "guacamole" and chocolate ice cream. Sounds good. I heart bananas. Padma calls the guacamole "strange and delicious". Jennifer has made a very presentable chocolate cake, with chocolate-dipped banana bites on the side. Andrew has a banana/chocolate ravioli with some coffee pudding. Nikki's cake is very pretty. It's made with buttermilk, and has a berry sauce drizzled on top. Padma notes how well-presented it is.
The predictably-awful Titles Department has identified Stephanie as Jennifer, lest you thought Jennifer made two desserts in her quest to WIN THE COMPETITION FOR ZOI. Stephanie has made a chocolate cake with salted basil ganache on top. Dale has made a more cultural dessert called a "halo-halo", which appears to be a mixture of shaved ice, avocado, mango, kiwi, and crushed nuts. I'd be curious to try it. Lisa has yogurt with fruit puree, which is held together by a wall of fried wantons and a ceiling of strawberries. This would be like a shack in a bad neighborhood in Strawberry Shortcake's village. Mark has made a gorgeous assortment of pavlovas, made with a bit of wattleseed. Antonia says that she "attempted" to make a lemon curd brulee, with lemon cake on the side. Hey, if it had worked out, it sounds like it would have been among the tastiest.
Results. First to be called out as one of the worst is Antonia, whose dessert just "didn't come together". Spike gets an A for effort and risk, but it takes more than effort and risk to make a good souffle. Mark's pavlovas were good on their own, but aren't what Johnny would classify as a dessert. That statement makes zero sense. Clam up and go back to being pretty, Johnny. First in the top three is Dale, whose flavors all worked well together. Lisa has overcome her dessert phobia, as her dessert had great balance, and the strawberries were really fresh. OK, but Lisa didn't grow them, Johnny. This guy's weird. Richard had the most original concept. So original that Richard is selected as the winner. Along with his immunity, his recipe will be in the Top Chef cookbook, though I don't know that it's this particular recipe. He's pleased to have it, and especially pleased to prove he's not a one-trick pony.
Padma tells the chefs they'll find out about the Elimination Challenge later, but for now, they'll all be able to relax and attend a show at Second City, the improv comedy troupe that has launched some very impressive careers. Later that evening, the chefs get ready for their night on the town. Stephanie says it'll be nice to just hang out as friends for once. Mark gives the camera a nice shot of his tighty...well, not whities. Tighty-blueys, more like. He makes fun of Richard wearing pink, dryly interviewing that it goes well with his skin tone. Heh. The chefs head to the show, and enjoy some comedy. Relevance strikes when one of the comedians asks for the audience to yell out some colors. After they collect some ideas, they ask for emotions. After emotions, the comic asks for the audience to shout out ingredients. The chefs know what they're about to get hit with, and to their credit, nobody seems shocked. They suspected the comedy show was going to figure into their next challenge, and good for them for learning from the past (and having a modicum of common sense).
A comedian confirms their suspicions, and announces to the audience that the chefs will be cooking a meal for members of the troupe. The meal will be split into five courses, namely:
Yellow Love Vanilla
Depressed Purple Bacon
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage
Green Perplexed Tofu
Orange Turned-On Asparagus
The chefs applaud gamely, though Lisa interviews that they're totally fucked. Back at the house, they decide to draw numbers for who gets which course. Since there are ten chefs and five courses, everyone will be working in pairs. Nikki says the pairs were decided by looking around and thinking "Who have I worked with, who haven't I worked with..."
LabRat: "Who haven't I slept with yet?"
Spike picks the first course, and doesn't want to get anywhere near Richard and his immunity. He winds up with Andrew, who he says he's never worked with before. Never or four episodes ago. Whichever. Anyhow, the teams wind up being:
Yellow Love Vanilla: Spike and Andrew
Depressed Purple Bacon: Nikki and Mark
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage: Lisa and Antonia
Green Perplexed Tofu: Richard and Dale
Orange Turned-On Asparagus: Stephanie and Jennifer
Everyone splits up and starts to discuss ideas. Stephanie reiterates that there's no room left for error. Guess everyone will just have to be perfect, then.
Commercials. There's no way I'm buying that barbecue sauce if a line dance breaks out every time I use it.
Lisa recaps the challenge. The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for their half hour of shopping time. Nikki says they'll be glazing Panchetta with honey and ginger. I don't know, honey sounds a little happy for "depressed" bacon. Jennifer and Stephanie buy an enormous hunk of goat cheese and some oranges to pair with their asparagus. Jennifer says it'll be like having a menage a trois, which she's looking forward to. Insert eyebrow wiggle. Dale, who is a lot more on the ball this week with his food metaphors, says that curry can be a good representation of perplexity. Richard buys some beef fat to marinate the tofu in, which he says is a very Seinfeldian thing to do. He does a quick impression, and you can hear a member of the crew giggling in the background. Hehe. Meanwhile, Lisa and Antonia have gotten to thinking that Polish sausage is dumb, and despite the fact that it's the only food item they've clearly been told to use, they don't buy any. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! They buy some sea bass, chorizo, and tequila. Antonia tries to pass this off as another form of "improv". Yeah, nice try. Spike and Andrew buy anything that they can afford, and that catches their fancy.
Back at the Kitchen, a long dining table has been set up, and already has all the place settings ready. The chefs get started on their three hours of prep time. Spike, still stinging from the soup incident, has decided to make a vanilla butternut squash soup for this challenge. It's just as good an idea now as it was then. Antonia, equally stung, says that if Spike wins for the soup she vetoed, she'll vomit in her mouth. That'd make for a fun ending. Dale and Richard work on a green curry and grilled tofu. I like where they're going with this. Dale runs back to the equipment room to get a pot, and discovers that all of the electrical equipment has been removed. Improv! He runs back to the Kitchen to inform everyone else. It's not good news for Andrew and Spike, who are trying to make a smooth soup. To their credit, they don't spend an iota of time whining, and immediately begin thinking their way around it. Andrew starts hand-grinding squash through a ricer. Dale builds on a pre-made curry with his own ingredients. Spike strains ingredients through a bag.
Mark and Nikki work on their roasted pork loin. Jennifer and Stephanie are on the same page as far as their asparagus, but Stephanie interviews that she's not as sure about the big, honkin' piece of grilled bread Jennifer wants to serve with it. Jennifer interviews that they really wanted to "encapture" the idea of turned-on asparagus. Hey, if imaginary words get you there, go for it. They plate in such a way as to make the asparagus look very phallic. Lisa and Antonia are piling sea bass and chorizo on top of purple potato. Antonia notes that it's not looking elegant or refined at all. It's true. She doesn't really care, saying that as long as it tastes good, they'll be fine. With about an hour and twenty minutes left, Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. It's actually not a waste of time for once, as Ptom throws another improv curve at them. Pack up your shit, chefs. They've got twenty minutes to throw everything into containers, then they'll have an hour to cook back at their house, where the actual dinner is being served. Nobody is completely thrown, though Stephanie notes that there are only about six burners in their kitchen. Everyone packs up and rolls out.
Commercials. Okay, this Kitchen Of Tomorrow-esque commercial is a little silly, but I still find myself intrigued by the futuristic controls and the semi-instant boiling water.
Back at the house, the chefs get restarted. Richard tells us about this in interview, which I only bring up to point out that I think his faux-hawk is deflating. Aw. Chefs wrestle over oven and burner space. Nikki tells us that there's no room for error. Hey, if you had to guess, what would you say the contestants think about how much room for error there is now? I'm at a total loss. Spike takes way to long to explain that he's finishing up the soup, and making sure it's seasoned properly. The diners arrive at the house. Aside from the judges and Johnny, some members of Second City are present as well. Time runs out.
Andrew and Spike's soup is served first. All of the diners enjoy it. I'd give them bonus points for being able to make a smooth soup without a lot of equipment to strain it. Thumbs up all around. Stephanie and Jennifer are up next. Jennifer explains that they've cut a wedge of bread to look phallic (which it doesn't -- I know she's not around a lot of penis, but come on), and propped the asparagus on it to stick out lewdly. Stephanie worries about the crouton, saying it's not the right texture. She has a lot of bread issues. They play up the horny angle as they serve it, emphasizing the "menage a trois" of orange, goat cheese, and asparagus, and throwing their heads back to insert it into their gaping mouths. Once they're done fellating their vegetables, they head back into the kitchen, and the diners dig in. They're fairly unimpressed. As Stephanie predicted, the bread isn't a big hit, and the plethora of flavors winds up muddling the plate.
Dale fries some eggplant at the last minute, before he and Richard take out their green, perplexed tofu. Spike finds the big block of tofu dominating each of the plates very odd. It's essentially a bowl with green curry at the bottom, then a layer of fried eggplant, then the beef fat-marinated tofu, and the whole thing is augmented with some greens. It looks good. The diners all love it. Ptom says "This is very good," which if you know him, is some of the highest praise imaginable. Ted likes the way they responded to the word perplexed, as it's difficult to derive food inspiration out of. Antonia and Lisa go next with their magenta, drunk, Polish sausage. Or whatever random shit they threw together to approximate those things. Seriously, it's not magenta, it's not Polish sausage, and the only thing "drunk" about it is the tequila sauce. Spike is disdainful of the whole dish, and while he hasn't been my favorite person of late, I'm with him.
When Antonia and Lisa serve, they toast each other with a shot of tequila, but don't serve any to the diners. Big mistake. The diners are pissy, which probably even further colors their judgment against a dish that's not a good idea to begin with. Nobody likes anything about it. One of the comedians makes a weak crack about Polish sausage while gesturing to Ted, the gay man. Great joke, dude. Could you send it back to 1982 when you get the chance? Mark and Nikki prepare their purple, depressed bacon. Mark describes the bacon as depressed, because it has to share plate space with Brussels sprouts. Heh. The rest of the plate is pork loin, sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and some au jus. It looks delicious, though I detest Brussels sprouts. The diners enjoy it. Ted likes the glaze on the pork. One of the comedians finds it very much like comfort food, which works into the depressed angle nicely. The chefs clean up, and discuss elimination. Stephanie refuses to even speculate, which is wise. Jennifer smilingly tells the camera that she's packing her knives right now, and that it's a bad omen.
Commercials. More Shear Genius? Tabatha was the only non-boring thing about last season, so they've got their work cut out for them. No pun intended.
Judges' Table. Padma comes back into the Kitchen, and summons Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew to the table. They're told they are the top two teams. Manly hand slaps and hugs are exchanged. Spike and Andrew's soup had a lot of great flavors, and just the right amount of salt. In a season in which seasoning has not been great, this one shined. The soup also had the "love" that was part of their inspiration, being simple and homey. Richard and Dale brought a lot to their dish. Both Richard's tofu and Dale's curry are a big hit. Johnny says that while both teams did a great job, there can be only one winning team, and that team is Richard and Dale. I guess Antonia's gorge is safe. Both Dale and Richard receive $2500 worth of kitchenware. Nice. I don't know about them, but my kitchen could certainly use that boost. Padma asks them to send out this week's losers. The waiting chefs seem even more tense than usual, and Dale wastes no time in telling them that the judges want to see Antonia/Lisa and Stephanie/Jennifer.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams walk in, and while I make no judgments about these ladies' cooking skills from a reality show (not to mention the fact that I can't taste any of their food), this episode sure isn't doing their Respect For Women Chefs cause much good. Padma informs them that they're the least favorite dishes of the evening. Antonia and Lisa swear up and down that they both came up with the idea to ditch Polish sausage at the same time. Lisa describes her life experience with Polish sausage, and how much she's disliked its preparation. So why not do something different with it? You know...improv? Johnny points out that with the words "Polish sausage" and "drunk", it should have been an natural step to cook the sausage in beer. Seriously, they had the easiest inspiration, and did nothing with it. Lisa openly says that it's tough to accept that they're on the chopping block for a semantic technicality, and Ptom points out that semantic technicalities are all the judges have to go on right now, because the food was fairly good across the board.
Stephanie describes how they came up with the concept of their dish. Ptom's big problem with the food is that the goat cheese took center stage, rather than the orange or the asparagus, which was supposed to be the focus. Johnny says the plate's overall composition was a trainwreck. Jennifer looks surprised at this. There's some discussion of how everything was supposed to look phallic, but Johnny still thinks the bread was a mistake, as it was soggy on one side and tough to cut into. The entire dish lacked finesse. After ascertaining who executed what, the chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Lisa and Antonia complain about how they got in trouble, just because they completely ignored everything they were supposed to do. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Johnny is saying that they took the "improv" aspect too literally, and just changed the entire challenge because they didn't like one of the aspects. Fair point. Lisa says that if they had followed the judges' instructions and just cooked some sausage in beer, they'd have been raked over the coals for making bar food.
LabRat: "I think she's kind of a bitch, but I agree with her on that one."
Ptom says that although Lisa and Antonia didn't stick to the challenge, he still enjoyed their food more than he enjoyed Stephanie and Jennifer's. Their asparagus was overwhelmed by cheese. The judges try to decide which is the worse offense. After dithering a bit, they come to a decision.
Commercials. A health food expert says she's going to get people up off their rumps by giving them granola. I'd say she's doing the exact opposite.
Elimination. Both teams went off the rails when it came to improvisation. Antonia and Lisa ignored what they were expressly told to prepare. Jennifer and Stephanie's goat cheese took over their food. Ptom hates to get rid of someone on a technicality, but as he said before, that's what they have to do. They choose to eliminate someone from the team that had the weaker food, which they feel is Jennifer and Stephanie. This surprises me, as it seemed like they were building up to an Antonia elimination tonight, and I've been semi-depressed about it for forty minutes. Stephanie's had an excellent track record, so it's not surprising that when it comes down to her and Jennifer... Jennifer, please pack your knives and go. Wait, who's going to TOTALLY WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI now? She says she thought it was a great dish, but thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she can take the critique without necessarily agreeing with it. Fair enough. She hugs the other chefs good-bye, and talks about her frustration with what she sees as an undeserved elimination. The other chefs are surprised that she went, but Richard sighs that there's just no room for error now. What? No room for error? Why didn't you tell us that before?
Overall Grade: B+
Previously on Top Chef: JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. She got off to a good start by winning the Quickfire Challenge. Mark was a mess from beginning to end. The Elimination Challenge was to cook for sports fans, and when Ryan decided the best way to do that was to ignore everything about what sports fans generally like, he was punted. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Ten chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. The usual assortment of cheese, meat, veggies, and alcohol. I've really fallen down on the whole make-something-for-Top-Chef-night goal.
A breezy morning greets the chefs. Antonia interviews that they've reached the point in the competition where there is absolutely no room for error. She looks a lot different when her hair's down. Oh, and in case you haven't heard... JENNIFER IS TOTALLY GOING TO WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI. That dispensed with, the chefs head to the Kitchen for the Quickfire Challenge. The Kitchen is filled with rows and rows of delectable desserts. Those are some fine-lookin' cakes. Nikki heartily approves of eating a lot of dessert. Padma introduces the guest judge, who is rather more photogenic than usual. You can tell Padma agrees, by the way she purrs "I'm delighted to introduce out guest judge for this round..."
Tiffany: "...who I've just fucked."
Heh. His name is Johnny Iuzzini, and he's an award-winning pastry chef. Padma pimps the Top Chef cookbook, and although cookbooks are my heroin, I have no interest in that one. I don't know which contestants are featured, but there's no way people like Ilan or Frank are ever getting anywhere near my kitchen. Padma points out that dessert has been the downfall of many a contestant. That's tough luck, because today's Quickfire is to make one. The winning chef gets a recipe in the cookbook. None of them seem to care. Padma starts the ninety-minute countdown, and everyone scatters. Antonia admits that she has no idea what she's doing. Dale had the foresight to bring one dessert recipe, and he's busting it out now. Lisa isn't happy to be stuck with dessert, and explains why the chefs have so many problems with it.
Baking is very technical. There's no throw-a-bit-of-this, now-that, maybe-some-garlic-would-make-this-better kind of experimentation. Everything has to be measured and combined to a specific degree, and there's no fixing it if you mess up. Yay, rules! Seriously, sometimes I watch my friends cook, and Gnat drives me crazy, what with the "Oh, I'll just toss a handful of basil in if the mood strikes, then toss it on the stove until it looks right". I like lists. I like detailed directions. Maybe that's why I turned out some awesome cookies in half an hour last night, while these professional chefs stand around, scratching their heads over baking powder.
Anyway, enough about my anal-retentive recipe love. Richard is improvising, and notes that his bananas look like sea scallops, so he decides to do a little tongue-in-cheek play on them. That's a fine idea, save the patting himself on the back for his own wit. Spike has memorized a recipe for chocolate molten cake, but decides that he'll ignore it in favor of making a souffle. Yes, a souffle, which appears to be as popular with chefs as holy water is with vampires. I guess I can understand wanting to do your risk-taking in the Quickfire. Time runs out. Padma and Johnny go down the line. Spike presents his pineapple/rum/raisin souffle, with toasted coconut. Johnny gives him points for making something difficult. Richard has made banana "scallops" with a banana "guacamole" and chocolate ice cream. Sounds good. I heart bananas. Padma calls the guacamole "strange and delicious". Jennifer has made a very presentable chocolate cake, with chocolate-dipped banana bites on the side. Andrew has a banana/chocolate ravioli with some coffee pudding. Nikki's cake is very pretty. It's made with buttermilk, and has a berry sauce drizzled on top. Padma notes how well-presented it is.
The predictably-awful Titles Department has identified Stephanie as Jennifer, lest you thought Jennifer made two desserts in her quest to WIN THE COMPETITION FOR ZOI. Stephanie has made a chocolate cake with salted basil ganache on top. Dale has made a more cultural dessert called a "halo-halo", which appears to be a mixture of shaved ice, avocado, mango, kiwi, and crushed nuts. I'd be curious to try it. Lisa has yogurt with fruit puree, which is held together by a wall of fried wantons and a ceiling of strawberries. This would be like a shack in a bad neighborhood in Strawberry Shortcake's village. Mark has made a gorgeous assortment of pavlovas, made with a bit of wattleseed. Antonia says that she "attempted" to make a lemon curd brulee, with lemon cake on the side. Hey, if it had worked out, it sounds like it would have been among the tastiest.
Results. First to be called out as one of the worst is Antonia, whose dessert just "didn't come together". Spike gets an A for effort and risk, but it takes more than effort and risk to make a good souffle. Mark's pavlovas were good on their own, but aren't what Johnny would classify as a dessert. That statement makes zero sense. Clam up and go back to being pretty, Johnny. First in the top three is Dale, whose flavors all worked well together. Lisa has overcome her dessert phobia, as her dessert had great balance, and the strawberries were really fresh. OK, but Lisa didn't grow them, Johnny. This guy's weird. Richard had the most original concept. So original that Richard is selected as the winner. Along with his immunity, his recipe will be in the Top Chef cookbook, though I don't know that it's this particular recipe. He's pleased to have it, and especially pleased to prove he's not a one-trick pony.
Padma tells the chefs they'll find out about the Elimination Challenge later, but for now, they'll all be able to relax and attend a show at Second City, the improv comedy troupe that has launched some very impressive careers. Later that evening, the chefs get ready for their night on the town. Stephanie says it'll be nice to just hang out as friends for once. Mark gives the camera a nice shot of his tighty...well, not whities. Tighty-blueys, more like. He makes fun of Richard wearing pink, dryly interviewing that it goes well with his skin tone. Heh. The chefs head to the show, and enjoy some comedy. Relevance strikes when one of the comedians asks for the audience to yell out some colors. After they collect some ideas, they ask for emotions. After emotions, the comic asks for the audience to shout out ingredients. The chefs know what they're about to get hit with, and to their credit, nobody seems shocked. They suspected the comedy show was going to figure into their next challenge, and good for them for learning from the past (and having a modicum of common sense).
A comedian confirms their suspicions, and announces to the audience that the chefs will be cooking a meal for members of the troupe. The meal will be split into five courses, namely:
Yellow Love Vanilla
Depressed Purple Bacon
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage
Green Perplexed Tofu
Orange Turned-On Asparagus
The chefs applaud gamely, though Lisa interviews that they're totally fucked. Back at the house, they decide to draw numbers for who gets which course. Since there are ten chefs and five courses, everyone will be working in pairs. Nikki says the pairs were decided by looking around and thinking "Who have I worked with, who haven't I worked with..."
LabRat: "Who haven't I slept with yet?"
Spike picks the first course, and doesn't want to get anywhere near Richard and his immunity. He winds up with Andrew, who he says he's never worked with before. Never or four episodes ago. Whichever. Anyhow, the teams wind up being:
Yellow Love Vanilla: Spike and Andrew
Depressed Purple Bacon: Nikki and Mark
Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage: Lisa and Antonia
Green Perplexed Tofu: Richard and Dale
Orange Turned-On Asparagus: Stephanie and Jennifer
Everyone splits up and starts to discuss ideas. Stephanie reiterates that there's no room left for error. Guess everyone will just have to be perfect, then.
Commercials. There's no way I'm buying that barbecue sauce if a line dance breaks out every time I use it.
Lisa recaps the challenge. The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for their half hour of shopping time. Nikki says they'll be glazing Panchetta with honey and ginger. I don't know, honey sounds a little happy for "depressed" bacon. Jennifer and Stephanie buy an enormous hunk of goat cheese and some oranges to pair with their asparagus. Jennifer says it'll be like having a menage a trois, which she's looking forward to. Insert eyebrow wiggle. Dale, who is a lot more on the ball this week with his food metaphors, says that curry can be a good representation of perplexity. Richard buys some beef fat to marinate the tofu in, which he says is a very Seinfeldian thing to do. He does a quick impression, and you can hear a member of the crew giggling in the background. Hehe. Meanwhile, Lisa and Antonia have gotten to thinking that Polish sausage is dumb, and despite the fact that it's the only food item they've clearly been told to use, they don't buy any. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! They buy some sea bass, chorizo, and tequila. Antonia tries to pass this off as another form of "improv". Yeah, nice try. Spike and Andrew buy anything that they can afford, and that catches their fancy.
Back at the Kitchen, a long dining table has been set up, and already has all the place settings ready. The chefs get started on their three hours of prep time. Spike, still stinging from the soup incident, has decided to make a vanilla butternut squash soup for this challenge. It's just as good an idea now as it was then. Antonia, equally stung, says that if Spike wins for the soup she vetoed, she'll vomit in her mouth. That'd make for a fun ending. Dale and Richard work on a green curry and grilled tofu. I like where they're going with this. Dale runs back to the equipment room to get a pot, and discovers that all of the electrical equipment has been removed. Improv! He runs back to the Kitchen to inform everyone else. It's not good news for Andrew and Spike, who are trying to make a smooth soup. To their credit, they don't spend an iota of time whining, and immediately begin thinking their way around it. Andrew starts hand-grinding squash through a ricer. Dale builds on a pre-made curry with his own ingredients. Spike strains ingredients through a bag.
Mark and Nikki work on their roasted pork loin. Jennifer and Stephanie are on the same page as far as their asparagus, but Stephanie interviews that she's not as sure about the big, honkin' piece of grilled bread Jennifer wants to serve with it. Jennifer interviews that they really wanted to "encapture" the idea of turned-on asparagus. Hey, if imaginary words get you there, go for it. They plate in such a way as to make the asparagus look very phallic. Lisa and Antonia are piling sea bass and chorizo on top of purple potato. Antonia notes that it's not looking elegant or refined at all. It's true. She doesn't really care, saying that as long as it tastes good, they'll be fine. With about an hour and twenty minutes left, Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. It's actually not a waste of time for once, as Ptom throws another improv curve at them. Pack up your shit, chefs. They've got twenty minutes to throw everything into containers, then they'll have an hour to cook back at their house, where the actual dinner is being served. Nobody is completely thrown, though Stephanie notes that there are only about six burners in their kitchen. Everyone packs up and rolls out.
Commercials. Okay, this Kitchen Of Tomorrow-esque commercial is a little silly, but I still find myself intrigued by the futuristic controls and the semi-instant boiling water.
Back at the house, the chefs get restarted. Richard tells us about this in interview, which I only bring up to point out that I think his faux-hawk is deflating. Aw. Chefs wrestle over oven and burner space. Nikki tells us that there's no room for error. Hey, if you had to guess, what would you say the contestants think about how much room for error there is now? I'm at a total loss. Spike takes way to long to explain that he's finishing up the soup, and making sure it's seasoned properly. The diners arrive at the house. Aside from the judges and Johnny, some members of Second City are present as well. Time runs out.
Andrew and Spike's soup is served first. All of the diners enjoy it. I'd give them bonus points for being able to make a smooth soup without a lot of equipment to strain it. Thumbs up all around. Stephanie and Jennifer are up next. Jennifer explains that they've cut a wedge of bread to look phallic (which it doesn't -- I know she's not around a lot of penis, but come on), and propped the asparagus on it to stick out lewdly. Stephanie worries about the crouton, saying it's not the right texture. She has a lot of bread issues. They play up the horny angle as they serve it, emphasizing the "menage a trois" of orange, goat cheese, and asparagus, and throwing their heads back to insert it into their gaping mouths. Once they're done fellating their vegetables, they head back into the kitchen, and the diners dig in. They're fairly unimpressed. As Stephanie predicted, the bread isn't a big hit, and the plethora of flavors winds up muddling the plate.
Dale fries some eggplant at the last minute, before he and Richard take out their green, perplexed tofu. Spike finds the big block of tofu dominating each of the plates very odd. It's essentially a bowl with green curry at the bottom, then a layer of fried eggplant, then the beef fat-marinated tofu, and the whole thing is augmented with some greens. It looks good. The diners all love it. Ptom says "This is very good," which if you know him, is some of the highest praise imaginable. Ted likes the way they responded to the word perplexed, as it's difficult to derive food inspiration out of. Antonia and Lisa go next with their magenta, drunk, Polish sausage. Or whatever random shit they threw together to approximate those things. Seriously, it's not magenta, it's not Polish sausage, and the only thing "drunk" about it is the tequila sauce. Spike is disdainful of the whole dish, and while he hasn't been my favorite person of late, I'm with him.
When Antonia and Lisa serve, they toast each other with a shot of tequila, but don't serve any to the diners. Big mistake. The diners are pissy, which probably even further colors their judgment against a dish that's not a good idea to begin with. Nobody likes anything about it. One of the comedians makes a weak crack about Polish sausage while gesturing to Ted, the gay man. Great joke, dude. Could you send it back to 1982 when you get the chance? Mark and Nikki prepare their purple, depressed bacon. Mark describes the bacon as depressed, because it has to share plate space with Brussels sprouts. Heh. The rest of the plate is pork loin, sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and some au jus. It looks delicious, though I detest Brussels sprouts. The diners enjoy it. Ted likes the glaze on the pork. One of the comedians finds it very much like comfort food, which works into the depressed angle nicely. The chefs clean up, and discuss elimination. Stephanie refuses to even speculate, which is wise. Jennifer smilingly tells the camera that she's packing her knives right now, and that it's a bad omen.
Commercials. More Shear Genius? Tabatha was the only non-boring thing about last season, so they've got their work cut out for them. No pun intended.
Judges' Table. Padma comes back into the Kitchen, and summons Dale/Richard and Spike/Andrew to the table. They're told they are the top two teams. Manly hand slaps and hugs are exchanged. Spike and Andrew's soup had a lot of great flavors, and just the right amount of salt. In a season in which seasoning has not been great, this one shined. The soup also had the "love" that was part of their inspiration, being simple and homey. Richard and Dale brought a lot to their dish. Both Richard's tofu and Dale's curry are a big hit. Johnny says that while both teams did a great job, there can be only one winning team, and that team is Richard and Dale. I guess Antonia's gorge is safe. Both Dale and Richard receive $2500 worth of kitchenware. Nice. I don't know about them, but my kitchen could certainly use that boost. Padma asks them to send out this week's losers. The waiting chefs seem even more tense than usual, and Dale wastes no time in telling them that the judges want to see Antonia/Lisa and Stephanie/Jennifer.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams walk in, and while I make no judgments about these ladies' cooking skills from a reality show (not to mention the fact that I can't taste any of their food), this episode sure isn't doing their Respect For Women Chefs cause much good. Padma informs them that they're the least favorite dishes of the evening. Antonia and Lisa swear up and down that they both came up with the idea to ditch Polish sausage at the same time. Lisa describes her life experience with Polish sausage, and how much she's disliked its preparation. So why not do something different with it? You know...improv? Johnny points out that with the words "Polish sausage" and "drunk", it should have been an natural step to cook the sausage in beer. Seriously, they had the easiest inspiration, and did nothing with it. Lisa openly says that it's tough to accept that they're on the chopping block for a semantic technicality, and Ptom points out that semantic technicalities are all the judges have to go on right now, because the food was fairly good across the board.
Stephanie describes how they came up with the concept of their dish. Ptom's big problem with the food is that the goat cheese took center stage, rather than the orange or the asparagus, which was supposed to be the focus. Johnny says the plate's overall composition was a trainwreck. Jennifer looks surprised at this. There's some discussion of how everything was supposed to look phallic, but Johnny still thinks the bread was a mistake, as it was soggy on one side and tough to cut into. The entire dish lacked finesse. After ascertaining who executed what, the chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Lisa and Antonia complain about how they got in trouble, just because they completely ignored everything they were supposed to do. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Johnny is saying that they took the "improv" aspect too literally, and just changed the entire challenge because they didn't like one of the aspects. Fair point. Lisa says that if they had followed the judges' instructions and just cooked some sausage in beer, they'd have been raked over the coals for making bar food.
LabRat: "I think she's kind of a bitch, but I agree with her on that one."
Ptom says that although Lisa and Antonia didn't stick to the challenge, he still enjoyed their food more than he enjoyed Stephanie and Jennifer's. Their asparagus was overwhelmed by cheese. The judges try to decide which is the worse offense. After dithering a bit, they come to a decision.
Commercials. A health food expert says she's going to get people up off their rumps by giving them granola. I'd say she's doing the exact opposite.
Elimination. Both teams went off the rails when it came to improvisation. Antonia and Lisa ignored what they were expressly told to prepare. Jennifer and Stephanie's goat cheese took over their food. Ptom hates to get rid of someone on a technicality, but as he said before, that's what they have to do. They choose to eliminate someone from the team that had the weaker food, which they feel is Jennifer and Stephanie. This surprises me, as it seemed like they were building up to an Antonia elimination tonight, and I've been semi-depressed about it for forty minutes. Stephanie's had an excellent track record, so it's not surprising that when it comes down to her and Jennifer... Jennifer, please pack your knives and go. Wait, who's going to TOTALLY WIN THIS COMPETITION FOR ZOI now? She says she thought it was a great dish, but thanks them for the opportunity. In her final interview, she says she can take the critique without necessarily agreeing with it. Fair enough. She hugs the other chefs good-bye, and talks about her frustration with what she sees as an undeserved elimination. The other chefs are surprised that she went, but Richard sighs that there's just no room for error now. What? No room for error? Why didn't you tell us that before?
Overall Grade: B+
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Viva Italia
America's Next Top Model - Season 10, Episode 9
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Fatima suddenly remembered that travel often involves travel documents. Lauren sliced her thumb. Fatima got an appointment to score a passport, but going to it made her miss the photo shoot. Luckily for her, Stacy-Ann was far too normal to go any further in the competition, so Fatima lived to grouse another day. Six girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Rome, Italy. All the girls are super-excited to be here. Anya's so excited, she falls flat on her face at the Coliseum. Whitney's still plus-sized, in case you've forgotten. After a tour of the city, the girls arrive at their swank new model pad, which is beautiful. As soon as the girls get there, Fatima feels ill. She takes to her bed, which gives the other girls time to backstab her at the dinner table. Dominique seems to think that sickness is just a state of mind. No wonder Tyra likes her so much. Anya doesn't indulge in the catty gossip, taking Fatima a plate of food, instead. Aw. Fatima cries that being sick is the last thing she needs right now. I don't doubt that she's sick, but there comes a time when you're just like, "OK, what will Fatima's next excuse be? Killer tree shrews?"
The next day, Lauren bangs around the pad loudly, and the other girls interpret this as her being over the entire competition. What'ere. The girls head out to gawk at Italian women while riding Segways. It's as exciting as it sounds. Then, it's off to meet an Italian designer to prove that they've learned something. They get dressed in various Italian fashions and walk for the designer. Fatima tries to overcome her cough, while Whitney tries to overcome her weight. The designer thinks Dominqiue looks old, which is awesome. Lauren's walk is still atrocious. Anya bags yet another challenge, and wins a dress to wear at a red-carpet event.
The seasonal CoverGirl commercial looms, which fills Lauren with dread. Indeed, the girls learn that they'll be filming a thirty-second spot, and that they'll be delivering their lines in Italian. Standouts include Katarzyna, whose language aptitude is understandable, and Fatima, who does an excellent job of balancing language and delivery. Everyone else mostly sucks, though for different reasons. Anya's Italian is poor. Dominique's is just as bad, and she looks like a Sabado Gigante hostess to boot. She's so bad, the director hides his face in embarrassment. Whitney comes across as phony. And Lauren? Lauren is absolutely wretched. Never has a girl been this bad at the CoverGirl spot. Not even when they had to do it in Japanese.
At Panel, Whitney is saved by the fact that she at least managed to deliver a commercial, no matter how fake it seemed. Fatima is given top marks, and Katarzyna makes another futile attempt to teach Tyra how to pronounce her name. Tyra doesn't take kindly to being corrected, and tries to take it out on Katarzyna's perfectly acceptable commercial by calling it "boring sexy". Thankfully, Paulina smacks her down. The bottom two come down to Whitney, who's too phony, and Lauren, who's not phony enough. Although you know the judges would dearly love to eliminate Whitney, Lauren's commercial is simply too horrible to overlook, and she's tossed. Back to the Future fadeout.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Tyra photographs the girls in feathery hats. Then they dress up as hooker cavewomen.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on America's Next Top Model: Fatima suddenly remembered that travel often involves travel documents. Lauren sliced her thumb. Fatima got an appointment to score a passport, but going to it made her miss the photo shoot. Luckily for her, Stacy-Ann was far too normal to go any further in the competition, so Fatima lived to grouse another day. Six girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Rome, Italy. All the girls are super-excited to be here. Anya's so excited, she falls flat on her face at the Coliseum. Whitney's still plus-sized, in case you've forgotten. After a tour of the city, the girls arrive at their swank new model pad, which is beautiful. As soon as the girls get there, Fatima feels ill. She takes to her bed, which gives the other girls time to backstab her at the dinner table. Dominique seems to think that sickness is just a state of mind. No wonder Tyra likes her so much. Anya doesn't indulge in the catty gossip, taking Fatima a plate of food, instead. Aw. Fatima cries that being sick is the last thing she needs right now. I don't doubt that she's sick, but there comes a time when you're just like, "OK, what will Fatima's next excuse be? Killer tree shrews?"
The next day, Lauren bangs around the pad loudly, and the other girls interpret this as her being over the entire competition. What'ere. The girls head out to gawk at Italian women while riding Segways. It's as exciting as it sounds. Then, it's off to meet an Italian designer to prove that they've learned something. They get dressed in various Italian fashions and walk for the designer. Fatima tries to overcome her cough, while Whitney tries to overcome her weight. The designer thinks Dominqiue looks old, which is awesome. Lauren's walk is still atrocious. Anya bags yet another challenge, and wins a dress to wear at a red-carpet event.
The seasonal CoverGirl commercial looms, which fills Lauren with dread. Indeed, the girls learn that they'll be filming a thirty-second spot, and that they'll be delivering their lines in Italian. Standouts include Katarzyna, whose language aptitude is understandable, and Fatima, who does an excellent job of balancing language and delivery. Everyone else mostly sucks, though for different reasons. Anya's Italian is poor. Dominique's is just as bad, and she looks like a Sabado Gigante hostess to boot. She's so bad, the director hides his face in embarrassment. Whitney comes across as phony. And Lauren? Lauren is absolutely wretched. Never has a girl been this bad at the CoverGirl spot. Not even when they had to do it in Japanese.
At Panel, Whitney is saved by the fact that she at least managed to deliver a commercial, no matter how fake it seemed. Fatima is given top marks, and Katarzyna makes another futile attempt to teach Tyra how to pronounce her name. Tyra doesn't take kindly to being corrected, and tries to take it out on Katarzyna's perfectly acceptable commercial by calling it "boring sexy". Thankfully, Paulina smacks her down. The bottom two come down to Whitney, who's too phony, and Lauren, who's not phony enough. Although you know the judges would dearly love to eliminate Whitney, Lauren's commercial is simply too horrible to overlook, and she's tossed. Back to the Future fadeout.
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Tyra photographs the girls in feathery hats. Then they dress up as hooker cavewomen.
Overall Grade: B-
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tailgating
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 6
Previously on Top Chef: Lisa saved Dale from serving an idiotic course, which he didn't appreciate. Zoi underseasoned her mushrooms. Spike wore the dumbest hat in creation. Well, second-dumbest. Everyone hated the Earth team's food, and Zoi was sent packing. This sparked a bunch of fights in the Kitchen, and Dale indicated that he's picked up the mistaken impression that he can be intimidating. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Sliced veggies a-plenty, sliced sausage, and wine. Oh, and Timiffany picked up a gross of Tic-Tacs from some promotion or other, so we were all tasked with getting rid of some. Shame that there weren't any orange ones left.
Naturally, tonight's opening segment has to be some Monday morning quarterbacking about the last challenge. Spike opens by pissing away any sympathy I had for him last week by interviewing that people thought he should have gone home. Because his food sucked? Because they think he's incapable of working well in a team? Because they're upset gentle flower Zoi went, and he was the only other option? No, it's because he's such an awesome chef, they're all threatened by him. I guess he's hoping we won't notice that in five episodes, he's been in the bottom of either the Quickfire or the Elimination Challenge in four of them. Woo, what talent! Jennifer is still upset over Zoi's elimination, and she interviews in a cracking voice that now she wants to win for both of them. OK, Zoi's not dead, is she? Ryan hopes the fighting people will be off their game, giving him an advantage. Dale offers an insincere apology to Lisa for yelling at her. It's one of those "Sorry if you got offended when I pointed out that you're a bitch" kind of non-apologies, and Lisa sees right through it. She agrees to a truce, but still emphatically hates Dale's guts.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and a long row of pitchers, all filled with beer. Mmmmm. OK, "mmmmm" to me because I'm typing this after a grueling game of softball. I doubt I'd be as happy to see pitchers of beer first thing in the morning. Padma, who judging by her outfit is on her way to audition for Fame later, introduces the Quickfire guest judge, Koren Grieveson. She's the head chef at a local restaurant. Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about simple pleasures. The Quickfire Challenge will be to taste three of the beers, pick one, then make a dish to pair with it. Chefs draw knives to determine the order in which they'll choose beer. Most of them seem fairly unsure about what to do. Lisa's psyched, as she enjoys cooking with beer and says she knows what goes with it. Jennifer gets Land Shark, and is happy, comparing her faux-hawk to a shark fin. Once everyone gets their beer, Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
There's a run on the refrigerator. Richard interviews that his strategy is to listen carefully to whatever the challenge's buzzword is. That sounds so obvious, but it's surprising how often chefs will be all "The challenge is to make something you can eat with your hands, but I felt strongly that I should whip together some gazpacho". Antonia interviews that it can be difficult to make simple dishes, as the line between "simple" and "dumbed down" can be a hard one to identify. Dale has an idea to combine pretzels, cheese, and pork, which is smart. His surprise that throwing pretzels into a food processor creates pretzel dust is not. Jennifer is totally fired-up, because she's doing this for Zoi. Just in case you've forgotten during the past two minutes. Time runs out.
Padma and Koren go down the line. Let's not worry about who got what beer; it really doesn't matter. Richard has made a grilled tuna sandwich with pickled vegetables. Sounds good to me. Andrew has rainbow trout with greens and peaches, and put it onto a raspberry gastrique. Koren says it needs more acid. Dale has made pan-roasted pork tenderloin with a miso caramel sauce and topped it with pretzel dust. He knows this isn't his best work, interviewing that he's hoping not to be called out in the bottom three. Antonia has made miso-glazed cod with some cabbage. Nikki's not a big beer drinker, but assumed that fried food was the way to go. She's made some fried, citrus-marinated shrimp and put them on a lettuce bed. There's an Asian coleslaw on the side that looks rather dry. Stephanie has steamed mussels and put a cilantro vinaigrette on them. There's also a side of grilled bread. I loves me some mussels. Good ones are tough to get in the Midwest.
Mark has made a juniper-spiced rack of lamb with honey beer sauce. Koren can't taste the beer, but likes the overall flavor. Ryan has deglazed his beer to put onto lamb. Spike has put together a charcuterie plate with a bowl of clams. Oh, it's like a Farmer's Platter. And I can get a better-looking one two blocks from here. Koren isn't blown away, which of course is because she "doesn't get it". It must be nice to be able to rationalize away your flaws so easily. Lisa says she wanted to keep things simple, so she made a bacon cheeseburger and potato chips. Wonderful things, both, though I think she took the "simple" instruction too far. Jennifer got an island vibe from her beer, so she opted for French Caribbean style, making shrimp and scallop beignets with fennel, avocado, and pepper purees. They look good. Padma is impressed that the beignets haven't gotten greasy or heavy, even after sitting while the other competitors were judged. Jennifer is tired of placing in the middle, and hopes she can finally win something.
Results. Bottom three first. One is Nikki, whose shrimp were too breaded and underseasoned. Geez, with the underseasoning this season. Spike's two components didn't relate to one another. Dale's wasn't moist enough. Lisa is vindictively pleased. Now, to the top three. Richard's sandwich flavors were bold and great. Stephanie's mussels were good, and paired with the beer well. Finally, Jennifer's beignets had great acidity and flavor. Padma asks who Koren has chosen as the winner, and she selects Jennifer, who pulls down immunity. Spike interviews that it must feel nice for her, after Zoi got eliminated. Jennifer agrees that this is a completely turnaround from her depression and frustration yesterday.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking for a tailgating party for the upcoming Bears game. The chefs applaud, hoping that this challenge will be more laid-back. Dale is a native and a sports fan, so he's jazzed. Mark snaps that he didn't come here to watch football, he came to cook. Does he think he's attending the game? Padma explains that the sports fans will be filling out opinion cards, and it is those cards that will determine the top and bottom three chefs. From there, the judges will pick a winner and a loser. There will be two hours of prep work before heading for the game. Jennifer gives the Standard Speech, augmenting it by saying that she's doing this for Zoi.
Panny: "Jesus, we GET IT already."
Commercials. I'm a bit curious to see what that Bud Light with Lime tastes like. It may be the grossest swill ever, but every time I see this ad, I get the urge.
Spike recaps the challenge. I guess the thirty minutes of shopping time starts the minute the cars shift to park, as the chefs run at top speed into the store. They immediately attack the meat counter. Spike requests a load of chicken wings, smarmerviewing that he beat out the other chefs. Dale, indeed, is bummed that he missed out on the wings, and changes his idea to ribs. Richard gives the seasonal grump we must always endure about how he cooks refined food, so this challenge doesn't reflect his style at all. He settles on a pate melt, going for a pun that my dad would heartily enjoy. I just realized that Richard kind of looks like a guy I used to date. Freaky. Nikki wants to make sausage and pepper hero sandwiches, which is a great idea. Wearing her sunglasses inside? Not as great an idea. It's an inexplicable peeve of mine. Nikki also buys some shrimp, in case the sports fans don't eat sausage. Fat chance. Mark, almost comatose in his interview, says that he can't make shrimp-on-the-barbie because everyone else got to the shrimp first. He opts for chicken skewers and chowder instead. Ryan tosses pears into a bag. He dismissively interviews that he's not a big sports fan, rhetorically asking if he looks like one. Um, yes. Yes, he does.
Beebers: "He totally looks like one of those fratty sports guys."
Just as I wonder what Ryan does with all of his time if he's not into sports or movies, he answers me by telling us that he's a metrosexual who likes to spend money on clothes, and go out dancing. He must be a stunning conversationalist. He's going to stick to his California style cuisine. Man, this season needs a subtitle: Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their two hours of prep time. Antonia is excited, because they'll get to be cooking outdoors and barbecuing. Sure, when else will they ever get a chance to do that? Andrew doesn't have any tailgating experience, but works on honey mustard shrimp with bacon and apple chutney, so his educated guess is pretty spot-on. Stephanie is making pork tenderloin and a salad with potato (as opposed to potato salad) with rosemary vinaigrette. Rut roh. She's lucky the sports fans are choosing the top three, because we all know how Gail feels about rosemary. Spike frantically sauces his chicken wings, and is far too impressed with himself for doing so. He's increasingly starting to get on my nerves. Jennifer interviews that her dad is a huge football fan, so she was always surrounded by it as she grew up. She's working on a Greek dish as a tribute to Zoi. AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Enough about Zoi, for fuck's sake! She was deservedly eliminated from a reality cooking show, not executed by the PLO. Anyway, it's tzatziki, souvlaki, and such.
Some of Ryan's ingredients have been flung up onto his face. He appears not to notice. He's going to make bread salad, marinates some chicken thighs, wants to make poached pears for dessert, and works on a chili-spiked cocoa as well. So, a four-course meal, little of which can be eaten by hand, for a tailgating party. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Richard inwardly rolls his eyes at this, interviewing that he's keeping it simple. Lisa works on a thick skirt steak, knowing that they're chewy and will take forever on the grill. She makes them as thin as possible by pounding on them with a rolling pin, which she calls "beating [her] meat". Huh. When I refer to meat-beating, rolling pins are almost never involved. Mark turns a blender on, but the lid's not on tight, and liquid flies everywhere. He seems unusually flustered this week.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. We learn that Jennifer still has immunity. Antonia is working on a Jamaican jerk chicken sandwich to appeal to fatass men who drink a lot of beer, Dale is still a sports fan, and Ryan is making poached pears because they're light, simple, and clean.
Tiffany: "Yes, that's just what sports fans worry most about as they pig out before a game: their health."
Ptom wanders out. Thanks once again for that invaluable contribution, Ptom. Ryan worries about time management, and the refrigerators are rapidly packed with food. The editors work hard to make us seize in dramatic suspense over the full refrigerators, but can't quite get there. Time runs out, and the chefs leave for the day. Back at the house, wine is broken out immediately, and people kick back. Having a non-team Elimination Challenge makes everyone more at ease. Spike and Mark relax in the bubble bath with their wine. They still have their shorts on, and sit three feet apart, but the pseudo-porny music would like you to think that this is super-nasty. And once again, Spike is mightily impressed with himself for doing something soooooooo naughty. Please, I've seen episodes of Sesame Street that were more homoerotic than this.
Commercials. Wow, so the only peep I hear from Jeffrey since his win (and the *shiver* Bratz movie) is a cheesy commercial about a third-rate award show? While Laura can't keep clothes on the shelves? Ah, it feels good to be right.
Tailgating party. A drumline comes through, led by a bear mascot. The chefs hurry to their grills with their coolers, while Bears fans wait impatiently. The chefs have another hour to put their food together, and get a choice between a modern gas grill and a charcoal one. Mark is the only one to choose charcoal. Everyone hurriedly works on their food and tends to their cooking meats. The judges stride up in matching Bears jerseys. Padma and Ptom are there, of course, along with Gail and guest judge Paul Kahan, who owns the restaurant that Koren works at. I guess she's not important enough to tackle this challenge. The crowd begins to stream in. Stephanie enjoys cooking for the masses, rather than just four nitpicky people. She serves her pork tenderloin, with bacon/tomato/pear salad and the rosemary vinaigrette. The judges and the fans all seem to enjoy it. A jolly man happily tells us that everything's better with bacon. I agree, jolly man.
Dale spots Gale Sayers, Richard Dent, and William "The Refrigerator" Perry (all Bears alumni), and is thrilled to be serving ribs to them. He tells them what an honor it is. Refrigerator just wants his ribs. Heh. When it's safe, the judges approach. Dale's ribs are marinated in tandoori, and is served with potato salad with raisins and mango. Again, they are enjoyed by judge and fan alike. Spike tries to charm the crowd, but loses them when he asks when the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl was. Poor Chicago sports fans. They must be constantly disappointed. Spike's wings are "fire spiced", whatever that means, and are served with jicama/pineapple slaw with lime dressing. Enjoyed by all! Some guy is wearing a purple jersey. I guess the Bears are playing the Vikings today. Antonia's jerk chicken sandwich has grilled banana and pineapple on the side. Yum. The judges like it, though they think the banana and pineapple should have gone on the sandwich itself. The fans aren't as picky, and love it.
Ryan has so many components, he's overwhelmed, and has to recruit fans from the crowd to help him serve. He schmoozes the fans well, which Stephanie tartly notes. Ryan hands the judges his bread salad. And marinated chicken. And poached pears. And brandy cocoa. He interviews that he thinks he's got a winner, because it's not typical tailgating food. I'll say. Although one fan really likes it, the others are predictably not floored by complicated food they practically need a full place setting to eat. Andrew wears a football helmet. He should probably do that every day. He makes fun of Gail's voice, which was actually pretty funny. He's serving glazed shrimp, and a potato parsnip puree with apple chutney. The plate is messy and unappetizing.
Kender: "That looks disgusting. And I like everything in it."
He spazzes some more as he serves, and Gail calls him a "trip" (read: psycho). His food is received fairly well, though not with the enthusiasm that some earlier chefs got. Nikki serves her sausage and pepper hero sandwiches with a choice of hot sauce or homemade cocktail sauce. She has issues with portion size. Lisa serves skirt steak with salsa verde and a corn cake that makes me want to leap through the screen to get at. Jennifer serves her Greek platter, which includes harissa-marinated chicken and a quinoa tabouli. Oh, Harissa? That explains it all. I'm sorry, I had to go there! I understand that I must be punished, so I'll give myself one of these. Richard gives the judges his pate melt, which is made of pork and a little veal. He's also put a spicy mayonnaise and some pickled cucumber on it. Sounds good.
Mark continues to be a total mess as he serves his chowder to the judges. He's klutzy, disheveled, and disorganized, which doesn't seem typical of him at all. Something seems so off about him this week. He's made chicken and scallion skewers with a soy and onion glaze, and some New Zealand corn chowder. How does one go about skewering a scallion? Once the judges take their food and go, they discuss how much of a disaster Mark is today. The couple that didn't like Ryan's food doesn't like his either. Nikki burns through all her sausages and peppers before the judges get any. Whoops! She's embarrassed, and nervous about what the reaction will be now. I'm pretty forgiving of careless mistakes, and this one's no exception, especially since the fans are the ones deciding the top three. If they like it, it almost doesn't matter that the judges didn't get the full experience. Paul asks if she made the sausage, which she didn't. What did she do with her three hours? The judges discuss her various problems, but not before Gail is viciously attacked by a bug. Hehe.
Jennifer runs out of food. Richard Dent says that he liked Richard's burger the most, Gale liked Dale's ribs, and Refrigerator chooses both Lisa's steak and Dale's ribs as the best. Another random fan praises Stephanie's pork. Once the challenge is over, the chefs unwind by playing a little touch football. Mark and Nikki worry about their chances. Nikki hopes the fans' scorecards will carry her into the middle of the pack, because if not, she's in trouble.
Commercials. These phone-in poll questions get stupider every week.
The chefs come back to the Kitchen for their fret 'n' sweat. Padma comes in, and summons Antonia, Dale, and Stephanie to Judges' Table. Once they're in, Padma tells them that they've been voted the top three of the challenge. I'm surprised Antonia's here, as she's been almost ignored this episode. Ptom tells Stephanie that she's been at the winners' table a lot, which she is gratified by. If Ptom had one complaint, it's that the pork could have been seasoned a bit better. Gail was suspicious of the rosemary vinaigrette (see?), but it won her over. Antonia would have done better to include the grilled banana and pineapple in the actual sandwich, but all the flavors were good. Dale's ribs were extremely tasty. Paul gets to announce the winner, which is Dale, due to his complexity and depth of flavor. He wins a Bears jersey with "TOP CHEF" printed on the back and a new gas grill. Well, it's not a trip to Italy, but it's not bad at all. Padma asks him to send out the bottom three.
Dale's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. He tells Mark, Nikki, and Ryan that they're needed at the losers' table. Odd Asian music. Gong. Once out there, Ryan plants his hands on his hips, already pissed off. Padma tells them that they scored lowest with the crowd. Nikki talks about her portioning problem, but that doesn't explain why the fans didn't like her sandwiches. She's at a loss to explain that one. Ptom asks why she didn't make her own sausage, and she says it was a time issue, which I still doubt. Gail says that it just seemed like not a lot of care was put into the food, which is a good way of phrasing it. Paul wonders what the shrimp were doing there, and Nikki says she wanted to have something else to serve. Gail says that it led to a disconnection, and Paul says she could have served the sausage and shrimp together, which would have been an interesting spin.
Ryan is asked why he served a dessert, especially a dessert that doesn't have much to do with tailgating. He says he wanted to have a whole dining experience at his table. The judges don't take issue with that, but do have a problem with the dessert he chose, saying that there were other desserts that would have been more appropriate to the challenge. He shrugs that he served the food in the way he'd want to be served. Great idea, self-avowed sports hater. Gail says the bread salad was kind of dry, and Ryan non-sequiturs into a speech about how he connected with the crowd. He also talks about "California flair", and Ptom cuts through all of this by emphasizing what the challenge was about. Simple food, served to the masses, at a sporting event. Ryan ignored almost all of that, which he says is a fair point. Mark admits the chicken skewers were not up to par, but was happy with the chowder. Ptom says the chowder's flavor was fine, but that it was very coarse. Eeeew. Really, Mark's main problem was his sloppy presentation. Oh, and the fact that he tasted soup off a spoon, then plunged it right back into the soup. Egad. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Nikki is convinced she's getting chopped. Antonia sternly asks her if she fought for herself. Awkward silence.
Deliberations. Nikki should have made her own sausage, which is not difficult or time-consuming. Ryan didn't want to have anything to do with tailgating for the tailgating party, and his food wasn't good enough to compensate for that. Nikki and Stephanie gossip about how long-winded Ryan is, while Ryan is busy putting that skill to use. He lets out a stream of profanity, angry that completely blowing off both the week's theme and the challenge parameters has sunk him. Ptom reiterates that Mark's food was poor, his table was unsanitary, and he was just a general disaster. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Watch this other show, because someone goes on vacation...WITHOUT HER GIRLFRIEND! Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Elimination. Nikki can't please a Chicago crowd with substandard sausage. Ryan's food was inappropriate, and even if it had been served in a fancy restaurant, it wasn't very good. Ouch! Mark needs to clean up his act. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the elimination, and although the Reality Show Magic 8 Ball reads "All signs point to Nikki," the judges actually manage to surprise us for once. Ryan. Please pack your knives and go. He thanks the judges for the opportunity, though he makes it clear that he doesn't think he deserves to be eliminated. Back in the Kitchen, he makes a speech about how cooking is humbling. The other chefs, particularly Lisa, look bored out of their gourds, but they give him hugs and good-bye applause. He's proud to have come so far with such talented chefs, and closes by saying that he cooks with his heart.
Tiffany: "How do you stir?"
Overall Grade: B
Previously on Top Chef: Lisa saved Dale from serving an idiotic course, which he didn't appreciate. Zoi underseasoned her mushrooms. Spike wore the dumbest hat in creation. Well, second-dumbest. Everyone hated the Earth team's food, and Zoi was sent packing. This sparked a bunch of fights in the Kitchen, and Dale indicated that he's picked up the mistaken impression that he can be intimidating. Eleven chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Sliced veggies a-plenty, sliced sausage, and wine. Oh, and Timiffany picked up a gross of Tic-Tacs from some promotion or other, so we were all tasked with getting rid of some. Shame that there weren't any orange ones left.
Naturally, tonight's opening segment has to be some Monday morning quarterbacking about the last challenge. Spike opens by pissing away any sympathy I had for him last week by interviewing that people thought he should have gone home. Because his food sucked? Because they think he's incapable of working well in a team? Because they're upset gentle flower Zoi went, and he was the only other option? No, it's because he's such an awesome chef, they're all threatened by him. I guess he's hoping we won't notice that in five episodes, he's been in the bottom of either the Quickfire or the Elimination Challenge in four of them. Woo, what talent! Jennifer is still upset over Zoi's elimination, and she interviews in a cracking voice that now she wants to win for both of them. OK, Zoi's not dead, is she? Ryan hopes the fighting people will be off their game, giving him an advantage. Dale offers an insincere apology to Lisa for yelling at her. It's one of those "Sorry if you got offended when I pointed out that you're a bitch" kind of non-apologies, and Lisa sees right through it. She agrees to a truce, but still emphatically hates Dale's guts.
Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and a long row of pitchers, all filled with beer. Mmmmm. OK, "mmmmm" to me because I'm typing this after a grueling game of softball. I doubt I'd be as happy to see pitchers of beer first thing in the morning. Padma, who judging by her outfit is on her way to audition for Fame later, introduces the Quickfire guest judge, Koren Grieveson. She's the head chef at a local restaurant. Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about simple pleasures. The Quickfire Challenge will be to taste three of the beers, pick one, then make a dish to pair with it. Chefs draw knives to determine the order in which they'll choose beer. Most of them seem fairly unsure about what to do. Lisa's psyched, as she enjoys cooking with beer and says she knows what goes with it. Jennifer gets Land Shark, and is happy, comparing her faux-hawk to a shark fin. Once everyone gets their beer, Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
There's a run on the refrigerator. Richard interviews that his strategy is to listen carefully to whatever the challenge's buzzword is. That sounds so obvious, but it's surprising how often chefs will be all "The challenge is to make something you can eat with your hands, but I felt strongly that I should whip together some gazpacho". Antonia interviews that it can be difficult to make simple dishes, as the line between "simple" and "dumbed down" can be a hard one to identify. Dale has an idea to combine pretzels, cheese, and pork, which is smart. His surprise that throwing pretzels into a food processor creates pretzel dust is not. Jennifer is totally fired-up, because she's doing this for Zoi. Just in case you've forgotten during the past two minutes. Time runs out.
Padma and Koren go down the line. Let's not worry about who got what beer; it really doesn't matter. Richard has made a grilled tuna sandwich with pickled vegetables. Sounds good to me. Andrew has rainbow trout with greens and peaches, and put it onto a raspberry gastrique. Koren says it needs more acid. Dale has made pan-roasted pork tenderloin with a miso caramel sauce and topped it with pretzel dust. He knows this isn't his best work, interviewing that he's hoping not to be called out in the bottom three. Antonia has made miso-glazed cod with some cabbage. Nikki's not a big beer drinker, but assumed that fried food was the way to go. She's made some fried, citrus-marinated shrimp and put them on a lettuce bed. There's an Asian coleslaw on the side that looks rather dry. Stephanie has steamed mussels and put a cilantro vinaigrette on them. There's also a side of grilled bread. I loves me some mussels. Good ones are tough to get in the Midwest.
Mark has made a juniper-spiced rack of lamb with honey beer sauce. Koren can't taste the beer, but likes the overall flavor. Ryan has deglazed his beer to put onto lamb. Spike has put together a charcuterie plate with a bowl of clams. Oh, it's like a Farmer's Platter. And I can get a better-looking one two blocks from here. Koren isn't blown away, which of course is because she "doesn't get it". It must be nice to be able to rationalize away your flaws so easily. Lisa says she wanted to keep things simple, so she made a bacon cheeseburger and potato chips. Wonderful things, both, though I think she took the "simple" instruction too far. Jennifer got an island vibe from her beer, so she opted for French Caribbean style, making shrimp and scallop beignets with fennel, avocado, and pepper purees. They look good. Padma is impressed that the beignets haven't gotten greasy or heavy, even after sitting while the other competitors were judged. Jennifer is tired of placing in the middle, and hopes she can finally win something.
Results. Bottom three first. One is Nikki, whose shrimp were too breaded and underseasoned. Geez, with the underseasoning this season. Spike's two components didn't relate to one another. Dale's wasn't moist enough. Lisa is vindictively pleased. Now, to the top three. Richard's sandwich flavors were bold and great. Stephanie's mussels were good, and paired with the beer well. Finally, Jennifer's beignets had great acidity and flavor. Padma asks who Koren has chosen as the winner, and she selects Jennifer, who pulls down immunity. Spike interviews that it must feel nice for her, after Zoi got eliminated. Jennifer agrees that this is a completely turnaround from her depression and frustration yesterday.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be cooking for a tailgating party for the upcoming Bears game. The chefs applaud, hoping that this challenge will be more laid-back. Dale is a native and a sports fan, so he's jazzed. Mark snaps that he didn't come here to watch football, he came to cook. Does he think he's attending the game? Padma explains that the sports fans will be filling out opinion cards, and it is those cards that will determine the top and bottom three chefs. From there, the judges will pick a winner and a loser. There will be two hours of prep work before heading for the game. Jennifer gives the Standard Speech, augmenting it by saying that she's doing this for Zoi.
Panny: "Jesus, we GET IT already."
Commercials. I'm a bit curious to see what that Bud Light with Lime tastes like. It may be the grossest swill ever, but every time I see this ad, I get the urge.
Spike recaps the challenge. I guess the thirty minutes of shopping time starts the minute the cars shift to park, as the chefs run at top speed into the store. They immediately attack the meat counter. Spike requests a load of chicken wings, smarmerviewing that he beat out the other chefs. Dale, indeed, is bummed that he missed out on the wings, and changes his idea to ribs. Richard gives the seasonal grump we must always endure about how he cooks refined food, so this challenge doesn't reflect his style at all. He settles on a pate melt, going for a pun that my dad would heartily enjoy. I just realized that Richard kind of looks like a guy I used to date. Freaky. Nikki wants to make sausage and pepper hero sandwiches, which is a great idea. Wearing her sunglasses inside? Not as great an idea. It's an inexplicable peeve of mine. Nikki also buys some shrimp, in case the sports fans don't eat sausage. Fat chance. Mark, almost comatose in his interview, says that he can't make shrimp-on-the-barbie because everyone else got to the shrimp first. He opts for chicken skewers and chowder instead. Ryan tosses pears into a bag. He dismissively interviews that he's not a big sports fan, rhetorically asking if he looks like one. Um, yes. Yes, he does.
Beebers: "He totally looks like one of those fratty sports guys."
Just as I wonder what Ryan does with all of his time if he's not into sports or movies, he answers me by telling us that he's a metrosexual who likes to spend money on clothes, and go out dancing. He must be a stunning conversationalist. He's going to stick to his California style cuisine. Man, this season needs a subtitle: Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us!
Back at the Kitchen, the chefs get started on their two hours of prep time. Antonia is excited, because they'll get to be cooking outdoors and barbecuing. Sure, when else will they ever get a chance to do that? Andrew doesn't have any tailgating experience, but works on honey mustard shrimp with bacon and apple chutney, so his educated guess is pretty spot-on. Stephanie is making pork tenderloin and a salad with potato (as opposed to potato salad) with rosemary vinaigrette. Rut roh. She's lucky the sports fans are choosing the top three, because we all know how Gail feels about rosemary. Spike frantically sauces his chicken wings, and is far too impressed with himself for doing so. He's increasingly starting to get on my nerves. Jennifer interviews that her dad is a huge football fan, so she was always surrounded by it as she grew up. She's working on a Greek dish as a tribute to Zoi. AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Enough about Zoi, for fuck's sake! She was deservedly eliminated from a reality cooking show, not executed by the PLO. Anyway, it's tzatziki, souvlaki, and such.
Some of Ryan's ingredients have been flung up onto his face. He appears not to notice. He's going to make bread salad, marinates some chicken thighs, wants to make poached pears for dessert, and works on a chili-spiked cocoa as well. So, a four-course meal, little of which can be eaten by hand, for a tailgating party. Top Chef 4 - Challenge Parameters Are Beneath Us! Richard inwardly rolls his eyes at this, interviewing that he's keeping it simple. Lisa works on a thick skirt steak, knowing that they're chewy and will take forever on the grill. She makes them as thin as possible by pounding on them with a rolling pin, which she calls "beating [her] meat". Huh. When I refer to meat-beating, rolling pins are almost never involved. Mark turns a blender on, but the lid's not on tight, and liquid flies everywhere. He seems unusually flustered this week.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. We learn that Jennifer still has immunity. Antonia is working on a Jamaican jerk chicken sandwich to appeal to fatass men who drink a lot of beer, Dale is still a sports fan, and Ryan is making poached pears because they're light, simple, and clean.
Tiffany: "Yes, that's just what sports fans worry most about as they pig out before a game: their health."
Ptom wanders out. Thanks once again for that invaluable contribution, Ptom. Ryan worries about time management, and the refrigerators are rapidly packed with food. The editors work hard to make us seize in dramatic suspense over the full refrigerators, but can't quite get there. Time runs out, and the chefs leave for the day. Back at the house, wine is broken out immediately, and people kick back. Having a non-team Elimination Challenge makes everyone more at ease. Spike and Mark relax in the bubble bath with their wine. They still have their shorts on, and sit three feet apart, but the pseudo-porny music would like you to think that this is super-nasty. And once again, Spike is mightily impressed with himself for doing something soooooooo naughty. Please, I've seen episodes of Sesame Street that were more homoerotic than this.
Commercials. Wow, so the only peep I hear from Jeffrey since his win (and the *shiver* Bratz movie) is a cheesy commercial about a third-rate award show? While Laura can't keep clothes on the shelves? Ah, it feels good to be right.
Tailgating party. A drumline comes through, led by a bear mascot. The chefs hurry to their grills with their coolers, while Bears fans wait impatiently. The chefs have another hour to put their food together, and get a choice between a modern gas grill and a charcoal one. Mark is the only one to choose charcoal. Everyone hurriedly works on their food and tends to their cooking meats. The judges stride up in matching Bears jerseys. Padma and Ptom are there, of course, along with Gail and guest judge Paul Kahan, who owns the restaurant that Koren works at. I guess she's not important enough to tackle this challenge. The crowd begins to stream in. Stephanie enjoys cooking for the masses, rather than just four nitpicky people. She serves her pork tenderloin, with bacon/tomato/pear salad and the rosemary vinaigrette. The judges and the fans all seem to enjoy it. A jolly man happily tells us that everything's better with bacon. I agree, jolly man.
Dale spots Gale Sayers, Richard Dent, and William "The Refrigerator" Perry (all Bears alumni), and is thrilled to be serving ribs to them. He tells them what an honor it is. Refrigerator just wants his ribs. Heh. When it's safe, the judges approach. Dale's ribs are marinated in tandoori, and is served with potato salad with raisins and mango. Again, they are enjoyed by judge and fan alike. Spike tries to charm the crowd, but loses them when he asks when the last time the Bears won a Super Bowl was. Poor Chicago sports fans. They must be constantly disappointed. Spike's wings are "fire spiced", whatever that means, and are served with jicama/pineapple slaw with lime dressing. Enjoyed by all! Some guy is wearing a purple jersey. I guess the Bears are playing the Vikings today. Antonia's jerk chicken sandwich has grilled banana and pineapple on the side. Yum. The judges like it, though they think the banana and pineapple should have gone on the sandwich itself. The fans aren't as picky, and love it.
Ryan has so many components, he's overwhelmed, and has to recruit fans from the crowd to help him serve. He schmoozes the fans well, which Stephanie tartly notes. Ryan hands the judges his bread salad. And marinated chicken. And poached pears. And brandy cocoa. He interviews that he thinks he's got a winner, because it's not typical tailgating food. I'll say. Although one fan really likes it, the others are predictably not floored by complicated food they practically need a full place setting to eat. Andrew wears a football helmet. He should probably do that every day. He makes fun of Gail's voice, which was actually pretty funny. He's serving glazed shrimp, and a potato parsnip puree with apple chutney. The plate is messy and unappetizing.
Kender: "That looks disgusting. And I like everything in it."
He spazzes some more as he serves, and Gail calls him a "trip" (read: psycho). His food is received fairly well, though not with the enthusiasm that some earlier chefs got. Nikki serves her sausage and pepper hero sandwiches with a choice of hot sauce or homemade cocktail sauce. She has issues with portion size. Lisa serves skirt steak with salsa verde and a corn cake that makes me want to leap through the screen to get at. Jennifer serves her Greek platter, which includes harissa-marinated chicken and a quinoa tabouli. Oh, Harissa? That explains it all. I'm sorry, I had to go there! I understand that I must be punished, so I'll give myself one of these. Richard gives the judges his pate melt, which is made of pork and a little veal. He's also put a spicy mayonnaise and some pickled cucumber on it. Sounds good.
Mark continues to be a total mess as he serves his chowder to the judges. He's klutzy, disheveled, and disorganized, which doesn't seem typical of him at all. Something seems so off about him this week. He's made chicken and scallion skewers with a soy and onion glaze, and some New Zealand corn chowder. How does one go about skewering a scallion? Once the judges take their food and go, they discuss how much of a disaster Mark is today. The couple that didn't like Ryan's food doesn't like his either. Nikki burns through all her sausages and peppers before the judges get any. Whoops! She's embarrassed, and nervous about what the reaction will be now. I'm pretty forgiving of careless mistakes, and this one's no exception, especially since the fans are the ones deciding the top three. If they like it, it almost doesn't matter that the judges didn't get the full experience. Paul asks if she made the sausage, which she didn't. What did she do with her three hours? The judges discuss her various problems, but not before Gail is viciously attacked by a bug. Hehe.
Jennifer runs out of food. Richard Dent says that he liked Richard's burger the most, Gale liked Dale's ribs, and Refrigerator chooses both Lisa's steak and Dale's ribs as the best. Another random fan praises Stephanie's pork. Once the challenge is over, the chefs unwind by playing a little touch football. Mark and Nikki worry about their chances. Nikki hopes the fans' scorecards will carry her into the middle of the pack, because if not, she's in trouble.
Commercials. These phone-in poll questions get stupider every week.
The chefs come back to the Kitchen for their fret 'n' sweat. Padma comes in, and summons Antonia, Dale, and Stephanie to Judges' Table. Once they're in, Padma tells them that they've been voted the top three of the challenge. I'm surprised Antonia's here, as she's been almost ignored this episode. Ptom tells Stephanie that she's been at the winners' table a lot, which she is gratified by. If Ptom had one complaint, it's that the pork could have been seasoned a bit better. Gail was suspicious of the rosemary vinaigrette (see?), but it won her over. Antonia would have done better to include the grilled banana and pineapple in the actual sandwich, but all the flavors were good. Dale's ribs were extremely tasty. Paul gets to announce the winner, which is Dale, due to his complexity and depth of flavor. He wins a Bears jersey with "TOP CHEF" printed on the back and a new gas grill. Well, it's not a trip to Italy, but it's not bad at all. Padma asks him to send out the bottom three.
Dale's win is applauded back in the Kitchen. He tells Mark, Nikki, and Ryan that they're needed at the losers' table. Odd Asian music. Gong. Once out there, Ryan plants his hands on his hips, already pissed off. Padma tells them that they scored lowest with the crowd. Nikki talks about her portioning problem, but that doesn't explain why the fans didn't like her sandwiches. She's at a loss to explain that one. Ptom asks why she didn't make her own sausage, and she says it was a time issue, which I still doubt. Gail says that it just seemed like not a lot of care was put into the food, which is a good way of phrasing it. Paul wonders what the shrimp were doing there, and Nikki says she wanted to have something else to serve. Gail says that it led to a disconnection, and Paul says she could have served the sausage and shrimp together, which would have been an interesting spin.
Ryan is asked why he served a dessert, especially a dessert that doesn't have much to do with tailgating. He says he wanted to have a whole dining experience at his table. The judges don't take issue with that, but do have a problem with the dessert he chose, saying that there were other desserts that would have been more appropriate to the challenge. He shrugs that he served the food in the way he'd want to be served. Great idea, self-avowed sports hater. Gail says the bread salad was kind of dry, and Ryan non-sequiturs into a speech about how he connected with the crowd. He also talks about "California flair", and Ptom cuts through all of this by emphasizing what the challenge was about. Simple food, served to the masses, at a sporting event. Ryan ignored almost all of that, which he says is a fair point. Mark admits the chicken skewers were not up to par, but was happy with the chowder. Ptom says the chowder's flavor was fine, but that it was very coarse. Eeeew. Really, Mark's main problem was his sloppy presentation. Oh, and the fact that he tasted soup off a spoon, then plunged it right back into the soup. Egad. The chefs are dismissed. Back in the Kitchen, Nikki is convinced she's getting chopped. Antonia sternly asks her if she fought for herself. Awkward silence.
Deliberations. Nikki should have made her own sausage, which is not difficult or time-consuming. Ryan didn't want to have anything to do with tailgating for the tailgating party, and his food wasn't good enough to compensate for that. Nikki and Stephanie gossip about how long-winded Ryan is, while Ryan is busy putting that skill to use. He lets out a stream of profanity, angry that completely blowing off both the week's theme and the challenge parameters has sunk him. Ptom reiterates that Mark's food was poor, his table was unsanitary, and he was just a general disaster. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Watch this other show, because someone goes on vacation...WITHOUT HER GIRLFRIEND! Dun dun duuuuuuuun!
Elimination. Nikki can't please a Chicago crowd with substandard sausage. Ryan's food was inappropriate, and even if it had been served in a fancy restaurant, it wasn't very good. Ouch! Mark needs to clean up his act. Ptom throws it over to Padma for the elimination, and although the Reality Show Magic 8 Ball reads "All signs point to Nikki," the judges actually manage to surprise us for once. Ryan. Please pack your knives and go. He thanks the judges for the opportunity, though he makes it clear that he doesn't think he deserves to be eliminated. Back in the Kitchen, he makes a speech about how cooking is humbling. The other chefs, particularly Lisa, look bored out of their gourds, but they give him hugs and good-bye applause. He's proud to have come so far with such talented chefs, and closes by saying that he cooks with his heart.
Tiffany: "How do you stir?"
Overall Grade: B
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
For Those About to Walk, We Salute You
America's Next Top Model - Season 10, Episode 8
Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls went to see. Whitney got hosed by people who aren't anxious to see a girl with an actual ass get modeling work, but I'm sure that nothing like that will happen tonight! Lauren's walk continued to suck. Claire's early promise flamed out, sending her home to a baby who will no doubt be thrilled to have an actual breast to latch onto. Seven girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
For those about to be confused by an episode title that makes no sense, we agree with you. The girls are all shocked that Claire got eliminated, but must sense that they just managed to lose some major competition. Everyone's really got their eyes on the prize, now. The girls also know that we're about to the point that they'll be sent abroad, so Fatima suddenly remembers that whoops...she doesn't have a passport or visa. She freaks out, because if she can't go abroad, she may be eliminated by default. No wonder she's surprised. It's not like the girls are sent abroad every single season. Oh, wait. They are.
Paulina drops by to give the girls some advice on conducting an interview, from both sides of the mic. As with all interview segments, it's really boring. Whitney decides to make some latkes, and Lauren joins her. As Lauren slices an onion, she clips the end of her fingernail off, probably taking some skin with it. Ouch! She's hurried off to the hospital, and in a strange confluence of events, Fatima is sympathetic, while Whitney's like "learn to cut an onion, freak".
Later, the girls are invited to a party thrown by 7-Up, complete with fake paparazzi outside who pretend that people are starving for pictures of reality show wannabes and the Jays. An equally contrived interviewer asks the girls a couple of questions. Dominique flubs the name of the designer who provided the dress, while Stacy-Ann and Whitney are taken to task for appearing phony. Stacy-Ann, I'll buy. But Whitney was perfectly natural and at ease. Lauren works her thumb bandage, but the interviewer tells her to watch her "potty mouth". You know what I hate more than inappropriate cursing? Adults who use the word "potty" in a sentence that's not "We're going to try and start potty training our son this weekend." Just so you know how much of a set-up this challenge is, Marble-mouthed Anya wins. The interview challenge. No, really. Once again, she's photographed naked. Someone sure wants to see as much Anya tit as possible. At least she gets some corporate kickback this time, scoring a $10,000 check.
Fatima tells us about her lack of a passport about a kajillion times, and the producers set up an interview for her to get a new one. The girls are told to pack their bags, and they all squeal with excitement, assuming that this is the call to go abroad. But they're foiled by a photo shoot at the airport, where they're all styled in very Cate Archer-esque travel outfits. It's pretty. Fatima has to leave to go to her appointment, and misses the shoot entirely. Once the girls are dismissed, they find themselves faced with the judging panel right there at the airport. Fatima makes it back in time for this (convenient!), and she's told they'll just have to judge her entire body of work. Anya continues to be oddly drooled-over, while Whitney continues to be oddly criticized for seeming fake. The bottom two shake out to be Fatima and Stacy-Ann, and though Fatima is roundly chastised for not thinking of her missing passport before now, she's got more bitch potential than Stacy-Ann, so she's safe. Stacy-Ann is barely out of frame before the other girls have forgotten her, thrilled over the news that now, it's time to go abroad. It's off to Rome!
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Rome. Dominique struggles with phonetic Italian. Shocking.
Overall Grade: B
Previously on America's Next Top Model: The girls went to see. Whitney got hosed by people who aren't anxious to see a girl with an actual ass get modeling work, but I'm sure that nothing like that will happen tonight! Lauren's walk continued to suck. Claire's early promise flamed out, sending her home to a baby who will no doubt be thrilled to have an actual breast to latch onto. Seven girls remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
For those about to be confused by an episode title that makes no sense, we agree with you. The girls are all shocked that Claire got eliminated, but must sense that they just managed to lose some major competition. Everyone's really got their eyes on the prize, now. The girls also know that we're about to the point that they'll be sent abroad, so Fatima suddenly remembers that whoops...she doesn't have a passport or visa. She freaks out, because if she can't go abroad, she may be eliminated by default. No wonder she's surprised. It's not like the girls are sent abroad every single season. Oh, wait. They are.
Paulina drops by to give the girls some advice on conducting an interview, from both sides of the mic. As with all interview segments, it's really boring. Whitney decides to make some latkes, and Lauren joins her. As Lauren slices an onion, she clips the end of her fingernail off, probably taking some skin with it. Ouch! She's hurried off to the hospital, and in a strange confluence of events, Fatima is sympathetic, while Whitney's like "learn to cut an onion, freak".
Later, the girls are invited to a party thrown by 7-Up, complete with fake paparazzi outside who pretend that people are starving for pictures of reality show wannabes and the Jays. An equally contrived interviewer asks the girls a couple of questions. Dominique flubs the name of the designer who provided the dress, while Stacy-Ann and Whitney are taken to task for appearing phony. Stacy-Ann, I'll buy. But Whitney was perfectly natural and at ease. Lauren works her thumb bandage, but the interviewer tells her to watch her "potty mouth". You know what I hate more than inappropriate cursing? Adults who use the word "potty" in a sentence that's not "We're going to try and start potty training our son this weekend." Just so you know how much of a set-up this challenge is, Marble-mouthed Anya wins. The interview challenge. No, really. Once again, she's photographed naked. Someone sure wants to see as much Anya tit as possible. At least she gets some corporate kickback this time, scoring a $10,000 check.
Fatima tells us about her lack of a passport about a kajillion times, and the producers set up an interview for her to get a new one. The girls are told to pack their bags, and they all squeal with excitement, assuming that this is the call to go abroad. But they're foiled by a photo shoot at the airport, where they're all styled in very Cate Archer-esque travel outfits. It's pretty. Fatima has to leave to go to her appointment, and misses the shoot entirely. Once the girls are dismissed, they find themselves faced with the judging panel right there at the airport. Fatima makes it back in time for this (convenient!), and she's told they'll just have to judge her entire body of work. Anya continues to be oddly drooled-over, while Whitney continues to be oddly criticized for seeming fake. The bottom two shake out to be Fatima and Stacy-Ann, and though Fatima is roundly chastised for not thinking of her missing passport before now, she's got more bitch potential than Stacy-Ann, so she's safe. Stacy-Ann is barely out of frame before the other girls have forgotten her, thrilled over the news that now, it's time to go abroad. It's off to Rome!
Next week on America's Next Top Model: Rome. Dominique struggles with phonetic Italian. Shocking.
Overall Grade: B
Monday, April 14, 2008
The Elements
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 5
Previously on Top Chef: Movie-inspired food. Richard stepped up and took charge, which worked out well for his team. There's no way Richard being in charge of a team could ever go awry! Spike talked Manuel into making Vietnamese food. Antonia and Zoi chose an impossible movie to translate into food, and paid the price by being summoned to the losers' table. Both survived when Manuel, who had clearly been toast since the first episode, got chopped for taking too much of a backseat. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Aside from the usual assortment of cheeses, crackers, meats, and wines, I opted for health, and brought some sliced bell peppers. Then shot health to hell by dipping them in ranch dressing.
Morning in Chicago. Industrious people are already out and busy, while the chefs are still stirring themselves from bed. Antonia and Zoi are really pissed to have been in the bottom for the last challenge, and Jennifer also leaps to Zoi's defense. As I said last week, I agree that being in the bottom for a weak story is not grounds for elimination, but someone had to be in the bottom two, and everyone else had good food AND a good story. You're both still safe. Time to get over it. Ryan herds everyone out of the house, and very charmingly grins that it's time for someone else to go, then mouths "not me". I admit I'm easy, and would probably sneer at Dale doing the same thing. Amazingly, nothing in this first segment makes it completely obvious who's getting cut tonight. You mean suspense is a good thing? Who woulda thunk it? Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and Ming Tsai, who will hopefully not be as much of a dick this time. Lisa tells us she's a big fan of his East-meets-West style of cuisine.
Panny: "That thing in her eyebrow bugs me."
Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about good taste, and Ming emphasizes that a chef with a poor palate will never be a great success. I wish they could take some time to explain what they think is the difference between a good palate and matters of taste and opinion, but I suppose that would cut into the high drama of pointless bitching. Um...spoiler. Padma tells everyone that it's time to test how sensitive their palates are, and whips out a blindfold. The chefs giggle. Antonia is extremely excited, interviewing that the blindfold test is her favorite kind of Quickfire. This blindfold test is a little different than in seasons past. The chefs will taste pairs of ingredients. One will be high-quality gourmet, and the other, cheap swill. The chefs will have twenty seconds to identify which of the items is woefully overpriced, and the one who gets the most right, gets immunity. Andrew parrots Ming's line about how important a good palate is, but points out that being blindfolded throws an extra wrench into the works.
The chefs go one by one into a dramatically lit Kitchen. Ryan gets syrup and bacon correct. Padma has a bit of an issue pulling the blindfold down over Stephanie's frizzy hair. Stephanie gets crab incorrect, picking the one that's $4.99/lb over the one that's $24.99/lb. This is what I meant about the difference between palate and taste. Is it a fact that Stephanie has bad taste in crab? Or is it that crab is crab, and no matter if you buy it at the Try 'n' Save or Pierre's Gourmet House of Crustaceans, it's essentially the same meat? Actually, crab is a bad example, as any boy from Baltimore could easily tell the difference, but you get what I'm saying. Dale gets chocolate correct. Lisa misses one, but gets butter and Cheddar cheese correct. Dale gets the Asian ingredients right, but misses caviar. Jennifer gets pork correct. Mark misses something. Richard gets something. He even gets olive oil, which is impressive. It's not like people take swigs from the bottle. At least I don't. I don't presume to know your life. He interviews that coming in the bottom three in this challenge would be a big embarrassment. Antonia comes at the challenge with calm confidence. She tastes the two ingredients with separate fingers, and gets something correct. Zoi gets something. Andrew misses something. Sake, maybe?
The chefs gather for the results. The lowest score was six out of fifteen. Ouch. I think I could get six out of fifteen. That score goes to Stephanie, who never seems content to place in the middle of challenges. She either excels or sucks mightily. She shrugs off never having won immunity. I'd worry more about my bosses hearing I can barely tell any foods apart. There is a tie for runner-up, with eleven out of fifteen. That goes to Ryan and Jennifer. Zoi says she's a little irritated with Jen beating her, as she'd like to have bragging rights. Zoi, based on challenge placement so far this season, I wouldn't count on it. The winner got twelve out of fifteen. It's Antonia, which Ming pronounces with a melodramatically-intoned Italian accent. Has he been watching Golden Girls reruns, too? There was more mangled Italian in that show than there is at Mama Campisis's. Don't ever go there, St. Louisans. Bleh. Antonia is happy to win, giving herself a little pat on the back in interview. Padma reminds her that she's got immunity in the Elimination Challenge, which is coming up...
Right now! The challenge is to cook for a celebrity chef charity ball, benefitting Meals on Wheels. Chicago's cooking elite will be preparing the second through fourth courses, but the contestants will be making the first course. Stephanie "six-out-of-fifteen" Izard says that people who go to these events are used to very high-quality ingredients. Ming says the most important thing to remember is to keep things simple. The theme of the event is "The Four Elements", so the chefs' food will be inspired by Earth, Air, Fire, or Water. Once again, we head to the trusty knife block to divide everyone into teams. They shake out to be:
Air: Nikki, Jennifer, and Ryan
Earth: Antonia, Spike, and Zoi
Fire: Lisa, Dale, and Stephanie
Water: Andrew, Richard, and Mark
Padma gives the chefs fifteen minutes to plan the menu. That is a brutally short amount of time. They have to figure out an inspiration, guess at what will stay in the budget, and figure out what's able to be executed properly for eighty people in fifteen minutes? Yikes. Padma and Ming leave them to it, and the chefs clump into their teams. Richard suggests raw fish. Jennifer suggests duck or chicken for Air, which makes sense. Although chickens don't really take to the air. Except that one time. Nikki wants to add a bit more imagination than just using a bird. Over at Earth, Spike suggests butternut squash soup. That's a good idea. Antonia disagrees, because the theme of this challenge is good taste, and she worries soup isn't fancy enough. However, "if you two are totally into soup, I will make a fucking good soup with you". You know, just in case that statement needs to be entered into evidence later or anything. Um...spoiler. Spike frets that being on a team with someone who has immunity is nerve-wracking. Antonia thinks making carpaccio is much more elegant. Oof. She's losing the thread of the challenge again. Last week, she concentrated on the food so much, she lost sight of the movie aspect. And here she is again, talking about carpaccio, which has absolutely no connection to Earth.
Stephanie thinks techniques that use fire could figure into their inspiration. Dale suggests a warm beef tartare. Yes, Dale. That's what would bring "fire" to my mind: Raw meat. Lisa tells him she's not a fan of this idea, and he persists in saying that they could wrap it around a deviled egg. That is the worst idea I've ever heard. Fire is probably the easiest element to drive food inspiration, and his grand idea is a deviled fucking egg? Weak. Of course, I wouldn't bring it up if he weren't going to get offended when someone else supposedly steals his thunder later. Um...spoiler. Stephanie actually likes the egg idea, which lowers her in my estimation considerably. Thankfully for them, Lisa refuses to go along with it, which causes Dale to interview that she's a "negative person", so he won't be able to work well with her. Yes, Dale, who plays pool alone because he "wants to remove himself from the human side of the competition". Dale, who shreds his teammates' food, agrees to serve it, then removes himself from any responsibility for its quality. He just can't work with those negative people! Stephanie worries about Lisa-the-strong-personality and Dale-the-self-proclaimed-asshole butting heads. When time runs out, they still haven't settled on anything.
Commercials. Remember way back when Jet Li said he wasn't going to do any more kung fu type of movies? Guess somebody got a nice, cold splash of reality.
Richard reminds us what the challenge is, as the chefs wander into Whole Foods with $500 and forty-five minutes to shop. Most of the teams still haven't fully conceived their dishes. Richard suggests buying fish to poach in a water bath. Team Air heads straight for the duck, while Team Fire bickers in the front of the store about what they're going to do. Dale suggests rubbing beef tenderloin with hot spices. Getting there. Certainly better than the egg idea. Lisa likes the idea of spice, but wants to do an Asian-style dish. Dale doesn't like that idea. Stephanie works on being as inconspicuous as possible. Lisa interviews that Ming Tsai is the first guest judge who cooks in a style that she's comfortable with, so she's really dead-set on Asian.
Spike passively asks Antonia if they're going to get screwed for just doing carpaccio, vinaigrette, and salad. Antonia says they won't, because they're focusing on high-quality ingredients. Spike makes it clear that he's not on board with the idea they're riding. He interviews that since Antonia has immunity, she should probably take more of a backseat in the planning of this challenge. We never see him step up and tell Antonia this. I agree with him that letting someone with immunity bulldoze you into a concept you're not comfortable with is a bad idea, but beyond mentioning that he's not loving the dish idea, he's not pressing it any further. Scratch that, he also passively asks if they think it would be too much to add a shot of butternut squash soup on the side. Antonia wonders if the soup would go with the carpaccio. Zoi doesn't really take a side. Spike... Hold on. I can't go any further without mentioning this monstrosity of a hat. I could put up with the jaunty fedoras, and I could put up with the Dick Tracy hat, but Spike is now wearing a ballcap made out of straw. No, really. Any place that would manufacture and sell such an item must be called the House of Tools. Anyway, he interviews that he's essentially giving up on convincing the ladies to do anything different for the course.
Team Fire hears that Team Earth is doing carpaccio, and instead of laughing their asses off that their competitors are making something so antithetical to their element, they decide to rethink their course AGAIN. Lisa is freaking out that they have no real idea what they're doing. Dale wishes she'd relax. Stephanie comes up with an idea to do a spicy shrimp, and when Dale mentions making a spicy chili pepper salad to go with it, everyone's on board. Lisa goes to grab some bacon. Everyone scurries around to grab their last-minute purchases, and checks out.
The next day, the chefs walk into the building where the event is being held, and the kitchen provided for them is enormous. They get going on their two and a half hours of prepping and cooking time. Antonia starts prepping the vegetables and fungi for their dish, interviewing that she'll contribute 100% to this challenge, despite her immunity. Spike thinly slices the filet, while Zoi is in charge of marinating and finishing off the mushrooms. Spike interviews that while this wasn't his idea, he has to show that he's just as enthusiastic about this dish as he'd be about his own idea for butternut squash soup. Richard starts on his sous-vide poached salmon. Mark makes a parsnip/vanilla puree, while Andrew makes a salad and does the same faux caviar he made last week. Team Fire grills their shrimp. Lisa is in charge of smoking the bacon, and Dale throws together a chili salad. Lisa explains she has a special method for making bacon. All the fat sides face the same direction, so that when the meat cooks, the bacon fuses into a solid layer that can be cut any which way. She's also making a special glaze that will provide an interesting miso flavor.
Team Air is working on duck breast, herb salad, and they'll also be serving a shot of Prosecco. Jennifer interviews that since this is an Elimination Challenge, the food needs to be spot-on. She's cooking the duck breast, and making sure each one is done perfectly. Lisa crabs because Nikki's equipment is in Team Fire's station. Nikki doesn't really seem to hear her, but Dale sure does, which gives us another opportunity to hear about how he just can't abide those negative people. Lisa admits in interview that she can certainly be that bitch everyone hates, but the food won't be served until it's perfect. Nikki interviews... And again we must stop, because what in the holy hell is going on with her hair? Does she have a Carmela Soprano audition later? Anyway, she thinks that Ryan is getting frazzled, because he forgot to reserve some pomegranate juice for the... Pomeranian? That can't be what she said. Ah, the closed captioning is under the impression that she said "Pomerini", but since the web is curiously silent on what that entails, I'm going with Pomeranian. It'd certainly make for a more interesting drink. Nikki finds something else to juice (limes, maybe), but pauses to chide Ryan for cursing. Jeez, if she can't handle some swearing, it's no wonder she fell apart in the first Quickfire.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. He asks Spike what it's like working with Antonia and Zoi. Spike glows insincerely about how nice it is to work with women. If you have this episode taped, it's worth going back to watch Antonia's expression upon hearing this. Nearest translation: "You could not be more full of shit if you tried." After ascertaining who's in charge of cooking what, Ptom moves on to Team Water, where Richard and Andrew suck up to an embarrassing degree. Ptom doesn't buy into it. After giving us his impressions (not worth the keystrokes), the chefs go into their usual flurry of chaos, which is bit more hard-edged than before. The goodwill is draining fast. Zoi sighs that challenges involve a lot of compromise.
Commercials. Ooh, I want to win that block party hosted by Casey! Now I just need to figure out how to win without technically entering or putting forth any effort whatsoever.
When we return, the party's in full swing. The chefs plate up in the kitchen. Richard's not used to plating eighty pieces of fish at once, so he's more nervous than usual. Right before they transfer the fish to the plates, Andrew spots some scales that weren't caught when Richard cleaned it. Richard says they'll just recheck the fish as they move it. Ptom addresses the guests out front. One lady is very Catherine Keeneresque. A fleet of waiters moves into the kitchen, ready to go. Spike thinks Zoi's mushrooms are underseasoned, but she's happy with them. Time runs out.
Team Water's plates are taken out first. They've made sous-vide poached salmon with faux caviar, the parsnip/vanilla puree, and a watercress salad. Andrew continues to worry about the scales, as well he should. The judges find plenty on their plates. Ming seems to be impressed by the faux caviar, but the other judges have been there, done that. Ptom says that there are foods that are good when put through the sous-vide method, but salmon's not one of them. Team Fire's plates are served. They've got their grilled shrimp on a pickled chili salad, some deviled aioli, and miso-smoked bacon. Everyone enjoys the shrimp. Ptom appears to gear up for a snit about how they're kind of spicy, but another diner points out that, duh, this is Team Fire. Other diners also enjoy the kick the spice gave. Team Air's food goes out. It's duck breast with a citrus salad, and a pomegranate Prosecco aperitif. Nikki's fairly proud of the food they put out, but the judges aren't as thrilled. Gail and Ming aren't happy that the fat isn't rendered, and Ptom's not a fan of the recent little-drink-with-food trend. Team Earth's food goes out. It's beef carpaccio with a mushroom salad, and a sunchoke aioli. Gail disapproves of the use of rosemary. Jeez, if ever find myself cooking for Gail, remind me to never make anything with rosemary. All the judges find the plate bland, and not a bit earthy. Spike reminds us that he isn't on-board with his team's concepts.
A random diner happily says that if she were in charge, someone from Team Earth would definitely be going home. The lady sitting next to her says "Ouch!" Those two are having fun. The diners actually do get a say. They fill out comment cards, which will be taken into account by the judges. The judges discuss their impressions. Gail and Padma agree that Team Fire's dish was terrific, especially the bacon. Team Water's cooking method was ill-advised, and their fish had scales on it. Team Air was blah, but Gail did enjoy their citrus salad. Team Earth was roundly disappointing, and the mushrooms had almost no seasoning. Ptom says that seasoning food properly is a basic skill, so that bugged him more than anything else. The judges head out. Back in the kitchen, Teams Earth and Fire are feeling good about themselves, but Richard senses danger for Team Water. They pack up, and head back to the Kitchen for their usual fret 'n' sweat.
Commercials. Book your vacation through Expedia! You know, assuming any airlines are still in business by the end of the commercial.
Judges' Table. Alcohol is passed around the Kitchen. Richard worries. Padma comes back, and summons Team Fire to the table. Padma congratulates them on being the top team, and they exchange high tens and hugs. Stephanie explains that the dish's concept took them a while, and really came together while they were shopping. Dale explains his idea for the chili salad, but the judges ignore him in favor of praising Stephanie's shrimp and Lisa's bacon. Ptom compliments all of them for melding their individual components into one great dish. Padma tells them that the team member who Ming feels is most responsible for their success will win a five-night trip for two to Italy. Nice! Ming says it's a tough choice, but while all three components tasted good, Lisa's tasted good AND showed an imaginative, impressive technique, so she wins. Heh, where was Lisa the Technique Queen last week? She's thrilled to win.
Dale's interview must be related verbatim: "She made bacon. And she gets a trip to Italy? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm bitter." Ya think? Good thing you abhor negative people! I'm not sure what bugs me most. 1) He's implying that she just tossed bacon strips into the oven, then onto a plate, like she works at Denny's or something. Her technique was obviously more refined than that. 2) Even if her bacon had been simple, he...chopped up chili peppers and marinated them. Oooh, Julia Child's got nothing on you! 3) If Lisa hadn't spoken up early and decisively, Dale would have served a deviled egg, been deservedly excoriated, and wound up at the losers' table. Lisa is most definitely the person who guided this team to the win, and has pretty much earned the prize on that score alone. Go nurse your wounded ego back at the house, Dale. Your naked insecurity tires me.
Padma asks Team Fire to send back some of their colleagues. Lisa's win is applauded in the Kitchen, and she tells Teams Earth and Water that they're headed to the losers' table. The losing teams are wished luck. Dale sulks some more. Odd Asian music. Gong. The judges start with Team Water. Naturally, as Richard was not only team leader, but the one who cleaned the fish, he's the one that's in trouble. Half the people at the judges' dinner table had scales on their fish, which is a much bigger issue than just missing a few. The judges also point out their texture issues with sous-vide salmon, although that's more a matter of taste. Andrew's faux caviar technique was nice, but needed more flavor. Mark made the parsnip puree, and Ptom says he doesn't understand what it was even doing on the plate. He asks Mark what it was meant to accomplish, and there's an awkward silence. Mark eventually says that he thinks the parsnip's flavor complements salmon well. Ptom disagrees, saying it didn't add to the dish at all.
On to Team Earth. Antonia is asked if she, with her wonderfully immune palate, tasted everything before it went out. She did, and says that she thought it tasted great. Ptom says that the entire dish was bland and underseasoned. They're asked what they each did. Spike sliced the carpaccio and made the aioli, Zoi made the mushrooms and salad, and Antonia did the prep work. Ming says again that everything needed more seasoning, and Zoi explains that it probably came about because they didn't want to overpower the meat. She also says that she generally has a heavy hand when it comes to seasoning, and didn't taste anything off in the mushrooms. Gail says that the one flavor that came through was the rosemary, which was too potent. Well, did everything need more seasoning or did something need less? Make up your minds, please. Spike says they should have added some lemon or something.
Padma asks how they conceptualized the dish. Spike mentions his initial idea for butternut squash soup, and Antonia admits that she was totally against that idea. Padma wonders why Antonia had that much of a say, since she had immunity, and Antonia says that having immunity didn't stop her from voicing an opinion. Spike actually interrupts her to snap that no, it sure didn't stop her at all. I really can't fathom why he did that. She's immune; he's not going to get the judges to turn against her. Plus, he's standing at losers' table, and she's openly admitting that she drove the dish's concept. Wouldn't that be a good thing from Spike's standpoint? Weirdo. The judges twist the knife by saying that soup would have been a brilliant (and much more earthy) idea. Ming blahs something about how making a good soup is the test of a good cook in France. How utterly irrelevant, thank you. Ptom becomes an unusual voice of reason when he says that making beef carpaccio isn't an issue, but making a bad one is. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, the first thing out of Spike's mouth is that they should have made butternut squash soup. So he's overlooking what Ptom just said in order to bolster his case. Handy. I happen to agree with him that his idea was better. But you can't have an idea, willingly back off of it, and then be all "Takesies backsies! You should have listened to me!" when things don't work out. He actually lands close to the problem when he tells the others that he was too nice, and should have pushed for what he wanted to do. Not that doing that helped him out so much last week. Richard is convinced he's dead meat, thanks to the lackluster, scaly salmon. Jennifer rubs Zoi's shoulder, and tries to bolster her confidence. The judges rehash their deliberations. Fish scales. Salmon texture. The diners' comment cards rated Team Earth the lowest, and Ptom says that he'd love to get rid of both Spike and Zoi, because they allowed someone with immunity to dictate the concept. Apparently, Ptom HIMSELF has forgotten what he just said about the concept being fine, but the execution being off. Never mind what I said about him being the voice of reason; he's as tooly as ever. If there's a Top Chef Catch-22 I hate almost as much as "You don't take enough risks! You should have stuck to your strengths!", it's this. "You take too much of a backseat! You can't work well with others!" Anyway, Zoi's mushrooms were crap, and the mushrooms were the basis for the entire dish. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Control your asthma by taking a drug that increases the chances of asthma-related death.
Elimination. Team Water's dish sounded good on paper, but didn't work out in execution. Team Earth's dish wasn't earthy, and the judges agreed with the diners that it was the worst of the four. As you'll see, there's minimal time for chitchat, so we go straight to Padma for the cut. Zoi. Please pack your knives and go. Spike gives her a hug. Antonia looks stricken. In her final interview, Zoi says that her life is based on cooking, not competing. That's a good point, and I'm sure people who are competent when given time to think things through may not be able to perform in a stressful, competitive environment. I'm certainly one of them. But then, there's a really easy way to avoid contests like these, and that is to not sign up for them. The chefs in the Kitchen are shocked to hear that Zoi's been eliminated, though I don't really see why. This is her third losers' table in a row. Richard and Antonia wipe away tears, though they may be tears of relief. I'm not sure Richard's the emotional farewell type. Zoi very calmly tells everyone that it's fine. She did her thing, and it wasn't the right fit for the judges. She gives Jennifer a smooch, and interviews that it was great to compete as a couple. After everyone gives her a fond good-bye, Zoi packs up to go, saying that it's still a good life, all things considered. Now there's a healthy attitude.
But enough of all this good cheer! Spike picks now to yell at Antonia that she should have taken a backseat on this challenge. Not during the planning stage. Not during the shopping. Now. And again, I agree with him on substance, but what the hell good does it do once the elimination is over? Antonia argues back that she said she'd be willing to do a soup, which Spike denies. They fight in this vein for a while, until Antonia nails his coffin shut by pointing out that she said she'd do soup on film. And...whoopsie, Spike! She did. It certainly wasn't a heartfelt endorsement of soup, but she said she'd go along with it if he really wanted. Now, Jennifer starts yelling at Spike for putting his teammate in the ground, which I don't understand at all. What did Spike have to do with getting Zoi eliminated? Then, Dale yells at...Spike, I think? Who the fuck knows? Spike yells back at Jennifer that he's sure she'd prefer he go home over her girlfriend, but tough. And, point. Zoi seems like a nice woman, but she wasn't exactly burning up the competition. Dale yells some more.
Then, Lisa yells at Dale that he's just making things worse. Already embarrassed by the fact that Lisa saved his bacon, then won with hers, Dale yells back about how she bitches and moans about everything. Not like him. When I think "Dale", "cheery good humor" is always the next thing to spring to mind. Oh, and Dale does that thing when people want you to think that they've got street cred, and comes thisclose to cupping his crotch with his hand. You know how Andrew was being all wigga a couple of weeks ago?
Limecrete: "What's he doing? Is he trying to be a wigga? But not white? Is he an ai-gga?"
Tiffany: "He's being a chigga."
Lisa ignores him. Jennifer kicks a chair. Lady, did you think both of you would win together? And...the scene ends, along with any hope Zoi had of being remembered in the episode she went home for. She'll be sure to thank her girlfriend for that one.
Overall Grade: B-
Previously on Top Chef: Movie-inspired food. Richard stepped up and took charge, which worked out well for his team. There's no way Richard being in charge of a team could ever go awry! Spike talked Manuel into making Vietnamese food. Antonia and Zoi chose an impossible movie to translate into food, and paid the price by being summoned to the losers' table. Both survived when Manuel, who had clearly been toast since the first episode, got chopped for taking too much of a backseat. Twelve chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. Aside from the usual assortment of cheeses, crackers, meats, and wines, I opted for health, and brought some sliced bell peppers. Then shot health to hell by dipping them in ranch dressing.
Morning in Chicago. Industrious people are already out and busy, while the chefs are still stirring themselves from bed. Antonia and Zoi are really pissed to have been in the bottom for the last challenge, and Jennifer also leaps to Zoi's defense. As I said last week, I agree that being in the bottom for a weak story is not grounds for elimination, but someone had to be in the bottom two, and everyone else had good food AND a good story. You're both still safe. Time to get over it. Ryan herds everyone out of the house, and very charmingly grins that it's time for someone else to go, then mouths "not me". I admit I'm easy, and would probably sneer at Dale doing the same thing. Amazingly, nothing in this first segment makes it completely obvious who's getting cut tonight. You mean suspense is a good thing? Who woulda thunk it? Quickfire Challenge. The chefs come into the Kitchen, where they're met by Padma and Ming Tsai, who will hopefully not be as much of a dick this time. Lisa tells us she's a big fan of his East-meets-West style of cuisine.
Panny: "That thing in her eyebrow bugs me."
Padma tells the chefs that this round is all about good taste, and Ming emphasizes that a chef with a poor palate will never be a great success. I wish they could take some time to explain what they think is the difference between a good palate and matters of taste and opinion, but I suppose that would cut into the high drama of pointless bitching. Um...spoiler. Padma tells everyone that it's time to test how sensitive their palates are, and whips out a blindfold. The chefs giggle. Antonia is extremely excited, interviewing that the blindfold test is her favorite kind of Quickfire. This blindfold test is a little different than in seasons past. The chefs will taste pairs of ingredients. One will be high-quality gourmet, and the other, cheap swill. The chefs will have twenty seconds to identify which of the items is woefully overpriced, and the one who gets the most right, gets immunity. Andrew parrots Ming's line about how important a good palate is, but points out that being blindfolded throws an extra wrench into the works.
The chefs go one by one into a dramatically lit Kitchen. Ryan gets syrup and bacon correct. Padma has a bit of an issue pulling the blindfold down over Stephanie's frizzy hair. Stephanie gets crab incorrect, picking the one that's $4.99/lb over the one that's $24.99/lb. This is what I meant about the difference between palate and taste. Is it a fact that Stephanie has bad taste in crab? Or is it that crab is crab, and no matter if you buy it at the Try 'n' Save or Pierre's Gourmet House of Crustaceans, it's essentially the same meat? Actually, crab is a bad example, as any boy from Baltimore could easily tell the difference, but you get what I'm saying. Dale gets chocolate correct. Lisa misses one, but gets butter and Cheddar cheese correct. Dale gets the Asian ingredients right, but misses caviar. Jennifer gets pork correct. Mark misses something. Richard gets something. He even gets olive oil, which is impressive. It's not like people take swigs from the bottle. At least I don't. I don't presume to know your life. He interviews that coming in the bottom three in this challenge would be a big embarrassment. Antonia comes at the challenge with calm confidence. She tastes the two ingredients with separate fingers, and gets something correct. Zoi gets something. Andrew misses something. Sake, maybe?
The chefs gather for the results. The lowest score was six out of fifteen. Ouch. I think I could get six out of fifteen. That score goes to Stephanie, who never seems content to place in the middle of challenges. She either excels or sucks mightily. She shrugs off never having won immunity. I'd worry more about my bosses hearing I can barely tell any foods apart. There is a tie for runner-up, with eleven out of fifteen. That goes to Ryan and Jennifer. Zoi says she's a little irritated with Jen beating her, as she'd like to have bragging rights. Zoi, based on challenge placement so far this season, I wouldn't count on it. The winner got twelve out of fifteen. It's Antonia, which Ming pronounces with a melodramatically-intoned Italian accent. Has he been watching Golden Girls reruns, too? There was more mangled Italian in that show than there is at Mama Campisis's. Don't ever go there, St. Louisans. Bleh. Antonia is happy to win, giving herself a little pat on the back in interview. Padma reminds her that she's got immunity in the Elimination Challenge, which is coming up...
Right now! The challenge is to cook for a celebrity chef charity ball, benefitting Meals on Wheels. Chicago's cooking elite will be preparing the second through fourth courses, but the contestants will be making the first course. Stephanie "six-out-of-fifteen" Izard says that people who go to these events are used to very high-quality ingredients. Ming says the most important thing to remember is to keep things simple. The theme of the event is "The Four Elements", so the chefs' food will be inspired by Earth, Air, Fire, or Water. Once again, we head to the trusty knife block to divide everyone into teams. They shake out to be:
Air: Nikki, Jennifer, and Ryan
Earth: Antonia, Spike, and Zoi
Fire: Lisa, Dale, and Stephanie
Water: Andrew, Richard, and Mark
Padma gives the chefs fifteen minutes to plan the menu. That is a brutally short amount of time. They have to figure out an inspiration, guess at what will stay in the budget, and figure out what's able to be executed properly for eighty people in fifteen minutes? Yikes. Padma and Ming leave them to it, and the chefs clump into their teams. Richard suggests raw fish. Jennifer suggests duck or chicken for Air, which makes sense. Although chickens don't really take to the air. Except that one time. Nikki wants to add a bit more imagination than just using a bird. Over at Earth, Spike suggests butternut squash soup. That's a good idea. Antonia disagrees, because the theme of this challenge is good taste, and she worries soup isn't fancy enough. However, "if you two are totally into soup, I will make a fucking good soup with you". You know, just in case that statement needs to be entered into evidence later or anything. Um...spoiler. Spike frets that being on a team with someone who has immunity is nerve-wracking. Antonia thinks making carpaccio is much more elegant. Oof. She's losing the thread of the challenge again. Last week, she concentrated on the food so much, she lost sight of the movie aspect. And here she is again, talking about carpaccio, which has absolutely no connection to Earth.
Stephanie thinks techniques that use fire could figure into their inspiration. Dale suggests a warm beef tartare. Yes, Dale. That's what would bring "fire" to my mind: Raw meat. Lisa tells him she's not a fan of this idea, and he persists in saying that they could wrap it around a deviled egg. That is the worst idea I've ever heard. Fire is probably the easiest element to drive food inspiration, and his grand idea is a deviled fucking egg? Weak. Of course, I wouldn't bring it up if he weren't going to get offended when someone else supposedly steals his thunder later. Um...spoiler. Stephanie actually likes the egg idea, which lowers her in my estimation considerably. Thankfully for them, Lisa refuses to go along with it, which causes Dale to interview that she's a "negative person", so he won't be able to work well with her. Yes, Dale, who plays pool alone because he "wants to remove himself from the human side of the competition". Dale, who shreds his teammates' food, agrees to serve it, then removes himself from any responsibility for its quality. He just can't work with those negative people! Stephanie worries about Lisa-the-strong-personality and Dale-the-self-proclaimed-asshole butting heads. When time runs out, they still haven't settled on anything.
Commercials. Remember way back when Jet Li said he wasn't going to do any more kung fu type of movies? Guess somebody got a nice, cold splash of reality.
Richard reminds us what the challenge is, as the chefs wander into Whole Foods with $500 and forty-five minutes to shop. Most of the teams still haven't fully conceived their dishes. Richard suggests buying fish to poach in a water bath. Team Air heads straight for the duck, while Team Fire bickers in the front of the store about what they're going to do. Dale suggests rubbing beef tenderloin with hot spices. Getting there. Certainly better than the egg idea. Lisa likes the idea of spice, but wants to do an Asian-style dish. Dale doesn't like that idea. Stephanie works on being as inconspicuous as possible. Lisa interviews that Ming Tsai is the first guest judge who cooks in a style that she's comfortable with, so she's really dead-set on Asian.
Spike passively asks Antonia if they're going to get screwed for just doing carpaccio, vinaigrette, and salad. Antonia says they won't, because they're focusing on high-quality ingredients. Spike makes it clear that he's not on board with the idea they're riding. He interviews that since Antonia has immunity, she should probably take more of a backseat in the planning of this challenge. We never see him step up and tell Antonia this. I agree with him that letting someone with immunity bulldoze you into a concept you're not comfortable with is a bad idea, but beyond mentioning that he's not loving the dish idea, he's not pressing it any further. Scratch that, he also passively asks if they think it would be too much to add a shot of butternut squash soup on the side. Antonia wonders if the soup would go with the carpaccio. Zoi doesn't really take a side. Spike... Hold on. I can't go any further without mentioning this monstrosity of a hat. I could put up with the jaunty fedoras, and I could put up with the Dick Tracy hat, but Spike is now wearing a ballcap made out of straw. No, really. Any place that would manufacture and sell such an item must be called the House of Tools. Anyway, he interviews that he's essentially giving up on convincing the ladies to do anything different for the course.
Team Fire hears that Team Earth is doing carpaccio, and instead of laughing their asses off that their competitors are making something so antithetical to their element, they decide to rethink their course AGAIN. Lisa is freaking out that they have no real idea what they're doing. Dale wishes she'd relax. Stephanie comes up with an idea to do a spicy shrimp, and when Dale mentions making a spicy chili pepper salad to go with it, everyone's on board. Lisa goes to grab some bacon. Everyone scurries around to grab their last-minute purchases, and checks out.
The next day, the chefs walk into the building where the event is being held, and the kitchen provided for them is enormous. They get going on their two and a half hours of prepping and cooking time. Antonia starts prepping the vegetables and fungi for their dish, interviewing that she'll contribute 100% to this challenge, despite her immunity. Spike thinly slices the filet, while Zoi is in charge of marinating and finishing off the mushrooms. Spike interviews that while this wasn't his idea, he has to show that he's just as enthusiastic about this dish as he'd be about his own idea for butternut squash soup. Richard starts on his sous-vide poached salmon. Mark makes a parsnip/vanilla puree, while Andrew makes a salad and does the same faux caviar he made last week. Team Fire grills their shrimp. Lisa is in charge of smoking the bacon, and Dale throws together a chili salad. Lisa explains she has a special method for making bacon. All the fat sides face the same direction, so that when the meat cooks, the bacon fuses into a solid layer that can be cut any which way. She's also making a special glaze that will provide an interesting miso flavor.
Team Air is working on duck breast, herb salad, and they'll also be serving a shot of Prosecco. Jennifer interviews that since this is an Elimination Challenge, the food needs to be spot-on. She's cooking the duck breast, and making sure each one is done perfectly. Lisa crabs because Nikki's equipment is in Team Fire's station. Nikki doesn't really seem to hear her, but Dale sure does, which gives us another opportunity to hear about how he just can't abide those negative people. Lisa admits in interview that she can certainly be that bitch everyone hates, but the food won't be served until it's perfect. Nikki interviews... And again we must stop, because what in the holy hell is going on with her hair? Does she have a Carmela Soprano audition later? Anyway, she thinks that Ryan is getting frazzled, because he forgot to reserve some pomegranate juice for the... Pomeranian? That can't be what she said. Ah, the closed captioning is under the impression that she said "Pomerini", but since the web is curiously silent on what that entails, I'm going with Pomeranian. It'd certainly make for a more interesting drink. Nikki finds something else to juice (limes, maybe), but pauses to chide Ryan for cursing. Jeez, if she can't handle some swearing, it's no wonder she fell apart in the first Quickfire.
Ptom drops by to Ptimewaste. He asks Spike what it's like working with Antonia and Zoi. Spike glows insincerely about how nice it is to work with women. If you have this episode taped, it's worth going back to watch Antonia's expression upon hearing this. Nearest translation: "You could not be more full of shit if you tried." After ascertaining who's in charge of cooking what, Ptom moves on to Team Water, where Richard and Andrew suck up to an embarrassing degree. Ptom doesn't buy into it. After giving us his impressions (not worth the keystrokes), the chefs go into their usual flurry of chaos, which is bit more hard-edged than before. The goodwill is draining fast. Zoi sighs that challenges involve a lot of compromise.
Commercials. Ooh, I want to win that block party hosted by Casey! Now I just need to figure out how to win without technically entering or putting forth any effort whatsoever.
When we return, the party's in full swing. The chefs plate up in the kitchen. Richard's not used to plating eighty pieces of fish at once, so he's more nervous than usual. Right before they transfer the fish to the plates, Andrew spots some scales that weren't caught when Richard cleaned it. Richard says they'll just recheck the fish as they move it. Ptom addresses the guests out front. One lady is very Catherine Keeneresque. A fleet of waiters moves into the kitchen, ready to go. Spike thinks Zoi's mushrooms are underseasoned, but she's happy with them. Time runs out.
Team Water's plates are taken out first. They've made sous-vide poached salmon with faux caviar, the parsnip/vanilla puree, and a watercress salad. Andrew continues to worry about the scales, as well he should. The judges find plenty on their plates. Ming seems to be impressed by the faux caviar, but the other judges have been there, done that. Ptom says that there are foods that are good when put through the sous-vide method, but salmon's not one of them. Team Fire's plates are served. They've got their grilled shrimp on a pickled chili salad, some deviled aioli, and miso-smoked bacon. Everyone enjoys the shrimp. Ptom appears to gear up for a snit about how they're kind of spicy, but another diner points out that, duh, this is Team Fire. Other diners also enjoy the kick the spice gave. Team Air's food goes out. It's duck breast with a citrus salad, and a pomegranate Prosecco aperitif. Nikki's fairly proud of the food they put out, but the judges aren't as thrilled. Gail and Ming aren't happy that the fat isn't rendered, and Ptom's not a fan of the recent little-drink-with-food trend. Team Earth's food goes out. It's beef carpaccio with a mushroom salad, and a sunchoke aioli. Gail disapproves of the use of rosemary. Jeez, if ever find myself cooking for Gail, remind me to never make anything with rosemary. All the judges find the plate bland, and not a bit earthy. Spike reminds us that he isn't on-board with his team's concepts.
A random diner happily says that if she were in charge, someone from Team Earth would definitely be going home. The lady sitting next to her says "Ouch!" Those two are having fun. The diners actually do get a say. They fill out comment cards, which will be taken into account by the judges. The judges discuss their impressions. Gail and Padma agree that Team Fire's dish was terrific, especially the bacon. Team Water's cooking method was ill-advised, and their fish had scales on it. Team Air was blah, but Gail did enjoy their citrus salad. Team Earth was roundly disappointing, and the mushrooms had almost no seasoning. Ptom says that seasoning food properly is a basic skill, so that bugged him more than anything else. The judges head out. Back in the kitchen, Teams Earth and Fire are feeling good about themselves, but Richard senses danger for Team Water. They pack up, and head back to the Kitchen for their usual fret 'n' sweat.
Commercials. Book your vacation through Expedia! You know, assuming any airlines are still in business by the end of the commercial.
Judges' Table. Alcohol is passed around the Kitchen. Richard worries. Padma comes back, and summons Team Fire to the table. Padma congratulates them on being the top team, and they exchange high tens and hugs. Stephanie explains that the dish's concept took them a while, and really came together while they were shopping. Dale explains his idea for the chili salad, but the judges ignore him in favor of praising Stephanie's shrimp and Lisa's bacon. Ptom compliments all of them for melding their individual components into one great dish. Padma tells them that the team member who Ming feels is most responsible for their success will win a five-night trip for two to Italy. Nice! Ming says it's a tough choice, but while all three components tasted good, Lisa's tasted good AND showed an imaginative, impressive technique, so she wins. Heh, where was Lisa the Technique Queen last week? She's thrilled to win.
Dale's interview must be related verbatim: "She made bacon. And she gets a trip to Italy? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm bitter." Ya think? Good thing you abhor negative people! I'm not sure what bugs me most. 1) He's implying that she just tossed bacon strips into the oven, then onto a plate, like she works at Denny's or something. Her technique was obviously more refined than that. 2) Even if her bacon had been simple, he...chopped up chili peppers and marinated them. Oooh, Julia Child's got nothing on you! 3) If Lisa hadn't spoken up early and decisively, Dale would have served a deviled egg, been deservedly excoriated, and wound up at the losers' table. Lisa is most definitely the person who guided this team to the win, and has pretty much earned the prize on that score alone. Go nurse your wounded ego back at the house, Dale. Your naked insecurity tires me.
Padma asks Team Fire to send back some of their colleagues. Lisa's win is applauded in the Kitchen, and she tells Teams Earth and Water that they're headed to the losers' table. The losing teams are wished luck. Dale sulks some more. Odd Asian music. Gong. The judges start with Team Water. Naturally, as Richard was not only team leader, but the one who cleaned the fish, he's the one that's in trouble. Half the people at the judges' dinner table had scales on their fish, which is a much bigger issue than just missing a few. The judges also point out their texture issues with sous-vide salmon, although that's more a matter of taste. Andrew's faux caviar technique was nice, but needed more flavor. Mark made the parsnip puree, and Ptom says he doesn't understand what it was even doing on the plate. He asks Mark what it was meant to accomplish, and there's an awkward silence. Mark eventually says that he thinks the parsnip's flavor complements salmon well. Ptom disagrees, saying it didn't add to the dish at all.
On to Team Earth. Antonia is asked if she, with her wonderfully immune palate, tasted everything before it went out. She did, and says that she thought it tasted great. Ptom says that the entire dish was bland and underseasoned. They're asked what they each did. Spike sliced the carpaccio and made the aioli, Zoi made the mushrooms and salad, and Antonia did the prep work. Ming says again that everything needed more seasoning, and Zoi explains that it probably came about because they didn't want to overpower the meat. She also says that she generally has a heavy hand when it comes to seasoning, and didn't taste anything off in the mushrooms. Gail says that the one flavor that came through was the rosemary, which was too potent. Well, did everything need more seasoning or did something need less? Make up your minds, please. Spike says they should have added some lemon or something.
Padma asks how they conceptualized the dish. Spike mentions his initial idea for butternut squash soup, and Antonia admits that she was totally against that idea. Padma wonders why Antonia had that much of a say, since she had immunity, and Antonia says that having immunity didn't stop her from voicing an opinion. Spike actually interrupts her to snap that no, it sure didn't stop her at all. I really can't fathom why he did that. She's immune; he's not going to get the judges to turn against her. Plus, he's standing at losers' table, and she's openly admitting that she drove the dish's concept. Wouldn't that be a good thing from Spike's standpoint? Weirdo. The judges twist the knife by saying that soup would have been a brilliant (and much more earthy) idea. Ming blahs something about how making a good soup is the test of a good cook in France. How utterly irrelevant, thank you. Ptom becomes an unusual voice of reason when he says that making beef carpaccio isn't an issue, but making a bad one is. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, the first thing out of Spike's mouth is that they should have made butternut squash soup. So he's overlooking what Ptom just said in order to bolster his case. Handy. I happen to agree with him that his idea was better. But you can't have an idea, willingly back off of it, and then be all "Takesies backsies! You should have listened to me!" when things don't work out. He actually lands close to the problem when he tells the others that he was too nice, and should have pushed for what he wanted to do. Not that doing that helped him out so much last week. Richard is convinced he's dead meat, thanks to the lackluster, scaly salmon. Jennifer rubs Zoi's shoulder, and tries to bolster her confidence. The judges rehash their deliberations. Fish scales. Salmon texture. The diners' comment cards rated Team Earth the lowest, and Ptom says that he'd love to get rid of both Spike and Zoi, because they allowed someone with immunity to dictate the concept. Apparently, Ptom HIMSELF has forgotten what he just said about the concept being fine, but the execution being off. Never mind what I said about him being the voice of reason; he's as tooly as ever. If there's a Top Chef Catch-22 I hate almost as much as "You don't take enough risks! You should have stuck to your strengths!", it's this. "You take too much of a backseat! You can't work well with others!" Anyway, Zoi's mushrooms were crap, and the mushrooms were the basis for the entire dish. The judges reach a decision.
Commercials. Control your asthma by taking a drug that increases the chances of asthma-related death.
Elimination. Team Water's dish sounded good on paper, but didn't work out in execution. Team Earth's dish wasn't earthy, and the judges agreed with the diners that it was the worst of the four. As you'll see, there's minimal time for chitchat, so we go straight to Padma for the cut. Zoi. Please pack your knives and go. Spike gives her a hug. Antonia looks stricken. In her final interview, Zoi says that her life is based on cooking, not competing. That's a good point, and I'm sure people who are competent when given time to think things through may not be able to perform in a stressful, competitive environment. I'm certainly one of them. But then, there's a really easy way to avoid contests like these, and that is to not sign up for them. The chefs in the Kitchen are shocked to hear that Zoi's been eliminated, though I don't really see why. This is her third losers' table in a row. Richard and Antonia wipe away tears, though they may be tears of relief. I'm not sure Richard's the emotional farewell type. Zoi very calmly tells everyone that it's fine. She did her thing, and it wasn't the right fit for the judges. She gives Jennifer a smooch, and interviews that it was great to compete as a couple. After everyone gives her a fond good-bye, Zoi packs up to go, saying that it's still a good life, all things considered. Now there's a healthy attitude.
But enough of all this good cheer! Spike picks now to yell at Antonia that she should have taken a backseat on this challenge. Not during the planning stage. Not during the shopping. Now. And again, I agree with him on substance, but what the hell good does it do once the elimination is over? Antonia argues back that she said she'd be willing to do a soup, which Spike denies. They fight in this vein for a while, until Antonia nails his coffin shut by pointing out that she said she'd do soup on film. And...whoopsie, Spike! She did. It certainly wasn't a heartfelt endorsement of soup, but she said she'd go along with it if he really wanted. Now, Jennifer starts yelling at Spike for putting his teammate in the ground, which I don't understand at all. What did Spike have to do with getting Zoi eliminated? Then, Dale yells at...Spike, I think? Who the fuck knows? Spike yells back at Jennifer that he's sure she'd prefer he go home over her girlfriend, but tough. And, point. Zoi seems like a nice woman, but she wasn't exactly burning up the competition. Dale yells some more.
Then, Lisa yells at Dale that he's just making things worse. Already embarrassed by the fact that Lisa saved his bacon, then won with hers, Dale yells back about how she bitches and moans about everything. Not like him. When I think "Dale", "cheery good humor" is always the next thing to spring to mind. Oh, and Dale does that thing when people want you to think that they've got street cred, and comes thisclose to cupping his crotch with his hand. You know how Andrew was being all wigga a couple of weeks ago?
Limecrete: "What's he doing? Is he trying to be a wigga? But not white? Is he an ai-gga?"
Tiffany: "He's being a chigga."
Lisa ignores him. Jennifer kicks a chair. Lady, did you think both of you would win together? And...the scene ends, along with any hope Zoi had of being remembered in the episode she went home for. She'll be sure to thank her girlfriend for that one.
Overall Grade: B-
Monday, April 07, 2008
Film Food
Top Chef - Season 4, Episode 4
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs cooked for a neighborhood block party. The show reminds us of Spike's "sabotage", as if it were a nefarious, devious plot. Stephanie won the Elimination Challenge by being one of the few chefs who didn't put forth disappointing food. The Red team was shocked to lose, and Erik took a walk for his soggy corn dogs. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. I made some popovers, just to get back in the swing of how to do them. Timiffany served up some sausage, cheese, and some delightful gourmet garlic crackers.
Limecrete: "Wow, I really like these crackers."
Tiffany: "Thanks, we like you, too."
Morning in Chicago. Jennifer brushes her teeth, while Zoi puts her earrings on. Manuel interviews that the house is a lot quieter without Erik, and that he was sad to see him go. He also says that he misses his kids back home. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! You are not going to tell me that the guy who's had almost no screentime this season just got featured in the opening clip by talking about his kids back home. Could the editors be that lazy? Surely, this must be a trick! This is even more naked foreshadowing than Valerie saying she had a friend in the house. This is like the black guy saying "I'll be right back" in the second scene of a cheap slasher. Ugh.
Okay. So, now that the remainder of the hour has just been rendered completely pointless, let's continue. Jennifer reminds us that while others have left their loved ones behind, she and Zoi get to see each other every day. Because they're a couple. Have you heard they're a couple? Let me mention it again, in case you've missed it at the beginning of every single episode so far. Spike points out that having two people who understand each other's thought processes puts the rest of them at a slight disadvantage, which is all it takes to get someone booted. Good point. Everyone shuffles out for the day, as Manuel says "Nothing can stop me now!" No, he didn't really say that, but he may as well have. In fact, I think I'll pepper the rest of the recap with other fictional Manuel-tempts-Fate quotes, just to keep myself amused. Fucking "story producers".
The chefs come into the Kitchen for today's Quickfire Challenge. They're met by Padma, and this week's guest judge, Daniel Boulud. He's an award-winning chef who you may remember has graced our screens before. Luckily, he doesn't have to judge as stupid a Quickfire as he did last time. Today's Quickfire is to create a vegetable platter using at least three advanced culinary techniques. Interesting. Lisa's face falls. She tells us she doesn't like to do things classically. She uses the technique she feels is best for any particular moment. This sounds like a cover for not knowing any advanced culinary techniques to me. Eh, what do I know? Daniel mentions that both Ryan and Richard used to work for him, but promises that it won't affect his judging at all. Let's hope not, as Ryan interviews that he spent a very short time with Daniel, and that it wasn't his style. Translation: "I hated working there with a fiery passion." Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
The usual panic ensues. Nikki says that this is the challenge where she falls the shortest, as classical techniques are not in her background. She's going to give it the old college try, nonetheless. Manuel is intimidated by Daniel, but trusts his knife skills. "What could possibly go wrong?" he asks. Richard is in hog heaven. Showing off technique is basically his bread and butter. Zoi is nervous, but concentrates on combining complementary flavors. Lisa attempts to skin a cucumber, but looks over to see Dale doing the same thing, and much more smoothly. Spike goes for creativity, and whips out a tool that slices and curls scallions. People plate their food. Time runs out.
Padma and Daniel go down the line. I'm afraid advanced techniques means that a lot of unfamiliar words are being tossed around. I trust definitions can be hunted down by the curious. Zoi has shaved asparagus, poached egg, made batons of green beans, and a chiffonade of radicchio and frisee (endives). Daniel appreciates the paper thin chiffonade. Dale has made a vegan sashimi platter. He's marinated daikon in tobanjan, and made a tournee of avocado and cucumber. My spell check is going crazy. Both Daniel and Padma are severely impressed. Maybe I would be, too, if I understood what the hell Dale's talking about. Padma rotates some food towards herself, insisting that they look at the beautiful technique before tasting anything.
Kender: "Don't show US or anything."
Lisa has poached an egg, blanched some asparagus, made some batonettes of bell pepper, and grilled some zucchini. She sure wasn't kidding about not doing any advanced techniques. Unless grilling and poaching counts as advanced these days. Daniel points out that it's extremely basic. Richard's plate is beautifully presented. He has blanched some mushrooms, pickled beets, and has some sliced radish with lime juice and scallions. Spike's plate is much messier, but seems more technically advanced. He has a carpaccio of cucumber, a tagliatello of asparagus, a cucumber cup filled with bell pepper "confetti", and a tournee of mushroom.
Manuel has blanched asparagus with pencil tips, made a brunois of yellow pepper, has a supremes of lemon, and wrapped an endive leaf around some fennel frond. I have no idea what a "supremes" is, but Diana Ross is nowhere to be found. Daniel says that wrapping something in something else isn't really a technique; just a composition. Manuel sneers "So what? It's not like I'm getting eliminated tonight!" Nikki has blanched some green beans (very popular today, this blanching), made an asparagus quenelle, and also has a shaved fennel and radish salad. She's thrown in some grilled zucchini for color, but Daniel says that even if it's just presented for technical reasons, she should have seasoned it. She thanks him for the advice.
Results. Daniel says he wished everyone had taken five minutes to think of a plan before throwing themselves into this challenge. Bad news first. Nikki is in the bottom three for her unseasoned food. Lisa had no train of thought. Manuel's techniques were too basic. Now, to the favorites. Zoi's poached eggs were perfect, and integrated perfectly into the overall dish. Dale has amazing knife skills. Richard had amazing presentation. Daniel selects Dale for the win. Richard looks crushed. Dale is happy to bag his first win, not to mention the immunity that comes along with it. He gives the Standard Speech.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be creating a dinner wherein each course is inspired by a favorite movie. Antonia grins. She interviews that she's a total movie buff, so you'd think she could come up with a suitable inspiration. Not to give too much away. Ryan says that he's seen two movies in three years. Jeez, what does he do with all his free time? We know he's not reading up on food. Daniel says his favorite movie is Casablanca, which would inspire him to make Moroccan food. Anyhow, the dinner will have six courses, and is being hosted by Richard Roeper for Aisha Tyler. Yay, I love her. She was the best thing about Balls of Fury. Yes, I saw it in the theater. Hey, I can watch silly goofball flicks AND artistic cinema, you know. Stop judging me! The chefs will have two hours to prepare their food on-site before the first course is served, and they'll be working in pairs. Everyone draws a knife except for Dale. Because he won the Quickfire, he gets to choose which pair to join. The teams shake out to be:
First Course: Richard, Andrew, and Dale
Second Course: Spike and Manuel
Third Course: Nikki and Jennifer
Fourth Course: Mark and Ryan
Fifth Course: Antonia and Zoi
Sixth Course: Stephanie and Lisa
Antonia sees why Dale chose to be on a team with Richard, pegging him as her biggest competition. Dale agrees in interview that he's been wanting to work with Richard, and he also seems to want to do the first course, anyway. Andrew doesn't let the fact that he is no part of the reason Dale selected the team dissuade him from sniffing that "the weak choose the strong". Because...he's stronger than the two guys who just beat him in the Quickfire? He sure knows how to delude himself when it's handy.
Commercials. Nobody who owns a bulldog has a living room that tidy.
Richard recaps the challenge for us. He, Dale, and Andrew agree that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is an easy movie to be creative with. Hey, make something with snozzberries! Manuel tells Spike that obviously, his inspiration would be something Mexican, like Like Water for Chocolate. Spike's never heard of it, and shoots him down, preferring to play to his own strengths with Vietnamese food. He picks Good Morning, Vietnam, and Manuel complacently agrees, saying that he doesn't mind going along with Spike's ideas, that he'll have some input as well, and that "everything's smooth sailing from here on out!" Jennifer and Nikki easily agree to do something Italian. They hit upon Il Postino as their inspiration, so they can do something romantic and rustic. Jennifer finds it odd to be competing directly with Zoi. Zoi and Antonia are getting along well, and decide to do Spanish food inspired by Talk to Her, which Antonia describes as being about "two very creative women". She doesn't mention how one of those women is raped and impregnated while she's in a coma. Yummy! I mean, it's a great movie, but not one that really screams "dinner", you know?
Ryan gives us a hint of the last few movies he's seen when he says he loves Dumb and Dumber. Mark prefers To Kill A Mockingbird. Heh. These guys are totally mismatched, although they certainly both hit upon movies that don't lend themselves well to food. Mmmm, laxatives! And try some of this delicious racism! Mark spits out a bunch of movies Ryan's never heard of, and Ryan just tunes him out until a Muse slaps him on the head, and he comes up with A Christmas Story, though he can't remember the title. That's actually not a bad idea, in that there's genuine food inspiration to be had from the scene where the turkey is ruined, and the family goes out for duck in a Chinese restaurant instead. Mark's, like, "Whatever, man". Lisa and Stephanie have seen this show before, and refuse to do dessert for the sixth course. Lisa tells the other chefs that they'll be making beef and short ribs, just so they know what to expect. She also picks the movie Top Secret, for its infamous cow scene. I confess I haven't seen that movie in a long time, but can guess at what happens to two guys in a cow suit. Stephanie's, like, "Whatever, man". There's a lot of that going around.
The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for thirty minutes of shopping time. I'm impressed by the pumpkin display by the front door. Dale interviews that the first course is going to be smoked salmon with faux caviar (made of soy tapioca pearls), and a wasabi white chocolate sauce. Like many others, I'm confused by the combination of wasabi and white chocolate, but will say that the food itself is very cleverly derived from the movie. Spike says that he's going to use simple ingredients, because you don't need something fancy to make something kick-ass. Manuel chooses sea bass, while Spike would have preferred to go with tilapia. The mask slips a little when Spike says that you have to "compromise with your employees", but swiftly recovers into "with the people that you're working with". Yeah, I think we know who's wearing the pants on this team. Manuel interviews that sea bass is perfect for the chili rub he's making for it, and that "there's no way this dish will be anything but perfect!"
Zoi and Antonia will be making rack of lamb with a cauliflower saffron puree, and a romesco sauce. Rack of lamb is really pricey, so Antonia knows that she'll have to be extra careful in portioning it out. Mark is frustrated to find that the store not only doesn't have turkey, but they don't have duck, either. They settle on quail, which I think actually gives their story a needed twist. It'd be too easy to say "they ate duck in the movie, so here's some duck". Mark is pleased, saying that quail can be more flavorful, anyway. They also load up on cranberries.
The next day, everyone gets ready for the Elimination Challenge. Andrew impersonates an Oompa Loompa, but refuses to go all the way and paint his face orange, like I did. Hey, Halloween is the cornerstone of my year. Andrew actually has the idea to do a dwarf imitation for the diners, which is a horrible idea, and which his team members thankfully talk him down from. The chefs head over to wherever it is they're serving dinner, and begin setting up in the kitchen. Mad chopping montage. Nikki and Jennifer tend their respective pastas. Richard steps up as the leader of his team, and seems willing to accept blame as well as credit. Spike and Manuel are working on a summer roll with chili-rubbed Chilean sea bass, and pickled Swiss chard. Ryan and Mark are humming along happily. Mark makes a spring roll to accompany the quail. Stephanie enjoys Lisa's organizational skills. They're making New York strip steak, braised short ribs, and an apple potsticker with caramel sauce. It's got the barest of ties to any movie, let alone the one they've chosen, but it sounds like a tasty course. Antonia and Zoi want to put a lot of color into their dish, but hold back when they think it would have too much influence on flavor. Richard breaks out the electric smoker again, but it gave its all for the crab cakes, and dies mere minutes before time runs out. Rut roh!
Commercials. Oh, good. I so missed these ads that imply that men have no idea how to do anything without making a huge mess. I promise not to get too graphic, but let me just say that I do part-time work in a restaurant, and often have to clean up in both the men's and women's restrooms. Guess which one is ALWAYS grosser? Here's a hint: It's not the men's.
Richard decides that the smoker was just going to provide something extra, and isn't necessary to make the dish successful. The diners come into the dining room. The judges are there, of course, and I'm peeved to see Ted is still standing in for Gail. Richard Roeper and Aisha Tyler are present and accounted for, as are some random people who are probably friends, girlfriends, etc. They start off with a champagne toast. Faux marquees hang over the table, the names of the six inspiration films listed on them. The first course team lights a piece of wood on fire, then holds the pieces of salmon above it, so that the fish gets smoked. That's pretty resourceful of them. Once it's done, they take the first course out. The salmon is barely seared, and there's a pear/celery soda as a play on the movie's Fizzy Lifting drinks. That scene scared the crap out of me when I was little. Everyone finds the wasabi/chocolate sauce surprisingly good, and are impressed by the creativity that went into the food.
Spike and Manuel bring out the second course. The summer rolls are stuffed with black vermicelli, green apple, bean sprouts, and the Chilean sea bass. There's also a piece of Swiss chard to the side, and a spoonful of something soup-like, which is never explained. "If you don't find this to be sheer heaven, I'll eat my hat!" Manuel shouts gleefully. Once they're gone, the diners tuck in. Daniel isn't wild about the fish, and Ted says they had the money to stuff the summer rolls with crab or lobster. Aisha says the roll wrapping was unusually thick. Ptom has no idea what the chard on the side is supposed to achieve. Padma grouses that they just wanted to do Vietnamese food, and picked the movie based off of that. Note that this criticism will not be leveled at Nikki, Jennifer, Stephanie, or Lisa, who did the same thing.
Romantic music greets Nikki and Jennifer as they serve the third course, which is presented with a small glass of wine for each diner. Their dish is tortellini with cavolo nero (a vegetable similar to kale), Ricotta and Pecorino cheeses, squash, and some peppercorn. Sounds great. The chefs are fairly meh about it, though they do not come up with any specific criticisms. Ted likes the rusticity, and Richard says that it's far better than the expert foodies at the table seem to think. He says it was wonderful, and Ted continues his quest to be the most whiny, defensive judge as he whines defensively that the judges have to be sticklers, and have to be as nitpicky as they can about the food. Yeah, because you have to have an extremely refined palate to come up with a criticism as devastating and specific as "good, not great". Shut up, Ted. Another random diner agrees with Richard that everything was tasty. The judges are sufficiently cowed.
Mark worries that the spring roll will be a bit dry, but thinks the rest of the fourth course will be terrific. Christmasy music greets their entrance into the dining room. Please, I'm trying to put winter behind me. Ryan describes the movie scene for the diners, and Mark describes the food. It's quail breast with carrot puree, some cranberry chutney, and quail spring rolls on a watercress puree. Everyone loves the food, and Richard appreciates how they took a specific scene and brought it into the food. Aisha enjoys the carrot puree. Spanish guitar accompanies Zoi and Antonia as they plate their food. Richard helps put a swoosh of cauliflower puree on their plates as Antonia carefully slices the lamb. They describe the movie to the diners as a film about passionate women, which they wanted to bring out in their food by using vibrant colors.
Tiffany: "So we made this plain-ass lookin' plate."
Eesh. It's true. The rack of lamb looks fine (if maybe a bit rare), and the saffron cauliflower puree and romesco sauce are probably great, but it just looks like a hunk of meat next to a glob of goo. The judges jump on the fact that the food has little to do with the movie or the story of passion that Zoi and Antonia wanted to convey. Aisha agrees that everything tastes fine, but nothing about it is transcendent or even Spanish. Ptom wishes he would have gotten a single chop, rather than the sliced version. Lisa and Stephanie take out their course. Lisa does a good job of pulling the wool over the diners' eyes by pretending that serving meat has anything to do with Top Secret. Stephanie outlines their food. It's everything mentioned before, except that the braised short rib is contained in a wonton. Everyone seems to enjoy different aspects of it. Daniel likes the flavor. Aisha likes the creativity. A random lady likes that they made something that she can't make at home. Hehe. I apply that standard to eating out as well. You go, random lady! Ted says he doesn't know how much the food connects to the movie, but doesn't seem to care.
Kender: "At least nobody picked Pink Flamingos."
Everyone leaves except for the judges, and the chefs do their usual fret 'n' sweat back in the kitchen. Ptom thinks the first course was whimsical and fun, and Daniel liked their surprising flavors. He thinks it was the most professionally executed dish, and Ted appreciated that it was subtle enough to serve as a first course. Ptom didn't like Spike and Manuel's choice of fish, and that the chard had no connection to the dish at all. Nikki and Jennifer's was neither remarkably good nor remarkably bad. Mark and Ryan did a nice job of translating their movie's story to the food, both in flavor and color. Speaking of color, Antonia and Zoi's food had none, and wasn't anywhere near as passionate as they supposed. Stephanie and Lisa's flavors were great. The judges reach a decision, and head out. Manuel worries that his course was too simple to compete with the other chefs'. "But no worries," he says. "I'm in this for the long haul!" Zoi says that the other contestants all tasted her course and found it wonderful, so she hopes the judges appreciate it.
Commercials. I'd rather have the water polo team than that guy in his fuel-efficient car.
The chefs have another fret 'n' sweat in their own Kitchen. Padma comes back and summons Richard/Andrew/Dale and Stephanie/Lisa to the Judges' Table. Daniel is wearing an ill-advised leather jacket. Don't worry about it, Daniel. I can't wear them without looking like a giant poseur, either. Padma tells the chefs that they are the top two teams. Hugs, kisses, and hand slaps are exchanged. Richard's recipe idea is credited for most of the win, though Ted also liked Andrew's faux caviar. Stephanie gives credit for their course to Lisa, and says they just built off the caramel sauce. Ted says that he worried the caramel sauce would compete with the reduction sauce already on the plate, but that everything worked together. Padma throws it over to Daniel to announce the challenge's winner. It's Richard, who led his team to devise a wonderful, creative course. He's happy, and says the challenge has taught him to be himself. I wasn't aware he was trying to subdue his natural tendencies thus far, but whatever. Padma asks him to send out the losers.
Said losers are busy being whiny and defensive back in the Kitchen. I guess they've been taking lessons from Ted. Nikki has the confidence to admit that Richard cooks in a style that's vastly different than hers, but Spike and Zoi are comforting themselves by insisting that wasabi and white chocolate could never, ever be combined into anything even remotely edible. The winning teams come back and announce Richard's win. Zoi gives him a dirty look, and there is notably tepid applause for him. He says that the judges would like to see Spike/Manuel and Zoi/Antonia.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams enter. Man, it's only been four episodes, and all of these folks have been in the bottom before, save Manuel. "I'm on top of the world!" he grins. Padma asks Zoi and Antonia why they think they're in the bottom, and Antonia admits surprise, saying she thought all their food turned out well. Ptom says the problem was more about their story and the way they sold it. How they're able to refrain from a massive eyeroll is beyond me. Zoi is already close to tears. Antonia stays a lot more together, explaining that their food's connection to the movie was a simple one, and yes, they should have made that clearer at dinner. I'm liking Antonia more and more these days. Zoi's certainly not doing the ladies and their "It's time for a female to take home this title of respect!" attitude any favors by falling apart every time she's faced with criticism. Padma seems to accept Antonia's explanation, and turns to Spike and Manuel.
Spike explains that he's currently cooking Vietnamese food, so that's why they went with the food they did. Ted asks about the chard, and Manuel says he thought it was vibrant. Ptom says that the chard itself wasn't the issue, but that it had no connection to the summer roll. He also wonders if the two of them spent their entire budget, which Spike says they did. Ptom says he didn't see that value reflected on the plate. They get into a discussion about what Manuel contributed as far as ideas, and Manuel quite openly says that he wanted to learn from Spike about how he cooks, and isn't ashamed by that. That opens up the question of who would deserve to take the fall if this course is deemed the worst: the guy who conceived it or the guy who wasn't aggressive enough to take charge. We know how Ptom would vote. To his credit, Spike refuses to play the game that way, and doesn't advocate Manuel's elimination. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Zoi is still complaining about Richard's ideas, saying that if his course is what the judges are looking for, she doesn't have a chance. Jennifer sticks up for Zoi in interview, saying that it's unfair that she wound up in the bottom, when their food was spot on. Yeah, but there had to be another team in the bottom two. Even if the outcome of this episode weren't obvious from the first sixty seconds, I think we all know Zoi and Antonia wouldn't be eliminated for a weak story when someone else had bad food. Manuel knows it's going to be him or Spike. The judges repeat the same deliberations they had at the restaurant, adding that Spike made an ordinary summer roll, and Manuel didn't take any initiative. Manuel knows that's what they're saying, and is telling the others that it didn't happen that way at all. The judges make their decision.
Commercials. I love Target, but it wouldn't be my destination for anything wedding-cake-related.
Elimination. Antonia and Zoi didn't live up to their story, but their food was fine, so they're both safe. Spike and Manuel's dish was not only the judges' least favorite, but the least favorite of all the other diners as well. Ouch. Spike took the lead on the course, but Manuel lacks the drive and determination to be a leader. And we all know what that means. Manuel. Please pack your knives and go. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is coming completely out of left field! How could this possibly have happened? Spike gives him a big hug. Manuel takes the loss gracefully, shrugging that he's disappointed, but that it was a good learning experience. He thanks the judges for the opportunity. He tells the other chefs that "never in [his] life has he been surrounded by such talented and brilliant people". Aw. There are hugs all around, and he's applauded out the door. He closes by saying the experience will definitely affect the way he cooks and the way he sees food in the future. That's a good philosophy. Classy guy. It's a shame classy guys are cannon fodder on shows like these.
Overall Grade (without the asinine, naked foreshadowing at the outset): B+
Overall Grade (as is): C-
Previously on Top Chef: The chefs cooked for a neighborhood block party. The show reminds us of Spike's "sabotage", as if it were a nefarious, devious plot. Stephanie won the Elimination Challenge by being one of the few chefs who didn't put forth disappointing food. The Red team was shocked to lose, and Erik took a walk for his soggy corn dogs. Thirteen chefs remain. Who will be eliminated tonight?
Opening menu. I made some popovers, just to get back in the swing of how to do them. Timiffany served up some sausage, cheese, and some delightful gourmet garlic crackers.
Limecrete: "Wow, I really like these crackers."
Tiffany: "Thanks, we like you, too."
Morning in Chicago. Jennifer brushes her teeth, while Zoi puts her earrings on. Manuel interviews that the house is a lot quieter without Erik, and that he was sad to see him go. He also says that he misses his kids back home. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! You are not going to tell me that the guy who's had almost no screentime this season just got featured in the opening clip by talking about his kids back home. Could the editors be that lazy? Surely, this must be a trick! This is even more naked foreshadowing than Valerie saying she had a friend in the house. This is like the black guy saying "I'll be right back" in the second scene of a cheap slasher. Ugh.
Okay. So, now that the remainder of the hour has just been rendered completely pointless, let's continue. Jennifer reminds us that while others have left their loved ones behind, she and Zoi get to see each other every day. Because they're a couple. Have you heard they're a couple? Let me mention it again, in case you've missed it at the beginning of every single episode so far. Spike points out that having two people who understand each other's thought processes puts the rest of them at a slight disadvantage, which is all it takes to get someone booted. Good point. Everyone shuffles out for the day, as Manuel says "Nothing can stop me now!" No, he didn't really say that, but he may as well have. In fact, I think I'll pepper the rest of the recap with other fictional Manuel-tempts-Fate quotes, just to keep myself amused. Fucking "story producers".
The chefs come into the Kitchen for today's Quickfire Challenge. They're met by Padma, and this week's guest judge, Daniel Boulud. He's an award-winning chef who you may remember has graced our screens before. Luckily, he doesn't have to judge as stupid a Quickfire as he did last time. Today's Quickfire is to create a vegetable platter using at least three advanced culinary techniques. Interesting. Lisa's face falls. She tells us she doesn't like to do things classically. She uses the technique she feels is best for any particular moment. This sounds like a cover for not knowing any advanced culinary techniques to me. Eh, what do I know? Daniel mentions that both Ryan and Richard used to work for him, but promises that it won't affect his judging at all. Let's hope not, as Ryan interviews that he spent a very short time with Daniel, and that it wasn't his style. Translation: "I hated working there with a fiery passion." Padma starts the thirty-minute countdown.
The usual panic ensues. Nikki says that this is the challenge where she falls the shortest, as classical techniques are not in her background. She's going to give it the old college try, nonetheless. Manuel is intimidated by Daniel, but trusts his knife skills. "What could possibly go wrong?" he asks. Richard is in hog heaven. Showing off technique is basically his bread and butter. Zoi is nervous, but concentrates on combining complementary flavors. Lisa attempts to skin a cucumber, but looks over to see Dale doing the same thing, and much more smoothly. Spike goes for creativity, and whips out a tool that slices and curls scallions. People plate their food. Time runs out.
Padma and Daniel go down the line. I'm afraid advanced techniques means that a lot of unfamiliar words are being tossed around. I trust definitions can be hunted down by the curious. Zoi has shaved asparagus, poached egg, made batons of green beans, and a chiffonade of radicchio and frisee (endives). Daniel appreciates the paper thin chiffonade. Dale has made a vegan sashimi platter. He's marinated daikon in tobanjan, and made a tournee of avocado and cucumber. My spell check is going crazy. Both Daniel and Padma are severely impressed. Maybe I would be, too, if I understood what the hell Dale's talking about. Padma rotates some food towards herself, insisting that they look at the beautiful technique before tasting anything.
Kender: "Don't show US or anything."
Lisa has poached an egg, blanched some asparagus, made some batonettes of bell pepper, and grilled some zucchini. She sure wasn't kidding about not doing any advanced techniques. Unless grilling and poaching counts as advanced these days. Daniel points out that it's extremely basic. Richard's plate is beautifully presented. He has blanched some mushrooms, pickled beets, and has some sliced radish with lime juice and scallions. Spike's plate is much messier, but seems more technically advanced. He has a carpaccio of cucumber, a tagliatello of asparagus, a cucumber cup filled with bell pepper "confetti", and a tournee of mushroom.
Manuel has blanched asparagus with pencil tips, made a brunois of yellow pepper, has a supremes of lemon, and wrapped an endive leaf around some fennel frond. I have no idea what a "supremes" is, but Diana Ross is nowhere to be found. Daniel says that wrapping something in something else isn't really a technique; just a composition. Manuel sneers "So what? It's not like I'm getting eliminated tonight!" Nikki has blanched some green beans (very popular today, this blanching), made an asparagus quenelle, and also has a shaved fennel and radish salad. She's thrown in some grilled zucchini for color, but Daniel says that even if it's just presented for technical reasons, she should have seasoned it. She thanks him for the advice.
Results. Daniel says he wished everyone had taken five minutes to think of a plan before throwing themselves into this challenge. Bad news first. Nikki is in the bottom three for her unseasoned food. Lisa had no train of thought. Manuel's techniques were too basic. Now, to the favorites. Zoi's poached eggs were perfect, and integrated perfectly into the overall dish. Dale has amazing knife skills. Richard had amazing presentation. Daniel selects Dale for the win. Richard looks crushed. Dale is happy to bag his first win, not to mention the immunity that comes along with it. He gives the Standard Speech.
Elimination Challenge. Padma tells the chefs that they'll be creating a dinner wherein each course is inspired by a favorite movie. Antonia grins. She interviews that she's a total movie buff, so you'd think she could come up with a suitable inspiration. Not to give too much away. Ryan says that he's seen two movies in three years. Jeez, what does he do with all his free time? We know he's not reading up on food. Daniel says his favorite movie is Casablanca, which would inspire him to make Moroccan food. Anyhow, the dinner will have six courses, and is being hosted by Richard Roeper for Aisha Tyler. Yay, I love her. She was the best thing about Balls of Fury. Yes, I saw it in the theater. Hey, I can watch silly goofball flicks AND artistic cinema, you know. Stop judging me! The chefs will have two hours to prepare their food on-site before the first course is served, and they'll be working in pairs. Everyone draws a knife except for Dale. Because he won the Quickfire, he gets to choose which pair to join. The teams shake out to be:
First Course: Richard, Andrew, and Dale
Second Course: Spike and Manuel
Third Course: Nikki and Jennifer
Fourth Course: Mark and Ryan
Fifth Course: Antonia and Zoi
Sixth Course: Stephanie and Lisa
Antonia sees why Dale chose to be on a team with Richard, pegging him as her biggest competition. Dale agrees in interview that he's been wanting to work with Richard, and he also seems to want to do the first course, anyway. Andrew doesn't let the fact that he is no part of the reason Dale selected the team dissuade him from sniffing that "the weak choose the strong". Because...he's stronger than the two guys who just beat him in the Quickfire? He sure knows how to delude himself when it's handy.
Commercials. Nobody who owns a bulldog has a living room that tidy.
Richard recaps the challenge for us. He, Dale, and Andrew agree that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is an easy movie to be creative with. Hey, make something with snozzberries! Manuel tells Spike that obviously, his inspiration would be something Mexican, like Like Water for Chocolate. Spike's never heard of it, and shoots him down, preferring to play to his own strengths with Vietnamese food. He picks Good Morning, Vietnam, and Manuel complacently agrees, saying that he doesn't mind going along with Spike's ideas, that he'll have some input as well, and that "everything's smooth sailing from here on out!" Jennifer and Nikki easily agree to do something Italian. They hit upon Il Postino as their inspiration, so they can do something romantic and rustic. Jennifer finds it odd to be competing directly with Zoi. Zoi and Antonia are getting along well, and decide to do Spanish food inspired by Talk to Her, which Antonia describes as being about "two very creative women". She doesn't mention how one of those women is raped and impregnated while she's in a coma. Yummy! I mean, it's a great movie, but not one that really screams "dinner", you know?
Ryan gives us a hint of the last few movies he's seen when he says he loves Dumb and Dumber. Mark prefers To Kill A Mockingbird. Heh. These guys are totally mismatched, although they certainly both hit upon movies that don't lend themselves well to food. Mmmm, laxatives! And try some of this delicious racism! Mark spits out a bunch of movies Ryan's never heard of, and Ryan just tunes him out until a Muse slaps him on the head, and he comes up with A Christmas Story, though he can't remember the title. That's actually not a bad idea, in that there's genuine food inspiration to be had from the scene where the turkey is ruined, and the family goes out for duck in a Chinese restaurant instead. Mark's, like, "Whatever, man". Lisa and Stephanie have seen this show before, and refuse to do dessert for the sixth course. Lisa tells the other chefs that they'll be making beef and short ribs, just so they know what to expect. She also picks the movie Top Secret, for its infamous cow scene. I confess I haven't seen that movie in a long time, but can guess at what happens to two guys in a cow suit. Stephanie's, like, "Whatever, man". There's a lot of that going around.
The chefs head to Whole Foods with $150 for thirty minutes of shopping time. I'm impressed by the pumpkin display by the front door. Dale interviews that the first course is going to be smoked salmon with faux caviar (made of soy tapioca pearls), and a wasabi white chocolate sauce. Like many others, I'm confused by the combination of wasabi and white chocolate, but will say that the food itself is very cleverly derived from the movie. Spike says that he's going to use simple ingredients, because you don't need something fancy to make something kick-ass. Manuel chooses sea bass, while Spike would have preferred to go with tilapia. The mask slips a little when Spike says that you have to "compromise with your employees", but swiftly recovers into "with the people that you're working with". Yeah, I think we know who's wearing the pants on this team. Manuel interviews that sea bass is perfect for the chili rub he's making for it, and that "there's no way this dish will be anything but perfect!"
Zoi and Antonia will be making rack of lamb with a cauliflower saffron puree, and a romesco sauce. Rack of lamb is really pricey, so Antonia knows that she'll have to be extra careful in portioning it out. Mark is frustrated to find that the store not only doesn't have turkey, but they don't have duck, either. They settle on quail, which I think actually gives their story a needed twist. It'd be too easy to say "they ate duck in the movie, so here's some duck". Mark is pleased, saying that quail can be more flavorful, anyway. They also load up on cranberries.
The next day, everyone gets ready for the Elimination Challenge. Andrew impersonates an Oompa Loompa, but refuses to go all the way and paint his face orange, like I did. Hey, Halloween is the cornerstone of my year. Andrew actually has the idea to do a dwarf imitation for the diners, which is a horrible idea, and which his team members thankfully talk him down from. The chefs head over to wherever it is they're serving dinner, and begin setting up in the kitchen. Mad chopping montage. Nikki and Jennifer tend their respective pastas. Richard steps up as the leader of his team, and seems willing to accept blame as well as credit. Spike and Manuel are working on a summer roll with chili-rubbed Chilean sea bass, and pickled Swiss chard. Ryan and Mark are humming along happily. Mark makes a spring roll to accompany the quail. Stephanie enjoys Lisa's organizational skills. They're making New York strip steak, braised short ribs, and an apple potsticker with caramel sauce. It's got the barest of ties to any movie, let alone the one they've chosen, but it sounds like a tasty course. Antonia and Zoi want to put a lot of color into their dish, but hold back when they think it would have too much influence on flavor. Richard breaks out the electric smoker again, but it gave its all for the crab cakes, and dies mere minutes before time runs out. Rut roh!
Commercials. Oh, good. I so missed these ads that imply that men have no idea how to do anything without making a huge mess. I promise not to get too graphic, but let me just say that I do part-time work in a restaurant, and often have to clean up in both the men's and women's restrooms. Guess which one is ALWAYS grosser? Here's a hint: It's not the men's.
Richard decides that the smoker was just going to provide something extra, and isn't necessary to make the dish successful. The diners come into the dining room. The judges are there, of course, and I'm peeved to see Ted is still standing in for Gail. Richard Roeper and Aisha Tyler are present and accounted for, as are some random people who are probably friends, girlfriends, etc. They start off with a champagne toast. Faux marquees hang over the table, the names of the six inspiration films listed on them. The first course team lights a piece of wood on fire, then holds the pieces of salmon above it, so that the fish gets smoked. That's pretty resourceful of them. Once it's done, they take the first course out. The salmon is barely seared, and there's a pear/celery soda as a play on the movie's Fizzy Lifting drinks. That scene scared the crap out of me when I was little. Everyone finds the wasabi/chocolate sauce surprisingly good, and are impressed by the creativity that went into the food.
Spike and Manuel bring out the second course. The summer rolls are stuffed with black vermicelli, green apple, bean sprouts, and the Chilean sea bass. There's also a piece of Swiss chard to the side, and a spoonful of something soup-like, which is never explained. "If you don't find this to be sheer heaven, I'll eat my hat!" Manuel shouts gleefully. Once they're gone, the diners tuck in. Daniel isn't wild about the fish, and Ted says they had the money to stuff the summer rolls with crab or lobster. Aisha says the roll wrapping was unusually thick. Ptom has no idea what the chard on the side is supposed to achieve. Padma grouses that they just wanted to do Vietnamese food, and picked the movie based off of that. Note that this criticism will not be leveled at Nikki, Jennifer, Stephanie, or Lisa, who did the same thing.
Romantic music greets Nikki and Jennifer as they serve the third course, which is presented with a small glass of wine for each diner. Their dish is tortellini with cavolo nero (a vegetable similar to kale), Ricotta and Pecorino cheeses, squash, and some peppercorn. Sounds great. The chefs are fairly meh about it, though they do not come up with any specific criticisms. Ted likes the rusticity, and Richard says that it's far better than the expert foodies at the table seem to think. He says it was wonderful, and Ted continues his quest to be the most whiny, defensive judge as he whines defensively that the judges have to be sticklers, and have to be as nitpicky as they can about the food. Yeah, because you have to have an extremely refined palate to come up with a criticism as devastating and specific as "good, not great". Shut up, Ted. Another random diner agrees with Richard that everything was tasty. The judges are sufficiently cowed.
Mark worries that the spring roll will be a bit dry, but thinks the rest of the fourth course will be terrific. Christmasy music greets their entrance into the dining room. Please, I'm trying to put winter behind me. Ryan describes the movie scene for the diners, and Mark describes the food. It's quail breast with carrot puree, some cranberry chutney, and quail spring rolls on a watercress puree. Everyone loves the food, and Richard appreciates how they took a specific scene and brought it into the food. Aisha enjoys the carrot puree. Spanish guitar accompanies Zoi and Antonia as they plate their food. Richard helps put a swoosh of cauliflower puree on their plates as Antonia carefully slices the lamb. They describe the movie to the diners as a film about passionate women, which they wanted to bring out in their food by using vibrant colors.
Tiffany: "So we made this plain-ass lookin' plate."
Eesh. It's true. The rack of lamb looks fine (if maybe a bit rare), and the saffron cauliflower puree and romesco sauce are probably great, but it just looks like a hunk of meat next to a glob of goo. The judges jump on the fact that the food has little to do with the movie or the story of passion that Zoi and Antonia wanted to convey. Aisha agrees that everything tastes fine, but nothing about it is transcendent or even Spanish. Ptom wishes he would have gotten a single chop, rather than the sliced version. Lisa and Stephanie take out their course. Lisa does a good job of pulling the wool over the diners' eyes by pretending that serving meat has anything to do with Top Secret. Stephanie outlines their food. It's everything mentioned before, except that the braised short rib is contained in a wonton. Everyone seems to enjoy different aspects of it. Daniel likes the flavor. Aisha likes the creativity. A random lady likes that they made something that she can't make at home. Hehe. I apply that standard to eating out as well. You go, random lady! Ted says he doesn't know how much the food connects to the movie, but doesn't seem to care.
Kender: "At least nobody picked Pink Flamingos."
Everyone leaves except for the judges, and the chefs do their usual fret 'n' sweat back in the kitchen. Ptom thinks the first course was whimsical and fun, and Daniel liked their surprising flavors. He thinks it was the most professionally executed dish, and Ted appreciated that it was subtle enough to serve as a first course. Ptom didn't like Spike and Manuel's choice of fish, and that the chard had no connection to the dish at all. Nikki and Jennifer's was neither remarkably good nor remarkably bad. Mark and Ryan did a nice job of translating their movie's story to the food, both in flavor and color. Speaking of color, Antonia and Zoi's food had none, and wasn't anywhere near as passionate as they supposed. Stephanie and Lisa's flavors were great. The judges reach a decision, and head out. Manuel worries that his course was too simple to compete with the other chefs'. "But no worries," he says. "I'm in this for the long haul!" Zoi says that the other contestants all tasted her course and found it wonderful, so she hopes the judges appreciate it.
Commercials. I'd rather have the water polo team than that guy in his fuel-efficient car.
The chefs have another fret 'n' sweat in their own Kitchen. Padma comes back and summons Richard/Andrew/Dale and Stephanie/Lisa to the Judges' Table. Daniel is wearing an ill-advised leather jacket. Don't worry about it, Daniel. I can't wear them without looking like a giant poseur, either. Padma tells the chefs that they are the top two teams. Hugs, kisses, and hand slaps are exchanged. Richard's recipe idea is credited for most of the win, though Ted also liked Andrew's faux caviar. Stephanie gives credit for their course to Lisa, and says they just built off the caramel sauce. Ted says that he worried the caramel sauce would compete with the reduction sauce already on the plate, but that everything worked together. Padma throws it over to Daniel to announce the challenge's winner. It's Richard, who led his team to devise a wonderful, creative course. He's happy, and says the challenge has taught him to be himself. I wasn't aware he was trying to subdue his natural tendencies thus far, but whatever. Padma asks him to send out the losers.
Said losers are busy being whiny and defensive back in the Kitchen. I guess they've been taking lessons from Ted. Nikki has the confidence to admit that Richard cooks in a style that's vastly different than hers, but Spike and Zoi are comforting themselves by insisting that wasabi and white chocolate could never, ever be combined into anything even remotely edible. The winning teams come back and announce Richard's win. Zoi gives him a dirty look, and there is notably tepid applause for him. He says that the judges would like to see Spike/Manuel and Zoi/Antonia.
Odd Asian music. Gong. The losing teams enter. Man, it's only been four episodes, and all of these folks have been in the bottom before, save Manuel. "I'm on top of the world!" he grins. Padma asks Zoi and Antonia why they think they're in the bottom, and Antonia admits surprise, saying she thought all their food turned out well. Ptom says the problem was more about their story and the way they sold it. How they're able to refrain from a massive eyeroll is beyond me. Zoi is already close to tears. Antonia stays a lot more together, explaining that their food's connection to the movie was a simple one, and yes, they should have made that clearer at dinner. I'm liking Antonia more and more these days. Zoi's certainly not doing the ladies and their "It's time for a female to take home this title of respect!" attitude any favors by falling apart every time she's faced with criticism. Padma seems to accept Antonia's explanation, and turns to Spike and Manuel.
Spike explains that he's currently cooking Vietnamese food, so that's why they went with the food they did. Ted asks about the chard, and Manuel says he thought it was vibrant. Ptom says that the chard itself wasn't the issue, but that it had no connection to the summer roll. He also wonders if the two of them spent their entire budget, which Spike says they did. Ptom says he didn't see that value reflected on the plate. They get into a discussion about what Manuel contributed as far as ideas, and Manuel quite openly says that he wanted to learn from Spike about how he cooks, and isn't ashamed by that. That opens up the question of who would deserve to take the fall if this course is deemed the worst: the guy who conceived it or the guy who wasn't aggressive enough to take charge. We know how Ptom would vote. To his credit, Spike refuses to play the game that way, and doesn't advocate Manuel's elimination. The chefs are dismissed.
Back in the Kitchen, Zoi is still complaining about Richard's ideas, saying that if his course is what the judges are looking for, she doesn't have a chance. Jennifer sticks up for Zoi in interview, saying that it's unfair that she wound up in the bottom, when their food was spot on. Yeah, but there had to be another team in the bottom two. Even if the outcome of this episode weren't obvious from the first sixty seconds, I think we all know Zoi and Antonia wouldn't be eliminated for a weak story when someone else had bad food. Manuel knows it's going to be him or Spike. The judges repeat the same deliberations they had at the restaurant, adding that Spike made an ordinary summer roll, and Manuel didn't take any initiative. Manuel knows that's what they're saying, and is telling the others that it didn't happen that way at all. The judges make their decision.
Commercials. I love Target, but it wouldn't be my destination for anything wedding-cake-related.
Elimination. Antonia and Zoi didn't live up to their story, but their food was fine, so they're both safe. Spike and Manuel's dish was not only the judges' least favorite, but the least favorite of all the other diners as well. Ouch. Spike took the lead on the course, but Manuel lacks the drive and determination to be a leader. And we all know what that means. Manuel. Please pack your knives and go. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is coming completely out of left field! How could this possibly have happened? Spike gives him a big hug. Manuel takes the loss gracefully, shrugging that he's disappointed, but that it was a good learning experience. He thanks the judges for the opportunity. He tells the other chefs that "never in [his] life has he been surrounded by such talented and brilliant people". Aw. There are hugs all around, and he's applauded out the door. He closes by saying the experience will definitely affect the way he cooks and the way he sees food in the future. That's a good philosophy. Classy guy. It's a shame classy guys are cannon fodder on shows like these.
Overall Grade (without the asinine, naked foreshadowing at the outset): B+
Overall Grade (as is): C-
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